


This is Not the End (Clexa)

by untildawn_clwh



Category: clexa - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Ending, Canon, Canon - TV, City of Light (The 100), Clarke, Clexa, Commander Lexa, Drama, F/F, Romance, Season/Series 03, Ship, Skaikru, Skypeople, The 100 - Freeform, Trikru, Woodsclan, grounders, lexa - Freeform, lexawoods, trigedakru
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-25 18:42:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 130,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7543708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untildawn_clwh/pseuds/untildawn_clwh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These events take place immediately following the fateful events of episode 3x07 (events halfway through the episode). I wanted to rewrite the ending of Clexa (or non-ending in this case) to makeup for what was ruined. They deserved a much longer, more fulfilling story. </p><p>In this story, Lexa survives her fate! But how long will the two stay safe? And will their love have time to flourish in a time of uncertainty?</p><p>*Warning: The beginning of the story focuses on and follows the events of 3x07, so if you feel like it may trigger you, then do not read this story. Also, there is some violence and description of gore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

.Clarke's POV.

"She might even be angry enough to wage war!" Titus screamed as he aimed the gun at Clarke.

A shot rang through the room as Clarke ducked and ran, the bullet narrowly avoiding her head as it zipped past her. The ceramic vase behind her shattered as the bullet flew through it. Murphy watched as clay pieces fell to the floor at his feet.

"Wha th heh!" he choked out through the gag in his mouth. He frantically tried to free his hands from the bindings behind his back. No use. Apparently Titus was a knot wizard on top of everything else. "Great," Murphy sighed to himself, keeping his head tucked into his knees waiting for the shooting to stop.

A second shot rang through the room as Clarke ran towards the door. "Thank goodness he can't aim for shit," Clarke thought to herself as the bullet lodged into the wall about two feet behind her. The door was so close, why did it seem so far! If only she could get it open before Titus managed to actually hit her. Clarke grabbed a candle off of a nearby table as she ran and threw it as hard as she could at the bald man's head.

"Ugh!" she heard as the candle hit Titus almost directly in the middle of his forehead, causing him to stumble backwards and grab his forehead.

"Damnit. Where are all the bigger candles??" Clarke thought as Titus regained his footing, still clutching the gun tightly in his hand. Clarke had managed to reach the door and was clutching the handle. She pushed down and pulled the door open just as she heard a third shot. She heard it whizz by her with a deafening WHOOSH! At the same time, she heard a second sound cutting through the air beside her. Behind her, she heard Titus scream, "Ahhh!" and the distinct sound of metal hitting the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

.Lexa's POV.

Lexa was sitting in her room adjusting the tie at the back of her shirt, smiling a bittersweet smile. _Did that just happen?_ She had been waiting for this since the moment Clarke appeared in her throne room in Polis, kneeling at Roan's feet. Who was she kidding? She wanted this since the first time her lips touched the soft lips of the beautiful Sky girl. Before everything went to shit at Mount Weather. But why did it have to be now? Why these circumstances? So bittersweet. Now that she had Clarke, had tasted what could be, she didn't know if she could survive without her. _If only Clarke could somehow stay_.

When she was done, she picked up the one weapon that she wore on her almost all the time. Her dagger. She usually didn't arm herself in her private quarters in Polis. She had guards stationed in almost every corner and most guests stayed in her tower unarmed for safety reasons. Unless there was a war meeting of some kind. Her dagger, however, was special. It made her feel powerful. It made her feel safe. Now it also had new meaning. It reminded her of her first meeting with the Sky girl. As she twirled it in her hands while sitting atop her throne that day, trying to look intimidating, all she could really focus on was the blonde hair and blue eyes walking into her tent. She had meant to intimidate Clarke, but at the same time, something inside of her ignited, threatening to bring back feelings that she had long suppressed and forgotten about. The dagger was her lifeline. Reminding her of who she was while at the same time distracting her from the emotions bubbling inside. As she sat on the intricate maze of branches comprising her throne, she focused on the dagger for dear life.

Lexa shook her head of the thoughts and strapped the dagger to her thigh. She took a deep breath, pulled on her knee-high boots, and ran her hand through her hair making sure the last of the tangles were out. She smoothed her hand over a frizzy area at the back of her head. She would have to find one of her handmaidens to braid her hair again. She had removed the braids from the Ascension Day ceremony and did not have a chance to redo her normal braids before Clarke had come into her room. She smiled, again, happy that Clarke had been able to see her hair in its natural form. Happy about everything that followed. She wished Clarke could see more of her. She wished they had had more time to see each other, to talk, to get to know each other even more.

 _Should I go say bye?_ Lexa thought to herself. _I mean, we already kind of did_. _But I feel like I should see her off... Or would it be too hard?_ Lexa took a deep breath and opened her door, deciding that it would be better to go find one of the handmaidens. The only way that both she and Clarke could get through this goodbye was if they did not see each other. Moments like these always made it hard being the Commander. Moments like these were also very few and far between for Lexa. She had only ever longed for another once before, with Costia. And her longing for Costia after their nights together still did not hurt as much as this one.

Lexa took one last longing look at the door across the hall from hers and proceeded down the hall to find a handmaiden. She had dismissed most of the guards on her floor before Clarke had come into her room, which had probably been for the best considering what had transpired between them. Although she had to admit, neither of them had been that loud. It was more sensual and subdued, as each girl explored the other, wanting just to feel and memorize. And Lexa couldn't be happier that their first time turned out the way it did. It was not rough and rushed, but gentle and passionate.

Just as Lexa was rounding the corner of the hall, she heard a loud POP! coming from the direction of Clarke's room followed by the sounds of shattering clay. Lexa stopped in her tracks, frozen, listening harder. _What was that?_ Then a second POP!

Lexa had only heard gunshots a few times before, after the arrival of the Sky People. Her people had heard of guns, she had read about them in books, but until the Sky People fell to earth, she had never really seen one. Her people were forbidden to use guns. They were considered taboo. From a young age, grounders were taught that using a firearm led to death. They were taught to fear them. Plus, grounders were much better with hand to hand combat and fighting using swords, spears, daggers, and wooden staffs.

This second POP! was unmistakable though. Lexa's mind flashed back to the Pauna. The day Clarke saved her life. The sound of Clarke's gun as it popped, sending bullets into the chest of the beast. _Oh no._ Lexa's face paled and she pivoted on her heel, taking off back toward the room across from hers. Nothing positive could come of whatever was creating that sound, especially given its proximity to Clarke's room. _She couldn't have left yet. Could she?_ Lexa silently wished that Clarke had either already left which was almost impossible, or that it was Clarke shooting the gun because any other scenario was unbearable. Instinctively, her hand moved to her thigh, her fingers wrapping around the smooth wooden handle of her dagger, pulling it from its sheath.

As soon as Lexa arrived at the glass door, it was being pulled open. She barely had time to register the scene before her. She saw a flash of blonde, the bald head of Titus, and the unmistakeable glint of metal in his hand. Next thing she knew, the dagger was being released from her hand full force in the direction of the metal and a deafening Pop! was heard once more followed by a searing pain.

The last thing Lexa saw before she dropped to the ground was an angelic face framed by a golden halo.


	3. Chapter 3

.Clarke's POV.

"Lexa?" Clarke gasped in surprise. Her heart skipped a beat as a she registered Lexa's face. Relief washed over her body as her lips curled into a smile. _Thank God_. _I'm going to be okay_.

Clarke's smile immediately fell when she felt warm liquid hit her face and saw Lexa's eyes widen in shock. Her eyes followed Lexa's hand as it came up to her chest, just left of center, widening when she saw the now familiar black liquid beginning to pour out of a small hole in her shirt. "No!" Clarke screamed as Lexa's eyes rolled back and her body crumpled to the floor.

Clarke's arms shot out to catch Lexa's body, but the force was too much and both girls fell to the ground. _No! No! No!_ Clarke sat up to kneel and gently rolled Lexa's still body over to assess the situation. She could hear Titus groaning in the background. She had nearly forgotten that he was in the room at all until this moment. She spun her head around toward the groaning noises. Titus was kneeling on the ground cradling his right arm to his body and rocking back and forth whispering "Heda. Heda. Sorry. So sorry." Clarke saw the wooden handle of Lexa's dagger jutting out of his forearm. She was once again amazed at Lexa's accuracy, especially in such split second decisions. Lexa always managed to protect her. Blood was dripping down the sides of his arm, pooling at the floor beneath him. He was frantically trying to find something around him to stop the bleeding, unsure of what to do with the blade in his arm. _Good,_ Clarke thought. _Let him suffer_.

"Cla... *muffled sounds* gun." Clarke spun around so quickly she nearly toppled over.

"Murphy!" She had forgotten that he was in the room too. She looked at him, the gag still firmly in place in his mouth, and he moved his eyes in the direction of the gun next to Titus's feet.

Clarke leapt up and ran over to the gun, grabbing it and shoving it into her waistband at the back of her pants. Without paying Titus any mind, she ran back to Lexa and knelt beside her, first putting two fingers to the side of her neck checking for a pulse. At first, Clarke didn't feel anything. Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes. _Comon, common!_ Clarke pleaded. _This can't be it. Not now!_ A tear began to roll down her cheek, staining it, leaving a salty trail behind. She readjusted her fingers against Lexa's neck... _Yes!_ Sure enough, Clarke felt a slow, dull pulsing under her fingers. _She's alive. Thank you._ Clarke didn't know who she was thanking, but she didn't care.

She quickly moved her hands to the wound on Lexa's chest. Blood had stained almost the entire top half of Lexa's shirt and was making its way up her neck and down the sides onto the floor. Clarke took both hands and firmly pressed on the wound trying to stop the bleeding. She had to find something to press against it. _Where are the guards when you need them!_ Clarke cursed them in her mind. She needed another set of hands but she didn't want to get up and remove the pressure. Her eyes darted to Murphy who was still tied up across the room.

 _Damnit_. Clarke ran over to Murphy and quickly started undoing the bindings behind his back. The blood on her hands was slippery, making the task very difficult. She finally had them loosened enough that Murphy was able to free one hand and untie the rest himself.

Clarke ran back to Lexa's side, applying pressure again. "Gimme something to stop the bleeding!" she screamed in Murphy's direction.

He finished removing his gag and quickly stood up, grabbing the cloth that was used to bind his hands and feet. He handed the cloth to Clarke who grabbed it and pressed it against Lexa's wound.

"Shit," Murphy said as he kneeled next to Clarke. "What a way to meet after all this time, huh?"

Clarke glared at him. "What are you doing here anyway?" Clarke had to admit, she was a little relieved that one of her friends was here.

"To be honest, I'm not sure."

"How'd you get here?"

"The past few days are kind of a blur. All I really remember is Jaha, something about a City of Light, and Emori? I think... Oh yea, and then the bald dude."

The blood was beginning to soak through the rags now. "She's losing a lot of blood. We need to get the bullet out and close this quick."

"Um...yea. How are we gonna do that? I don't see any medical tools lying around or an ER next door."

"Then get up and go look for some!" Clarke yelled. "Or try to find the guards or a healer! Hurry!"

Murphy got up quickly with a sigh and made his way through the open door, running down the hall. Clarke could hear his voice fading as he called for help. _He better not take this opportunity to run away_ , Clarke thought. She turned back to Lexa and raised one of her bloodied hands to Lexa's face. Her eyes softened as she looked at the person she had just spent a magnificent hour with. The one person she felt like understood her in this world. The one person she felt like she understood back. She cupped her cheek, stroking it with her thumb. It was still warm. _Thank God._ She gently pushed the stray hair away from Lexa's eyes, silently wishing that they would open so she could see those breathtaking emerald orbs once more. "This is not the end," Clarke whispered holding back tears. _It couldn't be._ Not after what had just happened not even an hour ago. Not after she had finally let herself accept her feelings and show Lexa how much she meant to her. Not after Lexa had reciprocated! She brought her lips to Lexa's face. "This is not _your_ end. Yu gonplei nou ste odon." She gently placed a kiss on Lexa's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Yu gonplei nou ste odon" = Your fight is not over


	4. Chapter 4

.Clarke’s POV.

 

“In here!” Murphy ran into the room followed by a grounder that Clarke had never seen before. Two guards were close behind. A shallow wave or relief washed over Clarke. _Help was here._

 

“Commander!” the grounder yelled as soon as he passed through the doorway, his eyes immediately scanning the scene. The normally stoic grounder eyes filled with what appeared to be a mix of fear and anger. “What happened?” he demanded.

 

The guards looked uneasily around the room, unsure of what to do. No orders were being given and they were unsure of whether to help their Commander, or subdue the culprit. They didn’t even know who the culprit was. They needed their Commander. They waited for orders.

 

Clarke had no time to explain. She noticed that the first grounder was holding a large leather pouch of some sort which she hoped contained medical supplies. “We have to take the bullet out and close her up. Fast. Are you a healer?” 

 

“I am the healer’s second. He left to help the Trikru village that was attacked by Skaikru.” Clarke cringed at these last words, a sudden rush of guilt coming over her. She shook it off. There was no time for remorse now. 

 

“Give me the pouch,” Clarke commanded. 

 

“Wanheda, I can…”

 

“No! I’ll do it.” Clarke knew that the grounder just wanted to help his Commander. It would be an honor for him to save her life, but Clarke did not care right now. She had learned much from her mother and knew that she was the best person to do this. She couldn’t let anything go wrong. “You can help _him_ if you want, but there’s no rush.” She motioned in the direction of Titus who was still kneeling and rocking on the other side of the room. 

 

The man reluctantly handed over the pouch to Clarke who grabbed it and tore it open. “Heda first, _then_ Fleimkepa,” he growled through his teeth.

 

Clarke unrolled the tools, searching for a scalpel. She prayed that Lexa would not regain consciousness, at least not until the worst parts were over. “Murphy, stay next to her just in case she wakes up. We’re gonna have to hold her down if she does so she doesn’t hurt herself.” She looked at the healer and the two grounders. She began to bark commands. “One of you watch him,” she pointed at Titus. “Make sure he doesn’t get up and try to go anywhere.” One of the guards broke away and walked over to Titus. He stood next to him, hand firmly on the sword at his side. 

 

“Now you, bring her to the bed. The floor is too hard to work on.” The second guard obeyed and gently picked up Lexa’s motionless body. He brought her over to the bed and carefully placed her on it. Murphy and the healer walked over to stand beside the bed as well. Clarke gathered the medical pouch and joined them. “Okay, here we go.” She took a deep breath, trying to steady her racing heart. “Remember, we can’t let her move too much if she does wake up. But try to be gentle.”

 

Clarke wasted no time in ripping Lexa’s blood-soaked shirt open down the middle, exposing the hole in her chest. Clarke used a rag that was placed beside her by the healer to wipe away the excess blood from around the wound. She had to work fast because as soon as she wiped, more blood poured out of the hole. Clarke concluded that the bullet had not hit any major organs or structures by its positioning. And guessing by the blood flow from the wound- fast, but not gushing or squirting out- the heart was spared. _Thank God._ She feared that these might be the only words she would ever think again. She proceeded to take the scalpel and slowly cut from the center of the hole downwards a few centimeters. Lexa’s eyes flew open midway and a huge gasp escaped her mouth, followed by a shriek that Clarke had never heard before. Clarke’s hands jumped, then stilled, as she tried to compose herself from the shock. Lexa’s head flew from one side to the other, as green eyes scanned her surroundings. Clarke could hardly bring herself to look at them, having never seen such an expression etched into the Commander’s eyes before.

 

“Lexa! It’s okay!” Clarke screamed as Lexa’s arms came up to defend herself and her legs began to push her off the bed. “Hold her!”

 

Murphy and the guard grabbed Lexa’s arms and tried as gently as possible to hold them down to her sides. This only served to anger her, more sounds of agony coming from her mouth. The healer had more difficulty handling her legs alone. She got one swift kick in and managed to catch him right in the chin. “Ah!” he screamed as he recoiled, letting go of both of her legs while grabbing his mouth. His bottom lip had split open and blood was pouring out.

 

“Lexa, no! You’re safe. You have to stay calm. We’re helping you!” Clarke pleaded. Lexa’s body seemed to relax a little as she registered the sound of Clarke’s voice. Her eyes shot over to Clarke’s face and her body relaxed a little more. Emerald eyes found sapphire and Lexa stopped struggling. Clarke tried to give her the most reassuring smile she could, but she knew that Lexa could read right through it. “You were shot. We have to get the bullet out.”

 

Lexa dipped her chin slightly.

 

Clarke was surprised at how quickly Lexa’s demeanor had changed. How quickly she had calmed. “It’ll be okay, I promise.” Clarke turned to the healer, “You don’t have any medicine for pain do you?”

 

“Our people do not use medicine for pain,” he answered through bloody teeth. 

 

Clarke rolled her eyes as she turned back to Lexa. “I have to find the bullet. This is gonna hurt a little. I’ll try to be fast.”

 

Lexa nodded, never taking her eyes away from Clarke’s. Clarke picked up the pouch and took out a small pair of medical tongs. She brought her face close to the wound and slowly slid the tongs in, wiping away the excess blood with the rag. Lexa grimaced, but did not scream anymore. Clarke put the tongs in deeper, trying to feel for the bullet. _Please_ , she thought to herself. _Let it be close._ Nothing. Clarke separated the tongs a tiny bit to open the wound more so she could try to get a better look. She heard Lexa take a sharp breath in. Clarke’s stomach turned at the sound. She felt terrible having to do this to the woman she cared about. Her hand began to shake as her lip trembled. _She couldn’t cry, not now_. 

 

“Ste yuj”, she heard Lexa whisper. Her eyes found Lexa’s and she took a deep breath in, feeling oddly relaxed. She gave a slight nod and tried to pull up the corner of her lips into a smile. She continued to push the tongs in further until she heard a tiny clink. Metal.

 

“I found it!” Clarke smiled. “Okay, last part, then it’s over. Just stay with me.”

 

Lexa dipped her chin. Clarke tried to hide the fear that was threatening to creep back into her eyes as she looked into Lexa’s. She didn’t want to cause any more pain, but she knew this had to be done. She took a deep breath in and opened the tongs further, pushing them deeper into the wound and around the bullet. She felt some resistance but continued to push. Lexa groaned loudly and her body instinctively pushed up against the tongs. Murphy and the guard tried to hold her as still as possible as her body writhed in pain. Clarke felt the tongs wrap around the sides of the bullet and she began to slowly and carefully pull it out, dislodging it from its place. Thankfully, it was not extremely deep so it came out relatively quickly. 

 

“Ah…” Lexa let out one last groan as the bullet slid out of the hole in her chest. Clarke dropped it on the bed beside Lexa’s body and grabbed the rag. She pressed it against the now empty hole, finally able to breathe again. 

 

“Give me the needle and thread,” she directed to no one in particular. Murphy shuffled through the medical pouch and found the two items. “Here, hold this,” Clarke nodded toward the rag. Murphy stepped beside Clarke, hesitating for a second, then replacing her hands on top of it. Clarke quickly threaded the needle and resumed her position. She gently removed the rag, raising her eyebrows as she looked at Lexa in silent question. Lexa nodded. 

 

Clarke finished the last stitch within a few minutes, working quickly, but precisely the entire time. She pulled the thread a few inches above Lexa’s skin, tied a swift knot, and snipped the excess thread. Lexa’s eyes did not leave her face the entire time but no more pain or emotions crossed over her features. Her mask was back on.  

 

Clarke wondered if they had been alone, _would it have been different? Would Lexa have slipped and shown her emotions throughout the ordeal? Would Lexa be open like she had been during their kiss? Would her eyes be brimming with emotion, betraying the rest of her face that remained stoic? Would she let Clarke take care of her?_ Clarke admired how tough Lexa was. She always had. But now that she had gotten to know a different side of Lexa, she was even more in awe of the woman. There were so many sides to her that at first glance would go unnoticed. Lexa wasn’t just the tough, cold exterior; the strong, composed leader that Clarke grew to respect and admire. There was also a softer, tender side of Lexa that made Clarke’s heart go over the edge. The side that she had seen glimpses of through Lexa’s actions for Clarke (and for Clarke only), through Lexa’s concealed smirks and side glances, and always through Lexa’s eyes and the way they looked at Clarke. The way they read her, pierced through her soul, and made her feel like she was the only one in the room… the only one on Earth. This was the side that had slowly, _painfully slowly_ , opened itself up to Clarke, and Clarke only. This was the side that Clarke had wished was in there somewhere since the moment they had met. The side that Clarke had made it her mission to find, and once she did, she was able to add it to the broken, incomplete fragments of Lexa, creating a new, complete, beautiful masterpiece that was Lexa. That had always been Lexa, just buried away never to be discovered. And after discovering it, feeling it, basking in it, Clarke knew she could never let this treasure go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "ste yuj" = be strong


	5. Chapter 5

.Lexa's POV.   
  


Lexa jolted awake to an indescribable pain in her chest. A pain that radiated from the center of her chest outward over her entire torso, throughout her limbs, and up to her head. It felt like her muscles were being slowly torn apart by the sharpest instrument imaginable, and she could not control the sound that erupted from that point in her chest, up through her throat and out of her mouth. 

 

_Where am I?_ Lexa tried to get a bearing on her surroundings. She looked from side to side but her eyes did not seem to focus on any one object or person. _What is happening?_ Lexa could make out faceless shadows of figures occupying the space around her. _Who’s here?_ Lexa began to lift her arms in what felt like a painfully slow motion. It seemed like none of her limbs were making contact with her brain, each moving on its own accord, and all uncoordinated. _How can I defend myself if I can’t even move? What are they doing to me?_ Lexa did not feel any fear, no. More of a sense of urgency that was slowly being engulfed by growing rage. _Whatever this is, they will answer to me!_ Lexa tried again to raise her arms in an attempt to push herself up, just realizing that she was not standing or even sitting, but _laying_. This made her more than a little uneasy. This feeling of helplessness was not one that the Commander was familiar with. 

 

“Lexa! It’s okay!” A familiar voice. 

 

_But who?_

 

Lexa tried to use her legs now to gain more leverage, but she felt multiple pairs of arms trying to hold her down. This only fueled her rage. _I am the Commander!_ The words never escaped her lips, but whoever these people were should know not to treat her in such a manner. Slowly, Lexa’s senses began to come back more clearly. She felt the arms around her legs loosen for one second, and she took her opportunity. She felt her foot connect with bone and heard an exasperated, “Ah!” _Good!_ Lexa thought. 

 

“Lexa, no! You’re safe.” 

 

_I know that voice. So familiar, so comforting._ Lexa felt a sense of calm come over her. 

 

“You have to stay calm. We’re helping you!” Lexa let the words wash over her as she embraced the voice, her head clearing completely. 

 

_Clarke…_ Lexa’s body instinctively relaxed, as if she was put under some alluring spell. Lexa did not think she would ever hear that beautiful sound again. She forced her eyes to focus and commanded her head to turn and find the source of the voice. The voice that could always bring her back to the present. The voice that could ground her while making her feel at home. The _only_ voice that could wake her up from such a slumber and calm her soul. Lexa’s eyes found the familiar silhouette. They slowly ran up the frame of the body closest to her. She felt a sense of warmth come over her as her eyes grazed over legs, arms, chest, neck, and eventually the familiar shine of blonde wisps. Lexa’s eyes roamed over soft cheekbones and porcelain skin, and finally rested upon blue eyes. Not the clear blue that she had become accustomed to, but a different blue. A deeper, darker, cloudier blue. A blue lined with the murky gray of concern. A blue that Lexa had seen a glimpse of before. A blue that, despite being as beautiful as the clear, bright blue usually found in Clarke’s eyes, caused Lexa’s heart to fall. Lexa could not look at _this_ blue. Couldn’t see it anymore, because all it meant was pain. Pain in the eyes and the heart of the woman that she cared about more than anyone in the world right now. 

 

Clarke attempted to smile. Lexa knew she was only doing this to try to mask the concern and pain in her eyes. However, Clarke could not hide anything from Lexa. Lexa could see the hollowness behind the smile. She could see the shadow cast over Clarke’s features. She could see the pain. However, the sight, as sad as it was, was also magnificent. Clarke in any form was magnificent. Lexa relished in every piece of Clarke that she could uncover and see. She wished that things had been different so that they both could have had the time to really get to know each other. Uncover each piece of the other, the good and the bad. She felt like she knew so much of Clarke, but there must be so much more. So much she still hadn’t experienced. 

 

“You were shot. We have to get the bullet out.”

 

Lexa was reminded of the pain pulsing through her chest. _What happened? Shot? There are no guns in Polis._ Lexa did not know what to think of this new information. She could not process it. _Who would be stupid enough to bring a gun into my tower!_ Still, no words managed to escape her lips. All she could bring herself to do was nod. Hoping Clarke would understand. There would be time to sort this later.

 

“It’ll be okay, I promise. You don’t have any medicine for pain do you?” Clarke turned to the healer’s second.

 

_That’s Clarke,_ Lexa thought. _Always worrying._ Lexa admired Clarke’s kind heart. Some might call it weak, but Lexa learned that this was not the case. Clarke always tried to make others feel at ease. If she could remove a person’s pain, she would not miss a beat before she did. Lexa saw this as a sign that Clarke cared, a sign of her strength. And she did not just save this for her own people, but Lexa’s as well. She had seen how Clarke had tried to take their pain away. She respected her for this, and she hoped her people did too. Clarke’s kind heart and compassion is what made her strong. It was what made her different. It was what Lexa came to realize made her a great leader.

 

“Our people do not use medicine for pain.” Lexa suppressed a small chuckle at her healer’s curt response. Her people did have a way with words. Few words… She knew that Clarke probably expected more, but Lexa expected no more from her healer. This was not the worst pain she had ever experienced. And she had learned to suppress pain since childhood. She had been trained to ignore pain, and years of battle and war have strengthened her resolve in this. Lexa noticed blood dripping from the healer’s lower lip and coating his teeth. A pang of guilt hit her, but Lexa knew he would not hold it against her. She couldn’t help the feeling of remorse, but she would not let it show.

 

“I have to find the bullet. This is gonna hurt a little. I’ll try to be fast.” Clarke did not need to explain herself to Lexa, but she still appreciated the gesture. Plus, Lexa would take any excuse to have Clarke talk to her and look at her the way she was right now- such affection in her eyes. Lexa also knew that Clarke was probably saying this more for herself than anyone. All Lexa could do was nod as she got lost in the beautiful pools of blue in front of her. 

 

Lexa kept her eyes on Clarke as she worked. She smiled to herself at the serious, concentrated look on Clarke’s face as she dipped the tongs into her wound. Clarke was adorable when she was working. When she was deep in thought, she was unaware of how marvelous she was. It never got past Lexa. The way Clarke’s eyes became so clear and focused. The way her bottom lip got sucked into her mouth, resting between her teeth. The way the bridge of her nose crinkled in the slightest way. The way her brows furrowed with concern. Lexa could watch her forever. It almost made her forget about the pain in her chest. Lexa tried her best to conceal the dull, throbbing feeling; the nagging pain threatening to erupt. She could not let her people see, but most importantly, she could not let Clarke see. She had always been good at masking her feelings. However, whenever she was near Clarke, she _wanted_ to let herself slip. She wanted Clarke to see. But not now. She felt a stabbing pain as Clarke pushed the tongs in deeper and could not stop the deep sigh that shook her body. Lexa cursed herself because as soon as it came out, she saw Clarke’s expression change. She _felt_ Clarke’s demeanor change. She saw as Clarke failed to hold in a shiver, tears forming in her eyes as her teeth bit down on her bottom lip. The same bottom lip that was threatening to tremble. Lexa cursed herself again. She was strong. She did not feel pain. Why did she let it slip out now of all times? She could not bring herself to look into Clarke’s eyes. The tears ripping into Lexa’s soul with more pain than the bullet itself. She couldn’t let Clarke do this to herself. She couldn’t put Clarke through more pain. 

 

“Ste yuj,” Lexa whispered. It was all she could think to say. Clarke’s eyes fell over Lexa’s face, locking onto her own. Lexa felt a wave of emotions come over her, the pain washing away immediately. She tried to smile, but her face would not cooperate. She felt a sigh of relief as she saw the tears disappear from Clarke’s eyes, replaced by a steely certainty. _There’s the Clarke I know…_ Lexa’s admiration deepened as she saw Clarke’s lips begin to curl into the slightest of smiles. _I love that smile._ Clarke took in a deep breath and gave Lexa a small nod. _You can do it, Clarke. Don’t worry, you could never hurt me,_ Lexa thought to herself, but could not form the words. 

 

Clarke continued to work, pushing the tongs in deeper. _A minor discomfort,_ Lexa tried to tell herself as she ignored the sharp stabs running through her chest. Soon, Lexa felt the tongs hit an obstruction, one more sharp pain following. _Clink!_

 

“I found it!” 

 

_I knew you could do it._

 

“Okay, last part, then it’s over. Just stay with me.”

 

_Forever._

 

If only Clarke knew. Lexa just gave her another nod, afraid to say anything. Afraid that her words would betray her in front of all of these people.

 

Clarke took in a deep breath and pushed the tongs in further to try to remove the bullet. Lexa felt the tongs open, stretching her muscle impossibly further. She looked up at the ceiling and tried to count the time as it passed to occupy her mind. As the tongs scraped the sides of the hole, Lexa could not stop the groan that escaped her throat. _Be quiet, Lexa_ , she scolded herself. Her body betrayed her next as it pushed up against Clarke’s hand. Lexa felt two pairs of hands hold her down. _Just wait until I am up!_ Lexa cursed Murphy and her guard. She felt Clarke get a hold of the bullet. Next, she could feel the bullet being slowly pulled from its resting place in her chest, the pain going up with it. 

 

“Ah…” Lexa let out one last groan as the bullet came out. Clarke had an expression of relief and pride on her face. _You did it._ Lexa felt a burst of pride. Clarke really could do anything she wanted to. She hadn’t doubted her for a second. Clarke grabbed a rag and gently pressed it to the wound, her fingers brushing over Lexa’s exposed skin. Lexa’s heart jumped at the contact. She felt the temperature of her skin beginning to rise. She wished it hadn’t been under these circumstances. 

 

“Give me the needle and thread,” Clarke directed at her friend. Lexa’s heart warmed at Clarke’s assertiveness. She always admired when Clarke took charge, directing her own people as Lexa directed hers. “Here, hold this.” Lexa watched as Clarke expertly threaded the needle and came back over to her. Clarke’s eyes met her own once again. She raised an eyebrow. Lexa understood, she always did. No words needed to be exchanged. Lexa nodded, her throat dry.

 

Lexa hardly felt any pain as the needle passed through her skin; Clarke’s touch soothing her at every stitch. Clarke felt like her own personal anesthetic. A pain reliever for not just Lexa’s physical pain, but also her emotional pain. All the pain in her life, ameliorated by the Sky girl. Lexa could only watch as Clarke expertly worked, even more admiration filling her chest. Clarke was a great healer. Lexa only wished Clarke knew this about herself. She wished she could tell Clarke all of these things. All of her feelings that she could not quite form into words. All of her respect and admiration, the unexplainable pull she felt towards her. All she wanted Clarke to know about herself… But now was not the time. War was never the time for such thoughts. Leaders could not show emotions. They both had slipped a couple of hours ago. In the privacy of her chambers. _Boy was it worth it though._ But Lexa knew that they could not be afforded these slips too often. Not now. Not until the war was over. Would it ever be over though? For her sake, for _Clarke’s_ sake, she wished it would be. 


	6. Chapter 6

.Clarke’s POV.

 

Clarke let out a long sigh as she evaluated her handiwork. “All done.” She smiled at Lexa, relief washing over her features. If she wasn't paying attention, Clarke would’ve missed the smile that quickly played over Lexa’s lips and remained in her eyes. 

 

“Thank you,” was all Lexa said, softly, but warmly. She didn’t need to say anything else.

 

Clarke looked to the healer’s second. “Do you have anything to put on the wound? To make sure it doesn’t get infected?”

 

“There should be something in the pouch. A bottle containing bits of plants.”

 

Clarke shuffled through the pouch until she found a bottle that matched his description. She took it out and opened it. She paused, then put the top back on. “Everyone leave,” Clarke commanded.

 

“But Wanheda…”

 

“You heard her!” Lexa boomed at the healer, surprising Clarke and everyone else in the room.

 

“What of Fleimkepa?” the guard standing beside him questioned. 

 

Clarke’s jaw tightened at the mention of Titus. If she hadn’t been so scared and distracted trying to save Lexa, she would’ve probably killed him herself by now. Rage started to boil from deep within her. Clarke felt her fists clench and the temperature of her body began to rise. Lexa had almost died. Everything was coming back to her now, her emotions were back on full force. She and Lexa were both drenched in black blood, Lexa was lying on the bed in front of her after just having fought for her life, and she had just performed emergency surgery on the woman who she had made love to but a couple of hours ago. To make matters worse, Clarke had no clue what would come of the barricade and her people now. Titus had seriously just fucked everything up. Clarke spun around as rage filled her eyes. She grabbed the gun from her waistband. She pointed it at Titus, still cowering on the ground. If possible, he shrunk even more into himself. 

 

“You!” she screamed. 

 

“Whoa, Clarke,” Murphy said, raising his hands and stepping towards her. 

 

“Shutup Murphy.” Clarke didn’t even turn to look at him, her eyes trained on Titus.

 

“Wanheda, please,” Titus pleaded. “I did not mean…”

 

“Shutup! Of course you didn’t mean to. You were trying to kill _me_! And because you’re such a moron, you ended up almost killing your Commander! I thought you weren’t even allowed to hold a gun!” Clarke closed her eyes to stop the tears that were forming once again. She took a deep breath to stop herself from shaking. The guard standing beside Titus shifted threateningly closer to him, his hand turning white from the grip on his sword. The second guard also began to advance toward Titus. No one attacked their Commander.

 

Titus began to stumble over his words, unable to form a coherent sentence. “I…I…d-d-did not… Heda… you… s-sorry…” 

 

Clarke squeezed the grip of the gun tighter and moved her index finger to the trigger. 

 

Lexa saw this, “Clarke…”

 

“No! He deserves this.” Clarke kept her gun focused on Titus.

 

“Clarke, don’t do this. It’s not you.” Murphy stepped closer.

 

“You don’t know me… No one does anymore.” Clarke sniffled as a tear threatened to roll out of her eye. “And the only person who does, almost died… Because of _him!_ ” 

 

“Don’t you think the grounders have something better planned for him? After all, he did try to kill their Commander. You should leave it to them.”

 

Clarke thought about this for a second. Murphy had a point. The grounders would definitely make this a lot more miserable for him. Lexa would make this a lot more miserable for him. If Indra got word of this, she surely would make him suffer more than anyone. Clarke was instantly reminded of everything that Titus tried to do… not only to her, but also to Lexa. Everything he had been _trying_ to do since Clarke stepped foot in Polis. The judgmental glances, the hushed words with Lexa about her decisions, about _love_ , the secret meeting with Clarke urging her to rethink her stance on war, on Lexa. _Anything_ that would drive a stake between her and Lexa. 

 

Clarke shook her head, “No. I want to do it. You don’t just almost kill the woman I lo…” Clarke paused. Lexa’s head snapped up to look at her, eyes wide. Clarke looked around, all eyes were on her, even Titus.

 

_What? Did I almost just say that?_ _No, it’s probably just the emotions running wild in me… But even if it is true, the first time definitely can’t be like this. Not in front of all these people, in the middle of all of this._

 

Clarke swallowed hard and began again, “You don’t just almost kill the woman I look up to as a leader. Who leads you all _fairly_ and _passionately._ Who commands the Earth basically. Who you _need_.” _Good save, Clarke._ Clarke scoffed at herself. 

 

As her finger began to squeeze the trigger, she felt a hand gently take her free one. Immediately, she could feel Lexa’s slender fingers stroking her palm, then gently squeezing. Clarke took in a breath at the contact. Her hand was so soft, so gentle, so loving.

 

“Clarke, it’s okay. You do not deserve this.” Lexa spoke softly, her words full of care and understanding. Clarke understood what she meant. Lexa didn’t want her to have to bear another death. She did not want this to haunt her as well. What Lexa didn’t know, though, was that this wasn’t the same for Clarke. Clarke would have gladly killed him now, and _maybe_ regretted this later, but probably not. 

 

Clarke thought for a second, then lowered the gun slowly. There was a collective sigh of relief in the room. Titus deserved the grounders’ punishment. He deserved their verdict. He deserved Lexa’s wrath. And Lexa was right. Titus did not deserve for Clarke to have this on her conscience as well. And he did not deserve an easy way out of this mess he created. 

 

“Chil yo daun,” Lexa commanded at the two guards standing beside Titus. Even in her current state, after what she had been through, her voice was strong and authoritative. The two men immediately relaxed their stances, removing their hands from their weapons. “Linos, heal his arm and return my dagger.” The healer nodded to his Commander and began to walk to the door. “When Linos is done, take _him_ to the cellar and put him in a cage. We will deal with him later.”

 

“Sha, Heda.” The two guards bowed their heads. They roughly grabbed Titus and dragged him to his feet. He moaned in pain as his arm was jostled. He did not attempt to make eye contact with Lexa as he was dragged to the door and led out.

 

Murphy shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. “Um… so I should probably leave you two alone.”

 

“You are free to stay in Polis for now unless you wish to be escorted back to your people,” Lexa offered. Clarke looked at Murphy.

 

“What do you think, Clarke?” he asked.

 

“It’s up to you… Why were you even here in the first place?”

 

“I honestly don’t know. That guy Titus got me somehow and kept me locked up in the basement of this place. I think he was trying to get answers about something called the sacred symbol? And you.” He looked at Clarke. 

 

“Yea well, he wasn’t too fond of me.” Clarke was about to ask what the sacred symbol was when she remembered Lexa. “Do you mind staying for just a little longer? You can catch me up on what’s been going on and we can figure out what to do. I was actually about to go back to Arkadia until all this happened.” Clarke remembered Octavia. _Shit, Octavia. Did she leave?_ If Clarke knew Octavia, she had been serious about her offer, and was probably halfway back to camp by now. “Plus, the barricade is probably up by now, so you might have some trouble getting through.”

 

Murphy shrugged his shoulders, “Not like I have anywhere better to be. Plus, you did kind of rescue me.”

 

“You may stay in the guest’s quarters,” Lexa looked at Murphy. “There are a few rooms on this floor that should not be occupied.”

 

“Just not the one across the hall,” Clarke added. Murphy raised his eyebrow. “It’s Lexa’s.”

 

“Gotcha. Okay then. I’ll see you soon, Clarke.”

 

As Murphy walked over to the door, Lexa added a quiet, “Thank you, Murphy.” 

 

Clarke looked at her adoringly. _She finally learned to say thank you and not hate herself._

 

“Yea, sure. No problem.” Murphy cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head. “That was pretty badass, what you did.” He slid through the open door and closed it behind him. 

 

Clarke smiled as she turned back to Lexa. “I don’t know how you do it.”

 

“What?”

 

“How are you even talking right now? And the way you still manage to get everyone to listen to you… after everything that just happened? Amazing.” Clarke noticed that their hands were still intertwined. She squeezed Lexa’s hand and slowly began to rub her palm with her thumb. “How did _we_ even just do that? I have never done that kind of surgery before, _especially_ when the patient was awake!”

 

“You can do anything you set out to, Clarke. That’s why you’re special.” 

 

Clarke blushed at the words and looked away. She felt a warmth, a sense of pride and happiness, _actual happiness_ , spreading through her chest. She could listen to Lexa saying her name and calling her special until the end of time, and it would still not be enough. She cleared her throat and then picked up the glass bottle that she had dropped on the bed when she reached for her gun before. “Let’s finish fixing you up.” She squeezed Lexa’s hand gently and then placed it back on the bed. She removed the top of the bottle and poured some of the thick paste into her hand. “This might sting a little.”

 

“Clarke, I think after everything I’ve just been through, I can survive a little ointment.”

 

“Yea, you’re pretty tough.” Clarke smiled at Lexa, who returned it with an even bigger one. Clarke almost dropped the entire bottle at the sight. _Focus, Clarke_. Clarke began to gently apply the herbal paste to the wound. Lexa’s skin was so warm under her hand, almost hot, especially in contrast to the cool feeling of the paste. Clarke was careful to be extra gentle when going over the newly applied stitches. Lexa’s skin was red and raw at the site, but Clarke was proud of how it turned out. There would be a scar, but it would be nothing compared to the other scars littering Lexa’s body. Lexa did not move or make a sound as Clarke rubbed the paste over her wound. She just watched her, watched every move, with admiration in her eyes. Admiration and a _hint_ of something else.

 

After a few minutes, Clarke almost couldn’t take that look anymore. That look combined with the feelings threatening to burst out of her own chest, mixed with the quickening and strengthening heartbeat under Lexa’s skin. And the heat of Lexa’s skin. And the softness of her skin. And the way her chest was rising and falling in the most delicate way… _No!_ She had to focus, keep her attention on the task at hand. She tried to lighten the mood. “Well who would’ve thought that I could get you out of your clothes again so soon.” Her eyes moved to Lexa’s open shirt. She had been so focused on the bullet that she did not even get to admire the exposed skin beneath Lexa’s top. The skin that she had the pleasure of feeling, and tasting only a couple of hours before. The skin that covered strong muscles and elegant limbs. The skin that stretched over a beautiful chest, now marred with yet another scar.

 

“It must be my lucky day.” Lexa smirked, _almost_ laughed. Would have laughed if it weren’t for the pain that caused her to cough instead.

 

“Shh.. It’s okay. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Clarke smiled. She finished applying the paste and wiped her hands on her pants. She found a bandage and wondered how this would work. “Can you sit up?” Clarke asked worriedly.

 

Lexa nodded, “I should be able to.” She began to push herself up onto her elbows and winced in pain. “Ah…” she groaned. 

 

“Wait, I got you.” Clarke quickly moved her arms under Lexa’s and clasped them behind her back. Lexa rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder and allowed herself to be lifted some more as she continued to push off of her hands. They managed to get Lexa into an almost sitting position. Clarke began to wrap the bandage over Lexa’s left shoulder and down under her right arm diagonally across her chest and over her wound. Clarke fastened the end of the bandage in place and sighed. “Done.”

 

They sat on the bed face-to-face looking into each other’s eyes for a moment. “Thank you, Clarke,” Lexa almost whispered. “I owe you my life.” 

 

Clarke sighed as she rested her forehead against Lexa’s. “You don’t owe me anything.” She brought her hand up to gently stroke Lexa’s cheek, tracing her thumb over Lexa’s jaw. Lexa leaned into her palm. “You’ve done so much for me, Lexa. For my people. If anything, I owe you _my_ life.” Clarke gently lifted Lexa’s chin and pressed her lips to the other woman’s. They kissed like this, softly and gently, for a few moments. _God her lips are so soft_ , Clarke thought. She regretfully pulled away, not wanting Lexa to strain her stitches. When she moved back to look at Lexa, she saw a smirk play across the other girl’s lips. “What?”

 

“Seems like I got you to stay in Polis after all.”

 

Clarke laughed and gently nudged Lexa’s leg. “Next time, just ask me. I don’t know if I could go through this again.” Clarke felt a lump forming in her throat, her face becoming serious. “I thought I was gonna lose you.”

 

Lexa’s eyes softened. She reached for Clarke’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I am here. I will not leave you.”

 

Clarke felt a pang of guilt. “I was going to leave you. I was on my way out. To meet Octavia.” She knew she shouldn’t feel bad. She knew she was doing what she had to do, but it didn’t make it any easier.

 

“Clarke.”

 

“I could’ve lost you today, and here I was about to leave you willingly.” Clarke felt the familiar stinging in her eyes. 

 

“Clarke.” Now it was Lexa’s turn to bring her hand up to Clarke’s cheek. She wiped away the stray tear that managed to escape her eye. “You were doing what needed to be done. For your people. For our people.”

 

“I know, but…”

 

“That is our duty. We must make difficult choices. We cannot be selfish. Not yet. I will never hold that against you.”

 

Clarke just nodded. Unsure of what to say, and afraid that her emotions would betray her.

 

They sat in silence for a few moments. “So… What was it you were going to say before?” One corner of Lexa’s mouth began to curl up into a smirk.

 

“Huh?” Clarke looked at Lexa, confusion in her eyes. 

 

“When you were pointing the gun at Titus. Scolding him for almost killing the woman you…”

 

Clarke’s cheeks flushed an almost unearthly red as the other corner of Lexa’s lips lifted into an amused smile. “Oh. That.” Clarke shifted nervously in her seat, avoiding Lexa’s gaze. “I don’t really remember… It was a really stressful moment…” Clarke scratched her head uncomfortably. 

 

“I’m sure it was,” Lexa smiled. 

 

_She thinks she’s so witty. And how does she even remember that of all things!_ Clarke scolded herself for the slip she had made before. Perhaps she would not have considered it a slip if it had been just the two of them in the room, under different circumstances. She thought for a second. “It’s probably along the lines of what _you_ were about to say to me back in your room…You know, when you were explaining to me why I’m me…” 

 

Lexa’s mouth dropped open slightly as she remembered what Clarke was referring to. Her cheeks flushed a shade even darker than Clarke’s if possible. Clarke held her gaze with the slightest smirk on her lips. Lexa didn’t look away.

 

After what felt like an eternity, Clarke cleared her throat. “Here, let’s get you cleaned up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chil yo daun = Stand down
> 
> Sha, Heda = Yes, Commander


	7. Chapter 7

.Lexa’s POV.

 

“All done.” Lexa watched as Clarke let out a lengthy sigh, very obviously evaluating her recent handiwork. She wished she could tell Clarke not to worry. Clarke could have left the biggest, roughest scar on her and she wouldn’t have minded. Anything Clarke created would be better than anything anyone else could do. She would wear it with pride. Her body was littered with various scars, so many she could hardly remember where she obtained each one. But this one would be her most prized one. A reminder of the day that she was able to give herself to save the Sky girl. It also symbolized a piece of Clarke left behind on her skin, forever. This gave Lexa an idea. Maybe one day, after all of this was over, she would ask Clarke to create a piece of art for her skin. Something of Clarke’s that she could wear proudly as she did all her other tattoos, _more proudly_. Something Clarke _chose_ to draw for her and only her. Lexa knew the sacred meaning of tattoos in her culture, but she knew she could trust Clarke with this task, of creating something meaningful and beautiful. No one would deny this. Her people would surely respect this tattoo as much as all the others, especially once they hear that Clarke had saved their Commander’s life.

 

Lexa brought her mind back to the present. She had to admit that it was endearing how much Clarke cared about her work as a healer. Even in times of stress, Clarke was still trying to make everything as close to perfect as possible. Lexa couldn’t contain the small smile that escaped her. A small smile, yet full of emotions _for_ Clarke and _about_ Clarke. Yet again, she wished she could tell Clarke everything she was thinking, _feeling._ But it was still not the right time. It was beginning to feel like it was never the right time. 

 

“Thank you,” was all she could bring herself to say, hoping that yet again, Clarke understood the depth of her words. Not only was she expressing gratitude for saving her, but also her gratitude for everything that Clarke meant to her. It seemed like _thank you_ was becoming more and more a part of Lexa’s vocabulary with each passing day. This was another thing that Clarke taught her. Before the Sky girl, Lexa had never thanked anyone. Her people did not use the phrase. She definitely would not speak the phrase. Gratitude among the grounders was shown and felt through actions, therefore it did not need to be spoken. Lexa had come to realize that the Sky People, on the other hand, used the phrase a lot. It felt unnecessary and redundant to Lexa. She had also come to realize that the Sky People used many unnecessary phrases a lot. It was as if they could not stop themselves from speaking at times. So many repetitive, excessive words. At times it was very frustrating to Lexa and the grounders. They did not feel the need to be tied up in conversation when time should have been given to other more important things. Lexa made an exception for Clarke, however. And because Lexa took pride in learning new things, she also let Clarke teach her, trying to incorporate such things as their language into her life. If not for her own people, then for Clarke and hers. And if it helped Clarke to hear the words “thank you”, then Lexa could afford her them. 

 

Lexa listened as Clarke asked for a healing ointment. She watched as she found the small bottle and walked back over to her. She could feel the warmth radiating from Clarke’s body as she took her place beside the bed, immediately feeling a comfort that no other could bring her. “Everyone leave.”

 

“But Wanheda…”

 

Lexa knew deep down that her guards were uneasy. They probably had been since the moment they stepped into the room, unsure of what to do for their Commander. She also knew that they did not take orders from anyone but herself. It still bothered her that they did not obey Clarke. She considered Clarke her equal. But how could she fault them this when she never made it clear? No one had witnessed her bowing before Clarke in the privacy of the empty throne room. No one had shared their solitary times together where they discussed war strategies or their people, nor their intimate times where they _were_ equals- two young girls exploring and giving in to each other. The only person who _might_ have had an idea was Indra, and of course Titus. _Titus._ Her mind lingered on his name. She shook her head, bringing her mind back to her guards and her people. She concluded that she would have to somehow elevate Clarke in their eyes. At least enough so that they could respect her decisions. Lexa knew that nobody would feel for Clarke as she did, but if they could just come close, it would be enough. Lexa took a deep breath and tried to produce the most authoritative voice she could muster. “You heard her!” There was no time for this now. She didn’t care if they respected Clarke or not at this moment, she just wanted everyone gone. So she could clear her head and they could have some privacy.

 

“What of Fleimkepa?” Lexa’s body stiffened at the mention of Titus. Her mind flashed back to the moments before she lost consciousness. Her head felt cloudy as bits of the scene came rushing back to her. _Titus’s bald head, a gun, Clarke running… What happened? Titus holding a gun? No, it couldn’t be._ Lexa tried to shake her head of the thoughts. _Clarke running away from Titus. Titus pointing a gun at Clarke?_ Lexa remembered the feeling of the dagger leaving her hand. Slowly, her target came into focus. She had been aiming for _Titus_ , for his arm. _No…_ Titus would never have betrayed her. He would not have betrayed their customs. _How did he even come into possession of a gun?_ Lexa turned her head, trying to scan the room. She caught sight of Titus cowering on the ground, her dagger embedded in his arm. A wave of emotions washed over her- rage, denial, uneasiness, confusion. So much confusion. _How could he?_? He was her most trusted advisor, her teacher, like a father figure, who was not only sworn to protect her, but _wanted_ to during her years as Commander. Lexa could not even think of him now, her emotions threatening to drown her.

 

Lexa looked up at Clarke, hoping to find the warmth and reassurance in her eyes that was normally there. Apparently Clarke was feeling the same way she was. Actually, scratch that, it was pure rage that engulfed her features and rested in her body, stiffening her jaw and her entire posture. Rage that was causing her fists to clench and her eyes to fill with fire. A rage that Lexa rarely saw in Clarke. The last time she saw this pure rage was probably when Clarke told her she wanted the Mountain Men dead after the bombing at Ton DC. Or was it the time that Clark spat in her face during their reunion in the throne room? Even that time, however, her eyes were not as full of hatred as they were now, the veins threatening to burst at any second. Lexa watched as a million thoughts passed over Clarke’s face. How she wished she could read them. 

 

“You!” Clarke screamed with such force that Lexa was taken aback. Under normal circumstances, Lexa might have found this voice (this strong, powerful voice) extremely attractive. But not today because Lexa knew that Clarke was hurt. 

 

Lexa watched as Clarke’s friend tried to calm her down. She then watched as Titus tried (and failed miserably) to reason with Clarke and explain himself. Lexa couldn’t help but think that if she were not laying on this bed, she would have already removed Titus’s tongue from his mouth for even attempting to speak in defense of himself _._ Lexa began to feel anger take over again. She could not let it consumer her. She had to be strong, _focused,_ for Clarke.

 

Luckily Clarke could deal with Titus on her own. “Shutup! Of course you didn’t mean to. You were trying to kill _me!”_ This was the last thing Lexa heard Clarke say as her mind focused on Clarke’s words. That is when Lexa realized the mistake in her thought process. She was hurt and confused because Titus had shot her. What she hadn’t thought about was that in actuality, he had tried to _kill_ Clarke. Immediately, all Lexa saw was red. An anger that she had never felt before consumed her mind, making her immediately forget the pain in her chest. The only time she had felt anything like this was when the Ice Nation had taken Costia and returned her head to Lexa. Such betrayal by her own people towards not only one of their own, but to the woman who held Lexa’s heart. Lexa did not know how she had let Nia live for as long as she had, or how the Ice Nation was still standing. _Breathe, Lexa._ Titus was lucky that Lexa did not have any of her weapons nearby, or else he would have been dead before Clarke even finished her sentence. _Calm down. Breathe._ Lexa had difficulty suppressing her rage. _For Clarke…_

 

Lexa’s eyes focused again on the angelic silhouette of the blonde standing beside her. She saw the slight movement of her index finger from the barrel of the gun to the trigger. She didn’t know much about guns, but she definitely knew the purpose of the trigger. “Clarke…” she tried, hoping to get through to her. _I know you’re mad. Believe me, I am too._

 

“No! He deserves this.” 

 

_I know he does. You don’t know how much I wish it upon him for what he attempted to do… to you._

 

Lexa watched as Clarke’s friend, Murphy, tried to reason with her again. 

 

“You don’t know me… No one does anymore.”

 

_I do._

 

“And the only person who does, almost died… Because of him!”

 

_But I did not die. He did not succeed. You do not deserve this._ Lexa’s heart dropped at Clarke’s words. It ached for her. She wanted to keep reassuring Clarke that she was ok and she was here, with her. She wished she could gather the strength to voice her words. She couldn’t deny, though, that Clarke’s words also made Lexa’s heart swell. Hearing her say that Lexa was the only person who knew her was indescribable. Lexa felt the truth in her words because her heart echoed the same sentiments. Clarke was the only person that really knew Lexa. The _only_ person Lexa wanted to know her, all of her. 

 

Lexa silently watched as Clarke thought about Murphy’s words. She watched as a wave of thoughts washed over Clarke. Lexa could see the wheels turning in her head. Relief came over her when she saw what looked like acceptance. However, just as quickly, Lexa saw Clarke’s mind change and her heart sank. “No. I want to do it. You don’t just almost kill the woman I lo…” 

 

Instantly, Lexa’s head snapped up to look at Clarke. _WHAT? Did she just…?_ Lexa couldn’t stop the butterflies that began to run wild in her stomach, nor the erratic beat that her heart began to thump to. Her chest began to swell with the implication of those words. _Finish the sentence Clarke…_ Lexa knew, though, that Clarke would not complete the sentence. The same way that she could not complete the sentence before. For Lexa, in her bedroom, it was not the right time for Clarke. She could not tell Clarke something so huge, so life-changing right before she was about to leave. It would not benefit either of them. Clarke needed to go and Lexa could not be the reason she did not. 

 

Lexa knew that she had felt that way for a while. It began as a respect for a leader similar to herself in so many ways. This respect grew to admiration. Clarke possessed qualities that Lexa never knew she wanted or needed. Clarke was so different from her own people, and she had so much to offer and teach Lexa. This admiration quickly blossomed into caring beyond just friendship or mutual necessity. Lexa cared for Clarke so _deeply._ It was an emotion that at first had scared her. Scared her so much that she almost lost it all. It was the first time that Lexa had ever questioned putting someone before herself, and dare she say, before her people. Luckily Clarke had never put Lexa in the position of choosing between her own people and her, which is another reason Lexa respected her so much. And the one time that Lexa _had_ to put her people first, broke her heart. Lexa realized eventually that this feeling, all these feelings for Clarke, were _love_.

 

When Lexa was younger, she thought that she had loved Costia. She was her first love. The first girl that she let herself be free with, forget her troubles with. The first girl that showed Lexa what life could be like. Not just suffering and war, but also happiness and _fun._ Lexa was a different person then. She was young, and just beginning her life as the Commander. That was before most of the scars, before most of the tough decisions, before the alliance. But even that love did not come close to how Clarke made her feel. How Clarke made her want to change herself, her people, the _world_. Inspired her to be a better leader, a more _fair_ leader. This was a whole new level of respect and love. One that only came with maturity and growth, and with _Clarke_. 

 

Clarke quickly corrected herself and Lexa knew this conversation would have to wait until another time. For Clarke, now it was also not the right time. Lexa laughed on the inside at Clarke’s attempt to cover up her slip. It was adorable. _Okay… Clarke. We will believe that for now._ Lexa had to admit that her own cover up before was much more authentic, though she couldn’t fault Clarke for her truthful words about her leadership. It was apparent that both of their minds and hearts were on the same page, so with this comfort, Lexa could wait for the actual words. 

 

As Lexa watched Clarke’s finger start to tighten around the trigger, she knew she had to stop her. She could not watch as Clarke beat herself up afterwards for having taken another life. The guilt and pain that she knew would follow would tear Clarke apart, chipping away at all the progress she had made to overcome the other deaths on her hands. In Lexa’s eyes, the deaths were not Clarke’s fault. What Clarke did was something that Lexa had been taught to do her whole life. _Jus drain jus daun._ The mountain men that Clarke had killed, the boy she had cared about, everyone, had deserved death. They had drawn blood, taken lives. No one had been innocent, especially not from Mount Weather, nor most recently Queen Nia for Lexa. But Lexa knew that she and Clarke were different, and she knew Clarke could not stop herself from feeling guilty. 

 

Lexa did the only thing she could think of. She reached up to find Clarke’s hand, hoping that the contact would somehow soothe Clarke as she knew it would soothe her. She found Clarke’s delicate hand and gently ran her thumb over her palm, an instant spark warming her entire body. She felt Clarke react, her hand relaxing, her breath hitching. _Her hand is so soft, so free of calluses._

 

Lexa finally found the strength to voice her thoughts. “Clarke, it’s okay. You do not deserve this.” She tried so hard to put as much love and urgency in her voice as possible. She needed Clarke to really listen to her and understand. _Please, Clarke. He is not worth it. I promise, he will pay._

 

Lexa let out the breath she had been holding in since Clarke pulled the gun on Titus as she registered her words and slowly lowered the gun. _I’m proud of you._ Lexa had to admit, if she had been in Clarke’s place, Titus would already be dead. Another reason Clarke was different, and _better._

 

Lexa put her Commander mask back on. There would be time alone with Clarke after everyone was given their task. She could see her guards itching for direction and most likely, vengeance. “Chil yo daun,” she commanded as authoritatively as possible as the pain in her chest threatened to return. She was proud of her guards for their restraint given the situation. She knew they wanted Titus dead, but she also knew that they would not dare disobey her. They were also aware of the importance of his role as Fleimkepa, probably his only saving grace now. As much as she did not want to, Lexa directed her healer’s second to fix Titus’s arm and return her dagger immediately. She wanted Titus to be fixed before she and her people came up with the most appropriate punishment. That way, they could inflict the most pain on him. For the time being, however, she did want him out of her sight. “When Linos is done, take _him_ to the cellar and put him in a cage. We will deal with him later.” _I will deal with him later._

 

“Sha, Heda.” Titus avoided her eyes the entire time. Lexa hoped he would look at her, but settled upon fixing him with her deadliest glare anyway. _Coward._

 

Lexa watched as Clarke and her friend Murphy discussed what to do next. Murphy seemed nice enough. He did, after all, help Clarke save her. Lexa decided she would be cordial, but would still keep an eye on him, unsure of how he even ended up in Polis, _or_ a prisoner in Clarke’s room. She was amused at how awkward he seemed, shifting from one foot to the other. Sky People were all so different. There didn’t seem to be a set code of morals or rules for all of them. Many seemed to do what they wanted or act however they wanted depending on the day. Murphy was unlike any of the others she had met already. Lexa knew, of course, that not all Grounders were the same either. Not all listened to Lexa. Queen Nia was a prime example. The Ice Nation was as unpredictable as many of the Sky People. But overall, the Grounders lived by Lexa’s rule and most acted in similar manners. And those that did not, she was aware of. She knew who she could and could not trust. However, she did not know who she could and could not trust of the Sky People. _This_ made her uneasy. But that is why she had Clarke. She trusted Clarke’s judgment. She needed to because she knew nothing of these strange people. If it hadn’t been for Clarke, the Sky People would have been wiped out by the Grounders by now. 

 

Lexa did not want to intrude on the conversation between Clarke and Murphy, but she heard Titus’s name being mentioned. Before her blood had a chance to begin boiling again, she heard “sacred symbol”. _How does he know about that?_ Most of the Grounders, save for a few in Polis (most trusted by Lexa), were unaware of the sacred symbol or the meaning behind it. Not even the families of previous Commanders knew about the symbol. _Does Clarke know? There is no way._ The Sky People were the _last_ people that should know about this. _Titus has really messed up this time._ Lexa really hoped that Clarke would not ask about this now. This was not a topic that would be easy to explain at the moment. In fact, Lexa never really talked about it at all since ascension. She had only spoken of the symbol and the _flame_ to Titus. Of course, she had told Clarke about the previous Commanders being able to “talk” to her, but that had been it. And her own people had never questioned how she was able to understand the Commanders that came before her. She knew, however, that eventually she would have to tell Clarke because just _knowing_ of something was not enough for her, or her people. She would have to know _why_ and _how_ as well. 

 

After Murphy agreed to stay in Polis to discuss matters of her people with Clarke, Lexa offered him a room in her tower so that he would be nearby. This would not only benefit Clarke, but herself as well. As he was walking out the door, Lexa was reminded of the Sky People’s customs again, and let out a soft, “Thank you, Murphy.” She was unsure if this was more for Murphy or for Clarke, but she said it anyway. Lexa didn’t miss Clarke’s pleased expression from the corner of her eye.

 

“I don’t know how you do it?”

 

Clarke’s words surprised Lexa, and she was unsure of what Clarke was referring to.

 

“How are you even talking right now? And the way you still manage to get everyone to listen to you…after everything that just happened? Amazing.” Lexa did not even realize that they were still holding hands until Clarke gently squeezed hers and began playing with their fingers. Lexa wished Clarke would never let go. “How did _we_ even just do that? I have never done that kind of surgery before, _especially_ when the patient was awake!”

 

Lexa couldn’t help but be amused at how surprised and excited by her own abilities Clarke was right now. _She_ knew Clarke could do it. She was confident in Clarke’s skills as soon as she woke up and saw her face, her fingers holding the medical equipment expertly. If only Clarke had the same confidence in herself. “You can do anything you set out to, Clarke.” She loved the way Clarke’s name rolled off of her tongue. She remembered her conversation with Titus a few days prior. She had tried to explain to him that Clarke was special, but he clearly did not understand. Instead of telling him, she should have been telling Clarke the whole time. “That’s why you’re special.” Lexa watched as Clarke turned away, her cheeks flushing slightly. It was so innocent, but beautiful at the same time. 

 

“Let’s finish fixing you up.” As soon as Clarke’s hand left hers, she already missed it. She quickly forgot about it as soon as she felt Clarke’s warm, gentle fingers on her chest. She easily ignored the sharp stinging that accompanied each swipe of ointment over her wound. It felt so cold against her warm skin, but Clarke’s soft touch warmed it quickly, soothing the pain at the same time. Lexa could feel her heart rate increasing. She was sure Clarke could feel it too right through her skin. She took a deep breath. She watched Clarke work with admiration, forgetting the pain completely. She would fight a thousand battles, risking pain and injury each time with the promise of being cared for afterwards by this amazing woman in front of her. _How did I get so lucky?_ Lexa always felt undeserving of such care, such companionship from another. She had always had to care for others over herself. That was her duty. Usually having someone care for her made her feel uncomfortable, but not Clarke. She actually liked it. She wanted Clarke to always take care of her. And the way Clarke was looking at her now… she could get lost in those eyes, in this feeling. Lexa felt her heart swell. She could stay like this forever. 

 

They stared into each others’ eyes for what felt like an eternity as Clarke continued to apply the ointment. Lexa felt like the wound must surely be coated about ten times over by now, but she did not say anything, not wanting Clarke’s fingers to leave her skin. Lexa hoped that Clarke would break the intense eye contact first, or at least stop touching her before her entire body ignited, because she knew she did not have enough self restraint to do it herself. 

 

“Well who would’ve thought that I could get you out of your clothes again so soon?” Luckily it was Clarke who cleared her throat and spoke first. Lexa watched, amused, as Clarke’s eyes roamed over her exposed skin, up over her shoulders and then across her chest and down over her stomach. She couldn’t blame Clarke for looking. 

 

“It must be my lucky day.” _I wish I was that lucky._ She smirked and almost laughed at Clarke’s attempt at comic relief, until she felt a sharp stab at the site of her wound. The pain forced her to gasp as she tried to inhale, erupting in a coughing fit. 

 

“Shh… It’s okay. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Clarke finished applying the paste and helped Lexa sit up so she could bandage the wound. Lexa relished the contact with Clarke, not even caring how vulnerable she was at this moment. _Only with Clarke._ She rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder and inhaled her smell. _She smells so good._ It was a mixture of lilacs, her favorite candles, a hint of fresh outdoor air, and a trace of something else, reminiscent of the smell of a cool summer night, crisp and fresh, yet beautiful. It instantly brought her mind back to her bedroom, where they lay side by side in bed, the smell of Clarke’s hair lingering between them, remaining on her pillow after she had left. The sun casting a beautiful glow behind Clarke, illuminating her face and framing her body. “Done.” Lexa took one more deep breath in, not wanting to forget the smell, nor leave this close proximity to Clarke. 

 

She pulled back slowly to look into Clarke’s deep blue eyes, once again clear and bright. She wished she had the courage to utter the words she had been wanting to since she corrected herself before. “Thank you, Clarke,” was all she said. _Hakom, Lexa!_ Why couldn’t she say it? This was the perfect opportunity. “I owe you my life.” Lexa meant this honestly. This was the second time Clarke had saved her life. Lexa knew, though, that Clarke did this because it was who she was. She did not need to be thanked because she was sure Clarke would continue saving her as long as she could. 

 

Lexa’s heart skipped as Clarke rested her forehead against hers. This closeness would normally have made Lexa uncomfortable. Companionship was foreign to her, but with Clarke it felt natural. “You don’t owe me anything. You’ve done so much for me, Lexa. For my people. If anything, I owe you _my_ life.” Lexa did not deny the truth in Clarke’s words when it came to her people. Lexa did more for Clarke’s people than was necessary or even _safe_. Although she kept telling herself it was for the benefit of both of their people, she knew deep down it was because in order to protect Clarke, she needed to protect Clarke’s people. This would never have been an option if it had been any other leader, but Lexa swore her fealty to Clarke and Clarke’s people, and she would keep this vow until the end of her life. 

 

When Clarke’s lips met Lexa’s, she thought her heart would explode. The kiss was so soft and so caring with the potential for so much more. Lexa felt her skin heat up as her heart began to race. She wanted so badly to touch Clarke, to move the loose strands of hair from her face, to brush her fingers over Clarke’s soft cheeks, to grab her neck and pull her impossibly closer, but the pain in her chest that radiated to her shoulder halted any of these efforts. Luckily for her stitches (and for her heart), Clarke slowly pulled away, regret in her eyes. _Titus will surely pay for this._

 

Lexa could not be completely angry, though. She quickly realized that as a result of all of these events (as unnecessary as they were), Clarke was still here with her, nursing her wounds, and kissing her lips as if it was their last. Lexa could not help but smile at the thought. Clarke was still here. They were both alive and together for just a little bit longer. 

 

Clarke seemed to notice this small but slightly mischievous smile. “What?”

 

“Seems like I got you to stay in Polis after all.” 

 

Clarke laughed and it melted Lexa’s heart. _She is absolutely breathtaking when she laughs._ It was a rarity to see Clarke Griffin laughing like this. Lexa had witnessed some scoffs here and there, even some occasional chuckles, but _rarely_ a genuine laugh. Lexa was beyond grateful that she was the cause of this beautiful sound rippling through the girl’s body. Though as quickly as the laugh came, it vanished. Lexa watched as Clarke’s expression darkened, a visible gulp catching in her throat. “I thought I was gonna lose you.”

 

_You could never lose me._ Lexa tried to hide the sorrow that was surely visible in her eyes. She was sure Clarke could see. Clarke could always read her eyes. “I am here. I will not leave you.” And Lexa meant this. She would never leave Clarke again… In any way.

 

“I was going to leave you. I was on my way out. To meet Octavia.” Lexa knew how difficult the choice had been for Clarke. She felt the pain and regret in their last moments together before the goodbye. Luckily, she had been able to distract Clarke for at least a short while. She had also been able to distract herself.

 

Lexa tried to reason with Clarke, explain to her that she understood. She would have had to do the same if it had been her own people. Being a leader was difficult. There were difficult choices to be made every day, especially when it came to one’s own feelings. Emotions were the last things that had to be taken into account when making decisions during these times. Feelings were unnecessary. Lexa had become numb to almost everything throughout her years as Commander. Clarke, however, was new to this. Lexa had to try to get her to understand that what she was doing was okay. Sometimes it was necessary. As much as she hated echoing the words of previous Commanders (and _Titus)_ , she knew that these next words were appropriate for the moment. “That is our duty. We must make difficult choices. We cannot be selfish. Not yet. I will never hold that against you.” _Like you said Clarke, maybe someday… but not today._

 

Lexa watched as her words sunk in, acceptance making its way into Clarke’s eyes. _Thank goodness._ The two sat in silence as Clarke digested the advice. This was Lexa’s way of _teaching_ Clarke, one of the only ways she could. Clarke taught Lexa so much in terms of emotions and how to lead in new ways that Lexa wanted to share her knowledge of leadership with the newer leader in return. Clarke had helped soften Lexa and she taught her to make decisions not solely based on vengeance or death, and now it was Lexa’s turn to help strengthen Clarke, and teach her how to make the difficult choices so she could become the powerful leader she was meant to be. Lexa did not take her eyes off of Clarke, watching every word sink in. She could not help it when her eyes traveled down to Clarke’s thin but full lips. How Lexa wanted to kiss them again. How she wanted to _have_ Clarke again. How she wanted to _love_ Clarke again. _No, Lexa! Not now._ That’s when she remembered. “So… What was it you were going to say before?” Lexa tried to conceal the smile tugging at her lips. She could hardly contain her excitement at the memory. 

 

“Huh?”

 

“When you were pointing the gun at Titus. Scolding him for almost killing the woman you…” _Love…_ Lexa already knew the answer. How she wanted to hear it roll off of Clarke’s tongue. She never thought she would hear the words again since Costia, but she knew she _needed_ to hear them now, probably _more_ than with Costia. She needed the confirmation from Clarke’s lips. The Commander, unworthy of love, and in no position to accept love, was hopelessly waiting for the Sky girl to provide her with it. To engulf her in her love. 

 

“Oh. That.” Lexa couldn’t stop the grin that emerged as Clarke’s face flushed a color she had never seen on this Earth before, her sapphire eyes avoiding the piercing jade ones mere inches away. Clarke was so innocent, so pure, especially in this moment. 

 

_Come on Clarke, just say it._

 

“I don’t really remember… It was a really stressful moment…”

 

Lexa’s heart sank a little bit. _Clarke surely remembers._ But how could Lexa be upset with Clarke, when she herself could not form the words back in her bedroom. Although, to be fair, Lexa did not complete her sentence in order to protect Clarke. So she was not sure why Clarke was avoiding the words now because she knew they _both_ felt it. But she would give Clarke her time. Emotions should never be rushed. “I’m sure it was.” Still, Lexa smiled, how could she not?

 

“It’s probably along the lines of what _you_ were about to say to me back in your room… You know, when you were explaining to me why I’m me…” 

 

_Oh my God…_ Lexa could feel all the blood rushing to her face. She was sure she was the same color as Clarke now. _Is it getting hot in here?_ She couldn’t help but be proud of Clarke. Always hiding something up her sleeve. _There’s the Clarke I love_. _But you are correct, it was along those same exact lines._ Lexa decided it was not her time yet either. If Clarke was not ready to utter the words, then she too would wait. She would wait forever (but hopefully not forever). She held Clarke’s gaze, not daring to look away. _Until the next time, Clarke._

 

Clarke cleared her throat. “Here, let’s get you cleaned up.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Jus drein jus daun” = Blood must have blood
> 
> “Hakom, Lexa!” = Why, Lexa!


	8. Chapter 8

.Clarke’s POV.

 

It had barely been a week since Clarke removed the bullet from Lexa’s flesh and stitched the wound closed. Clarke was amazed at how quickly Lexa was healing. It was almost as if she was merely healing from a day of training or a graze from a small blade. She had been on bed rest under Clarke’s supervision for the first three days and then could not take it anymore. Clarke knew that Lexa was stubborn, _strong willed,_ but she really got a taste of it over the past week. Clarke insisted that Lexa rest in order to heal faster. Lexa retorted by saying that she had seen many battles and had far worse injuries, so she knew what her body could take. Clarke reminded her that she had never been shot before, which she had to agree with. Bullets were a much different threat than a sword. This excuse only worked for so long. As soon as Lexa began to feel better, she tested her strength by standing and beginning to move around her room. Clarke remained steadfast in not allowing Lexa to leave the room. She knew that this was probably driving Lexa crazy, not being able to see to her people or prepare for the impending threats. The only people Lexa had seen were a few handmaidens who assisted her in changing and bathing. Clarke felt for her, but she had to be strong too, so that Lexa could heal. An injured Commander was of no use to anybody.

 

Clarke used their time together, alone, to try to get to know more of Lexa. Even though she felt like she knew Lexa better than anybody else, she wished to know _more._ She knew she had only scratched the surface of this strong, caring, yet mysterious individual. And with nowhere to go, she knew Lexa would have no choice but to let Clarke in.

 

During one of their first nights following the incident, Clarke watched as Lexa failed miserably at changing from her day top to her night shirt. There was no need to change, as she had not gotten her shirt dirty at any point. In fact, she had hardly moved at all. She could probably have worn this same shirt for the next few days without needing to change. But Clarke knew that Lexa was a creature of habit who did things in particular ways, so a day shirt worn to bed was definitely not an option. Clarke ran to Lexa’s side when she heard her groan and saw the flash of pain that crossed her face.

 

“Here, let me help.” Clarke expected Lexa to fight her, but was pleasantly surprised when Lexa nodded and quietly sat up straighter in bed. Clarke was really starting to like this version of Lexa. It was one so different from the Lexa she had become accustomed to. This Lexa was much quieter, much calmer, much _smaller._ This Lexa needed to be taken care of, almost _wanted_ to. The Commander would never have let this side show. Clarke felt a sense of pride at being the one that Lexa shared this part of herself with. She knew this was a privilege and she did not take it for granted.

 

Clarke gently took the hem of Lexa’s top in her hands. She took an audible gulp and slowly began to lift the material over Lexa’s head, being careful to avoid the bandage wrapped around her wound. Clarke was happy that this time the bandage had no signs of black blood as the previous few had. Lexa was healing quickly. She helped Lexa pull her left arm out of the sleeve, and waited patiently as Lexa tried to lift her right arm high enough to remove it from its sleeve. Except for a small wince, no other signs of pain crossed Lexa’s features. Clarke pulled the last of the material gently over Lexa’s head, watching as her silky brown waves fell back over her shoulders, leaving her in nothing but the binding over her chest and the bandage. Clarke dropped the shirt beside Lexa on the bed and let her eyes travel over the newly exposed skin. They traveled down her neck, over protruding collarbones, then traced over the tattoo on Lexa’s arm that she had seen many times before. Her eyes traveled further, over the mounds hidden under the obstructive binding, down over strong stomach muscles, and stopped when Clarke noticed a fairly large scar right over Lexa’s left hipbone. Before Clarke could stop herself, she was kneeling before Lexa, her hand moving toward the scar, fingers itching to touch the raised flesh. Clarke felt like every time she saw Lexa, she noticed something new that she hadn’t before. She felt Lexa’s muscles tense as her fingers gently began to trace the scar. It was much longer than she had originally thought, as her fingers continued to trace all the way around Lexa’s side to her back. Clarke readjusted herself so she could fully see the marking and ended up sitting just behind Lexa on the bed. _How did I not notice this before?_ Clarke did not want to ask Lexa, but she was curious. She was relieved when Lexa began to explain on her own.

 

“Costia had been missing for over two weeks.” Clarke immediately tensed at the name, her throat tightening. Lexa had only mentioned Costia once, and Clarke never dared ask more. She knew of Costia’s demise, but not the details. She figured either Lexa did not want to talk about it, or was not ready yet. Clarke immediately became anxious, not knowing what Lexa would say and afraid of what she might say. 

 

“I was beginning to give up hope. When one goes missing, they would be lucky to survive but a few days. We did not know what had happened, she just disappeared one day. I had sent out dozens of search groups. I had gone in search of her myself, through the woods, through the desert, past the lakes. Some believed she left. I knew she would never leave on her own. I began to fear that the Maunon or the Pauna had gotten to her. In that case, I knew I would never see her again.” Clarke could hear the pain in Lexa’s voice. If she could see her face now, she knew it would be marred with sorrow, her eyes dark and empty. Clarke remembered the first time Lexa had spoken of Costia, how her demeanor had immediately changed. She remembered the hollowness of Lexa’s voice and the far-away look in her eyes. Clarke offered the only thing she could, comfort. She gently placed her hand on Lexa’s bare shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. 

 

“I was much different back then- young, impulsive, _careless_. I also had not learned to control my emotions. I was not the Commander that sits before you now. I was becoming unhinged, almost crazed. It was a combination of fear, sorrow, and anger. Anger at being so helpless. I was so close to giving up. I had exhausted too many resources in search of her. It was not fair to my people, to my warriors. Just as I was coming to terms with never seeing her again, calling off all efforts, I received a ‘gift’.” This last word dripped with disdain, lingering on Lexa’s tongue like a rotten taste. Clarke was afraid to hear the rest of this story. She knew where this was going. 

 

Lexa turned to face Clarke, moisture coating her eyes. The vibrant green was gone, replaced by darkness. “I never told you Clarke, exactly what happened. I never told anyone, except for the people involved. I did not want to think of it ever again.”

 

“Lexa, you don’t have to…”

 

“It is okay. _Titus_ reminded me of it last week during one of our arguments… I did not do such a good job of erasing it from my memory.” Clarke saw as Lexa tried to smile, but failed.

 

“I returned to my room one night following a meeting with my war generals. We had been discussing the threat of the Ice Nation. As you know, there has always been turbulence between the Ice Nation and the other clans, mainly Trikru. The other ambassadors did not trust the Ice Nation. They were such a large clan and so powerful that other clans felt threatened. Rightly so. I was just beginning to form the coalition and had most of the clans’ support. Together we were stronger than the Ice Nation, but barely. Queen Nia wanted me gone so the coalition would break, and so that her clan would again be the most powerful. When they finally did join the coalition after much bargaining, the Ice Nation changed, became more honorable, became the clan that exists today. The Ice Nation you have come to know is much different than the pre-coalition one. Although it seems Queen Nia had never truly changed, just pretended very well.” Clarke nodded, remembering their encounters with Nia. She had really made Clarke’s life in Polis difficult. Though she could be credited with bringing Lexa and Clarke closer together. The fight that Clarke had to witness between Lexa and Roan only cemented her feelings for the Commander. Clarke did not know how much she wanted or needed Lexa until the threat of losing her was imminent. 

 

“I was exhausted that night and just wanted to retire to bed. The meeting had lasted hours with not much to show for it. As soon as I got into bed, I realized something was wrong. I noticed _something_ in the bed beside me. I immediately took my dagger, ready to kill whatever was there. I thought it might be an animal of some sort. No one would dare enter my chambers without my permission. I pulled back the covers ready to attack… What I saw, Clarke… will haunt me until the end of my days.”

 

“Was it…?” Clarke could not bring herself to look at Lexa any longer. The expression on her face was one that Clarke hoped to never see again.

 

Lexa dipped her chin. “Costia… Her head… _Only_ her head… Her face frozen in fear, contorted, eyes lifeless…” Lexa turned her head to the side and blinked away the tears that had formed. One managed to slide down her cheek. Clarke lifted her hand and wiped it away. She gently brushed her finger over Lexa’s moist cheek. This was the second time Clarke saw a tear escape Lexa’s eyes (but for a very different reason).

 

“I do not even know what I did next. There were so many _feelings_ inside of me. In my head, in my chest. I thought I was going to explode. I wanted to take her, what was left of her, and hold her, keep her safe. But I was too late. I could not even bring myself to touch her lifeless face.”

 

“Lexa…” Clarke was unsure of what to say. She knew nothing could help.

 

“So I did the only thing that I could. I knew that whoever had left this for me had come on their own. They would not risk attention by coming in a group. I also knew that they could not have gotten far. In order to avoid attention, they would have to leave Polis through back roads and alleys. I had to find them, get answers, make them pay. I was not being rational at the time. Without alerting anyone, I left Polis on horseback. I did not know where I was going, I just went. There was one road out of Polis through the woods, so I followed this. After riding for what felt like hours, I had still not come across any trace of the intruder. I followed the road as long as I could and eventually realized that my efforts were most likely useless. I should have turned around and returned to Polis sooner. I should have realized that this might have been a trap.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“I was so blinded by rage that I was not alert to my surroundings, my senses too distracted. By the time I noticed that it was much too quiet in the woods, it was too late. Normally there is at least some sound; birds, crickets, _wind_ even. This time, it was _silent._ Before I knew it, there was an arrow flying towards me. I managed to protect my heart before it got stuck here…” Lexa pointed to a small, round scar just below her collarbone. _How did I not notice that before either?_ Clark scolded herself. Clarke gently touched the scar with her finger before leaning in and placing a delicate kiss on it. Lexa leaned into the kiss and rested her head against the top of Clarke’s. 

 

_She is so vulnerable right now…_ Clarke wished it had been under different circumstances. “Who did that to you?”

 

“I managed to break the end of the arrow off to allow for movement, then I urged whoever it was to show themselves. When he stepped out from behind the tree, I immediately recognized the man as Ice Nation. I should have known. I do not know why it had not crossed my mind before.” Lexa shook her head. “Without warning, he attacked and I easily subdued him, adrenaline flushing away any pain. I had him on the ground, ready to end his life, but I wanted answers. I should have just killed him and left. I knew that he could not have acted on his own. He must have been given orders from someone. But he would never betray his queen, even at the Commander’s will. She has _some_ power over her people. I knew it had to have been Nia. She had wanted me dead the second I became Commander. I had seen the way she looked at Costia when she realized who she was to me. I was so naive. I did not think any harm could come to us in Polis. I should have protected her…”

 

“It’s not your fault, Lexa.”

 

“It is… Had I not cared for her, she would have been safe.”

 

“You can’t help who you care about. And you can’t blame yourself for someone else’s actions. It was all Nia’s fault.”

 

Lexa just looked at Clarke, wanting to say something, but deciding against it. She just nodded.

 

“So how did you get the scar? Did he overpower you?”

 

Lexa scoffed. 

 

_Of course not, why did I even ask._

 

“I became tired of the futile questioning and was about to end his life when I realized we were not alone. We were joined by three other members of Ice Nation who must have been waiting in the shadows. I quickly ended the man’s life beneath me. Normally three opponents would pose no threat, however, I was emotionally drained and weakened from the arrow. I managed to subdue one of the assailants but the other two were too large and I was becoming weaker by the second.”

 

“Was the arrow poisoned?” Clarke remembered her people’s encounters with these arrows before. The results were not pretty.

 

“Perhaps. My mind was cloudy, but I do not know if it was from poison or my own rage. Somehow the two men managed to overpower me and I knew that they were going to end my life. Although they never said that they were working for Nia, I knew. They would be rewarded for ending my life, and Nia would act just as surprised as the other clan leaders upon hearing the news. So the two men held me down and began to tell me the horrors of what Nia had them do to Costia. The beatings, the broken bones, the fire…” Another tear slipped from Lexa’s sullen eyes. “After two weeks of endless torture with no result, Nia gave up. She decided instead, she would use Costia to send a message to me. They could not break her, but they could try to break me. The man telling me all of this seemed furious. Furious that they had to waste their time doing these terrible things to her and could not produce a result for their queen. How I wished I was stronger at that moment. How I was burning to slide my sword through both their hearts. But I was a mess. They had me on my knees and I heard one of the men unsheathe his sword, the other still firmly holding me down.”

 

“Oh my God, Lexa…” Clarke knew that Lexa survived, she was safely here beside her, but hearing how close Lexa came to death, _to beheading_ , shook her to her core. 

 

“I tried to speak to the Commanders before me, begging for strength. This could not be it. I wished to hear the strong voice of Anya, her advice whispering over my ear as it usually does in times of need. But this did not come either. Just as I was about to give up, the man spoke up, asking if I was going to beg for my life like my lover had. He said how weak she was, begging for her life, crying out my name with her last breath. _Big mistake._ ” Clarke saw Lexa clench her fists, her body stiffening. She took Lexa’s hand in hers and softly squeezed it. “That did it. Just as I heard the sword slice through the air, I found a new strength fueled by hatred. I easily took down the man restraining me and stood up in time to save my head. However, I could not stop the sword already coming for me.”

 

Clarke’s eyes widened. “So the sword got you here instead.” Clarke touched the large scar again, tracing it over Lexa’s hipbone. Lexa shivered at the sensation, nodding slightly in response. “You were lucky then.”

 

“Yes. I still have my head.”

 

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s blunt answer. She tucked a strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear and stroked the side of her face. “Thankfully. It’s such a beautiful head.” Lexa smiled through misty eyes. “So what happened to the Ice Nation men?”

 

“There was one more left and his sword was currently embedded in my side, so we were both having some difficulty. Luckily Indra had come looking for me. I believe Titus had informed her of the scene in my room and she was sent to find me. The last thing I remember is Indra’s war cry as she killed the last man.” _Oh, Indra. Always protecting Lexa._ Clarke thought of her with a sense of admiration.

 

Clarke took in a deep breath. “Wow… I am so sorry Lexa. That is… awful.” Clarke felt like she did not know how to form a sentence anymore, her throat tight, words eluding her. 

 

“Yes. It is something I hope never to relive.”

 

“I don’t even know how you got past that.”

 

“As I said before, I thought I would never get over the pain. I cared about her so much. And to have her taken from me in such a way… was almost unbearable. In the following weeks, while I was healing physically, I was also trying to heal emotionally. Nothing was working. I thought I would go mad. It was taking a great toll on my leadership which was not fair to my people. Eventually I realized that _Titus’s_ words were correct. Love is weakness. To be Commander is to be alone. Feelings are unnecessary. I forced myself to believe these teachings. Things were safer that way… For everyone.”

 

“That isn’t a way to live though…”

 

“It is a way to survive…” Lexa and Clarke looked at each other as they both remembered Clarke’s words from before. _Maybe life should be about more than just surviving._ “And I have been surviving… My people have been surviving… Since that day and every day after.” Lexa looked up, eyes connecting with Clarke. “And then the girl fell from the sky… And she made me realize that maybe life _should_ be about more than just surviving. A feeling I never wanted to accept again, but knew I needed the day you walked into my tent asking for a truce. I tried to fight it…” Clarke felt butterflies in her stomach. With each word, her heart beat faster… for Lexa. “You changed me, Clarke. You managed to break down walls that took me years to build. You managed to convince me to change the ways of my people; traditions and beliefs that I have been taught since birth. You have always had my respect, Clarke, but you also managed to gain the respect of _my people_. _Indra_ even.”

 

“We all know how hard that is,” Clarke joked. 

 

Lexa let out a soft chuckle. “Indeed. You have no idea.” Lexa’s face became serious again. “That is why I fear for you so much, Clarke. I fear for us. I cannot help the feelings for you that have formed. Feelings that I have tried to suppress, which ended up hurting us both. Feelings that I realized I must accept and I cannot hide from anymore. And I fear that this will lead to your harm, if not _worse._ ” 

 

Clarke's mind was overtaken with emotions. She was trying to process everything that Lexa had just said. The stone-faced, emotionless Commander spilling her innermost feelings in the privacy of her room. It was almost more than Clarke could handle, her heart bursting at the seams. She did not know how to adequately express her feelings in return. She felt anything she said would be too small, incomparable to what Lexa had just confessed. Clarke wanted to kiss Lexa senseless right now, but at the same time, she wanted to scoop her up and wrap herself around her, engulfing her slim body in her arms, protecting her body and her heart. Clarke wanted to soothe Lexa’s fears, let her know that she would be safe with Lexa. But she could not promise this. Never had Clarke felt so protective of another. Yes, she would do anything to keep her people safe, but this was different. Her heart hurt for Lexa, wanting to ease her pain, wipe away her worries, while at the same time, it swelled for Lexa with such a sense of love and care that took her breath away. Clarke thought she had loved before. She had surely cared for Finn, she thought she had loved him. It hurt like hell losing him. But the fear of losing Lexa tore Clarke’s heart apart, threatening to extinguish her soul. She feared that she would not be able to save herself if something had happened to Lexa. This _love_ for Lexa was bigger and stronger than _just love_. It was _different_ from any love she had felt before, for anyone. It was the type of love that was unexplainable, only to be felt and cherished, and shared with the woman sitting in front of her. 

 

“I love you, Lexa.” These were the only words Clarke could say. The only words she had _wanted_ to say for so long. The only words that felt _right._ She hoped this was enough to soothe the Commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Maunon" = Mountain Men


	9. Chapter 9

.Lexa’s POV. 

“I love you, Lexa.” 

Lexa’s heart stopped. _Is this real? Am I alive?_ Lexa had to remind herself that she was indeed alive and had survived the bullet from a few days ago. She felt the world around her slowing to a halt, eyes only focusing on the one stationary person in front of her keeping her grounded. Her heart swelled while at the same time it began to pound with such a force that she was afraid it might explode. All worries about Clarke’s safety, about their uncertain future, about anything outside of the room washed away. Four words still fresh on the lips of the woman who spoke them that turned Lexa’s world upside down. _Those beautiful lips_. Four words that opened the floodgates of Lexa’s emotions. Four words that broke down walls long overgrown with vines, and lit a fire beneath Lexa’s once frozen heart, warming it, reminding her of everything she locked away so long ago.

Lexa was unsure of the status of her face at this moment, and she hoped to the gods that it was not as comical as she imagined it to be. _Say something, Lexa!_ She took a gulp, throat suddenly excruciatingly dry. She slowly attempted to regain control of her features, pulling her lips into what she could only hope resembled a smile. _What is wrong with you!_ Never had her body disobeyed her so. The usual stoic mask, so perfected and so a part of Lexa, was nowhere to be found. Clarke had ripped it from her face, along with everything else Lexa used to protect herself and disguise her emotions, leaving her open and vulnerable. She had never felt so _small_ and so _grand_ at the same time. 

Lexa knew she felt the same. For _her_ heart beat as one with Clarke. She had wanted to say the words herself for as long as she could remember. She had _felt_ the words for longer than she could remember. But hearing Clarke speak the words first was an indescribable feeling, too great of a feeling, almost too much to bear. Lexa was surely unworthy. They had already expressed their love to each other through actions, through touches, through kisses; but hearing it spoken aloud was the missing piece that Lexa _needed_. For some reason, now words eluded her, feelings taking priority with such force. Clarke of the Sky rendering the fearless Commander of the Blood speechless. This was a first. 

Lexa remembered how easy it was to profess her love to Costia. They were both young and they believed they were in love. Lexa had said it first. She cared about this girl more than anybody else at the time. She was her best friend and one of the few people her age who she interacted with and enjoyed spending time with. From an early age, Lexa had learned not to get attached to her peers because of the Conclave. She had made the mistake of becoming close to some of the other children only to realize that they would have to kill each other. As much as it pained her, she knew she had to do it. But seeing the life drain from the eyes of her friends as she slid her sword through their hearts was almost too much for her to bear at such a young age. Since then, she distanced herself from friendship. It did not help that as Commander, she rarely saw anyone even close to her age. Most of the teenagers were still living with their families and learning the skills of their trade in their villages. There were few in Polis. So when Costia came back into her life, although she was nervous, Lexa treasured her dearly. She enjoyed the company of someone her age, but so different from herself. Costia was someone that Lexa wished she could have been had she not been called to be Commander. When she was with Costia, she felt almost free of her burdens as a leader. She felt _young_ again. She had _fun._ Costia allowed her to feel carefree, to make silly decisions without judgement, like a teenager should. Costia also listened to her, gave her advice, and did not ask for anything in return. And for these things, Lexa did love her. When she said it, she meant it. When Costia said it back, she felt it and accepted it. 

When Clarke said the words, however, it felt different. Everything about it felt different. It felt so _right._ It filled in the missing pieces of Lexa’s soul, soothing all the cracks and imperfections, making her feel complete. With Clarke, love felt much _deeper_ , much _heavier_. Like if she did not say it back correctly, everything would shatter. Now Lexa understood the _true_ meaning of loving another. It was not only about being thankful for their presence. Not only about sharing fond memories. Not simply about having fun and being carefree. There was so much more to it. With Clarke, Lexa had learned how to understand differences and learn from them. She had learned to share her differences with Clarke and take hers as well. She had learned to respect Clarke’s decisions even if she did not agree with them. She had learned to put another before herself, to _trust_ another. She had learned to trust another enough to put not only her own life, but the lives of _her people_ into their hands. She had learned that love is not all about the good parts, but also the bad. The anger, the sadness, the _fear._ All of these emotions were not hers anymore, but shared with Clarke. She could not hide them anymore, and she must accept them, at least with Clarke. Now Lexa understood the love that her books were referring to. What great writers from history _needed_ to capture on paper in order to share with the world so others too could understand it and feel it. With this love, she felt as if she truly understood everything beautiful in the world. She knew why Titus and her other advisors were so scared of love. Why they tried so hard to protect Lexa from it. Why they taught her that if she ever did attain love, it would only lead to loss, or worse. Because as strong and as powerful as it made Lexa feel, it now had the power to destroy her.

As she looked into the deep blue across from her, Lexa felt a tear escape her eye, followed by another, and then another. Each making its own painfully slow path down her cheeks to their resting place on the upward curve of her lips. She did not try to stop her tears this time. She was open only for Clarke to see. She wished she could express everything she felt. There weren’t enough words in the world. If she could paint, she would create a mural of emotions for Clarke across the entire room. She hoped her eyes were conveying the raw emotions that her lips could not speak.

“Ai hod yu in, Klark kom Skaikru.” This time, the words never felt truer off of Lexa’s lips. This was the first time Lexa had uttered the words and _truly_ meant them, truly _felt_ them in her heart. Lexa still wished she could say more. She wished she could tell Clarke everything she felt, everything she had been wanting to say for months. But she knew from the look on Clarke’s face, that she understood. Clarke, after all, understood Lexa better than anyone else. 

Clarke lifted her hand and reached up to wipe the tears residing on Lexa’s lips. She gently brushed her thumb over the pink flesh and slowly leaned in and placed a kiss on Lexa’s waiting lips. Lexa leaned in, their mouths connecting, moving in unison as she felt a fire ignite in her entire body. She lifted her hand to brush Clarke’s cheek, then cupped the back of her neck to pull her in closer. She swiped her tongue across Clarke’s lips, requesting entrance. Clarke opened her mouth, letting Lexa in, her tongue exploring the other girl’s. Lexa’s heart began to beat faster and her skin grew warmer, but before she could lift her other arm to touch more of Clarke, she was stopped by the piercing pain in her chest. _Why!_

_“_ Ah…” She reluctantly pulled away from Clarke’s mouth with a groan as the pain spread through her chest and shoulder. Clarke, with concern in her eyes, jumped forward and gently eased Lexa onto her back so she could lay again, completely forgetting about the night shirt. 

“Maybe we should wait with that.” Clarke stated with a smile. 

“I hope that I _can_ wait…” Lexa answered, cursing her body for being weak. 

“Lexa! It’s only been three days! You need to rest. You may be strong, but you’re not invincible.”

“I _have_ rested.” Lexa knew it had only been a few days, but this was the longest that she had been bedridden since the time she ended the lives of Costia’s killers. She could almost laugh at the similarities between the two events. Both times she had narrowly escaped death for the woman she loved. 

Clarke scoffed and fixed Lexa with a stern look. 

_God, I love that look,_ Lexa thought. 

“Lexa, we will have plenty of time to do whatever you desire when you get better. Like you said, you’re not going anywhere.”

Lexa reluctantly agreed, defeat written across her face. She had to admit that she did enjoy spending time with Clarke, away from duties and responsibilities. This was the only time that the Commander was afforded free time. Being with Clarke _almost_ made Lexa forget about what was happening outside the walls of her tower. _My people had better be keeping everything under control._ Lexa was afraid to think what might actually be happening with not only the barricade and Clarke’s people, but also her own people and Titus. 

“Okay, Clarke. You will have to suffer my company a bit longer.” 

As Lexa relaxed her body and rested her head against her pillow, Clarke stood up and draped one of the many furs across her body. She was about to sit in the chair next to Lexa’s bed when Lexa lifted her arm and motioned to the spot beside her on the bed, already missing the closeness. “Come. You will be much more comfortable here.” 

Clarke raised her brow, a hint of a smile beginning to stretch across her face.

“Clarke… The Commander’s love has the privilege of sharing her bed. And do not take it lightly for few have been granted such.” The only other who had shared Lexa’s bed was Costia. No one else even dared to sit on her bed, let alone lay. But Clarke had already shared this space with Lexa, marking it as her own, and Lexa would continue to leave Clarke a space beside her for as long as her heart beat. 

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Way to make a girl feel special.” 

After Clarke had settled into her space to the left of Lexa, she lifted the fur and slid her legs beneath it. She turned on her side to face Lexa and rested her head on the pillow. For the first time since she could remember, Lexa felt content, her heart beating a calm, relaxed tempo. She had never wished that the spirit of the Commander had chosen somebody else instead of herself, for this was an honor that she accepted with pride, but at this moment, she did wonder what life could be as a normal civilian, a subject instead of a leader. Would she have found happiness? Would she be able to live a life of love instead of a life of solitude? Was this how it could always be?

Clarke broke the comfortable silence. “Tell me about her…“ Lexa heard the hesitation in her voice. She knew Clarke had been itching to ask about Costia since the first time her name rolled off of Lexa’s tongue. Lexa had actually been surprised that Clarke had waited so long for the conversation to take place because she knew Clarke. She knew Clarke was a curious creature. She knew Clarke was empathetic and caring and wanted to know how others felt. She knew Clarke liked asking questions, as did many of the other Sky People. But she also knew that because Clarke was so caring, she would not pry if she felt it would pain her.

Lexa turned her head and watched as the light from the candles danced across Clarke’s features, her eyes intense and compassionate at the same time. Her heart ached to touch Clarke, to feel the warmth of her skin beneath her own fingertips. 

“She was nothing like me.”

Clarke smiled in response. “I don’t think anybody is.”

Lexa smiled back, a wide smile, conveying all of her feelings- the happiness, the tranquility, the love- through this one smile. “She was my age, but _so_ different. She was carefree, youthful, full of life, with a magnetism about her that drew everybody in. I felt so lucky that she chose _my company_ to be around.”

“She’s not the only one…” Clarke reached over and placed her hand atop Lexa’s. She began to stroke each finger absentmindedly.

“If possible, I feel _more_ honored that you choose to spend your time with me, Clarke. I know you could be anywhere else, with anyone else.”

Clarke’s face flushed as she cleared her throat. “So how did you meet?”

“She was from the Woods Clan, the Trigedakru. Same as me. It is a small clan so most people know each other. We had often played together as children. We would cause trouble, running off to the woods and climbing trees, hiding the weapons and belongings of the adults, setting traps on our family members, disrupting training class. We had even gained a reputation as troublemakers so much so that the other children stayed away from us.”

Clarke laughed, “ _You?_ That’s hard to believe, Lexa.”

“Shof op,” Lexa joked. “I was quite the delinquent in childhood.”

Clarke rolled her eyes.

“As you know, Trigedakru train most children to become warriors. We were no exception. From an early age, I was at the top of my group. Costia was also a great warrior, however, she did not follow the same path as me. Thankfully. She was a sight to behold with a bow and arrow. Better than anybody. However, she could not take a life. Another way we were so different. She knew she was good, but she did not agree with the warrior traditions. The traditions that taught us to be murderers. She would purposely miss sessions, sometimes even convincing me to skip so we could escape to the woods, to freedom. During other trainings, she would put on a disruptive show until she was dismissed. She used her talents, instead, to become a master huntress, feeding the people of my village. They depended on her.” Clarke smiled warmly as Lexa reminisced about her past. 

“When it was discovered that I was nightblood, I was immediately taken to Polis. Thankfully, Costia was not a nightblood, and although we hardly had time to say goodbye, I felt comfort in knowing that she would be safe back in our village. She would not be sent to Polis to train for the role of Commander and she would not be sent to war as a warrior for Trigedakru because the village needed her skills to continue providing food.”

“That must have been hard. Not knowing when you would see her again.”

“It was. But I felt content with the knowledge that she would be safe. I also became so immersed in my Commander training, in becoming the _best_ , that I did not have time to worry about other things. I was becoming better and stronger every day. I knew I was going to win the conclave and I knew that I would be chosen to become Commander. This was all I lived and breathed each day. Slowly, thoughts of my good friend from home began to fade away.”

“So how did you two meet again?” 

Lexa turned to look up at the ceiling, her eyes drifting somewhere far away, her focus on the intricate tiles of the ceiling blurring. “After I was chosen to become Commander, everything in my life changed. Everything was moving so quickly. I had so many new responsibilities and the great burden of carrying my people’s safety and wellbeing on my shoulders. I grew up quickly. Matters in Polis were becoming more dire each day as unrest began to shake the clans. The threat of the Ice Nation was also becoming more apparent. I was trying to find a way to rule each clan fairly _and_ provide for them. I decided that we had to somehow unite all of the clans. This would not only make my job easier as there would be a set of rules governing all, but it would also benefit each clan and keep everybody safe. Thus, I began making my rounds to each clan, assessing their ways and their progress and figuring out what they could offer to the Coalition. I made sure to visit my old home first, to pay my respects and visit my people. I had arranged a meeting with the highest officials of Trigedakru so I could be briefed on matters there. I also hoped to find an ambassador that could come to Polis.” 

A bittersweet smile crossed Lexa’s face as memories rushed back to her. “That is when I saw _her_ , during our first meeting, sitting across from me just to the left of the leader of the Woods Clan. In a room filled with strong warriors and leaders, _she_ stood out and I could not keep my eyes off of her. She had become the beautiful woman I knew she would be, matured with time, but also by life. Her body strong, her spine straight, radiating pride and elegance. Her face, slightly marred, each mark telling a story, but all together a masterpiece. She appeared so composed and serious, but upon searching deeper, I saw hints of the carefree child I remembered. There was so much I wanted to say, to ask, to tell. I could not wait for the meeting to be over and I knew she felt the same. Those captivating chocolate eyes did not look away from me once.”

Lexa looked over at Clarke, hoping that she did not scare her with her passionate description. She knew that she probably gave too much detail, but she could not stop the words pouring out of her mouth, each memory becoming clearer with every breath. She was relieved to see that Clarke was still smiling and actually leaning closer to hear her tale. 

“She stayed behind after our meeting and it was if we had never been apart. Her seriousness gone, and back was her carefree face and bright, adventurous eyes. We talked about everything. I told her about Polis about my role as Commander. She told me she always knew it would be me. She was _so_ _proud_ , Clarke. She was also the only person I could confide in about the horrors of the conclave. I had been holding it in for so long and I was finally able to let it all out. In turn, she updated me on my village, of how difficult things had become. How she was forced to become the warrior she had never wanted to be. Being merely a huntress was not enough anymore. Her people… _my people…_ needed more. They needed her to protect them from not only beasts but also Ice Nation. Gone were many of the best warriors. Reluctantly, she became the person they needed. I felt for her. This was the last thing she wanted. But I was alsoso proud of her. Perhaps we were more alike than I initially thought. We spent hours talking. I had almost forgotten my duties completely in her presence. My friend was back and I promised myself I would not let her go again.”

Lexa let out a sigh as she continued to speak. It was not a sorrowful sound, but more of a sound of happiness. “After this initial meeting, I could not stop thinking of her. How I had missed her. How I wanted to be around her again. I was so _drawn_ to her. I made excuses to visit our village more and more. In hindsight, it was probably not the best idea. I was so reckless…” She continued. “We spent time talking and learning from each other. She taught me her tricks of hunting and I taught her how to become a sharper warrior in combat. She listened to me when I needed and let me voice my concerns, sometimes even helping me work through problems between the clans. Before either of us knew it, our friendship had turned into something more. When I was not with her, I was thinking of her. She would send me private notes, sometimes sneaking into the capitol to bring them herself. When we were together, we would sneak touches here and there, which eventually turned into quick kisses, grazes of hands, and lingering hugs. I did not mean for things to escalate the way they did, but neither of us tried to stop it. I should have stopped it. It was unsafe and it was clouding my judgment. I had almost appointed Costia as the ambassador to Polis when there were more qualified members of Trigedakru.” Lexa took in a deep breath. “In any case, it was only natural that eventually our relationship became intimate. After everything we shared, it only felt right.”

Lexa thought it would be more difficult to talk about Costia. She had tried to wipe all the memories of her from her mind because the pain had become too much to bear. She did not realize that she was also erasing all the _good_ memories. Lexa was thankful that Clarke managed to bring these out from the hidden depths of her heart. Clarke always had a way of bringing Lexa’s secrets to light. She realized that she could now hold onto these fond memories of her lost love without the accompanying pain. 

“I apologize.” Lexa turned back to face Clarke. “I did not mean for that to be so long.”

Clarke smiled and shook her head. “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you told me about her. I know how much she meant to you and now I feel like I know her a bit more.” Clarke brought her hand to Lexa’s face and gently stroked her cheek.

Lexa now felt it was her turn to learn more about Clarke. She was unsure of the direction that this conversation would go, but she too was curious of who might have held her love’s heart before her. She hoped that she would not regret this question. “What about your first love, Clarke?”

Clarke let out a small chuckle as she gazed into Lexa’s eyes. “I’m not sure if you would call it that.”

“What do you mean?”

“There were people I have cared for deeply, but I’m not sure if it was really _love.”_ Clarke paused and seemed to be debating how to form her next thought. “And then there was Finn…” Clarke broke the eye contact as Lexa felt her throat tighten. She knew she was responsible for Clarke’s pain over the boy. Clarke had reassured her previously that she did not blame her. The boy was guilty of murder and Clarke knew it, but Lexa couldn’t help the guilt residing in her heart. 

Clarke continued, “But I’m not sure if that was _true_ love either. I thought I loved him. I definitely did not want to see him hurt and I wanted to help him whenever I could. But I was younger and not so smart back then. I shouldn’t have even started anything with him.”

“You cannot help who you care for.”

“I know, but I knew Raven cared for him, and I still let myself be with him.” Lexa was not sure if she wanted to hear the rest of the story, but she let Clarke continue.

“It was just nice having someone who really cared about me, you know? And we had a good time when we were together. It was just… easy.”

“I understand.” Though Lexa was not sure if she did completely. Sky People seemed so much more complicated than her own. 

“But I think I eventually realized that even that wasn’t love. Or it might have been love, just a different kind. I cared for Finn like I cared for my best friends, like I care for my mother… It is nothing compared to the love I feel for you, Lexa. That’s how I know that I never loved anyone before.” Clarke looked back at Lexa, her eyes serious and alluring, her hand finding its way to Lexa’s. “ _You_ are my first love.” Lexa was sure her face would never go back to normal, the smile stretching muscles she did not even know existed. Again, she could not believe how lucky she was to have found Clarke. She too had never felt like this for another. She had to protect this feeling, and this girl forever.

Engulfed in the warmth radiating off of Clarke’s body and the comfort provided by Clarke’s last words to her, Lexa felt a wave of exhaustion come over her. Being tired was nothing new to Lexa. She was almost always tired for the life of a Commander expected so much and did not afford nearly enough sleep to compensate. But tonight she did not want to sleep. She was trying her hardest to stay awake just a bit longer, however her eyelids were not cooperating. 

Clarke seemed to notice this. “You’re tired, Lexa. You need to rest,” she tried again as gently as possible.

Lexa was tired of fighting it. If she had to sleep, she was happy that Clarke was here beside her, in her bed. She would take this opportunity to try to get a good night’s sleep and hopefully she would heal faster as well. “You are right…” Lexa conceded as she finally let her lids close, shutting out the world and the beauty beside her. She made sure Clarke was the last thing she saw, hoping to will her into her dreams. 

 

.Clarke’s POV.

Clarke watched Lexa as she drifted to sleep, waiting until her breaths evened out and her chest began to slowly rise and fall rhythmically. It was earlier than usual and Clarke was not tired, her head swirling with everything that had just transpired. Clarke replayed Lexa’s words- her declaration of love, her stories of Costia, her sincerity seeping into Clarke’s heart and soul. She had never felt so close to another. She had never felt so trusted by another. Clarke understood that Lexa needed her, needed her to listen and to feel the depth of her words. Her heart ached for Lexa for she knew how lonely her life must be. She selfishly wished that Lexa were still awake because tonight was such a rare version of her that she did not want to let go for fear of losing that person. Clarke settled upon watching Lexa as the candlelight flickered across her face. _She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. So young and so vulnerable_. It was amazing what a chameleon Lexa really was. In this moment, Clarke couldn’t understand how this woman laying beside her could even be the Commander. 

As Clarke looked at Lexa, something caught her eye just behind Lexa on her bedside table. _What is that?_ Atop the sturdy wooden surface lay what appeared to be a collection of papers bound by some sort of animal hide and worn at the edges with age. _Is that a book?_ Clarke had never seen Lexa carrying this book, she surely would have remembered. In fact, she had only ever seen Lexa reading a book once before and that was short-lived because Lexa ended up falling asleep after just a few pages. The Commander it seemed did not have much leisure time to read.

Clarke slowly lifted the fur from her legs and slid out from under it as gently as possible. She pushed herself off of the bed, curiosity getting the better of her as she felt her feet walking toward the bedside table. She hesitated before picking up the book for it seemed oddly personal and private. She could not help herself. She picked up the book, feeling its soft cover under her fingertips. She brought the book to her nose. It smelled of aged paper, reminiscent of the books that Clarke found on the Ark, and of Lexa, strong and with a hint of nature. The papers were roughly cut and of different sizes giving it a very personal and handmade feel. It felt more like a journal than a book. Clarke gingerly opened the cover hoping Lexa would not be upset with her for not asking first. She told herself it was just another way to get to know Lexa.

On the first page, in delicate and beautiful handwriting, was written:

_Alexandria,_

_How happy I am that you came back into my life. I feared that I may never see your beautiful soul again. Trigedakru has not been the same without you. The people here feel your absence, but none more than me. I felt like something was always missing, as if you took a part of me with you when you left. I know duties come first for you now and I am so proud of you.  
_ _You are the Commander now, but to me, you will always be my special Lexa. Do not forget me for I vow to think of you fondly each day.  
_ _I created this journal by my own hand just for you from the skin of one of my most prized catches. If you ever feel alone, remember that you will always have a part of me with you. Use this wisely, for I know you will._

_Forever,  
_ _Anacostia_

“Costia…” Clarke said to herself as a single tear rolled out of her eye. She quickly wiped it away with a sniff, preventing her nose from running as well. This gift was beautiful and romantic and everything Lexa deserved. Clarke’s heart began to ache for the pain she knew Lexa held in her heart. Clarke knew she should close the journal. Now it definitely felt private. But she had to see more. 

Clarke turned the page containing Costia’s note over and was greeted by a single lock of hair fastened to the back. It was braided as most of the Grounders’ hair was, but this one was different than others that Clarke had encountered. She knew that each braid was significant and each intricate pattern meant something. This one was no less beautiful than the others, or Lexa’s. Clarke assumed that this must be a braid taken from Costia. Uneasiness lingered in the back of Clarke’s mind as she tried not to think about when this braid was obtained. Clarke had never thought of Lexa as a very sentimental person, but she knew that this braid was very significant, very special. Lexa did not keep many things.

Clarke flipped through a few more pages containing roughly drawn sketches of maps and various territories of what Clarke assumed were lands under Lexa’s rule. On the following pages, Clarke’s eyes scanned over various names and clan affiliations in what she assumed must be Lexa’s handwriting. _I’ve never seen Lexa write._ Clarke did not think she ever saw Lexa write. She didn’t even think that Grounders did, which was probably a very ignorant way of thinking. She felt closer to Lexa as her fingers traced over the black ink, memorizing each stroke of Lexa’s hand. Her handwriting was not as refined as Costia’s but it was still beautiful and strong in its own way. 

What Clarke saw on the next page caught her attention. It appeared to be a timeline of some sort with dates written in succession; short notes beside them.

_** S. 13, 2149. SKY PEOPLE FALL. INVADE LAND. ** _  
_** S. 16,17, 2149. ACID FOG.** _  
_** S. 24 2149. MORE SKY PEOPLE.** _  
_** O. 7, 2149. EXPLOSION. BRIDGE DESTROYED.** _  
_** O. 9, 2149. 2 SKY PEOPLE CAPTURED.** _  
_** O. 10, 2149. SKY PEOPLE ESCAPE. LINKON.** _  
_** O. 17, 2149. TONDC. 18 DEAD. FINN.** _  
_** O. 21, 2149. CLARKE...** _  
_** O. 23, 2149. CLARKE SHOWS STRENGTH.** _  
_** O. 25, 2149. GUSTUS. BETRAYED.** _  
_** O. 26, 2149. PAUNA. CLARKE.** _  
_** O. 29, 2149. TONDC MISSLE.** _  
_** N. 1, 2149. MT WEATHER. TRUCE. CLARKE… SORRY** _  
_** N. 2, 2149. MT WEATHER FALLS. CLARKE WON.** _  
_** D. 2149-J. 2150. ROAN. MUST FIND CLARKE.** _  
_** J. 28, 2150. CLARKE SAFE.** _  
_** F. 4, 2150- SUMMIT. SKY PEOPLE 13TH CLAN. MT WEATHER DESTROYED.  
F. 5, 2150- COSTIA AVENGED.** _

There was not much detail, most facts void of emotion. _Classic Lexa._ Though Clarke did wonder why Lexa kept a timeline and how she decided what was significant enough to include. She noticed that the focus was on herself and her people. It seemed as if at first, Lexa was merely observing what was occurring, but later, the timeline began to focus more on her. _Was this Lexa’s intention? How long has Lexa been watching me? Is it strange that I’m flattered by this?_

One word stuck out to Clarke. _Sorry._ She read the word over and over. Clarke thought she had gotten past what had happened at Mount Weather. She had hated Lexa, but then she realized that she did the same thing with her friends inside the mountain. One of the most difficult realizations that Clarke had eventually arrived at was admitting that if she had been in Lexa’s position, she would have done the same thing. She would have saved her people. That was just what she did. But seeing the day written on paper, seeing the words Mount Weather, and seeing “sorry” brought the flood of emotions back. This time, however, Clarke felt _for Lexa._ She hadn’t spent too much time thinking what toll this had taken on her. An image of Lexa stained in blood, facing Clarke as a tear rolled down her cheek popped into Clarke’s head. Clarke had not been paying attention to the tear when it was actually happening, but in her memory, the tear seemed huge, glaring. _Lexa must have been torn apart_. Clarke more deeply understood the difficulty of Lexa’s position, the sacrifices she had to make each day, the loss of herself for her people. This was the same way Clarke felt each time she had to make a difficult decision for her own people, and it was not nearly as many times as Lexa had. Clarke touched the word “sorry” as she finally made peace with Lexa and with herself. 

On the next page was a second braid. Clarke immediately recognized this as Anya’s. She had obtained it herself. She missed Anya and wondered how much Lexa hurt for her fallen mentor. She would have to talk to Lexa about Anya one day. She had much to share about their days together which she was sure Lexa would appreciate. Clarke’s heart was filling with even more admiration and love for Lexa as she flipped through this sacred journal. Seeing that Lexa was indeed sentimental and that she cherished certain memories made Lexa seem even more remarkable and more fragile at the same time. 

Only one more page of the journal had writing on it, the rest blank, waiting to hold Lexa’s thoughts and secrets. At first glance, the page looked full of mindless scribbles and incomplete thoughts. The only thing that seemed to connect all of these thoughts was Clarke’s name neatly written at the top. _What is all this?_

_** KLARK  
** _

~~~~_**~~YOU'RE THE ONE...  
I NEED YOU  
~~~~**_YOU ARE SPECIAL_**~~  
** _ _**~~YOU'RE SAFE~~ ** _  
_**~~I DO TRUST YOU~~** _  
_**~~I SWEAR FEALTY TO YOU~~** _  
_**~~NOT EVERYONE... NOT YOU...~~** _  
_**~~MAYBE LIFE SHOULD BE ABOUT MORE THAN JUST SURVIVING~~** _  
__**I LOVE YOU...**

_When did she write this??_ Clarke wanted to know how long Lexa had been keeping these thoughts to herself. _How long had Lexa wanted to say these words to me?_ Once again, Clarke’s heart began to race with pure joy and deep love for Lexa. She giggled at Lexa’s strikes through each line she probably deemed unworthy. She could picture Lexa writing and crossing out, nose crinkled, deep in thought and never satisfied. Clarke recognized some of these lines as words that Lexa had indeed spoken to her, but in different contexts. But now Clarke realized that maybe each time that Lexa had uttered one of these phrases to her, she was really trying to say something else. She was trying to confess her love, to show Clarke how much she cared for her, in her own way. Her own adorable and maddening way. _I’m so dumb…_ She had been too busy worrying about herself and her people to notice Lexa’s hidden confessions. 

Clarke took one last look at Lexa’s final written thought and closed the book, hugging it to her chest as if it might slip away and disappear. After a few moments, she gave the soft fur cover a light kiss and gently placed it back on the table where she found it, careful to not make any noise. She walked around to her side of the bed and slipped back under the furs beside Lexa. Wanting to be as close to her as possible, Clarke draped an arm over Lexa’s stomach and  nuzzled her head into Lexa’s shoulder, making sure to avoid the bandage. Instinctively, Lexa moved closer to Clarke, her hand protectively moving to hold Clarke’s side. Comforted by the memories of the night and the words in the book still fresh on her mind, Clarke let herself drift off to sleep as Lexa’s scent surrounded her. “Reshop, Alexandria,” she whispered.

Clarke slept better that night than she ever had since landing on the ground. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Ai hod yu in” = I love you
> 
> “Shof op” = Be quiet
> 
> “Reshop” = Goodnight


	10. Chapter 10

.Clarke’s POV.

Clarke felt like she was living in a dream. She had made it her sole purpose to help Lexa heal and be there whenever she needed her, which was surprisingly not much over the past few days. Lexa hardly asked for help and was stubborn when she needed it. Clarke liked to think, though, that she had softened Lexa during their time together. Even if it was only in the privacy of her room. She knew as soon as Lexa stepped foot outside of her chambers, she would be back to her former self, hardened and cold. But the time that they had spent together, was more than Clarke could have ever hoped for with the Commander. The Lexa she had come to know was so gentle, so caring, so timid and _soft_ , and so different from anyone she had ever known before. A Lexa that she probably would have never met had fate not intervened in the form of a stray bullet. She cherished every second they had and secretly wished that it would not end. Alas, she knew that both of them had duties to attend to which could not be ignored for they had been pushed aside for far too long. Clarke did not even want to think about what may be going on back in Arkadia.

The Grounders were becoming more and more restless, wanting to exact vengeance on the man who almost robbed their Commander of her life. Lexa had tried to hold off letting them know of her condition for as long as possible, but people began to ask. No one had seen the Commander for days, and most were used to seeing her almost every day, at least around the tower. When she had to cancel a meeting with the ambassadors of the clans, everyone knew something was up. Not only were the Grounders uneasy about her circumstances, but they were also itching for direction, for leadership. They had their daily duties to attend to, but usually the Commander would assign other tasks. Word of the massacre at the hands of the Sky People and their current threat was also quickly traveling throughout Polis. Lexa’s presence was needed. 

It had been about two weeks and Clarke had finally given Lexa the OK to resume her duties. She feared that if she did not give in soon, Lexa would go mad or try something equally dangerous to escape the confines of her bedroom. Lexa was not completely healed, but Clarke knew they would both never last until she was, so she reluctantly agreed. She would just have to keep a close eye on her. The stitches had just been removed without issue a day ago and Lexa was healed enough in Clarke’s opinion. Not to mention it seemed like she was becoming exponentially stronger each day, faster than anyone she had ever seen. She wondered if it had anything to do with the nightblood, or if it was just Lexa. But Clarke made sure to give Lexa strict instructions to not engage in any strenuous activities, including fighting. However, _if_ Lexa obeyed was a different story. 

The two were sitting in Lexa’s bedroom, Clarke helping Lexa with the last pieces of her armor. It was only when they were alone that Lexa would allow Clarke to help her. Clarke felt honored to be allowed this responsibility. She checked the wound one more time to make sure that it did not show signs of infection or reopening. She smiled, proudly. She had to admit that she was very satisfied with how it was healing. 

“Are you sure you have to wear _all_ of this right now?” Clarke questioned as she lifted the surprisingly heavy shoulder piece from its place in Lexa’s armoire. She understood the significance of the piece, with its elegant red sash cascading to the floor, but she did not think it necessary right now, especially because it would only place unnecessary weight over her wound.

Lexa sighed. “The Commander must wear this at all times when in the public eye. It would be considered a sign of weakness if I were to show up without it, not to mention a sign of disrespect.”

_And she’s back._

Lexa must have seen the worry in Clarke’s eyes. Her hand found Clarke’s and she gently squeezed it, chills running up Clarke’s arm and down her spine. “Do not worry, I will be fine. If not, I have you.” She gave Clarke a reassuring smile, soft and subdued, and Clarke relaxed.

Clarke hoisted the heavy shoulder guard into the air and gently placed it on Lexa’s shoulder. It was is if she did not even notice the added weight of it, as her body did not flinch in the slightest. Clarke was annoyed by the placement of the buckle of the guard because it fell right on top of the tender wound. _Ugh_ , she thought. _Perfect. Couldn’t this thing be a little looser?_ As she snapped it closed, she saw a tiny flicker of discomfort pass through Lexa’s eyes and over her brow, but it quickly vanished. _Phew._

“Done.” Clarke stepped back to take a look at Lexa standing tall and elegant as ever. If she hadn’t witnessed the horrible event herself, she wouldn’t have known that anything had happened to Lexa at all. She looked strong and powerful and no different from the day they first met, no sign of weakness or pain in her body nor on her face. _Amazing,_ thought Clarke. She moved closer to Lexa, immediately feeling the warmth radiating from her body. She looked up into Lexa’s emerald eyes and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Lexa smiled back into the kiss, bringing her hand up to the small of Clarke’s back and pulling her closer. 

“I will be fine, Clarke, “ Lexa reiterated as they broke the kiss. “Nou get yu daun.” 

“I know…” She knew Lexa would be fine, she was so strong… So why did she feel so uneasy? She shook the thoughts away and then looked back at the armoire to make sure nothing was forgotten. “You don’t need _those_ too, do you?” She pointed to Lexa’s swords, a frown forming on her face. _They surely will be too heavy._

Lexa chuckled. “No. There is no need for them in the tower. You may relax now, Clarke.”

“So where do you need to go now?”

“There is much to do. I have never taken so much time away from my responsibilities. The first matter that needs to be discussed is the fate of Titus. He cannot stay in the cage forever.”

_Oh yes he can._ Clarke had not given Titus much thought over the past couple of weeks. The mere mention of his name brought Clarke’s blood back to a boil. She was instantly reminded of what he did to Lexa and what he tried to do to her and to Murphy. She secretly wished that she had slipped out one of the nights that Lexa was sleeping and gone down to his cell and murdered him with her own hands. But now that Lexa was okay, the fire within her did not burn _quite_ as ferociously for revenge. 

“What’s going to happen to him?”

“I am not certain. Nothing like this has ever happened before.” Lexa paused in thought. “If it were anybody else who threatened my life as he had, they would be dead on the spot. But he is in a different position, saved by his title, by his _duty_.” Lexa looked disappointed, but also conflicted. Clarke realized how confusing this must be for her. She had held Titus as a trusted advisor and Clarke knew they had a closer relationship than most, almost paternal. It was now that Clarke realized how much Lexa had changed over the mere months since they met. When it was Gustus who betrayed her, while protecting her, she had not flinched when issuing his death. If Clarke hadn’t been watching, she wouldn’t have noticed the pain and disappointment in Lexa’s eyes after she slid her sword into his heart. But after a few seconds, she was the Commander again, eyes cold and void of emotion. Now, Clarke could really see the effect this was having on Lexa’s whole being. She could _feel_ Lexa’s sorrow and her hurt at this treachery. She was a different leader now, thanks to Clarke. 

“What exactly does a flamekeeper do?” Clarke knew that this was his title, and she vaguely knew that he was a teacher of some sort also, but the title itself did not really make sense to her. What she knew for sure was that he was important and that was why he was still breathing. 

“As you have noticed, Titus is much older than I am. He has advised three Commanders before me.” Lexa dipped her head as if silently paying tribute to the fallen before her. “However, his job goes much deeper. He not only advises us, but he guides us through the Ascension process and it is he who completes the ritual of passing the _flame_ from one Commander to the next.”

“What _is_ the flame?” Clarke had heard of the flame, but she could not even imagine what it could be. 

“That is a conversation to be had at another time.” Lexa ended the conversation before it even began. 

Clarke wanted to pry, but she knew that Lexa was probably under enough stress as it was, so she decided against it. 

Lexa, seeing this, reassured Clarke, “I will tell you in greater detail soon, Clarke. It is too much to explain now.” She placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

_Fine, I guess I can wait._

Lexa continued. “Since this is an unprecedented event, I can either decide what to do myself, or call a meeting of my advisors and ambassadors to help in the decision making.” 

“What will you do?”

Lexa sighed. “I don’t know.” Her head fell as she contemplated what to do. Clarke watched as she brought her hands to her head and massaged her temples. 

“Well I’m sure whatever you do will be the right decision.” Clarke tried to comfort her, not knowing how to help in this situation.

With one last sigh, Lexa straightened her back, adjusted her armor, then headed for the door. 

“What will you do, Clarke?” Lexa stopped and turned her head back to look at Clarke. 

Clarke really hadn’t thought about what she would do now that Lexa was okay and life was resuming. “I don’t know…” There were so many things she should be doing, should have done _already_. She knew that she should go back to Arkadia, but her heart was demanding that she stay with Lexa, not only to make sure she healed completely, but because she couldn’t be without her. She had not heard from her friends about the current situation which could be good or bad. She thought of Octavia and anxiety began to creep up on her. _Is she okay? Did she make it back to Arkadia?_ And if she had, she was surely angry with Clarke. She thought of her other friends at Arkadia as well, hoping that they too were safe. She trusted the barrier. Even if she did not trust _all_ of the Grounders, she trusted them to obey and stay loyal to Lexa’s word. But she did not trust Pike, nor the Grounders’ ability to control themselves if he decided to do anything. _I have to go back…_ Clarke deduced. _I have to know what’s going on…_ Then Clarke remembered, _Murphy!_ She had forgotten that he had stayed behind. She knew that Murphy had not been at Arkadia and that he had not seen her friends for some time, but he surely must know more than she did about everything that was happening outside of the the walls of Polis. 

Clarke looked back at Lexa. She could read a glimpse of sadness in her eyes as she waited for Clarke’s response. She knew Lexa did not want her to leave as much as she did not want to herself. “I think I’m gonna go find Murphy. We probably have a lot to discuss.” Clarke smiled, “Plus… I can’t leave you behind half-healed ‘cause who knows what you might do to yourself.” The corner of Lexa’s mouth curled up into a small smirk. God, Clarke loved this smirk; so slight, yet with so much meaning behind it. It was so Lexa. Clarke loved their playful banter and the way that Lexa’s demeanor changed. No one else could make her feel _so much_ with such small actions. 

Just then, the two heard a commotion outside Lexa’s doors. Quick, light footsteps and a woman’s strong voice arguing with the guards positioned at the doors. “Let me pass or this will be the last breath that you take!”

Clarke recognized the voice and laughed to herself. _I almost missed her._

Lexa pulled open the doors and was greeted by Indra holding her sword to one guard’s throat while her foot was pinning the second guard to the ground. “Indra,” Lexa warned in a stern voice, but Clarke could see amusement in her eyes at the situation. “Chil yo daun.”

“Heda!” Indra immediately sheathed her sword and removed her foot from the guard’s chest. “Apologies, but these two seemed to have forgotten the order of command.”

“It is forgotten, Indra.” Indra’s body relaxed. “Everyone is on high alert, though, given the recent events.” Lexa glared at both of the guards in turn as they composed themselves and returned to their respectful positions on opposite sides of the doors. “Leave us,” she commanded.

“Sha, Heda.” They both bowed their hands and walked down the hallway. 

Clarke turned to Indra who looked like she wanted to grab Lexa and embrace her, a mix of joy and relief in her eyes, but she refrained. Instead, she extended her arm. “When I got wind of the news, I came as quickly as possible. I am so happy that you are okay, Heda.” Clarke could see a small smile plastered on Indra’s usually stern face. This was the most emotion that Clarke had ever seen the warrior produce and she was in awe. Indra’s whole being was different, making her almost unrecognizable to Clarke.

“I am glad to see you, Indra.” Lexa took Indra’s forearm in her hand and squeezed, Indra doing the same. “You did not have to come back, I know you were tending to matters with our people near Arkadia.” 

While Lexa was healing, occasionally her closest advisors would bring her bits of news pertaining to the Grounders, though nothing significant. She had been informed that Indra had left Polis with the Sky Girl, Octavia. Clarke had been surprised that Lexa was not angry with her warrior. Usually nobody made a move without the Commander’s approval. It seems that Lexa had softened, and Clarke liked to think that she had something to do with this. But Clarke also knew that Lexa had a soft spot for Indra, trusting her above almost anybody else, and sometimes even seeking her advice. Lexa also must have understood that this was not only beneficial for the Sky People, but also her own people. Having someone Lexa trusted at the front lines of the barrier seemed to be the best option for the upholding of Lexa’s rules. Clarke liked the idea of both of their people working together against a common enemy.

“Apologies again, Commander, for not informing you of my whereabouts.”

“The Sky People are one of us now, Indra. If you thought it of urgent necessity to help them, then I stand behind you. Certain things take precedence over waiting for instruction.” Clarke smiled, her heart filling with admiration for Lexa. With each passing day, she could see Lexa accepting her people more and more, and she loved her for it. 

“It seems I was also indisposed at the moment you left. I just hope that you were not careless and made sure that you were in good health before exerting yourself.” Clarke remembered that Indra had also been shot during the massacre. Her eyes assessed the warrior’s condition as she stood beside Lexa. She was no longer wearing her arm sling and appeared to be back to her old strong self. _Grounders heal so fast._ It was amazing to Clarke. 

“I must admit, I probably was not at my best, but my second needed me.” Lexa’s hardened gaze lingered on Indra, but she eventually nodded in understanding. Clarke knew how important a Grounder’s second was. She silently thanked Indra for watching over Octavia.

“Are you in good health now?” 

“Yes, Heda. It seems time has been the best remedy.” 

“Good.”

Indra looked at Lexa with concern in her eyes. “It appears that I am in good company now…” She absentmindedly brushed her fingers over her once injured shoulder. 

Lexa looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Indeed…” Clarke was unsure if Lexa would be offended by this or if she would let her guard down with Indra and reciprocate the banter. Lexa’s response answered this silent question. “I would not want to share the honor with any other. We will be the first members of this exclusive clan. Perhaps matching badges are in order?” _Phew,_ Lexa was not offended by Indra’s comment. _Silly Lexa._ As playful as the last statement was, there was no sign of it on Lexa’s face, just slight amusement reflecting in her eyes. She was regal as ever. _The Commander is back._

“How are you, Heda?” 

“I am fine, Indra. Do not worry over me.”

Clarke watched as Indra opened her mouth to speak, but thought better of it and closed it again. She knew that Indra was worried but would not show it for fear of embarrassing her Commander, and probably for fear of her own safety at implying that the Commander may be weakened. 

Clarke did not want to intrude on the conversation, but curiosity was getting the better of her. “Indra, how is Octavia?” _How are my people?_

Indra turned to face Clarke, her face unreadable again. “Hello, Clarke. It is good to see you as well.” Clarke looked for any hint of sarcasm, but all she saw was sincerity. It looked as if Indra was still trying to convey more through her eyes, a Grounder trait. The dark brown, normally threatening orbs were now softer and, dare she think, _thankful_. A silent thanks to Clarke for saving her Commander. Clarke felt overwhelmed for a minute. She took in a deep breath, her chest filling with pride and a deep appreciation for Indra. Clarke reminded herself whose company she was in, and instead of running over to embrace Indra, she gave her a swift nod paired with a sincere smile. 

“You too, Indra.”

“Octavia is well. She is strong. However, there seems to be much unrest at your camp.” Clarke cringed at the words. Apparently, Pike was still in charge. _So much for hoping that things would be resolved._

Indra continued, “Sky People were informed of the blockade and Chancellor Pike was not pleased.” She turned to face her Commander. “The blockade is in place, Heda. Our people are awaiting further orders.” Lexa nodded. Indra turned back to Clarke. “As for your people, I do not know what is happening inside the walls. I just know that there is uneasiness with the barricade and a divide within the group. I did not step foot into Arkadia, however, because as soon as I heard the news of our Commander, I set off to Polis.”

“Did Octavia go into camp?”

“I believe so, though I cannot be sure. She was looking for Lincoln, and… Bellamy.” Clarke remembered that Bellamy was involved in the atrocities, mindlessly following Pike. She could not even think about him right now.

“Did she say what she would do?”

“Her plan was to take Bellamy away from Arkadia, away from Pike. By force if necessary. She needed him alone to talk to him. And to stop him. I was there to assist her while keeping an eye on our people.” _Our people…_ This tiny gesture showed Clarke how much Indra really did respect her. _Finally._ She didn’t know if this was because Indra respected Lexa and knew that Lexa had begun caring for Clarke’s people, or because she herself finally gave in and saw Clarke as a good leader, but she didn’t care. Both reasons were more than she could have hoped for.

_What was Octavia up to?_ Clarke did not like the sound of her plan, but she knew not to get between siblings. If Octavia had a plan, she trusted that it was a good one. Octavia was impulsive, but she was also smart and she knew the risks. She also loved her brother more than anyone, so Clarke knew she would not harm him. _Hopefully._

Clarke felt her heart sink as she spoke her next words. “I have to go back…” She did not want to, but she knew she had to. She was a leader. Lexa would have done the same. As she looked over at Lexa, she knew what she would find. As usual, her face was clear of emotion, but her eyes held the true feelings. _Sorrow._ The most prominent emotion radiating from her viridescent eyes, the outer corners turned down in the slightest way, making Lexa appear almost vulnerable. But looking deeper, Clarke also saw understanding, and _pride_. For Lexa _was_ proud of her as Clarke knew she had always been. Clarke aspired to be a leader akin to Lexa since the day she laid eyes on the Commander and heard her voice billowing through her tent. As they became closer, she had tried to follow and embody as many of Lexa’s teachings and qualities as she could, most being absorbed subconsciously. She realized, that even now, she was still trying to learn from Lexa because a gift like this did not come around every day. And when it came to leading her people, Clarke knew, that like Lexa, she needed to put her feelings, as strong and as earth shattering as they were, aside. At least until her people were safe. Or as safe as they could be at the moment. 

The two looked at each other in silence for what felt like eternity. Clarke wanted to reach over and touch Lexa, hold her, remind her that they had duties even if they wanted to ignore them, _anything_ to erase that look of heartache in her eyes. Had Indra not been in the room, she would have. But she knew that Lexa would never let her warrior see her at anything less than her strongest, so she stayed where she was, conveying the message instead through her gaze. They had a language that only theirs, and theirs alone. No one else would understand. Clarke was sure that no one else even noticed the intense gazes that were exchanged between them. But she lived for these. It was one of the only ways she could read and _feel_ Lexa, especially when others were present. And it was one of the strongest connections that she had ever felt with another, without the need for words. Plus, it didn’t hurt that Lexa had the most powerful and breathtaking eyes that she had ever seen.

Indra cleared her throat. _Oops!_ Lexa quickly broke the eye contact and dipped her head at Clarke, forcing what should have been a smile across her face, but hardly resembled one. 

Clarke was unsure of what to do at the moment. _Do I just leave right now?_ Then she remembered, again, _Murphy! Why do I keep forgetting about him._ “I think I’ll go talk to Murphy first. If I can find him. Then… we’ll head back to Arkadia.”

“I will have one of our strongest and fastest horses prepared for your departure, and a second for your friend. Food and water will also be provided so you do not have to worry about that. I also do not think you should travel alone through the woods, so a guard will be sent with you. He will inform our people at the barricade to let you pass. You should not have any trouble.” Clarke wished that somehow Lexa could come with her, though she knew that there was no possible way. Lexa had so much to do in Polis after her hiatus. She also wasn’t so sure she wanted Lexa anywhere near Arkadia, or _Pike._ Clarke would have to do this on her own, and hopefully Murphy would be helpful enough. 

“Thank you, Lexa.”

She nodded, worry in her eyes. “Be safe, Clarke.”

“I will. May we meet again…”

Lexa nodded again, giving one last longing look to Clarke before turning on her heel and heading out the door. Indra looked between Lexa and Clarke almost knowingly, but did not say anything. She then fell into step behind her Commander. Clarke watched them walk away and secretly wished Indra had not been there so they could have said a proper goodbye. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Nou get yu daun” = Don’t worry
> 
> “Chil yo daun” = Stand down
> 
> “Sha” = Yes


	11. Chapter 11

.Lexa's POV.

“May we meet again.” Lexa felt a sharp pang deep in her heart. _May we meet again, Clarke._ It hurt too much to say the words. Every time the words were uttered, the pain dug a little deeper. Lexa had managed to get Clarke to stay in Polis for a few more weeks, but she was out of ideas and Clarke needed to go. 

Lexa nodded and quickly turned away from the desperate eyes standing across from her. She could not stay in the room any longer or she would never be able to pry herself away from the woman she loved. She walked down the hall to the elevator with Indra close behind. A comfortable silence fell between the two, but Lexa could feel Indra’s unspoken emotions, her curiosity. She could hear each small breath escaping from her lips as she prepared to speak but then thought better of it. 

“What is it, Indra?” Lexa asked, voice impatient. 

“It is nothing, Heda.”

“It is not nothing. I can hear your mind working from here.”

“I assure you, it is nothing important.”

“Indra, ron ai ridiyo op.” Usually Lexa would not care what one of her subjects thought or worried about, but Indra was different. She was one of Lexa’s most trusted guards who she had also learned a lot from throughout the years. She was also one of Lexa’s closest advisors and if Lexa had friends, she would probably consider Indra one of them. If she cared about any one of her subject’s feelings, it would be Indra. 

Indra sighed, unable to hide the truth from her Commander. “I see that you and the Sky girl have become close…”

Lexa lifted her eyebrow. “Yes. Her people have joined the coalition and as a fellow leader, we have spent much time together.” Lexa could sense that Indra was keeping something from her. Irritated, she stopped walking and turned to face her subject. Indra stopped as well but avoided her Commander’s gaze. “What is troubling you?”

Lexa saw a softness in Indra’s eyes that was rare. It was a softness that was reserved only for Lexa and she had only really seen it once before… after Costia. It was this softness that stopped Lexa from unleashing her wrath upon the woman before her. 

“I worry for you. For your safety. For _our_ safety. We don’t know if we can trust _them_ still.” The word “them” had a sting to it, a harshness, as if Indra could not even bring herself to say Sky People. Lexa reminded herself that Indra had been on the receiving end of the atrocities of the Sky People. She knew she had to tread lightly because first and foremost, she was a leader, and _then_ she was Clarke’s lover.

“I trust Clarke. That is enough for now. She is their leader and I believe that she knows what is best.”

“But Heda, she has not been to Arkadia in weeks. She does not know what is happening there. _We_ do not know what is happening there. Pike is their leader now and he cannot be trusted.”

Lexa thought for a moment. Indra was right. Clarke knew as much about the Sky People and their plans as Lexa did right now, and this was not much. Pike had already shown what he was capable of and it did not fare well for the Grounders. Lexa just had to hope that when Clarke did return to Arkadia, that she and her people would sort everything out. She did not want to think about what would happen if things went wrong. She did not want to think about what she might have to do if things went wrong. _Clarke is a problem solver. She will figure this out,_ Lexa reassured herself. 

Lexa saw desperation in Indra’s eyes. They both knew that things could escalate quickly. They could become worse than they were at the moment. The Grounders and the Sky People would both lose if this did not work. “Nou get yu daun, Indra. Clarke is returning to Arkadia and she will sort her people out. And as you said, Octavia is there. She will be helpful as well.” Lexa only wished she felt more confidence in her own words. 

“But Heda…”

Lexa raised her hand, cutting Indra off. “I already made my decision about the barricade. That is the best we can do now. We must wait for the Sky People to take care of their own business.”

“You put much faith in the Sky People… in Clarke.”

Lexa had to hold her tongue, for anger was slowly beginning to bubble beneath her surface. Indra was becoming a little too comfortable with her words. But Lexa knew that she could not let her feelings for Clarke take over her diplomacy. “I have seen her strength. I have seen her fairness and her passion for her people. She would not make a careless decision. This, in turn, benefits us as well.” She looked at Indra and softened her stare. “There are good Sky People. You have seen it, Indra, as have I. We have to trust that the good will overcome the bad.” She paused, thinking of how to phrase the next sentence. “And if it turns out that our trust was misplaced, or that the good need our assistance, then I will be the first to take action.” 

This seemed to satiate Indra’s fears as she slowly nodded in agreement. The crease in her brow, however, was still visible and the corners of her lips remained pulled down into a solemn frown. 

Lexa sighed, “What else, Indra?”

“As I said, I also worry for _you_ , Lexa.” This caused Lexa to lift her head to meet Indra’s gaze. Indra rarely referred to her by her name. _She is lucky that we are alone._ Indra would never dare address her by anything other than her title if others were present. But Lexa knew that she was only speaking from a place of care, from her heart. And she had to give Indra credit for letting her emotions show because it was so against what their people believed in. 

“You do not need to worry about me.” Lexa retorted, a little more harshly than she had intended to. 

“You remember what happened the last time… _I witnessed_ what happened the last time.” Lexa’s body reacted, anger and guilt taking hold. She fixed Indra with a poisonous glare. She did not expect her to dare bring this up. Had it been anyone other than her trusted advisor, their tongue would have been detached from their throat before the thought was even completed. Indra did not back down, however. “I watched as you broke, as the light left your eyes, as everything changed. I was afraid that you would never come back. I even feared that you would no longer be able to fulfill your duties.” 

_I would never turn my back on my duties._

“But then something happened and you came back stronger than ever. It was as if that horrible event brought out an even better leader in you. You formed the Coalition, you even somehow managed to allow the Ice Nation to join, and despite what happened, you became the fairest, wisest, and strongest Commander there has ever been. You matured so much.”

_If only Indra knew the true sacrifice_ , Lexa thought to herself sadly. 

“I knew what changed, and I wish it hadn’t been the case. I saw as you closed yourself off from everyone, how you hid your heart. But that is what we do, as warriors. It strengthened you. Do not be angry with me, Heda, but I was glad that you did this. For you would never feel the pain again. And nobody could use your heart against you anymore.” 

_It appears she does understand the sacrifice._ Lexa was in awe of Indra. Yes, she could usually read her emotions through her actions, for Indra was never one to keep anger or hostility bottled up. The other emotions she could read in her eyes. But actually _hearing_ Indra express herself was mesmerizing. _Am I becoming too soft?_ Lexa almost had to remind herself of everything she had learned growing up as a Grounder. 

“But now it seems that the Sky girl has managed to find her way into your heart…”

_How can she possibly know already?_ Lexa was stunned at Indra’s intuitiveness. Or perhaps she had not concealed her feelings as well as she thought she had. Lexa sighed. She could not lie to Indra, nor did she want to. “It will not interfere with my duties, Indra,” she reassured her warrior.

“I know you would never let that happen, Heda. But things are different now. We are in a much more precarious situation than ever before. Clarke is not just another subject, a civilian like Costia was. She plays an active role in what happens with her people. She was their _leader.”_

Lexa understood the difficult situation that they were both in as leaders. She did not need Indra to remind her. She had never intended to fall in love with a Sky Person. She did not ask for this. It just happened. The second she laid eyes on Clarke, she could not stop herself. A force much greater than her was drawing them together and consuming her thoughts. _It would have been so much easier if we had never met._ But then again, life wasn’t easy. If it had not been this, something else would be making life difficult for Lexa and the Grounders. At least this predicament had a silver lining, and something amazing came of it. 

“But look at all the good that has come from our alliance with the Sky People. Had I not trusted Clarke, none of the good would have happened. We would have never gotten our people back from Mount Weather.”

“Excuse my words, Heda, but it seems as if you might be blinded in this situation.” 

Lexa gritted her teeth and held back the words she wished to unleash upon Indra. _How dare she…_ But Lexa prided herself on being a fair leader, so she let Indra speak her mind since there was no malice behind it. 

“Yes, the Sky People are not all bad. In fact, I trust Okteivia kom Skaikru with my life. But you are giving them all too much credit. The alliance that you formed with them, and then later allowing them to join the Coalition, appears to benefit them much more than us. More trouble has come to you than to them. What have they sacrificed for us? _You_ sacrificed everything.”

“I am not blinded, Indra. It is quite the opposite. I look past the here and now, to the future. I see the potential of the Sky People. I see the good in most of them. I saw the sacrifices that Clarke has made and will continue to make. Not for herself, but for her people. Someone bad could not do this. I see a future where they _can_ help our people. They can teach us so many things. Look at the technology they have, the knowledge of things other than the woods and the ground. The weapons too. Perhaps one day, we can change ourselves as a people and learn about those. And if you would like to focus on the present, then the 13th Clan did already play a major role in saving my life when Queen Nia spearheaded the coup. Clarke’s vote _counted,_ making the vote not unanimous.”

Indra bowed her head in defeat. Lexa was correct. “I know you are worried for me, Indra. For our people. We are at a fragile place. But look what the Sky People did at the Mountain. They are strong, and we could use that. And we have allies within their camp. We just need to give them some time… As for me, I will always separate my head and my heart. You know that. I would never endanger our people or myself. And Clarke… she can take care of herself as well. She is not weak.” Lexa knew these words were true, but she also knew she was hiding the full truth from Indra. Clarke _was_ strong… so strong. Lexa would not have been so attracted to her if she were not. But Lexa could not guarantee that either of them would be completely safe. She was worried for Clarke every time she was out of her sight. But she could not let Indra know. She couldn’t know what would really happen to Lexa if _anything_ happened to Clarke. _No! This is not the time to think about this._

“I hope, Heda… “ Lexa could feel that Indra was not buying it. Yet again, actions from both women were speaking louder than words. But there was nothing Lexa could do. 

“Now, do not question me again!” Lexa broke the silence and put her Commander mask back on. There was no time for this now.

The two stepped into the elevator and rode it down to the holding cages. The door opened and Lexa was greeted by two guards standing on opposite sides of the hall. She called the first one over and instructed him to prepare horses for Clarke and her friend as well as food, water, and other supplies that might be necessary for their journey to Arkadia. “When you are done, fetch Tris and have her prepare for the journey. She will be accompanying Clarke and Murphy back to Arkadia.” 

Tris was one of Lexa’s most trusted guards. She had seen her strength in battle as a warrior and she had witnessed her loyalty throughout her years as Commander. Tris was one of the only guards that Lexa always brought with her on long journeys to other clans. She was the sister of Gustus and was loyal to a fault as he had been. Even when she had heard the news of his death at the hands of Lexa, she did not hold any ill feelings toward her Commander. She understood the laws and she lived by the word of the Commander. She also knew that Gustus died saving Lexa, and she would do the same. It was also Tris who had saved Lexa’s life during a battle against the Ice Nation. Lexa had been busy fighting three warriors at once, not noticing a fourth that was aiming an arrow at her. Tris, seeing this, ran through an entire hoard of Ice Nation leveling anyone in her path, and jumped in time to take the arrow for her Commander. She fought until the battle was won and even managed to walk back to Polis, not accepting the horse that Lexa had offered her. She would never let Heda walk while she sat atop her horse. People respected Tris. She earned it. Many also feared her after watching her win match after match during training and public fights. 

“Instruct her to inform the warriors at the barrier to let them through _without_ _any problem_.” Lexa emphasized the last words, implying that if Clarke or Murphy were injured, blood would be drawn. 

“Sha, Heda.” The guard bowed and left to fulfill his instructions. 

Lexa felt more at ease knowing that Tris would be accompanying Clarke on her journey, but she really wished it could be her. She knew that she could provide the best protection for Clarke. 

“Heda, I could go with them too…” Indra offered, as if reading her thoughts.

Lexa thought about it. _That would be better… two guards instead of one…_ But she needed Indra in Polis now. There were other pressing matters that she needed to attend to and she knew Indra could help. “Thank you, Indra, but that will not be necessary. I need you here.”

The two walked down the dark corridor to the cage where Titus was being held. Lexa never frequented this floor of her tower. It was damp and dreary, with a faint smell of mildew and rust. There was no upkeep here and Lexa looked over the broken bricks and crumbling stone overgrown in some areas with moss with disgust. The sole purpose of this floor was to hold criminals. It had housed criminals of war, of treason, spies, Queen Nia at one point, and various other creatures awaiting sentence. This was no place for the Commander. She made the decisions upstairs and then the criminals were brought to her. This was a special case, though, and Lexa needed to see Titus herself. 

“Who was it?” Indra’s voice broke the silence and echoed down the hall.

“Who was what?”

“Who was it that shot you?”

This surprised Lexa. Surely Indra had heard. Almost everyone in Polis knew by now, even the citizens. Word had quickly spread through the city which is why extra guards had to be placed around Titus. Lexa did not want him dead before justice was served. 

“You have not heard?”

Indra shook her head. “We were only informed that somebody had shot the Commander. People came up with their own theories, but I did not believe any of them. They were outlandish. Some were even saying that Titus did it!” Indra scoffed at this, not believing it could be true at all. 

_Well this is going to be interesting._

“I knew it could not be him,” Indra continued. “He cares for you more than anybody. He lives by the law of our people. He would never break it by holding a gun.”

_I thought the same thing…_ Lexa did not know how to respond, so she continued to walk in silence. She began to wonder again, _How did Titus come into possession of a gun…_ Maybe he was not the person she had always thought he was. 

They arrived at the door to the cell and all Lexa could do was let Indra see for herself. She watched as a thousand emotions passed over Indra’s face. _Shock, confusion, denial, anger… rage._

“No…” Indra whispered to no one in particular. 

“Open the door,” Lexa commanded. 

The four guards stationed at Titus’s holding cage bowed their heads and one moved to unlock the door. Lexa walked in followed by Indra who still looked shocked. Titus was chained to a wall on the far side of the room, curled into himself. Dark circles surrounded his eyes which were now blank and sullen, red with sadness and lack of sleep. He appeared much thinner and more frail than Lexa remembered. His face hollow and his shoulders hunched. His robe looked like it was swallowing his entire body as it fanned across the floor around him. No longer did he appear strong and tall, a symbol of the flame and a trusted advisor of the Commander. _He looks so weak… so thin._ Lexa was convinced that his bones were probably visible through his skin. She wanted to be so angry, she _was_ , but she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. He had been such a huge part of her life, it was hard separating the hatred from the caring. 

Indra did not have this problem. “ _You!”_ she cried, as she propelled herself across the room.

“Indra!” Lexa tried to stop her, but her words fell on unresponsive ears as Indra unsheathed her sword and pulled Titus to his feet by his collar. She threw him against the wall and pressed the sword to his throat. It surprised Lexa that Titus was not fighting back, hardly even moving. His eyes looked so empty, they weren’t even registering the person in front of him. 

“Death to Fleimkepa!” 

There was pure rage in Indra’s eyes. The compassion that Lexa had just witnessed when they were talking was gone, overtaken by complete darkness and hatred. Lexa saw a fire in them that she was afraid she might not be able to extinguish. Droplets of blood were beginning to form as Indra punctured the skin at Titus’s neck. A snarl lifted her lip, exposing her white teeth, and crinkled her nose, giving her an almost feral appearance. 

Lexa inhaled and produced the most threatening voice she could. “Indra, hod op!” She needed to reel Indra in, to calm her, before her rage forced her to make a decision that Lexa did not want. This was nothing new to Lexa. She was used to Indra’s anger and her spontaneous actions when pushed far enough. This time, it felt different though. Her anger was more fierce, more biting, and Lexa was afraid that Indra would not obey her. 

Indra turned her head and her eyes found Lexa’s. Lexa fixed her with a deathly glare, paired with a slight tilt of her chin into the air. Indra understood this. All the Grounders did. 

“He does not deserve to live!” 

“I know. But we must think about the consequences.” Lexa remained calm.

“Heda, ai ste beja yu daun. Teik ai frag em op.” Indra pressed the blade of her sword deeper into Titus’s flesh. Blood was now dripping slowly down the blade toward the hilt of the sword. 

“No, Indra. We still need him.” Lexa was beginning to think that Indra had not heard the whole story of what happened that day. She was unsure if Indra knew that he was not trying to kill her, but Clarke. “Now, chil yu daun!”

Indra reluctantly removed her sword from its spot at Titus’s neck and returned it to its sheath. She stepped back with a huff, allowing Lexa to take her place in front of Titus. She stepped into the space in front of him, bringing her face within inches of his. 

“So _Fleimkepa_ , what do _you_ propose we do now?” Lexa would not say his name. He did not deserve it. 

Titus avoided her glare, pressing his cheek against the wall in hopes of escaping through it. He did not move to speak at all. 

“Chek ai au!” Lexa was becoming more and more frustrated by the lack of response. 

Titus slowly turned his head to face Lexa. When their eyes met, Lexa felt a flood of emotions. This was so difficult. She did not know what to do. She wanted to exact vengeance for herself, but more for Clarke, but she also wanted to be fair. She did not want anger to fuel her decision. She had to remember the significance of the Fleimkepa. Lexa could see the remorse and the pain in his eyes. She wished that it hadn’t been Titus who had done all of this. _Why couldn’t it have been anyone else…_ The decision would be so much easier.

For the first time in weeks, TItus spoke. “Heda, I am so sorry…” His voice was weak, thin… It sounded as dry as a desert. His cracked lips trembled with each breath he took. Lexa _almost_ felt bad for him. 

Lexa stood straighter before him, towering over his cowering silhouette. “Are you sorry for what you did? Or what you _meant_ to do?” Lexa knew Titus was not sorry for what he had planned to do. He had set out to kill Clarke because in his twisted mind, he thought he was protecting Lexa.

“I do not know… I am sorry for what happened… to you. I never meant harm…”

This infuriated Lexa. “But you did! You meant harm to Clarke. You tried to kill her! When she had done nothing to you, to me, or to our people.” Lexa was having trouble suppressing her rage. Her hand found her dagger and she instinctively pulled it from its sheath. 

“I was trying to protect you, Lexa.” This set her off. Before she could stop herself, her hand and the dagger were flying directly towards Titus’s face.

**_Crash_ ** _!_

Lexa felt a sharp pain shoot through her fingers and down her hand as she let go of the dagger. It clattered to the floor. Her eyes refocused, and she saw that instead of plunging the weapon into Titus’s head, she had smashed it, and her hand, into the wall mere inches from his ear. If she had meant to kill him, he would be dead. She thanked her body for not allowing her to do so. She pulled her hand from the wall as pieces of brick and cement fell to the floor.

“Guard, bring a bandage!” Indra shouted out the door. 

Lexa noticed her whole hand was covered in blood. _Great…_ She flexed her fingers to make sure nothing was broken and when satisfied, she bent down to pick up her dagger. She placed it back in its sheath and looked back up at Titus whose whole body was trembling in fear, sweat forming beads along his bald skin. She took a deep breath in and steadied her nerves.

“I do not know what I was thinking, Heda,” Titus continued after he regained his composure. 

“You must not have been. You accused me of letting emotions dictate my decisions, but that is exactly what happened to you. You let your anger, your hate, your _fear_ rule over your actions. Otherwise, you would not have made such an irresponsible decision.”

Titus bowed his head. He whispered the next words. “I deserve death.”

This took Lexa by surprise. She did not expect Titus to give up so easily. She was disappointed. But he was clearly so distraught, so weighed down by his actions, that he might never recover. 

“I agree,” Indra chimed in from the other side of the room. 

Lexa knew this was true. People were put to death for much smaller crimes. She could not appear weak in front of her people. She brought her hand to her head and brushed it through her hair, wracking her brain for a solution. _Help me,_ she begged of the former Commanders. They had not come to her in her sleep this time. There was no advice, no direction provided in her dreams. She was on her own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Ron ai ridiyo op” = Speak true 
> 
> “Nou get yu daun” = Don’t worry 
> 
> “Sha” = Yes
> 
> “Hod op” = Stop
> 
> “Ai ste beja yu daun” = I beg you
> 
> “Teik ai frag em op” = Let me kill him
> 
> “Chil yu daun”= Stand down
> 
> “Chek ai au”= Look at me


	12. Chapter 12

.Clarke’s POV.

Murphy was much harder to find than Clarke had anticipated. She had forgotten how rogue he could be, never one for following directions or sticking to routine. She had checked the room that he was staying in but was unsuccessful. Next, she checked the various dining areas and washrooms. She even resorted to asking the guards, but most did not know who Murphy was. Eventually she she found him wandering through the stalls in the Polis marketplace. He appeared oddly relaxed here, walking among the Grounders, taking in the sights and city life. _This could be all of us…_ Clarke imagined seeing Marcus and Abby strolling through the streets of Polis, carefree. Octavia would surely fit in and Raven could teach the craftsmen and metalworkers many things. _This could be our life… One day…_ Clarke thought hopefully. 

As she walked between various stalls toward Murphy, Clarke wished that she had spent more time exploring Polis. So much had been going on between the clans and with the Ice Nation that she barely left the tower. Stepping foot outside into the warm sunlight, surrounded by bustling workers and booths of all kinds, Clarke’s spirit felt lifted. She inhaled the refreshing air and took in the many smells of Polis- cooking meat, carved wood, spices, metal being shaped… They all somehow brought her mind back to the leader of this intriguing land. Sure, the smell of nature, crisp and refreshing was reminiscent of Lexa, but occasionally, Clarke caught a different scent when passing by the Commander. This was it. The smell of Polis, alive and ripe with life and possibility. Clarke closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She wanted this smell to stay with her long after Polis was out of sight.

“Murphy!” Clarke called over the crowds of Polis citizens. When he turned to see who was calling him, Clarke raised her hand and smiled. Murphy stopped talking to the wood carver in front of him and began walking toward his friend. 

“I was beginning to think I wasn’t going to see you anymore,” he commented as he stopped in front of Clarke with a slight grin on his face. 

“Sorry, things were crazy. I got caught up…”

“Making sure your girlfriend was okay.” Murphy completed the sentence for her.

Clarke nodded, surprised by his nonchalant statement. He did not seem surprised or bothered by the fact that she was in some kind of relationship with the Commander of the Grounders. He said it so matter-of-factly. “Yes…” she answered cautiously. _Are we girlfriends?_ Clarke giggled on the inside. For some reason, the term sounded silly. She had never really labeled their relationship. Not that there was time to do so. _Girlfriend does sound good though…_ Clarke thought. Though to her, the term “girlfriend” did not seem fitting for what Lexa was to her. Lexa was so much more.

“I figured… It’s okay. It wasn’t so bad hanging around Polis. This market is crazy. I met so many people here. They’ve got some pretty interesting stories.”

Clarke wished that her other friends could be as open as Murphy. She wished the other Sky People could be as _adaptive_ as Murphy. The Grounders were such amazing people, she wished her people could see this as well. 

Murphy continued, “So, how is she doing?”

“She’s healing still, but she’ll be fine…” Clarke paused. She really did wish that Lexa had not gone back to her duties as quickly as she had. Murphy seemed to sense Clarke’s concern.

“Lexa’s tough.” The two said almost in unison. Clarke and Murphy looked at each other and almost laughed, a smile lingering on their lips. 

“She is,” Clarke reiterated. _Lexa is so tough…_

“So are we heading back to camp?” Clarke thought she heard a hint of sadness in Murphy’s voice. _Does he want to stay here?_

“I have to go back. I have to see what’s going on… With my mom and with our friends.” Clarke looked up at Murphy. “You’re welcome to stay here though. I don’t think Lexa would mind.”

He thought for a moment, then answered, “I think I overstayed my welcome… Plus, you’ll probably want some company. The road back doesn’t seem that fun.”

Clarke nodded. “We should probably leave soon, before it gets dark.” As much as Clarke knew she had to go, something inside of her was telling her not to. She tried to shake the feeling off. _Lexa will be fine._ She tried to convince herself that they would see each other soon enough. 

“You’re going to have to start walking if you want to leave…” 

Clarke was not in the mood for Murphy’s sarcasm today. With a huff, she began walking toward the stables where their horses were being prepared. She maneuvered through the busy streets of Polis, brushing past different groups of people talking and bartering. When the two were no more than fifty feet from the stable, a hushed conversation caught Clarke’s attention. She stopped short, Murphy almost crashing into her from behind, and tried to listen.

“What the heck, Clarke!”

“Shh!” She waved a hand at him.

“Fleimkepa,” was the word Clarke initially heard. “Ruling today… Heda is deciding…” Clarke only caught bits and pieces of the first speaker’s words. She tried to inch closer to the group. 

“He deserves to die,” a second chimed in. _You’re right about that_. “How dare he!” 

“I cannot even imagine what would happen if something happened to our Heda.” The others in the group nodded in agreement. “It would not be good for any of us.”

Just then one of the women noticed their new audience members. A soft gasp escaped her lips as her eyes widened. _Shit_ , Clarke thought. She had forgotten to put on her hooded cape in her haste to find Murphy. With her bright blonde hair, no one would mistake her. Her face flushed and she threw the woman a quick smile before grabbing Murphy’s wrist and pulling him back toward the tower standing proudly in the middle of the city.

“Clarke, I don’t think this is the way out…” 

“I know. There’s just something I have to do first.” 

Clarke had forgotten that Titus was still alive in the tower’s dungeon. She wondered how Lexa was handling the situation, knowing how difficult it was for her. She realized that Lexa probably needed her, or at least her support in this moment. She couldn’t leave her yet. She also had to make sure Lexa was making the right decision for everyone, despite the anger and hurt she must be feeling. Plus, she wouldn’t pass up the chance of seeing Titus facing the consequences. _This is as good an excuse as any…_ Clarke had to remind herself that she was doing this to help Lexa, not because she did not want to leave her. 

 

.Lexa’s POV.

Seeing that nobody was going to help her with this decision, and realizing that she was only wasting time, Lexa sighed and brought her shoulders back, straightening her spine to its full potential. _I am the Commander. It is my duty to serve justice._ Sure she could hold a meeting and have a vote, but there was no time for that. Lexa would have the final word anyway. She steeled herself, looking to Indra for reassurance. She saw complete loyalty, knowing that no matter what she declared, Indra would support her. Then she turned to face Titus. 

“Despite the reasoning behind your unexplainable actions, you have committed one of the most heinous crimes against your people and against _me_.” Lexa drew out the last word so Titus could really hear the pain and accusation behind it. “Had it been Klark kom Skaikru that you had done this to, as you had intended, you would be committing a crime against a member of our Coalition. And as you well know, someone who commits a crime against one of us, commits a crime against us _all_. Not to mention you know how important she is to Skaikru. And to me…” Indra looked up, eyes softening as they found her Commander and digested her words. 

“Heda…” Titus attempted to interject, weakly, but was cut off.

“Silence!” Lexa continued, “You instructed me to let Clarke leave to protect both her and myself, and then you had the nerve to imply she might have the same fate as Costia.” Lexa scoffed, a bitter laugh permeated with disgust. “Little did I know that _you_ would be the one that would try to rob the woman I cared for of her life. All these warnings I had to hear from you day after day and as it turns out, _you_ were the one we needed protection from.” Lexa’s voice trailed off as she looked up in thought. “It is almost as if you planned the entire thing _before_ we had that conversation…” Her fists clenched and her jaw tightened. She did not even register the sound of footsteps entering the room. _What treachery…_ Lexa had not even thought about this before. _How long had Titus been planning this? And he knew about my feelings for Clarke…_

Almost subconsciously, Lexa unsheathed her sword, fueled by an untamable hatred. She tried to stop herself as the tip of the blade found it’s way to Titus’s heart. His knees began to wobble, causing his whole robe to shake like a leaf in a strong breeze. Lexa stared deep into the hollow, emotionless eyes in front of her as she slowly began to push the blade into his flesh…

“Lexa, stop!” This startled Lexa, almost causing her to drop her sword. She spun around and found Clarke’s desperate eyes staring back at her. Her heart all but forgot the anger and filled with compassion from the mere sight of Clarke’s face. The cold, strong grasp that her rage had over her heart quickly dissipated, replaced by warmth and sincerity. Her eyes focused on Clarke’s. _Those eyes…_ Those eyes always brought Lexa back to the present, engulfing her whole body in a familiar safety. Those eyes were _home_. Those eyes lingered on the sword in Lexa’s hand as she quickly returned it to its sheath. Clarke then crossed the room and stopped in front of Lexa while Murphy waited awkwardly in the doorway.

Lexa was about to speak when she remembered they were not alone. “Leave us!” she commanded. Murphy quickly stepped out of the room into the hall followed by the guards. As Indra nodded and began to exit, she fixed Clarke with a look only Indra could. Clarke knew that she would not have stopped Lexa from killing Titus, and she felt Indra’s anger at her for stopping her.

When the two were alone, save for the shell of a human that used to be Titus, Lexa turned to Clarke with a delicate smile on her face. “I just cannot get rid of you, can I?” 

Clarke scoffed. “We _were_ on our way out, for your information.”

“It seems, then, that you have lost your way, for you are right back where you started.” Lexa tried to be serious but she could not wipe the smile from her face. She was so happy to see that Clarke was still in Polis. But she wondered why Clarke had not left.

Clarke playfully punched Lexa’s arm. “Shush. I remembered that you hadn’t dealt with Titus yet and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Plus, I wasn’t sure if you needed the ambassadors in Polis for the ruling.”

“Is that the only reason, Clarke?” Lexa could not control her lips from curling upward again. 

“Yes, Lexa.” Clarke smiled an even bigger smile back at her. Lexa couldn’t help but think how beautiful Clarke looked. Clarke’s smile was the only thing on earth that could make Lexa feel complete happiness. She knew in this world, it was a rare thing, but she wished that Clarke would never lose her smile. 

Clarke’s eyes moved down from Lexa’s face to her hand and the smile faded. Lexa cursed herself for her reckless actions before. “What happened?” Clarke stepped closer and tenderly took Lexa’s hand into hers. Her fingers brushed over the soft cloth which was beginning to stain black as drops of blood seeped through. _Her touch feels so good._

“It was a small incident. I was not thinking. It is nothing.” Lexa did not want to admit that anger got the best of her.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Clarke looked up at Lexa. “May I?” Lexa nodded. Clarke began to slowly unwrap the fabric from Lexa’s hand revealing a series of scrapes and bruises along her knuckles and fingers. Dry blood was already caked over some of the wounds. Clarke ran her fingers over the scrapes softly sending a chill down Lexa’s spine. “We need to clean these off. You don’t want an infection.”

Lexa found it endearing how much Clarke worried. These scrapes were nothing for a Grounder. They would not seek medical attention for something so small, let alone waste time on it. “I will be fine, Clarke.” 

“Fine, let me just check your hand.” Clarke took Lexa’s hand and gently moved the bones around, trying to feel for any fractures. The second time in recent weeks that she was thankful that her mom had passed down some of her medical knowledge. Lexa winced, but the pain was nothing more than an annoyance. As uncomfortable as the pressure was for Lexa, Clarke’s touch made it all feel better. Lexa always forgot how soft and gentle Clarke’s hands were. They were not hardened by war or combat yet. She never wanted Clarke to let go and she hoped her touch was as soothing to Clarke. “Okay, nothing’s broken. It’ll just look ugly for a while.” Clarke brought Lexa’s hand to her lips and gave her knuckles a soft kiss. _Don’t stop_ , Lexa hoped. 

“Now don’t go doing stupid things like that anymore.”

Lexa smiled and watched as Clarke wrapped her hand in the bandage again. “I won’t.”

“So have you made your decision about Titus’s fate?”

“I believe that I have,” Lexa sighed, still not certain if the decision was the right one. “What would you do, Clarke?”

This question seemed to startle Clarke. “I don’t know. You can’t ask me that, Lexa. You know I’d be biased.”

“I am afraid that I am being biased as well.” 

“You are fair Lexa. You always have been. That’s one of the things that makes you so great. Don’t forget that.”

“He deserves death.” This was the way of their people. They wanted Titus dead. This was the only solution. “That is the only way.”

“He does. Trust me, I want him dead more than anyone else. If I hadn’t been so worried about you, I might’ve killed him myself.” Lexa had to admit, she kind of liked when Clarke talked like this. “But like you said, what about his title? I thought no one else could do his job.” 

“I know… That is why we must find a _new_ Fleimkepa.” Lexa had thought about this. The only way to get around all of this and truly serve justice would be to appoint a new flamekeeper. Stripping Titus of his title would also be a severe blow, a fate possibly worse than death. And once his title was gone, he would no longer be a _necessary_ figure in Polis. 

“Can there be a new flamekeeper?” 

“Yes. They would just have to learn the rituals.” 

“How do you choose?” 

Lexa had not thought this far ahead. She knew there needed to be a new flamekeeper, but she did not think about who it may be. She had only known Titus. He had always been the flamekeeper. She knew he was the one who served the three Commanders before her and she had always thought he would be the one who would serve the Commander after her. She had no idea how they were chosen.

“I will decide who is worthy of such a title, then he will teach them the rituals,” Lexa pointed at Titus. “They are not difficult to learn.”

“And then what happens to Titus?”

Lexa’s face hardened and her eyes darkened. “Death.” 

“Lexa, you can’t.”

“What do you mean, Clarke? He deserves death. My people expect death. _You_ even said you want him dead.”

“I know. He does deserve it. But _you_ don’t deserve it. Your people don’t deserve it.” 

_What is she talking about?_ Lexa could not understand Clarke’s reasoning.

Clarke continued, “You have been working so hard for peace. You have been trying to change your people, and you are finally beginning to. You did not seek revenge for the 300 warriors that Pike killed, you set up the barricade instead of killing who you believe is the enemy, and you didn’t kill Emerson. If you kill Titus, you will be going backwards. Back to the way you and your people _used_ to be. The one thing that he was so against, ‘blood must not have blood’, will be erased and he will win. All of this would have been for nothing.”

Lexa thought about this. Clarke was right. She had been working so hard to have her people understand that killing is not always the answer. There were other ways to punish that could be far worse than death. She could not let Titus ruin yet another thing that she had been working so hard towards. “You are right, Clarke.” Lexa could see a sigh of relief escape from Clarke’s body as her shoulders relaxed and her features softened. Lexa took one long breath in and then summoned Indra.

“Yes, Heda?”

“I have made my decision.” Indra nodded in response. “Stand him up,” Lexa ordered her guards.

Two guards walked over to Titus’s withered body and roughly grabbed him by the arms, standing him up in front of their Commander.

“For your crimes, Fleimkepa, you will first be stripped of your title, no longer the protector of the flame.” Indra’s eyes shot to Lexa as Titus’s head fell. He knew the impact of this. The title he held with such respect and honor for most of his life was now being revoked. He was nobody now.

“Heda… who will be Fleimkepa then?” Indra questioned. 

Even though Lexa had not given it much thought before, she had to think quickly now. It was such a sacred job, not to be taken lightly. Whoever was entrusted with this had to be trustworthy,honorable… _special. Special…_ The word resonated in Lexa’s head. 

“Clarke…” The room fell silent. So silent, only the weak gasps emanating from Titus’s lips broke the air. All eyes focused on the Commander. She stood proud, confident in her decision, daring someone to question her. 

She was not surprised when Indra spoke up. “But Heda… She is not one of us.” 

Lexa’s fiery eyes found Indra’s. “Clarke _is_ one of us. Or do you not remember the summit?”

“She does not know our ways. She does not understand the power of the flame.”

_I thought we already went over this._ Lexa’s nostrils flared as she tried to contain her anger. “Nobody truly understands the power of the flame, Indra. That is why Titus will teach her. Then, she will know more of the flame than any of us.” She paused, then intensified her glare. “Are you questioning me?” Her voice strong and her tone warning. 

“No, Heda…”

“Is _anybody_ questioning me?” Lexa looked around the room, dangerous eyes falling on each person who in turn shook their head. 

“Good.” Lexa then turned to face Clarke, her eyes softening and her voice lowering. She could not help how her body changed when addressing Clarke. She wished it would remain strong and stoic, but it wouldn’t. She wanted to express all of her care through her body language and her words. “What say you, Clarke?” _Please say yes_ … 

Clarke was frozen in place, lips drawn in a tight line, slightly scrunched at the side. Lexa could tell her brain was working a mile a minute. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for forcing Clarke to make such a grand decision. But time was not on their side, and Lexa needed an answer. 

As she watched Clarke’s mind work, she could see the Clarke she knew was inside emerging. The Clarke she respected and loved. The Clarke that would not think twice before making a decision that would benefit others. The Clarke that would put more responsibility on her own shoulders in order to alleviate the problems of others. She would do what was needed and Lexa knew her answer before she even asked the question.

“Yes. I’ll do it.” Clarke gave a swift, certain nod and then looked back at Lexa. Lexa tried her hardest to wrangle in her heart as it began to beat out of control. It took everything she had in her to pry her eyes away from the glorious lifesaver in front of her. She then watched as the guards and Indra exchanged uncomfortable glances. It did not matter, _she_ trusted Clarke and knew that this was the best choice. 

_I love you…_ Lexa hoped Clarke understood her as she returned the nod.

Lexa turned back to face Titus. “After Clarke becomes Fleimkepa and your job is complete, as one final measure, your symbols will be erased.” Lexa was referring to the tattoos covering the crown of Titus’s head. She knew that she could not remove the tattoos from his skin without technology that they did not possess, nor could she remove them by cutting off his skin because that would lead to his death. She answered the questioning eyes after she concluded how this would be handled. “The tat amin will cover every marking on your head. This way, you will not be able to hide your shame.” She shuddered at the thought of Titus’s head covered entirely in black ink.

Lexa knew that this punishment was not enough. She knew her people wanted blood. She watched as Indra shifted back and forth, trying to control herself. She knew Indra wanted to exact vengeance herself. But Lexa also had to remember what Clarke said. She had to remember what she was trying to accomplish. “Further, for your crimes, you are sentenced to twenty cuts. Ten by my hand, and ten from Clarke, for your crimes are against the both of us.” Lexa knew that she should have made the number of cuts higher, but she did not want to kill Titus, as much as she _did_ want to kill Titus. She also knew that she should give Titus more cuts than Clarke because she was the Commander and in the eyes of Grounders, her life was more important than anyone else’s. But this was not the case. She wanted to underscore that she and Clarke were equals. Her life was no more important than Clarke’s, and this was one way of showing this. 

“Finally, after all of these acts are carried out” and Lexa drew out the last part of her statement, “you will be banished from my lands… forever.” _There. It is done._ This may not have been the most acceptable solution to some Grounders, but it was the best she could do. It was fair, and it did not result in death. Lexa was leading by example, illustrating their new way of life. “Jus nou drein jus daun.” Lexa reiterated the phrase slowly and clearly so everyone, especially Titus, could hear. _You did not win, Titus._ Plus, banishment might be considered a fate worse than death. Who knows how long he would survive out there. 

Lexa looked over at Clarke, hoping she made her proud. When their eyes connected, she knew she had. _Those eyes again…_ Holding so many more emotions at this moment. Lexa basked in the pride, the happiness, the confidence in her, and the love emanating from the cerulean pools. 

After a few moments, Lexa turned to face Titus. “You will stay here until Clarke is ready.” He wasn’t going anywhere anyway. He could wait a little longer in the cage. When she was satisfied that he understood his fate, she addressed Indra. “Gather the ambassadors and the diplomats of Polis and let my ruling be known.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Tat amin” = tattoo master
> 
> “Jus nou drein jus daun” = blood must not have blood


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Mature Content!

.Clarke’s POV.

“It appears that your presence is required in Polis yet again.” Lexa turned away from Clarke and walked over to the open balcony doors of her grand bedroom. She sighed and dropped her head slightly. “I am sorry to have put you in this situation, Clarke.” Clarke could feel the sincerity and the anguish emanating from Lexa’s sullen voice. 

Clarke did not blame Lexa. She couldn’t. She knew every decision Lexa made was selfless, well thought out, and for the benefit of others. Just like her own decisions. Before, however, Lexa’s decisions were based on the protection and well-being of her own people. But now, her decisions were also guided by Clarke and the needs of her people. She knew this new responsibility made things even more difficult for the Commander. _You should never be sorry, especially not around me._ “Don’t be sorry. There was nothing else you could do.”

Lexa just nodded as she stepped out onto the balcony, breathing in the refreshing, cool air. The sun had moved from the center of the sky and was beginning its descent towards the horizon. Lexa seemed to be standing at the perfect angle as the long, orange rays cast a warm glow around her silhouette. Clarke’s breath caught at the sight. _She looks like an angel._ Her tall, slender figure, void of any details in this light, stood proud at the center, surrounded by a golden halo. She was remarkable, appearing almost invincible. Clarke could not help but walk towards her as an invisible magnetism pulled her closer to the masterpiece.

“You may go back to Arkadia first. There is no rush with Titus now that I have made my ruling. Your people are more important.” Clarke could not see Lexa’s face and she wondered what she was thinking. If she could see her eyes, she would know.

“How long will it take me to learn about the flame?” Clarke had not had time for everything to sink in yet. _Flamekeeper_ , she thought to herself. It sounded so grand. She wasn’t sure she was worthy. Surely the other Grounders would not be happy about this. But she had to admit that she was a little excited about the prospect of this new title. She was very interested in learning everything she could about it. 

Lexa turned around. “I do not believe that it is a long process. No longer than one day. I am not entirely certain, however.” 

Clarke thought about this. She really wanted to get all of this Titus business over with as soon as possible. “If it’s only a day, I think I can stay so we can finally get rid of Titus.” Clarke did not want to think about the _other_ part of Lexa’s ruling. Ten cuts were not nearly as many as Titus deserved, but she also did not want to be the one _giving_ them. There had been enough blood on her hands lately. 

When Clarke looked up at Lexa, she found her smiling at her, a smile tinged with a light playfulness only reserved for Clarke.

Clarke rolled her eyes, “Don’t even say it,” she warned. She knew what Lexa was thinking. This was the second time _today_ that Clarke ended up staying in Polis… with Lexa. _I’m here to help Lexa and deal with Titus… No other reasons,_ Clarke lied to herself. 

Lexa’s smile widened. “I was not going to say anything, Clarke.”

 

.Clarke’s POV - The Next Day.

Being around Titus was not as horrible as Clarke feared it may be. It was very awkward, as expected, but she did not end up killing him which was good, and she was able to actually learn from him. The whole story of the flame and the meaning of the flame was fascinating. Clarke had learned that it dated back to the first Commander. Apparently that Commander, like Lexa had black blood. That explained why only nightbloods were chosen to come to Polis.

Titus did not have many answers when it came to “why”, though. Clarke probably should not have asked, but she wondered _how_ someone could have black blood to begin with. Clarke suspected that this had a scientific explanation. It had to. She realized, yet again, how different her people were from the Grounders. Grounders were brought up to believe in spirits and myths without questioning traditions. Her people were taught with a focus on scientific facts and concrete solutions. They were taught to ask questions and experiment rather than blindly believe. The black blood must have had something to do with whatever happened to the Earth when it was destroyed. It was mind-blowing that anyone could have survived, let alone thrive in such a desolate and radioactive atmosphere, but she saw it with her own eyes when she met the Grounders.

The actual ascension ceremony, and the transferring of the spirit from one Commander to the next was the easy part. Titus, escorted by four guards, brought Clarke to another room in the basement of the tower. A large structure reminiscent of a space shuttle pod stood in the middle of the room. Clarke read, “Polis…” across the side of the pod. _Oh my god…_ Clarke looked at it in awe. _Is this a part of the Ark? What is it doing here? Does Lexa know about this?_ So many questions were swirling around in her head. _How long was this here?_ Then it clicked. “The first Commander…” Now Clarke was talking to herself. Clarke was stunned. _We really aren’t so different…_ Clarke reiterated the thoughts of her mother. 

She still could not figure out how the Grounders became so… different from her people if their original Commander was in fact one of her own people. Times on Earth must have been crazy after the apocalypse. Clarke would have to digest all of this information later. Titus did not have many helpful answers anyway.

After she pulled her jaw from the floor, Titus obtained a small package wrapped in a red cloth emblazoned with a patch reading “Commander” from inside the pod. It contained a leather journal holding the words that needed to be spoken during the ascension ceremony. Clarke flipped through the pages making sure that she did not have any questions. _Easy enough_. 

Finally, Titus pulled out another red cloth from his robe. He gently unrolled it revealing a small empty tin and a set of medical tools familiar to Clarke. She had seen these many times in the infirmary with her mom. Clarke was scared to ask what these were for but Titus did not wait for any questions.

“This,” he pointed to the tin, “is to hold the spirit of the Commander. The _flame.”_ He paused and looked up at Clarke. The empty look in his eyes still managed to startle Clarke, leaving her feeling uneasy each time their eyes connected. “ _After_ it is extracted from the Commander.” 

Clarke swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She didn’t like the sound of that. “Extracted?” 

Titus sighed, almost impatiently. “When the Commander dies, the spirit has to be taken out of her body and then inserted into the next.”

_That is so literal_. Clarke thought back to her conversation with Lexa after the Pauna attack. When Lexa said, “my spirit will choose wisely”, Clarke thought she meant some kind of spiritual reincarnation, unseen but believed. She had no idea that her “spirit” was actually a tangible object. It sounded crazy. Clarke’s mind started spinning again. She couldn’t begin to imagine what this object could be. She wondered how it affected Lexa. Was it something random and negligible? Or was it something that _directed_ Lexa’s actions and dictated who she was? Were there actually spirits in this flame? Clarke was very curious now. She wondered how much Lexa knew.

“The flame can be found here.” Titus pointed to the back of his neck, tearing Clarke from her thoughts. “If you have not noticed already, the sacred symbol that Lexa has on her neck contains the flame.” 

_How did I not notice that?_ Clarke was certain she would have seen this symbol on Lexa. 

“Remove the spirit from its place and when the next Commander is chosen, you perform the ascension ceremony and insert the spirit into the same spot at the back of his or her neck. There will be a scar, so it will not be hard to find.”

“So I have to do that to Lexa?” Clarke asked hesitantly. Suddenly, she felt ill. In order for the spirit to pass from one Commander to the next, it meant that the Commander had to _die. Lexa_ had to die. Clarke realized that her new job was solely based on and necessary only if the Commander died. It didn’t feel so grand anymore. 

Titus stepped closer to Clarke, standing mere inches away. Instinctively, Clarke stepped back. He began to recite words that Clarke could not hear clearly and then he raised his thumb and index finger to touch her forehead. _This is a little strange…_ When he was finished, he lowered his hand and stepped back. “Yes. That is your duty now.”

As empowered as Clarke felt with her new title, she could not hold it proudly, for the meaning behind it made her sick. She tried to push this duty to the back of her mind, hoping that she would never be called to do it. She did, however, make a note to try to find out more about the pod in the basement _and_ the first Commander. Somebody had to know more about this. 

Clarke only had to deal with Titus one more time. She was surprised at how quickly everything was being taken care of. In just one day, Clarke had taken Titus’s title, his tattoos had been covered, and now he was being escorted to the center of the throne room in Polis to receive his cuts. Clarke dreaded this part. She could see in Lexa’s eyes, that she was not looking forward to this either. She wished she could run to her side and intertwine their hands, whispering in her ear that they would both be okay. But she remained in her spot, watching Lexa. 

The ceremony was fairly quick. Lexa addressed the ambassadors and other spectators, then they both inflicted Titus’s twenty cuts. He was tougher than Clarke thought he would be, appearing only mildly distressed. It might have helped that he was not fully present since the day he shot Lexa. After everything was done, Lexa publicly banished Titus and the guards took him away. Clarke wondered if she would ever see him again, but did not care if she didn’t. 

At the end of the day, Clarke found herself back in Lexa’s room. It was beginning to feel like her room too. The one place she was meant to sleep each and every night with the one _person_ she was meant to sleep with each and every night. She had just finished washing the last of the crimson blood from her hands when Lexa entered the washroom, watching silently as Clarke rinsed the last hint of red from the sink, drying her hands on a nearby towel. 

“Let’s hope that’s the last time I have to do that,” Clarke joked dryly. She feared if things like this kept happening, one day her hands would not return to their natural color, left red and stained forever. 

“I hope you will not have to go through something like that again too. I know how hard it is for you, Clarke.” 

Clarke knew that for Lexa, this was a normal part of life. It probably did not even affect her anymore. She still wished that Lexa would not have to go through it anymore either. She sighed and turned around to leave the washroom. Lexa was leaning against the door frame, hands clean, face clear of warpaint and dirt, and hair loose and natural, save for a few small braids that Clarke was beginning to think were permanent. This was only the third time Clarke had seen Lexa like this. Each time, it left her in awe. How could someone so powerful, someone so lethal, look so young and innocent and _pure_ in the privacy of her own room. Clarke wondered how many people had seen Lexa like this because whoever had the privilege of doing so was witnessing something truly special. _She is so beautiful,_ Clarke thought. As the Commander, Lexa seemed almost ageless, adapting to anyone around her no matter what their age or status was, almost leveling them. Right now, as Lexa, Clarke saw and felt how young she truly was. It was stunning. 

“Are you planning on leaving the washroom anytime soon?” Lexa’s voice snapped Clarke out of her stupor. She adjusted her face with a quick cough and pushed past Lexa, avoiding her taunting smirk. 

Clarke stopped in the middle of Lexa’s room, wondering what her next move should be. Titus had been taken care of and Lexa’s other duties did not require her assistance as far as she knew. Arkadia was still gnawing at her nerves and sitting in the forefront of her mind. 

Lexa broke the silence. “I know you have to go, Clarke, but it is late and soon it will be too dark for you to travel safely.”

Clarke sighed, a combination of exhaustion and relief. “The dark doesn’t scare me.” To be honest, Clarke preferred traveling at night, hidden by the darkness. The night also had a calming effect. She was able to think more clearly and sort all the thoughts running through her mind. For some reason at night, she felt like _some_ of her troubles were at rest with the rest of the world, offering her some relief from life. It also reminded her of her time on the Ark, where she lived among the stars. She thought things were bad then…

“It is not a matter of fear. It is a matter of safety.” _There’s Lexa. Always so practical._ “Leave in the morning when you will have the sun on your side and danger cannot lurk in the darkness.” 

Clarke was going to argue, but she realized, why should she? One more night wouldn’t change anything. Everything here had gone so quickly that her plans had not been disturbed too much. And she couldn’t possibly deny the beautiful young woman requesting her presence. _Stay, Clarke,_ she told herself. _Who knows when you’ll see Lexa again._ This brought the heaviness back to her heart as her chest tightened. She looked over at Lexa. The sadness that had suddenly washed over Clarke was mirrored on the face across from her as if a blanket had fallen over the both of them. Vibrant emerald eyes were replaced by a darker green reminiscent of the thick evergreen forest, a dark green filled with sorrow. It was as if Lexa felt her emotions and shared in the pain of them. 

_“_ Third time’s the charm, right?” Clarke attempted to joke. It was almost comical how she was somehow _still_ in Polis after deciding she needed to leave at least two times already.

Lexa crossed the room to stand directly in front of Clarke. Clarke took the time to study her again, still amazed at how different she looked now than just a few hours before. Her hair looked so delicate as the soft light from the nearby candles danced across each strand. _She’s glowing_. Clarke had to touch it. She lifted her hand and gently took a few locks between her fingers. _So soft…_ Clarke looked up to find Lexa’s intense gaze boring into her soul. The room suddenly felt ten times smaller. _Is it getting warm in here?_ _Why does she look so good?_

“You don’t have anywhere to be tonight?” Clarke tore her eyes away, trying to calm her nerves. She was surprised that Lexa was here with her, appearing so calm and carefree. Free of duties.It was rare. 

“No. The day was eventful enough. There will be plenty of time to tend to other duties after you leave tomorrow.”

As soon as Lexa spoke the words, Clarke felt a second wave of exhaustion. _No!_ There would be enough time to rest when she returned to Arkadia, hopefully. She had to cherish these last few moments with Lexa. _This is no time to give in to sleep._

Lexa must have noticed Clarke’s sad attempts at hiding her fatigue. “You are tired Clarke. Rest before your journey.” 

“You’re not tired?”

“It is still early. Usually I am out later.” Lexa was used to the day’s events, having to hand out justice at every turn. For Clarke, this was still new, and the emotional toll was also playing a part. She admired how resilient Lexa was. It must have been the years of experience. It also seemed like Lexa did not sleep as much as Clarke. None of the Grounders really did. She wondered if it was by choice or not. Was there something keeping Lexa up each night? Or did she just not need sleep?

“Well it must be my lucky day that the Commander is finished early.” Clarke smiled sheepishly. 

“It is in part because of your assistance with the matters of the day. It must be _my_ lucky day.”

“See, I knew I didn’t leave for a reason.” The room fell silent as the two looked at each other. They both knew the words that were not being spoken. “There _was_ another reason I stayed behind…”

Lexa’s eyebrow shot up, a coy question in her eye. The corner of her mouth began to lift into the signature smirk that Clarke had become so accustomed to. The smirk that melted Clarke. “Is that so?”

Clarke quickly looked away, face flushing the slightest shade of pink. “Yes.” Clarke brought her eyes back to the now slightly hooded ones before her, the sorrow and pain from seconds before gone, replaced by hope and passion. She nervously pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I forgot to give you something before I left.” 

Forget the smirk, Lexa’s face morphed into the widest grin that Clarke had seen to date. “And what was…” 

Before Lexa had the chance to finish her question, Clarke closed the distance between them and practically jumped into her arms, crashing their lips together as Lexa tried to maintain her balance. _Might as well make the most of our last hours together._

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck as Lexa’s arms found their way around her waist. The kiss intensified and Clarke could swear she saw fireworks in the darkness behind her eyelids. Lexa pulled Clarke against herself, eliminating any remaining space between them, hands trying to touch everywhere at once. One of her hands snaked just under the hem of Clarke’s shirt and she began to gently trace back and forth over her hipbone. The contact set Clarke’s skin on fire. She had to get the obstructive article of clothing off. She broke the kiss, missing the feel of Lexa’s lips immediately, and grabbed the hem of her own shirt attempting to pull it up over her head. 

“Let me.” Lexa pushed her hands away and roughly grabbed the shirt, almost tearing it apart as she pulled it over her head. She stepped back, excited eyes roaming over newly exposed skin. Clarke couldn’t take the separation. She grabbed the back of Lexa’s head and pulled her into another passionate kiss. She felt her lips beginning to swell from the sheer force and passion of the kisses. She moved her hand from behind Lexa’s head down to her jaw, cupping her ear and tilting her head to the side to deepen the kiss, gently taking her swollen bottom lip between her teeth. She did not mean to, but she bit down, hard, surprised she didn’t taste blood. Lexa moaned as Clarke playfully pulled the lip that remained between her teeth. She could feel Lexa’s breathing increasing, deep sighs emanating from her throat. Lexa regained possession of her lip and swept her tongue over Clarke’s plump lips. Clarke understood, parting them and allowing her entrance. Their tongues met as another spark ignited within Clarke’s chest, spreading warmth throughout her body and between her legs. She needed more of Lexa.

Clarke pushed her body against Lexa’s wanting to feel the warmth of her skin against herself. With impatient hands, she grabbed the hem of Lexa’s shirt, guiding it over her head. She was thankful that Lexa was in her more casual attire, free of armor and buckles. These clothes were much easier to navigate. Her hands moved to Lexa’s bare stomach, tracing over defined muscles and various scars while her lips journeyed down, leaving a trail of wet kisses over a perfect jaw to a long, elegant neck. Lexa shuddered beneath Clarke’s lips. Clarke’s tongue found Lexa’s pulse throbbing just beneath the skin at the base of her neck. As she traced small circles over the sensitive area, she could feel Lexa’s heart rate increasing exponentially, her fingers taking hold of Clarke’s hips, digging into flesh and the fabric from Clarke’s pants. 

“Clarke…” Lexa whispered breathlessly into her hair. There it was again. Her name off of the beautiful lips of the woman she loved. It never sounded so good. One of Lexa’s hands moved from Clarke’s hip to clutch the back of her head, holding her against the spot at her neck.

Clarke continued her journey from Lexa’s neck down her chest, careful of the wound which was now only slightly red, much less raw than previous days. Her fingers brushed over the tender skin, memorizing the rough ridges left behind by the stitches. She felt Lexa shudder, hoping it was not from pain. Her lips found the wound as she placed the gentlest kiss on the uneven skin and her eyes found Lexa’s, who was watching her with such care and emotion, clear emerald staring down at her. Then in a split-second, the eyes darkened again, as pupils dilated, green overtaken by pure black. The sudden change, surprised Clarke, but she had to admit that it turned her on even more. 

Lexa hastily grabbed Clarke’s hands and led them backwards towards her bed. When the back of her legs touched the bed, she stepped forward, skillfully spun Clarke and pushed her onto her back with a coy smile across her lips. Clarke smiled lustfully in return as her head hit the soft sheets roughly. She reached up and pulled Lexa on top of her, both bodies igniting from the contact. _God her body feels good._ Clarke relished in the feeling of Lexa’s strong body on top of hers, making her immediately feel safe. A flash of pain crossed Lexa’s face as she struggled to push herself up onto her arms over Clarke. Clarke knew she had to be in a lot of pain because she was letting it show. She used this opportunity to switch positions, flipping Lexa onto her back. She straddled her hips and returned her lips to their previous position on her chest. Lexa’s breaths quickened underneath her and she could feel her own temperature rising again. Clarke’s fingers found their way to the article of clothing covering Lexa’s chest, trembling as they clumsily pulled the straps down over her shoulders. Clarke was surprised how similar the Grounders’ undergarments were to their own. She wondered if all of them wore these or if it was a luxury saved for the Commander. In this moment, she was just happy that she was familiar with it. Lexa arched her back allowing Clarke to snake her arms behind, unclasping the bra. She tossed it to the floor as her eyes took in the newly exposed skin. _She’s so beautiful._ Clarke needed to touch her. She lifted her hand, gently cupping Lexa’s right breast, surprised at how soft and smooth her skin was compared to other parts of her body. Luckily, scars did not have a chance to form here yet. She needed _more._ She began to massage the breast as she brought her mouth over it. She could hear a gasp escape from Lexa’s lips as she began to suck on the sensitive flesh. Her tongue flicked over the hardening bud, teasing it further, and Lexa arched her back, pushing herself further into Clarke’s mouth. 

After a few more moments, Lexa impatiently directed Clarke’s head to the left, reminding her of the other mound seeking attention. Somehow, even on the receiving end, Lexa was still taking charge of the situation. Clarke smiled into Lexa’s skin and hungrily took the second breast into her mouth, savoring the slightly salty, sweet taste of Lexa’s skin. She felt Lexa’s hands tangle in her hair as she gently pushed her head harder against her chest. With one last flick of her tongue, Clarke released the breast from her mouth, and continued down. She didn’t miss the displeased groan from Lexa. 

Her tongue traced over various scars adorning Lexa’s toned stomach. Clarke wondered how many scars Lexa had. They seemed to be never-ending. She felt muscles tense and relax with each slight movement and shallow breath. Clarke wanted to memorize every part of Lexa, each mark, each tattoo, each spot that when touched sent satisfied waves throughout her body. There had been exploration during their first time together, but it felt more rushed than now. Now, Clarke could really focus on all the parts of this magnificent body underneath her. Her mouth roamed over different spots, playfully nipping and occasionally sucking, as she basked in the reactions she was able to elicit from Lexa. With each gasp, each moan, Clarke could feel the heat between her legs intensifying. She didn’t know how much longer she could control herself. 

When she reached the hem of Lexa’s pants, she stopped, hooking her fingers over the top of the fabric. She looked up over the flat, muscular plane of Lexa’s stomach, in between perfectly shaped breasts, to her face, trying to gauge what she was feeling, thinking. She was met with hooded, pitch black eyes, lids slightly drooped with passion and _want._ Never before had Clarke seen such eyes on the Commander. The sparkling green was completely gone, consumed by onyx _daring_ her to go further. 

Lexa lifted her hips slightly off the bed, nudging the body above her, reminding Clarke of where she left off. Clarke snapped to attention and fumbled with the buttons at the top of Lexa’s pants. _Why are these so difficult!_ She cursed the pants as she heard Lexa’s amused chuckle. Buttons were nothing new, why could she not figure these out. With lightning speed, Lexa’s fingers undid the obstructive pieces. Clarke then grabbed at the buckles on Lexa’s thigh, holding her dagger in place. She nearly tore the leather straps to shreds as she pulled them from their place and threw the entire piece to the floor, metal clattering as the dagger spilled out onto the ground. With nothing left in the way, Clarke grabbed the hem of Lexa’s pants and pulled them down her thighs, over beautifully sculpted muscles and tan skin now glowing in the candlelight. She tossed the pants to the floor and positioned herself on her stomach between long, slim legs. She began to place eager kisses along the hem of Lexa’s underwear, moving slowly to her inner thigh. When she started to move away from Lexa’s center and down her leg towards her knee, she felt hips push up in protest.

“Clarke… Please…” she moaned, voice husky and impatient. 

Clarke could feel the heat from Lexa’s center through the thin fabric. It brushed over Clarke’s skin, sending a hot tingling from its place of contact down her body, and stopping between her legs. Clarke could feel her own excitement pooling between her legs. _No,_ she couldn’t wait any longer. She needed to _have_ Lexa. She forgot the teasing immediately and rushed to free Lexa of her ruined underwear, tossing it to the floor with the other pieces of clothing. She returned to her position from before, smiling at the sight before her. Apparently she was not the only one dripping with excitement.

Clarke hooked her arms under Lexa’s thighs and pulled her glistening center closer. She had not had the pleasure of tasting Lexa yet, and she could hardly control herself. During their first encounter, Lexa had been a lot more dominant, and not much time had been left for Clarke to pleasure her. She did get to do _some_ things, but not nearly as much as she wanted to. Now it was her turn to take the lead. She licked her lips and descended upon the vision before her. She slowly licked the entirety of Lexa’s throbbing slit, wanting to taste as much of Lexa as she could. _God,_ Clarke thought. She tasted amazing.

“Oh my god,” Lexa echoed her words with an exasperated breath as she grabbed the back of Clarke’s head, tangling her fingers in her hair. 

Clarke repositioned herself, elbows pushing Lexa’s thighs further apart. She continued to devour Lexa, hungrily flicking her tongue over her sensitive clit, occasionally pulling it between her lips and sucking. Each time she did this, she could hear a deep moan rumbling up from deep within Lexa’s chest. Clarke loved this sound. She quickened her tongue movements, trying to lap up as much of Lexa as possible. She could feel Lexa’s body becoming more and more tense as her muscles tightened and the hand in her hair pulled, each movement bringing her closer to the edge. Clarke could swear that Lexa pulled out some of her hair but she didn’t mind. 

“In…” she heard Lexa huff. Her ears perked up in delight.

Clarke stopped, listening. “What was that?” she asked, even though she knew what Lexa meant.

“Go in.” Lexa demanded impatiently above her. 

Clarke obliged, slowly sliding her tongue into Lexa’s warm, wet folds. She felt Lexa’s whole body shake with pleasure as she continued pushing her tongue deeper. Lexa’s strong inner muscles felt good against her tongue. When she was in as far as she could go, she began to trace circular patterns along Lexa’s walls. She could feel Lexa’s hips lifting, trying to push her tongue even deeper. Clarke began to thrust her tongue in and out, slowly at first. She quickened the pace when she felt Lexa tug at her hair. The gasps coming from her mouth became faster and more labored with each breath. She had to be close. When she felt Lexa’s thighs tighten around her head, Clarke pulled her tongue out and returned it to the throbbing bundle of nerves at her clit, feverishly lapping up every drop. It didn’t take long… 

“Clarke!” Lexa cried at her peak, back arching and chest rising off the bed. 

Clarke’s tongue continued gently stroking Lexa, bringing her down slowly. She glanced up at the beautiful face above her, eyes closed, lips painted with the most peaceful, satisfied smile Clarke had ever seen. 

“Mm…” Lexa hummed, tongue coming out to swipe over her lips ever so gently, her bottom lip settling between her teeth.

_She looks so sexy…_

Clarke smiled up at Lexa as she reclaimed her arms and climbed up the slight frame underneath her to rest her head on Lexa’s chest, Lexa’s arm instinctively coming up to hold Clarke protectively. “Did I ever tell you how sexy you are?”

She could feel Lexa chuckle underneath her. “No. But thank you.” Clarke wondered if Lexa really knew how beautiful she was, not just outside, but inside as well. She really was perfect. They stayed this way, in comfortable silence for a few more moments, Lexa’s hand tracing soft patterns on Clarke’s back. 

Clarke felt Lexa take a deep breath in as the mood in the room shifted. She looked up into the deep, sea green pools above her, resting her chin on Lexa’s chest, waiting for an explanation.

“I hope this is not becoming a habit…” Lexa sighed. 

“What?” Clarke asked, not sure what Lexa was referring to.

“It appears this only happens when you are about to leave.”

Clarke smiled warmly as she brought her finger to Lexa’s lips. “Shh… That’s just a coincidence.”Clarke thought about it… She was actually surprised that there was time to do anything except tend to duties that seemed to be multiplying by the day. “Think about it this way. We should be happy that we even had the time to do this once, let alone twice.” Clarke attempted to joke.

Lexa’s brow furrowed. _That probably wasn’t the best thing to say…_

Clarke continued, “Plus, I don’t know when I’ll see you again. I can’t let you go without leaving you with something to remember me by.” She gave Lexa a wink.

Lexa’s lips stretched into an amused smile, though her eyes still held sadness. “I do not need reminders, Clarke. I think of you every second that you are not by my side.”

Clarke blushed as she averted her gaze. When she looked back up at Lexa, she saw a mischievous twinkle in her eye paired with the signature upturn at the right corner of her mouth. Clarke exhaled, all of her concerns going with it, _for now_. 

“What’s that look?”

“Seeing that you are departing in the morning, we should make the most of our time…” Lexa said as the smirk transformed into a sly grin. 

Clarke giggled as her heart began to race in anticipation. She hardly had any time to answer before strong arms wrapped around her, flipping her onto her back. She gasped, forgetting how strong and quick Lexa was, but she was also relieved that her pain seemed to have dissipated.

Sadly, the night passed by much quicker than both had hoped. But Clarke knew there was nothing else she would rather be doing before her trip back to Arkadia. 


	14. Chapter 14

.Lexa’s POV.

Lexa felt the pleasant warmth of the early morning sun on her face as it peeked between the drapes of her balcony door. She could hardly remember the last time she felt so relaxed after a night’s sleep. No demons came to her in her dreams, there were no interruptions of sleep from Commanders long gone, and she actually managed to sleep more than a couple of hours. As she stretched her arms over her head, she heard a grunt beside her and felt a weight shift. When she looked down, she was met with cloudy blue eyes, heavy with sleep. 

Lexa smiled at the beautiful face resting in the crook of her neck just over her shoulder. “Good morning,” she said, surprised that Clarke was awake so early. 

“Morning, you.” Clarke smiled back up at Lexa. She closed her eyes and nuzzled her head into Lexa’s chest. Lexa did not want to let her go, _ever._ She missed the feeling of having someone to wake up with. Having someone to wake up _for_ and fight every day for. She felt like a new person, even better than the first time.

“When did you wake?”

“I actually didn’t sleep much last night.”

Lexa’s brow furrowed, concern on her face. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, don’t worry. Everything is better than alright,” Clarke reassured her, pulling herself up, bringing her face just inches from Lexa’s. “Being awake just seemed like the better option knowing that you were here with me… I can sleep when I’m alone.” Lexa sighed with relief, the words warming her heart. They were so simple, but held so much meaning.

“It is ironic that you were awake while I slept better than I ever have.” Clarke had such a calming effect on Lexa, making her feel so safe. She would never let her guard down around anyone else, not even if she were alone. But somehow, she knew the Clarke would keep her safe. Clarke would sacrifice herself before letting anything happen to her. 

“You must feel safe around me then.” Clarke reached up, pulling Lexa’s face closer and placing a soft kiss on her lips. 

Lexa smiled into the kiss. “Mm… Only you.” She wrapped her arms around Clarke, pulling her into an embrace, hoping to help her feel as protected and loved as she did, as she had all night. Lexa leaned her head over, resting her nose in Clarke’s hair, inhaling the sweet smell. _Lilacs_ , Lexa thought to herself. Just like the last time. Lexa loved the smell of flowers, any kind really, but now lilacs were her favorite. 

“What time is it?” Clarke asked after a few moments. 

Lexa had always found it strange how Sky People were so focused on time, _numbers_. She had noticed the watch that Clarke used to wear on her wrist. At first, she was very confused by the foreign object, wondering what it could be. Upon further inspection, she realized it was a time piece of some sort, similar to the clocks that she had read about in books and even seen in some of the antique booths in the marketplace. This small wrist clock, which she later came to realize was called a “watch” (anything could be found in books or by asking older, wiser members of Polis), did not appear to be working. Lexa found herself checking it during different times of the day and nothing ever seemed to be different. She wondered why Clarke still wore it. It must have been of some significance.

Lexa looked over towards the large glass doors of the balcony, the sun still peeking through, casting a glow over both of their bodies. She had always been taught to tell what time of day it was using the sun’s placement in the sky. The task was more difficult when Lexa was not in Polis because she had to figure out how to read the sun in a new place, but here in Polis, she was very accurate. Today, the sun was just barely peeking over the horizon, still fiery and orange, not quite hot and yellow. It was early morning, and if Lexa had to put an exact time on it, she would say, “It is between seven and eight.” 

Clarke exhaled, an exasperated _huff_ as she nuzzled her head back into Lexa’s neck. Lexa smiled, relishing the feeling of Clarke’s nose and soft lips against her skin. Another strange thing about Sky People, they could sleep forever. Where her people were used to being up before dawn, sometimes foregoing sleep completely, Sky People could sleep through the early morning hours past when the sun sat at the center of the sky at noon. Sometimes Lexa forgot how young all of them were…including herself. Apparently young people require much more sleep. She also had to remember that Sky People had fewer duties than she herself did. They could afford more sleep.

As much as it pained Lexa to say it, she had to remember the dire circumstances that both of their people were in. “I fear that I cannot keep you in Polis any longer, Clarke. Your people need you. You should prepare for departure soon.”

No answer.

“Clarke?” Lexa repeated. 

Still no answer as Clarke grabbed one of the furs and pulled it over her head, blocking out the world and Lexa’s words. Lexa laughed, a small chuckle so like her.

“Do not forget, Clarke, I said you can stay as long as you would like. _You_ were the one insistent on returning to Arkadia.” Lexa peeled the fur back from Clarke’s head and ran a hand through soft, golden locks. 

“I know…” Clarke sighed as she brought her eyes, glistening and on the verge of tears, to meet Lexa’s. Lexa frowned when she saw this. It made her heart ache seeing Clarke like this and knowing that they were about to part ways. 

_Be strong, Lexa_ , she instructed herself. One of them had to be strong. She cleared her throat and steeled herself, suppressing her emotions. _Our people need us_ , she reminded herself. “It will just be more difficult if we wait. And you want the daylight on your side. Morning travel is the safest.” 

Clarke nodded, unable to form the words. Using the hand still gently stroking Clarke’s hair, Lexa brought Clarke’s face to her own. She looked deep into the sapphire irises before her, memorizing each detail and absorbing each emotion before capturing Clarke’s lips against hers. She did not mean for the kiss to escalate as it did, each girl clutching the other for dear life, putting all of their emotions behind each movement, and Lexa had to stop herself from letting this go any further or else Clarke would never leave. Reluctantly, she pulled away, earning a small whine of protest from her partner and a very disappointed frown. 

“There will be many more waiting for you when you return,” Lexa reassured Clarke, unsure of when they would see each other again. Lexa gave Clarke’s shoulder a loving squeeze as she slid out from beneath her and from beneath the warm furs. When she stepped onto the hide covering the floor beside her bed, Lexa immediately felt a cool breeze against her skin, sending chills throughout her body. She looked back over her shoulder to check on Clarke’s progress and found her eyes roaming up and down over her exposed backside. Lexa smirked as she watched Clarke subtly lick her lips. 

“You’re beautiful,” Clarke stated. 

Lexa tried to remain serious but could not stop the smile that took hold of her lips, her heart skipping at the words. “Clarke, we must get ready.”

Clarke huffed one more time as she pulled herself out of bed. Lexa watched in amusement as she angrily grabbed her discarded clothing from the floor, pouting the entire time. She admired Clarke’s pure alabaster skin, curves in all the right places. She wished she could have more of Clarke’s body, but now wasn’t the time. Lexa offered Clarke new clothes since she only came with what she was wearing on her first day. During her stay in Polis, Clarke adjusted well to the clothing of the Grounders and wore it every day. Lexa had to admit she really liked seeing Clarke in her people’s clothing, sometimes even in her own. It suited her. 

When both women were dressed, Lexa in her leisure clothing consisting of form-fitting black pants adorned with her dagger, knee-high boots, and a looser top, and Clarke in a similar outfit, Lexa paused to think. Clarke needed more protection from the elements and possible danger. “Come, Clarke.” 

Clarke obediently followed Lexa out of her room and down the hall to a smaller room that Clarke had passed many times but not paid attention to. Lexa pushed open the doors revealing rows of armoires. “What is this room?” Clarke questioned.

“It is where we keep clothing and armor from past Commanders and other officials that are no longer with us. It also contains my extra armor.” Lexa passed a few of the large pieces of furniture, stopping in front of one then shaking her head _no_. She did this a few more times, her face deep in thought, before she stopped again in front of one of the larger armoires. She pulled open the door revealing one rather intimidating outfit. Clarke looked the piece up and down, eyes passing over strong knee-high boots that seemed to be protected by a thin layer of metal, up over a long cloak similar to Lexa’s but a little shorter, adorned with metal shoulder pads and chains and buckles of different sizes holding the piece together. Lexa nodded, this outfit would be perfect for her. It was strong, intimidating, and it exuded power, just what Clarke needed. “This,” Lexa motioned to the outfit hanging regally before them, “is for you to wear on your journey.”

Clarke’s mouth hung slightly open in awe. “I cant…” 

“Yes you can, Clarke. I insist. It will keep you warm and it will protect you more than the clothes you are currently wearing.” There was no room for argument, Lexa would not change her mind and she knew Clarke knew this.

Clarke sighed and nodded, giving in. “Who’s is it?… Or who’s was it?”

“Mine,” Lexa answered confidently. Clarke’s eyes darted to hers. Lexa gave her a proud smile. “What?”

“Lexa, I can’t…” 

“Yes, you can,” Lexa repeated. This was one of her most prized outfits, and she wanted Clarke to have it. She knew it would be best for her. “When I became Commander, Anya had this made especially for me.” Lexa felt a small pang of sorrow at the mention of Anya’s name. She swallowed and tried to push the thought of Anya away for now. “She knew my weaknesses and she knew the world around us, and this was designed to protect me from not only people but also the elements. It protects my weak points and capitalizes on my strengths, just like many of the weapons that I use. And being that I know you, Clarke, I know that this is right for you just as it was for me.”

This seemed to work, and Clarke slowly nodded, eyes filled with gratitude. “Thank you, Lexa. I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say that you will stay safe and return to me once you are through.”

Clarke smiled and stepped toward Lexa, wrapping her arms around the taller girl’s neck. Lexa’s hands found their way to their home around Clarke’s waist. Instead of kissing her, Lexa brought Clarke closer into a hug, wanting to hold her one more time. Clarke felt so right in her arms as she rested her head against Lexa’s shoulder. 

“I will stay safe and come back to you, _Alexandria_.” Startled, Lexa pulled her head away to look at Clarke, a questioning look in her eye. 

_How does she know that?_ Clarke always managed to surprise Lexa, whether it be with her knowledge of Trigedasleng or random other tidbits about Lexa and her people. But this was something totally different. Few people knew Lexa’s birth name. Ever since Costia, Lexa never used this name. It was part of her past, before she became Commander. The only person who really used it besides her parents was Costia. When she died, the name did too.

Clarke giggled, “What?”

Lexa tried to contain the many emotions that were threatening to overtake her. Sadness for her past, for Costia, fondness for Clarke for showing interest in who she was, and love for Clarke at hearing her name resurrected upon her lips. Lexa thought she would never use this name again, burying it deep within her never to be found, but hearing Clarke say it gave it new meaning. She wanted Clarke to say it, to keep saying it. “It’s just… nobody has called me that since…”

“Costia…” Clarke spoke softly, understanding and empathy behind the words.

“Yes.” Lexa took a deep breath in through her nose, fighting the tears that were threatening to form. 

“I know…”

“How…?” Lexa was in awe. 

“I hope you’re not mad with me, but… I kind of happened to stumble upon the journal…” 

Lexa’s face paled for a second, then immediately flushed a rosy pink. _Beside my bed_ , Lexa thought. She did not know if she was angry with Clarke or embarrassed at what she probably found. Nobody stayed in Lexa’s chambers or dared enter without her, so it did not cross her mind to hide the journal, the only object she held dear in Polis… Until Clarke. She had felt so comfortable and safe with Clarke that she forgot about the journal. Anything that was hers was now Clarke’s. _How much did she see?_ Lexa wondered. Uncertain eyes found Clarke’s. Nobody had this effect on the Commander. Lexa never felt embarrassed, but now she did ten times over. 

“I loved it…” Clarke reassured, sensing Lexa’s uneasiness.

Normally Lexa would be extremely irritated at this invasion of privacy, if not downright furious. But with Clarke, she couldn’t be. So she relaxed, secretly happy that Clarke had gotten a glimpse of her thoughts and feelings, _about everything._

“I hope it did not frighten you.” Lexa knew that there were many deep, strong emotions in that journal. Emotions and feelings that she had never shared with anybody else.

“Not at all. If anything, it made me love you even more.” Clarke looked up, placing a soft kiss on Lexa’s cheek. “I know you don’t always say what you feel. I know your people push feelings aside and as Commander you can’t show any. But it was nice to see that you do feel and hurt and think about others as much as anyone else does, as much as my people do, if not _more_.” Clarke bought her hand up to Lexa’s chest and gently placed it over her heart. “When I first met you, I was scared that you were emotionless, cold, and heartless.” Lexa couldn’t fault Clarke for thinking this. It was what she had been trying to convey to intimidate the Sky People. It was how she was taught to be Commander. It was how she used to live. “But after getting to know you, I realized that you probably have a bigger heart than anybody I have ever known. You care and you feel and you _love_ more deeply. But sadly, you can't show it around anyone and you bury it, and I know how difficult it is. It’s not fair to you. I try to do it, but you do it so much better. And after finding and reading the journal, I believe the words so much more. You have _so much_ _good_ in you, Lexa. So much love. I’m just happy that at least I get to see and experience it.” 

Lexa grinned, a wide grin. A grin only Clarke could produce. Clarke understood her. She saw through the armor, the walls, and the masks. Lexa thought she would never find a person like this again, a person who saw the true her as much as she tried to hide it. She had grown and changed so much since Costia that she was certain no one would find her again, especially not this matured, broken, war-torn version of herself, much darker and harder than Costia’s version. But Clarke did. Lexa pulled her closer by her waist and kissed her. Kissed her passionately with all the emotions that she had described. Kissed her until their lips hurt and they needed to break apart for air.

“Now do not go telling everybody, Clarke. I have an image to uphold,” Lexa joked. She was going to miss how carefree she had felt over the past few weeks in Clarke’s presence. It was rare.

“Of course. We can’t have that happen. Think of what would happen to the city!” Clarke joked back.

Lexa released Clarke from her embrace and helped her into the Commander’s attire. She was surprised at how well it fit Clarke, almost as if it were made for her instead. She looked so powerful and regal. Lexa imagined this was how she appeared to others in her own outfits. She knew this was the right choice. Hopefully it would deter harm from coming Clarke’s way.

“How do I look?”

“Stunning.” Clarke’s face flushed. _Adorable_ , Lexa thought.

  
  


.Clarke’s POV.

Lexa helped her with the last of the buckles on the magnificent cloak then stepped back to assess. Clarke hoped that she did not look ridiculous. Yes, Lexa looked amazing in her Commander’s outfit, but that was Lexa. Lexa looked amazing in anything, _and nothing_. 

“How do I look?” Clarke asked bashfully, hoping for an honest answer. She would not walk around in this if it did not suit her.

“Stunning.” Clarke’s heart skipped a beat. She could feel her face flushing at the sincerity in Lexa’s words, knowing that Lexa would not lie about this. This was beginning to be a norm around Lexa. Maybe her face would never be a normal color again, remaining stained rouge forever. _Not the worst thing_ … 

“You look fit to be Commander,” Lexa added. 

Clarke scoffed. _Yea right_. She wished this were true but knew it wasn’t. She didn't have the resolve that it took to be Commander, _yet_. She also could not mask her feelings like Lexa could. She was an open book. She did feel quite powerful in Lexa’s outfit, though. It was as if now, she had a part of Lexa with her wherever she went. She immediately felt closer to her. She would absorb Lexa’s spirit through her clothing and hopefully it would protect Clarke as it probably had Lexa. Clarke was surprised at how light the boots and the cloak were considering both were lined with some sort of metal and contained numerous buckles and chains. The cloak itself looked like it could weigh a good fifty pounds, but it felt almost weightless. Now she understood how Lexa could fly around during battle in her armor. Clarke was amazed yet again at the skill of the Grounders. They were so good at what they did, and whoever crafted these clothes was a wizard. 

Clarke looked over at Lexa, trying to ignore the sorrow in her eyes. She silently memorized her features _again-_ the unique green eyes that Clarke had never before seen on a person, the perfectly chiseled cheekbones and defined jaw that she wished she could touch right now, the chestnut hair that was both soft and strong, holding braids and authority when it was styled. Every detail about Lexa was so unique. 

Clarke felt like there would never be enough time to soak in and memorize every tiny detail so when she felt satisfied, she sighed, straightened herself and nodded. She was as ready as she’d ever be. “I guess this is goodbye.”

Lexa smiled at her. “For now,” she echoed her words from before the fight with Roan. The words were true that day and Clarke prayed they would be true now as well. “Let us find your friend and I will see you off.” 

Lexa began to walk towards the door. “Wait…” Clarke called after her. When Lexa turned to face her, Clarke stepped up to her and placed a soft but urgent kiss on her lips. Lexa seemed a bit surprised at first, but then quickly reciprocated. The kiss was quick, but it was filled with passion. It was filled with all the emotions that neither dared to show. _Stay safe, Lexa_ , Clarke thought. _I will come back to you._

They broke the kiss, Lexa’s forehead resting against Clarke’s, neither wanting to be the first to move. Clarke did not know that leaving someone could be this hard. It never was before. It was always so easy for Clarke to get up and go, especially knowing that it would help her people. Lexa took Clarke’s hand and squeezed it warmly. “Come. If you do not depart now, I might never let you leave.” Lexa led Clarke out of the room and towards the elevator.

Locating Murphy was easier this time. Clarke found him sitting in his room flipping through a book he must have found somewhere in the tower. 

“There are so many books in this place! I could probably stay here forever,” he commented enthusiastically. Clarke wasn’t aware that Murphy liked to read. But then again, she did not really know him that well. On the ark, though, they had been taught to read so it wasn’t so far fetched that any of her friends might enjoy reading. There just hadn’t been much time for it lately. 

Lexa appeared amused by Murphy’s comment and proud that he found something about her home that excited him. This was short-lived, however, when Murphy continued to speak. “I didn’t even know that you guys could read.”

Clarke could see Lexa’s expression change. She fixed Murphy with a glare that luckily was not one of her most terrifying looks, but definitely was not pleasant. _Oh no,_ Clarke thought. _Please stop talking, Murphy._

“I mean, of course you can. Why else would you have all these books? Right?” He nervously chuckled, probably sensing Lexa’s displeasure. 

Instead of answering, Lexa continued to watch Murphy, the amusement that had just graced her face a few seconds ago was completely gone. Clarke couldn’t fault Murphy, for the thought had crossed her mind as well before, but she had the sense never to voice it. Clarke looked back at Murphy and could see his face turning red with embarrassment. As Lexa continued to bore holes into him, Clarke could also see fear creeping into his expression. She felt she should help.

“Murphy, don’t be stupid. Of course Grounders can read. Probably better than us.” Lexa’s eyes darted over to Clarke, her expression unreadable. “Sometimes, I can’t tell if you’re serious or joking when you say things.” Clarke threw in a dry laugh, hoping that maybe Lexa thought he was kidding, albeit a very bad joke. 

Murphy remained silent, still too nervous to speak, or hopefully he decided silence was a smarter move. Lexa continued looking at Clarke, face steely in a way only Lexa could. For a second, Clarke forgot about all of their shared times full of smiles and carefree giggles. All she could see was the Commander and she was reminded of how intimidating the Commander could be. _Please don’t hurt him._ As soon as Clarke thought these words, she saw a small smirk play over Lexa’s lips. She exhaled the breath she did not know she was holding. Lexa seemed to notice this, amused, and the smirk grew into the slightest smile. 

“Do not worry, Murphy,” Lexa smiled, “It is a valid question.” 

Murphy looked at Lexa, then Clarke, unsure of what to do. Clarke smiled at him and nodded, reassuring him. She could see him automatically relax, letting out the breath _he_ had been holding too. 

“What the hell, Lexa,” Clarke scolded. “Why would you scare him like that!” Clarke knew she shouldn’t speak like this to Lexa in front of anyone, but Murphy knew more about them than most.

Lexa just smiled in response, not the large smile reserved for Clarke, but a smile nonetheless. Clarke knew that Lexa would not let her wall down completely around anyone but her. “That was not my intention, Clarke.” Clarke wasn’t sure if she liked how Lexa joked anymore. It seemed around others, her jokes were much scarier. 

“So we’re good? I didn’t offend you?” Murphy questioned, still uneasy.

“You did not offend me. How could you know? Though had you made a comment about my people’s fighting skills or our traditions, then this might have ended differently.” 

“Gotcha. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“To answer your inquiry, not all of us can read. Commanders are always taught to read because it is part of our training. We must acquire knowledge from books as well as our mentors. We also learn cartography and writing. These are essential skills. Every person in a position of power, including generals, mentors, and ambassadors are also taught to read, as are the children in Polis. It is up to each clan outside of these walls whether they would like their people to know how to read. Some clans are more literate than others.” 

“That makes sense,” Clarke stated. And it really did. She had never thought about reading in Grounder culture, but she was happy that Murphy had initiated this conversation. It also explained how Lexa knew how to write. Every tidbit that she could learn about the Grounders made Clarke feel closer to Lexa. 

“There will be plenty of time to discuss the ways of my people later. You two must be going now,” Lexa directed. She looked at the book still in Murphy’s hand. “You may bring that with you to Arkadia if you so desire.”

“Really?” Murphy seemed surprised.

“Yes. I hope it provides you with as much intrigue and knowledge as it has for me.” Clarke wondered how many books Lexa had, and of these, how many had she read. Lexa really was so much more than she appeared. Clarke silently thanked Lexa for being so gracious with one of her friends.

“Thanks!” For the first time in a while, Murphy seemed authentically thankful to receive such a gift, especially from the Commander.

When they arrived at the stables, three horses were already prepped and waiting along with a warrior that Clarke had never met nor seen before. Clarke wondered when Lexa had let anyone know that they were leaving. Things seemed to always run so smoothly and so efficiently in Polis.

Clarke could see a fondness in Lexa’s eyes as she walked up to the woman waiting beside her horse. She extended her arm and the girl grasped it warmly.

“Commander,” the girl said with such reverence in her voice.

“Tris,” Lexa replied. She turned to face Clarke and Murphy. “This is Tris, one of my best and most trusted guards. She will be accompanying you on your journey to Arkadia.” 

Clarke wracked her brain but the name Tris did not ring any bells. And surely, Clarke would have remembered her face, adorned with an intricate tattoo similar to that of Gustus or Indra. Her piercing eyes were a dark chocolate hue, strong and determined. Like Indra’s eyes, they intimidated Clarke, but they also held a hint of kindness in them. Clarke hoped that she would be more welcoming to the two of them than Indra was at first. 

Lexa turned back to Tris. “As you know, this is Klark kom Skaikru and her friend Murphy.” Tris turned her head to look at Clarke again, her gaze causing Clarke to take a step back. _What is she thinking?_ Clarke wondered. 

Recognition flashed over Tris’s face as she looked Clarke up and down, the smallest smile taking hold of her lips. “Of course, _Wanheda_. I have heard much about you.” The smile was warm, well as warm as a Grounder’s smile could be for an outsider. _I’ll take what I can get._ But Clarke wondered what she really heard about her.

Tris continued, “It is incredible what you did at the Mountain.”

_Mountain._ The word still stung, but not nearly as much. Clarke forced a smile and nodded her thanks. She knew Lexa was watching her, but she did not look back. There were too many memories for the both of them there.

An awkward silence fell over the group and Lexa was the first to speak up. “It is time to go.” _Short and sweet_. 

As Clarke walked toward her horse, she saw Lexa exchange a few hushed words with Tris. She wondered what they were talking about. But if she knew Lexa, it was probably along the lines of keeping everyone safe with some threats mixed in. She saw Tris nod and place a reassuring hand on Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa made her way back to Clarke, helping her onto the waiting steed. It was a beautiful horse, strong and perfectly manicured with a chestnut coat. White spots adorned her knees and the center of her chest, giving her a regal appearance. 

“She too will keep you safe. She is one of our strongest and fastest horses. Should you encounter trouble, she knows what to do.” Lexa stroked the neck of the horse, giving her a strong pat when she reached her shoulder.

“Thank you, Lexa, again. For everything.” Clarke looked down at her longingly, swallowing the lump forming in her throat. This was no time to let her emotions take over. _Remind me again why I’m leaving this amazing woman?_ Clarke thought to herself. 

Lexa smiled, squeezing Clarke’s thigh encouragingly. “May we meet again.” The familiar sting of these words attacked Clarke’s soul. The only solace she could give herself was that each time Lexa spoke these words, they actually did meet again. 

Clarke checked over her shoulder to make sure Murphy was ready. If she weren’t so upset, she would have laughed at the sight of Murphy trying to maneuver the majestic animal. Clarke wasn’t an equestrian in the least either, but she had a better grasp of it than Murphy, luckily. She came up behind his horse, deciding it might be best if she was in the back. Tris, seemingly impatient, gave a whistle, and Murphy’s horse came trotting up behind hers as he held on for dear life. _Wow, the Grounders really know how to train a horse,_ Clarke thought, relieved. She directed her horse to the back of the line and the three of them exited the grand gates of Polis. 

_Don’t look back,_ Clarke told herself. She couldn’t face the eyes she knew would be fixated upon her until their horses dipped over the horizon, out of sight. She couldn’t stop her body as her top half turned in the saddle, searching for those piercing green eyes. She did not have difficulty finding them, she never did. They filled her heart with sadness and she immediately regretted looking back. At the same time, they made her feel safe, so safe, for she knew that Lexa would be watching over her and protecting her until she returned. 


	15. Chapter 15

.Clarke’s POV.

The journey was getting to be longer than Clarke expected. That or she was just growing impatient. Her legs were cramping from sitting on the horse for hours, neither Tris nor Murphy were good company, and it physically hurt to be away from Lexa. The farther away they got, the more it stung as if an invisible thread was connecting them, pulling at her heart as it stretched farther and farther with each step. Riding behind Murphy did, however, give Clarke a front row seat to the theatrics of his attempts at controlling his horse. She counted eight times that he almost fell off, wrapping his arms around its majestic neck for dear life. _What a patient creature_ , she thought to herself as she tried to contain her laughter. The whole thing was quite amusing and it helped lighten her mood. 

“Is it time for a break yet?” he asked shakily. Clarke could see the sweat dripping from his hairline. This was the third time he asked and Clarke was beginning to think that Tris would never acknowledge his inquiries.

With a sigh that was much louder than necessary, Tris stopped her horse, raising her hand to signal the others. Murphy’s horse obediently came to a halt behind hers and Clarke proceeded to pull the reigns of her own horse which was probably unnecessary as she was already slowing down on her own. In one swift motion, Tris dismounted and walked her elegant black steed toward a nearby stream. Clarke followed suit. As their horses drank, the two women watched Murphy, a tiny hint of amusement playing at Tris’s normally serious expression. This tiny upward twitch of her lips did not go unnoticed by Clarke and her heart began to ache again. How this reminded her of Lexa. It was not quite the same, for even Lexa’s tiniest gestures seemed so grand, but it was close enough.

_Crash!_

Startled, Clarke turned back to Murphy and found him laying on the ground beside his horse rubbing his elbow. The smirk disappeared from Tris’s lips and she rolled her eyes, turning back to her horse. Clarke rushed over to help.

“Are you ok?!” 

“Yeah, I’m fine…” he answered, disgruntled. He stood quickly, face red, and brushed the dirt and leaves from his clothing. 

“They take some getting used to,” Clarke gestured at Murphy’s horse. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it,” Murphy huffed. “But seeing that it’s the only way to get around, I’ll have to try.” 

Clarke led his horse to the other two already drinking from the stream as Murphy plopped himself on a mossy tree trunk. She and Tris stood in an awkward silence until the horses were refreshed, then they walked them to a nearby tree, tying their reigns so they could rest. Clarke walked back over to Murphy while Tris rummaged through the horses’s packs. When she sat down, she heard a loud rumble and she could not tell if it was her own stomach voicing itself or Murphy’s.

“I’m _starving_ ,” Murphy said, clutching his stomach. The second he said this, her own stomach began it’s cacophony. The two looked at each other and laughed. It wasn’t the most satisfying laugh, but Clarke was finally able to feel something other than sadness. She silently thanked her stomach.

“Good thing Lexa had food packed for us because between the two of us, we’d probably die of starvation.” Clarke could not imagine having to hunt for food right now. Though watching Murphy attempting to hunt might have been even better entertainment than his equestrian skills. 

“You’re right about that. I think I’d be eating bugs and leaves before I could ever catch anything.” Murphy was not ashamed one bit. 

Clarke thought back to her time alone in the woods. These same woods. They were so different back then, cold, dark… empty. It was nice having company this time. She also realized how different she was now, and that was only a couple of months ago. So much had changed…

“Actually, I wasn’t so bad at hunting you know. I _did_ catch a panther once,” Clarke gloated, remembering her fight with the beast. She had become quite skilled during her time in the forest. She had to. She heard Tris scoff in the background and shot her an annoyed glare.

“Really?” Murphy’s eyes widened.

“Yeah…” Clarke had to stop her mind from wandering back to that time of darkness. “Maybe one day I’ll have to prove it to you.”

“Definitely. That’s awesome, Clarke. Who knew the girl from the sky would turn into a badass huntress on the ground. It’s like you’re one of _them_.” 

_Them…_ the word felt wrong. Clarke saw Tris freeze, listening. Grounders weren’t so different from her own people. Clarke knew this. Lexa definitely wasn’t so different from herself. She didn’t want Murphy to see them as outsiders, people to be feared, and he clearly still did. She didn’t want any of her people to feel this way. 

“That wouldn’t be such a bad thing,” Clarke told Murphy assertively. “We should all wish to have half the skills the Grounders do.”

Murphy raised his eyebrow and stared at Clarke skeptically. She stared back, daring him to question her. After a few moments, he shrugged, conceding. “You’re right. They do know a lot more about the world than we do. And you definitely seem like a different person after spending so much time with them.” Clarke continued to watch him silently. “It’s a good thing, Clarke.”

Tris walked over to them and tossed a medium-sized leather pouch at Clarke’s feet. She sat on the ground a few feet away with her own pouch. Clarke opened it and shared its contents with Murphy. She savored the taste of the dried meats and fruits that Lexa had packed for them. It seemed like the Grounders had no shortage of food and Clarke was thankful for this. Her people could really benefit from them. _Stupid Pike,_ Clarke thought to herself. _Ruining such a good thing._ Murphy too seemed to be enjoying his food, stuffing handfuls of the meat into his mouth, hardly chewing before he swallowed.

“Slow down! You won’t run out… Well at that rate, we might.” Clarke wondered how much Murphy had eaten during his stay in Polis. Lexa always made sure that Clarke was fed, but did she do the same for her friend? 

The sun was just beginning to set as they finished their meal. Clarke watched as Tris stood up and began gathering twigs from the ground. She got up from her makeshift seat and began doing the same. 

“We will rest here until dawn, then continue our journey.” Tris answered her question even before she had time to form it. Murphy, hearing this, found a spot on the ground and curled into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest. He rested his head on a pile of leaves and closed his eyes. 

_Typical Murphy… And not much help._

When Tris seemed satisfied with the fire she built, she sat down in front of it, warming her hands. Clarke was unsure of where to sit and did not want to encroach on her space, so she sat across the fire from her, watching her movements. Clarke rubbed her hands together, occasionally blowing into them for warmth, forgetting how cold nights could be during this time of year. She thanked Lexa for forcing her to wear this extra layer of protective gear. It really was warm.

Clarke continued to watch Tris, searching for any signs of fatigue, but couldn’t find any. _Oh yea, Grounders don’t really sleep._ Her own body was overcome with exhaustion, but her mind was wandering as it did many nights, especially the nights without the warm body of her love beside her. This was also an awkward situation for Clarke because she was very interested in the person sharing this journey with her. Who was Tris? Why was she chosen to accompany them? She wanted so much to ask her all of these questions but held her tongue. Grounders were not ones for small talk and Clarke did not want to overstep her boundaries. 

Tris had been watching Clarke the entire time. Even when she was not physically watching, Clarke could feel her monitoring her, noticing every move and every facial expression. So of course she seemed to notice Clarke’s anxiety. She spoke up first, breaking the silence and relieving Clarke. “You must be special.”

“What?” _Not what I was expecting her to say._

Tris smirked. _That Grounder smirk_. “To the Commander,” she clarified.

Clarke felt her face flush, the familiar warmth seeping its way back into her skin. She didn’t know how to answer. She wanted to be careful, for Lexa’s sake.

“You do not have to say anything, Wanheda. It is okay.”

Clarke was unsure of Tris’s intentions, though she did not hear any malice in her tone. But she could not afford any mistakes that could hurt Lexa or undermine her authority. “It’s Clarke,” she stated, a little more harshly than intended. 

“Ok, Clarke,” Tris answered, a new warmth in her voice. “Do not worry, I was merely making an observation.”

“What makes you say this?” Clarke questioned.

“The Commander would not provide an escort if you were not important, especially not me. I cannot remember the last time she sent me with anybody other than herself. It must have been years ago… In fact it was only for one other person…” Tris’s voice trailed off. When she realized what she was about to say, she quickly stopped herself. Clarke assumed that she too did not know how much to divulge when it came to Lexa. 

Clarke nodded, understanding. _Costia._ It seemed like her name was coming up a lot, and each time Clarke’s heart hurt for Lexa. She shook her head of the thoughts and tried to change the subject. “Have you known Lexa long?”

“Yes, since she first became Commander. How different she is now…” she reminisced. 

“How so?”

“So much more mature. Also, much wiser and stronger if possible. When she first became Commander, my brother and I saw so much potential, but she was still young and eager. She felt like she had much to prove, and she was right. But she proved it, to everyone. She did things no other Commander has done, making our world a better place for everyone.”

Clarke smiled. Hearing these words of praise and affection for Lexa from yet another person made her heart swell. It was amazing how many people respected Lexa and understood her achievements. Clarke felt like sometimes Lexa could not see these things herself, but she was so happy that others did. “She _is_ incredible…” Clarke wondered if she shouldn't have said this, but Tris just nodded in response, a hint of a smile on her lips. 

“She is. And if you are special to her, then there must be something very special about you too.” She said these words so matter-of-fact that Clarke almost missed their importance. How could she know so much already? Clarke had barely even mentioned Lexa and she did not think that Lexa would have opened up either. 

“It is the small gestures,” Tris clarified as if reading Clarke’s mind. “She did not have to say anything… And neither did you. The way the Commander watches you, and the fact that I am here says it all.” Clarke felt her face flush even more, growing hotter by the second. As much as the words made her heart sing, she hoped for Lexa’s sake that others were not as intuitive. She did not want to endanger her any more than she had. “Do not worry,” Tris reassured again. “It is because I know Lexa that I see these things.”

“So… you have a brother?” Clarke tried to change the topic again. 

“Had…”

“Oh.” _Nice going, Clarke._ “I’m sorry, I…”

Tris raised her hand to stop her. “Don’t apologize. He died honorably… By Lexa’s hand.”

Clarke froze, speechless. _What? How could she be so calm?_ This was very awkward territory and Clarke did not know how to tread through it. She looked up to try and gauge Tris as words eluded her. Her face was stoic as it had been throughout most of the journey, no hints of anger or sorrow for her fallen brother. Clarke wished she could read her mind. 

“Do you want to tell me about him?” was all Clarke could come up with. It was what she did, she listened and she would try to understand. As soon as the words escaped her lips, however, she immediately wished she hadn’t pried. Grounders did not talk about things like this. They didn’t talk much at all. This was such a sore topic that she was sure that she would be greeted with silence again.

Clarke was pleasantly surprised when Tris started to speak. “His name was Gustus.” Clarke’s eyes immediately darted to Tris’s face. _Oh my god._ Now Clarke really regretted asking. She swallowed hard, trying to relieve the lump in her throat. Tris watched, quietly analyzing. 

“You knew him,” Tris spoke softly. Clarke was unsure if this was a question or a statement.

“Yes.” Clarke could feel her throat closing as her eyes began to sting. The day she watched Lexa slide her sword through the heart of her most important guard felt so long ago. But now, all the feelings came rushing back to her, the most apparent, guilt. It was her people’s fault. It was _her_ fault. If she hadn’t offered the alliance to Lexa, Gustus would not have had to betray her. “He was just protecting her,” she whispered, barely audible. 

“I know…” Tris looked up to the sky and Clarke could swear she saw moisture coating the now hazel eyes of the warrior. She looked so different now, almost fragile. “That was all he wanted, all he lived for. His one duty was to protect the Commander at all costs, even if it meant his life. And that is what he did. I would do the same.” Clarke could feel the pride emanating from her voice. She could feel how much Lexa’s people respected her and it still amazed her what lengths they would go to for her. 

Clarke knew she should not continue to pry, but she could not help herself. “You’re not mad at Lexa?”

Tris smiled, a bittersweet smile. “I could never be. She did what she had to do. She could not appear weak in the eyes of our people. Gustus knew this, he accepted it, as do I. Lexa is a great leader and above all, she is fair. ” Tris looked down at her feet, absentmindedly rolling a rock back and forth. “And I know how much it hurt her to do it. He was like family to her, or the closest thing to family the Commander could have.”

Immediately, Clarke felt for Lexa. She was reminded again of how lonely she must have been as Commander, how lonely she probably still was. How unfair her life was. Clarke wondered, _What happened to Lexa’s real family?_ She realized they had never spoken of such personal things. In fact, the only people they had ever talked about were people Lexa had been mentored by or people she knew after becoming Commander. Clarke knew these questions would eat away at her until she was able to speak to Lexa again.

Clarke cleared her throat, distraught by the conversation, but happy that Tris opened up to her, at least a little. “Gustus was a great man. Lexa was lucky to have him.” This was all she could say, hoping it would provide some comfort. 

Tris smiled warmly. “Thank you.”

Clarke stretched out on the ground beneath her, finding a satisfactory spot void of sticks or rocks. She rested one hand behind her head as she gazed up at the sky. It was a clear night, making it extra cool, but Clarke did not mind. She enjoyed nature. She had been confined so long before landing on Earth that she appreciated every moment in the vast outdoors. The stars looked extra bright tonight. Clarke concluded that there must have been millions scattered across the black canvas of the sky. She tried to find some some of the constellations she had read about and seen pictures of, but she couldn’t. That or she couldn’t remember what they looked like. Her eyes found the moon as it cast its glow over the land. It almost took Clarke’s breath away. She wondered what Lexa was doing right now and hoped that she was not overwhelmed. Clarke imagined her standing on the balcony of the room they now practically shared, looking up at the same moon as it cast the same soft white glow over her flawless face. _Reshop, Heda,_ she whispered before sleep took over.

  
The next morning, Clarke was woken up by a rough shake from Tris. “It is time to go.”

_Geez, apparently gentle is not a trait shared by most Grounders._ The fire was out and the horses were packed and waiting. Murphy was asleep in the same spot they had left him, mouth agape with drool running down his face. Clarke figured it was her job to wake up her friend so she walked over to him and nudged him with her boot. “Hey, wake up Murphy.” He swatted it away in his sleep, mumbled something, and turned over. “Hey!” Clarke screamed and bent down to shake him. “If you don’t get up now, I’m getting the water.” 

“Fine…” he whined as he slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. “You were supposed to be the nice one.”

“Yea well, things change. Plus, better me than her,” Clarke gestured to Tris who was watching them impatiently. 

They mounted their horses and began the rest of the journey. Clarke was relieved that Murphy seemed to be getting the hang of at least mounting the horse. If this trip were any longer, he definitely would have been almost decent by the end. They traveled for a few more hours in relative silence as Clarke took in her surroundings. How peaceful the forest seemed now. She wondered if the animals were still hibernating or if they were just experts at hiding. 

When they exited the woods, Clarke was finally able to see farther, no trees obstructing her view. Her heart began to beat faster and she tightened her grip on the reigns when a wall of Grounders came into view just about a half-mile away. _Please let this go well_ , she hoped. 

As they neared the group, Tris brought her horse to a stop and turned to face the two of them. “Let me do the talking. There should be no problems.” She did not seem worried at all which made Clarke feel a little better. She also knew that the Grounders would not disobey Lexa’s orders, although right now, many of them were itching to have a go at any member of Skaikru. 

Tris rode to the front of the wall of Grounders and began to address them. “I have orders from the Commander to let these members of Skaikru pass.” She paused, looking each Grounder within earshot in the eye. “Du bilaik trana kot daun na kof em.”

Clarke watched for any reactions. Luckily they were only greeted with a series of disgruntled sighs and grumbles. She had forgotten how frightening Grounders looked outside of Polis, and these looked twice as big as she remembered. Their armor and masks adorned with bones and threateningly sharp twigs gave them an even more intimidating appearance. Clarke concluded that these must be members of Trikru, but she wondered where their village was. Had they passed it? She hoped that the massacre was not as bad as Semet had reported. She couldn’t fathom the idea of her own people doing that. 

When Tris felt satisfied that everyone understood her, she motioned for Clarke and Murphy to follow her as the Grounders parted, leaving an opening for them to ride through. Clarke held her head high and looked straight ahead as she rode, avoiding eye contact with any of the Grounders. She did not want to give them a reason to attack. She really wished Lexa was with them right now. She would’ve felt much safer. After a few minutes, the three were safely through the barricade as it faded from view. 

“That wasn’t bad,” Murphy noted as they continued. As calm as he sounded, Clarke knew he too was relieved.

“They would not undermine Lexa’s orders. And their fight is not with you. Most of us are aware that Clarke was fulfilling her duties as ambassador in Polis, nowhere near Skaikru when they attacked… On either occasion.” Clarke cringed at the reminder while Tris turned back to look at them with a smirk on her face. “We are not as bad as you may still believe.”

“I know.” _Believe me, I know._ Never were Clarke’s words more true. She knew that most Grounders were in fact _better_ than her own people, especially now. They followed a strict set of morals and rules, whereas now, _her_ people were doing the opposite. She still could not understand how anybody could follow Pike. Her mind drifted to Bellamy. She was so disappointed in him… Furious! _How could he let this happen?_ Clarke was reminded of the old Bellamy, the selfish one she clashed with again and again after they had landed. She hoped that Octavia was somehow getting through to him.

As they continued, the next few miles were ridden in silence, Clarke lost in her own thoughts. She had to stop herself from imagining the worst about Arkadia. She was not sure what she would find when they returned and she wasn’t looking forward to it either. So much had happened since she last saw her mother and Kane, and even Octavia. She did not want to think about seeing her other friends either that were left behind after Mount Weather. 

“There it is,” Tris snapped her out of her own thoughts. She was pointing ahead and Clarke’s heart began to race as she looked at the cold metal walls of Arkadia. This place she used to call home felt so far from it right now.

_Did it always look this unwelcoming?_ Clarke wondered if it was really she who changed instead. The only thing that made her feel a little comfort was that everything _looked_ the same. Nothing was destroyed, nothing about the appearance was different, and there were no bodies strewn about. 

“This is where I leave you,” Tris continued. Clarke’s heart sank. She knew Tris could not stay with them forever, but for some reason, she made her feel less anxious. Tris was her safety blanket and her tangible reminder of the Grounders, and Lexa. 

Clarke did not suggest that she ride further with them because she knew that it was unsafe for her, and who knows how her people would react upon seeing a Grounder. She maneuvered her horse so that she was standing beside Tris. “Thank you, Tris.” Clarke turned to her, complete sincerity in her eyes. “For everything.” _For the protection, for the guidance, and for the chat about Lexa_. Something so small, but so important to Clarke. 

Tris accepted the gratitude with a warm smile, words were not necessary. “Best of luck, Clarke. Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim.” She pulled the reigns sharply to the left and turned her horse around, back towards Polis. With a swift kick, she took off, dipping her chin as she passed Murphy. 

“Bye,” he called after her. He slowly led his horse up to Clarke’s. The two of them looked out towards Arkadia, only a few hundred feet away. “Welcome home.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Reshop” = Goodnight 
> 
> “Du bilaik trana kot daun na kof em” = Anyone who tries to undermine this will pay
> 
> “Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim” = May we meet again


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is doing well tonight! I know it's been a very stressful day for many (as it continues to be), but hang in there! I wanted to finish writing this chapter today because writing this story really is fun and it takes my mind off of the other things. I hope you enjoy it!

.Clarke’s POV.

“Stop right there!” Clarke heard a guard shout from the tower looming over the large iron gates.

_Not quite the way I left it,_ she thought to herself as the guard trained his firearm on her. As she looked up at him, she tried to figure out who this stranger pointing a gun at her was. She did not recognize his face. Her eyes moved to the second guard tower on the opposite side of the door and she realized that she did not know this man either. _Who are all of these people?_

“Dude, let us in!” Murphy yelled to the guard, seemingly undisturbed by the weapons being pointed in his direction now. 

“State your business!” 

Murphy turned to Clarke. “What is he talking about?” 

“It’s probably some new protocol Pike came up with.”

“Well we hardly look threatening. I don’t see why…” He paused. “Actually…” he pointed at the outfit Clarke hadn’t realized she was wearing. Were they mistaking her for a Grounder? If so, that would be ridiculous. Everyone knew her. Or at least everyone used to. Kane would never have let this happen.

Clarke had to think fast because this wasn’t going to end well. Pike’s followers seemed way too trigger-happy. “We’re from Arkadia! We’re just trying to return home. Go find Abby, she’s my mother.” _Not your most convincing statement, Clarke._

“She never mentioned a daughter,” one of the guards retorted. 

_That’s probably for the best…_

Clarke noticed some people congregating outside, hushed chatter being exchanged. They watched her with wary eyes, sending chills up Clarke’s spine. A few months ago, she would have been greeted with friendly faces and open arms, not like this. _What the hell happened here?_

“Open the gate!” Relief washed over Clarke as she heard the familiar voice of her mother. They had not always seen eye-to-eye, but deep down she knew her mom always had her back. 

“Sorry, Abby, that isn’t your call to make.” Clarke could see the anger on her mother’s face radiating from her eyes and resting in her tightened jaw. This was not sitting well with the former Chancellor. 

“It’s my daughter! Don’t just leave her out there!”

“She seems to be doing just fine.”

“If she’s one of us, why does she look like one of them?” the second guard added.

Clarke huffed, impatiently. _It’s just clothing,_ she thought to herself. _Did they want me to freeze to death?_ She was becoming angrier by the second. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…

“Open the gate.” Clarke froze, cringing at the voice that scratched through her ear. As the gate slowly creaked open, she averted her gaze, not wanting to look at the man walking towards her. 

“Welcome back, Clarke.” He sounded authentic, but Clarke knew that he was probably as unhappy to see her as she was to see him. The bad part was, however, that he held all the power here. For now… 

He held up his hand to her, offering to help her down from her horse. Ignoring this, she swung her leg over its back and jumped off herself. _Phew_ , she sighed, thankful that the dismount was much more graceful than usual. Murphy did the same. _Yep, he’ll definitely be a pro at this in no time._

“Leave the horses here. They will be taken care of by one of our guards.” Clarke made it a point to keep an eye on Lexa’s horses for as long as she could, for she intended to return them to their rightful owner in the same condition in which she was given them. 

Abby rushed over to Clarke, embracing her in a hug. The hesitancy from their first hug in Polis was gone, and Clarke melted into the familiar, comforting arms of her mother. She was happy to see that at least her mom was doing okay under Pike’s leadership. Clarke wondered where her friends were, where Kane was, where _Bellamy_ was. The last time they saw each other was not under the best circumstances, and if she was mad at him then, she was even more upset with him now after really thinking about everything he had done. When Abby released her, Clarke could see concern in her eyes.

“You should have stayed in Polis…” she whispered. Clarke knew how worried she must be. Her mom knew that at least in Polis, Lexa would do everything she could to keep Clarke safe. But here, she was definitely not safe at all. _I wish I stayed in Polis too…_

Pike began walking back into Arkadia, stopping to speak to a nearby guard. Abby and Clarke followed, with Murphy trailing behind. As soon as the three of them stepped inside the gates, Clarke barely had time to register the loud _clank!_ of the gate locking before a set of strong arms grabbed her, roughly throwing her to the ground face first. She winced as her skin made contact with sharp pieces of gravel and dust filled her eyes and nose. She heard a grunt and looked beside her, finding Murphy in the same position.

“What are you doing?!” she could hear her mom yell from above her. 

“Sorry, Abby, but this is something we have to do.”

Clarke felt her arms being twisted behind her back, followed by the stiff, cold metal of shackles on her wrists. Once her hands were secured, she was pulled to her feet. Pike walked over to her, standing about a foot from her face. How she wished she could build up enough spit in her mouth to hawk one at him. 

“I don’t know why you came back, Clarke, but I can’t endanger the lives of _my_ people. Until I am convinced you’re not a threat, you’re going to be held in the cells with the rest of the traitors.”

Clarke gritted her teeth as she stared Pike down. She had to hold her tongue before she said something she regretted. Or more like something that would endanger her life. _How dare he!_ she thought. “If anyone is a threat to _my_ people, it’s you,” she hissed at him. _So much for keeping quiet._

“And who exactly are _your_ people, Clarke? It seems you have forgotten over the past few months.” Clarke tried to lunge at Pike but was restrained quickly, a twisted smile forming on his lips. 

_I will make sure you pay,_ Clarke vowed. 

“What are you talking about?” Abby interrupted. “Clarke is the last person that would endanger anyone’s life, especially any of us. Don’t forget, Pike, she was here long before you were. And _she_ was the one protecting the rest of her friends.”

“Things change. She’s been gone for months. And to make matters worse, she’s been living with _them._ Who knows if they’ve brainwashed her, or what they’ve taught her. I can’t trust her. _We_ can’t trust her.” He gestured at her clothing, “She even dresses like them.” He looked at her with a displeased frown. “She fits right in. If I hadn’t known her before, I would’ve thought she was one of them.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. _Is he serious?_ But then she thought, _It wouldn’t be the worst thing if I was one of them._ “At least they know how to treat _their own people._ ”

Pike moved closer but Clarke held her ground. “You should be happy I’m letting you live.” He turned to the guard restraining Clarke. “Lock them up!” 

With that, Clarke was dragged away. She could see the pain in her mother’s eyes as she passed her, but Clarke knew there was nothing she could do. At least not now. She was no longer Chancellor. If there was a way to help, she would have to do it discreetly. “I’ll find a way,” Abby mouthed to her. All Clarke could do was nod. This wasn’t the way this homecoming was supposed to begin.

As Clarke was led down the once familiar, comforting halls of Arkadia, she couldn’t feel more like an outsider. Everything looked the same, but nothing felt the same. _Why did I come back?_ she wondered. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but reality had a different plan. 

“Clarke…” A warm, caring voice caught Clarke’s attention. She looked ahead to see Kane standing at the door of a holding cell down the hall. His weak smile did nothing to soothe her anxiety, but the care and relief in his eyes made her feel a little safer. She forced a smile in his direction, but she feared it probably looked as defeated as his. The guard unlocked the door, removed the handcuffs, and shoved Clarke into the cell with Kane. She did not move in time and Murphy ended up being shoved right into her. The two stumbled forward as the guard slammed the door shut behind them. 

“Geez,” Murphy sighed as he threw the guard a displeased look. 

“Clarke, Murphy… It’s so good to see you.” Kane walked over and embraced Clarke. Oddly, she felt almost as comforted by Kane as she did by her own mother. He slowly released her, holding her at arms length while looking into her eyes trying to gauge something. “You look good, Clarke. It seems you might have been better off staying in Polis.”

“I know. I’m already regretting this.” Her eyes traveled over the others in the room. She was surprised to see Grounders mixed in with the more familiar faces of her own people. Then, much to her surprise, her eyes fell on a large, strong silhouette and a kind, familiar face. “Lincoln,” she smiled at him. 

“Hey, Skygirl.” He returned the smile and at that moment, Clarke felt a little bit safer. Just seeing a Grounder, and one that had been through so much with her people made her feel better. She wished it had been under different circumstances. 

She turned back to Kane. “What the hell happened here? And why are you guys in here?”

Kane sighed, taking a seat against the wall. Clarke followed as did Murphy. “Where do you want me to start?”

“I think I know the gist of what’s been going on with Pike and everything. I still don’t get how anyone voted for him…”

“He was saying what people wanted to hear. Sometimes that’s all it takes, especially when people are scared and an uncertain future is looming.” Kane was so understanding, still, after everything. Like Clarke, he would always give his people the benefit of the doubt. 

“Maybe… But how can they _still_ be following him. After everything he’s done.” Clarke thought back to everything she had done to keep her people safe and foster peace between them and the the Grounders. _It was all a waste…_

Kane put his hand on Clarke’s shoulder as if reading her thoughts. He gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Not everyone is following him. Your friends, your mother… Me. We believe there is another way. We’re just waiting for our chance.”

“Not _all_ of my friends,” Clarke spat. 

“He’s just lost. Pike gave him power, authority. That’s probably something he was craving. And he lost someone he cared about…” 

“Haven’t we all?” Clarke questioned. She, more than anybody, had felt the excruciating pain of loss. “You don’t see me going around killing Grounders out of anger or spite, or whatever the hell his reasoning is.”

Kane sighed, eyes softening. “I know… But you’re different. You’re strong. That’s why your friends listened to you and followed your leadership when we sent you down here. That’s why _we_ listened to you afterwards, and why even the Grounders listen to you. And Lexa…” Kane smiled at Clarke, a proud smile that she had not often seen from him. “If that doesn't prove how important and strong you are, having the Commander of the Twelve Clans listen to you and heed your advice, then nothing else will.” 

Clarke smiled back, reflecting the pride that Kane had instilled in her. Hearing it did make her feel like she really had accomplished something. But it still did not help their current situation, nor did it provide her with any solutions or lessen her anger toward her friend. She sighed, trying to calm her nerves.

“How is Lexa, by the way?” Kane asked. Clarke saw Lincoln look over as well as the other Grounders scattered about the cell, interested in their Commander’s welfare.

_The shooting…_ Clarke had to remind herself. So much had happened in the past few weeks that it seemed like such a distant event. “Oh, she’s doing well. Surprisingly well, actually. It’s almost as if nothing happened.” She looked over at Lincoln. “You guys definitely heal quick. It’s amazing.” 

“It must be in the blood. None of that mediocre Sky Person kind,” he joked, his bright smile lighting up the dreary room. Clarke could also see pride on the faces of the other Grounders at the complement. 

“So what’s the plan?” Clarke turned back to Kane. 

“What plan?” 

“To get out of here? You can’t really be sitting here waiting for Pike to wreak more havoc and endanger everyone even more?”

“There’s not much we can do, Clarke.”

“Why are you even in here?”

“Prisoners of treason.” 

Clarke scoffed. “Are you joking?” She couldn’t believe it. Out of everyone in the entire camp, Kane was probably the most trustworthy and loyal person to his people. Sure, they may have had their differences in the past, but the new Kane was a good man and Clarke couldn’t believe Pike, again. 

“I wish…” 

Before Clarke could ask any more questions, Pike came walking down the hall, Bellamy on one side and a second guard on the other. Clarke could see relief on Bellamy’s face when his eyes fell on her, however, she did not make eye contact with him, still furious at his actions. She could tell this was bothering him and she hoped he would not pull her aside and try to speak to her. 

Pike began to address the group. “As Chancellor, I am given ultimate authority as to what your punishments should be. I have given it a lot of thought, and it disappoints me that you would turn against one of your own as you have. You have endangered not only my life, but the lives of everyone here.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “Therefore, for your crimes, you will all be sentenced to death. The only appropriate punishment for such treachery.”

Clarke gasped. _Is he kidding?_ She couldn’t believe he could do this to his own people. People he had known for so long. From the Ark! She looked over at Bellamy who was avoiding everyone’s gaze. She could see the fear and surprise in his eyes. She wanted to shake him, scream at him, get through to him and convince him to overtake this dictator.

Behind her, Clarke could hear the Grounders whispering amongst each other. “Chit en’s tel yu op?” one of the women asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Lincoln responded, leaning over to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. He walked to the cell door and addressed Pike through the iron bars. “Don’t punish my people for what I have done. They were only following me. Please.” Clarke could hear the authenticity in his voice. How she wished he did not have to plead with Pike. Pike did not deserve it, but Clarke knew that Lincoln would do whatever he had to to protect his people.

“He’s right,” Bellamy chimed in, trying to ameliorate the situation.

_It’s about time,_ Clarke thought to herself. Although this was nowhere near enough as far as she was concerned. 

“They were only doing what we would have done,” Bellamy leaned closer to Pike as he spoke. 

Pike held Lincoln’s stare as he thought. “You’re right,” he finally spoke. “Kane, Sinclair, Lincoln…I sentence you three to death for your crimes.” 

Clarke glanced over at Kane and saw a cold, hardened expression on his face, a steely look in his eye. He would never show how he really felt in front of Pike. Lincoln too had a serious, unreadable expression. She admired the men. They were so composed. She really wished that the bars were not separating them because she would have attacked Pike right where he stood. _How dare he? A good leader would never unnecessarily kill his own…_ Especially not in a time like this, where every person was crucial. She walked over to the cell door to address Pike. It took everything she had to control her raging emotions. Her heart burned with red hot anger just waiting to be unleashed. 

“What about me?” she asked through gritted teeth.

He stepped a few inches closer, his face threateningly close to hers. “I’m still deciding what to do with you.” She could hear the contempt dripping from each of his words. “If it were anybody else, you would be dead at dawn with the rest of these traitors. But lucky for you, you might be worth more _alive._ Seeing that you spent so much time with the Commander… There might be use for you.” Clarke felt a chill run through her body as goosebumps formed on her skin. She had no clue what Pike had in store for her, but she did not want to find out. 

With that, he turned on his heel and walked back down the hallway. Before Bellamy followed, he shot Clarke an apologetic look, his eyes tinged with what appeared to be sorrow. She could see a thin layer of moisture coating his eyes and she could tell he was distraught by the punishment that his boss had just served. Maybe this would finally knock some sense into him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Chit en’s tel yu op?” = What’s he saying?


	17. Chapter 17

.Clarke’s POV.

_Think, Clarke, think,_ she urged herself as she paced the room. There must be something she could do. She came back to help her people, not watch them die one by one at the hands of a dictator. 

“Sit down, Clarke,” Kane sighed. “You’re going to dig yourself into the ground if you keep pacing.” 

“How can you be so calm?” _You’re going to die tomorrow morning!_ She couldn’t believe everyone was just sitting around taking it. This wasn’t like her people. They would fight until the end.

“There isn’t much we can do without endangering the lives of everyone here.” Kane looked up at her, defeat written across his face. This wasn’t the Kane Clarke knew. The one she had grown to respect. She needed to shake him out of whatever slump he was in. All of them! 

“Lincoln?” Clarke turned to him, her eyes pleading. 

“My people here are safe. That’s all that matters. I can’t endanger them.” He met her eyes and she could feel his anguish, for not being able to help and for the bleak future ahead. “I’m sorry…”

“How can you even trust that your people will be safe after this?! What makes you think he won’t do the same thing to them as soon as you’re gone?” She could see Lincoln considering this, his jaw clenching more with each second. 

“I have to have faith…” He didn’t sound convincing at all as his head fell into his hands. 

_Ugh! Fine, I’ll have to figure this out myself!_

“Plus, it doesn’t look like we can do much from in here,” Lincoln added. Clarke’s ears perked. If she could just think of something, maybe she wouldn’t be completely alone.

Clarke made a mental checklist of everyone outside of these bars that she trusted and could help them. _Mom. Octavia. Raven. Monty. Harper… Jasper… Yea, right_ , Jasper probably wouldn’t even speak to her. Octavia too for that matter. Clarke wondered where O was. She hadn’t seen or heard from her since she left Polis. The only relief she had was that at least O wasn’t in this cell with them. _That’s a good thing, right…?_

“Where’s O?” Clarke looked at Lincoln, sitting on the floor, his head still cradled between his palms. 

“She’s been laying low. Not spending much time in Arkadia. It’s safer for her on the outside.”

“Have you seen her recently?”

“No…” 

_Where are you, O?_ Clarke prayed that she was safe. And hopefully she figured out a way to get them all out of this. She really wished there was a way she could talk to Octavia. _Raven…_

“What about Raven?” Clarke knew that if Raven was aware of what was going on, she was hard at work in her lab fashioning what one could only hope was an explosive device or some kick-ass weapons. A radio would be really useful right now too.

“Haven’t seen her in a while either,” Kane responded. He paused, thinking about something. “Last time I saw her, she was acting strange.”

“Strange how?” 

“Happy…” he almost whispered. 

Clarke tried to think of the last time she had seen her friend happy… Truly happy. She couldn’t remember. Ever since Finn, and even before he died, Raven was different… sullen. When she wasn’t upset, she was angry. So a smile was not something that Clarke often saw on the face of her dark-haired friend. 

“Yea, I guess that is kind of strange,” Clarke chuckled. 

“Oh no…” sudden realization flashed across Kane’s face.

Clarke looked over at him, watching as fear filled his eyes. “What?” she demanded.

“Jaha…” 

“Jaha?” Clarke hadn’t seen Jaha in months. When was the last time she did see him? She wondered what he was up to and what Kane was talking about.

“What about Jaha?” Murphy asked from his corner of the cell. He turned to face Kane, clearly very interested. 

_Why is he so interested?_ Clarke wondered.

“He got to her…” Kane was answering their questions, but his eyes still looked so distant, as if he were trying to solve something.

Clarke walked over to Kane, sitting right in front of him. “What do you mean got to her??” She could feel the unpleasant symptoms of anxiety creeping upon her as she worried for her friend. She needed to know what he was talking about. Murphy, too, scooted closer, as if he knew something else that she didn’t.

“He came back to Arkadia one day, just randomly appearing at the gates. We hadn’t seem him for some time, then there he was. He was different. He looked like Jaha, but something felt off. Like Raven now.” 

Murphy’s eyes widened. “The chip…” He sighed as his face began to bear a similar expression to Kane’s. Kane looked at him, shocked. 

“You know?”

Clarke was becoming irritated. She had no clue what was going on and this explanation was taking way too long. “Ok, what the hell are you both talking about and what does it have to do with Raven!”

Murphy continued, ignoring Clarke. “I was with Jaha before. We were traveling together. He told me all about a City of Light. Tried to get me to take the chip and join him there.”

“Wow… Did you take it?” Kane questioned.

“No. It wasn’t my thing.”

“He offered it to us too. He’s recruiting in Arkadia now. Seems like he got to more of us than I would like…”

“What’s the City of Light? And what is a chip??” Clarke’s patience was growing thin. She didn’t like being out of the loop, especially on something that seemed pretty pertinent.

“Short version.” Murphy began. “The City of Light is some place you can go where there’s apparently no pain or sadness. Just a bunch of happy robots, sounds like.” He looked at Clarke. “And the chip is what you take to get there.”

It sounded ridiculous to Clarke. If Kane didn’t look so dejected, she would think Murphy was joking. “Like an actual place?”

“I don’t know. Never visited.”

“It can’t be,” Kane cut in. Apparently Jaha was not very descriptive when selling this City of Light to the people of Arkadia. “If Raven is there right now, it must be through her mind or something. Cause she’s physically here, walking around and talking to people.”

Clarke took a deep breath in to try and alleviate the nausea that was sweeping over her. Her head was spinning and she didn’t know what to believe. She tried to understand but couldn’t wrap her head around all of it. What was Jaha up to? Where _was_ Raven really? It sounded like she was on some kind of drug if anything, some euphoric drug. Maybe she was just hallucinating. But whatever it was, it couldn’t be safe. Nothing that sounded so good ever was. She sighed, sad and fearful for Raven. She knew why something like this would appeal to her. For almost as long as she’d known Raven, a cloud of darkness, sorrow loomed over her. As bubbly and happy as she could be at times, Clarke could always feel the pain she carried within her heart. If Raven was given the chance to wipe away all of the pain that consumed her, why wouldn’t she? 

“How do we get her back?” Clarke didn’t want to hear anything else. It would only scare her more. She just needed a solution. They would take on this unknown threat the same way they did everything else. 

“I don’t know.”

Clarke looked over at Murphy, hoping he had an answer. He just shook his head. “Sorry, Clarke.” 

“How many people do you think he got?” Clarke was ready for action. There were so many threats now, more and more piling up each day. She felt like nothing had been solved, and still more things were being thrown at her and her people. But deep down, she knew these were the things that really motivated her. They fueled the fire in her heart.

“I don’t know,” Kane admitted. “I haven’t really been part of the population for a while now. The only people we see now are the same guards day in and day out.”

Clarke was reminded that there were more urgent matters at hand- getting out of this cell before three of her friends were killed and who knows how many more. “Is Raven in danger?” this was her last question on the subject and she hoped the answer would soothe her worries about the City of Light at least for now. 

“We can’t be sure.”

“The way Jaha made it sound, she might be in a better place,” Murphy added.

“Let’s hope.” But in her gut, Clarke knew that nothing good lasted. Especially something that sounded like paradise. _We’ll get you out of there, Raven_ , she promised. As soon as this was sorted out, she would find Jaha and figure out what he was up to.

Clarke sat in the darkened cell trying to come up with an escape plan for what felt like forever. She wondered what time it was as she tenderly rubbed her wrist where her father’s watch used to sit. _I miss you, dad_. She wondered if things would have been different if he were down here with her. Would her life be different? Would her mom be different? Secretly, she was happy that he wasn’t down here, on this Earth they had all been so excited to come to. He was definitely safer up in the heavens, resting eternally beyond the sky. And from up there, he could not witness the horrible things she had done and would continue to have to do to survive. Things that she was not proud of and never would be. Things no father should have to know. 

Clarke made her way over to the guard on the other side of the cell door. “Do you have any idea how much longer until morning?”

Without even turning, he answered, “No.”

_Ugh_. These farm station guards were so rude. At least if it were one of the people she had lived with in Arkadia, she would be treated with a little more respect. Or given some kind of reply. “Thanks,” she replied curtly. 

“Can I at least speak to Bellamy?” she wasn’t quite sure why she made this request. Maybe her mind had other plans that she wasn’t aware of yet. 

“No.”

Clarke took a deep breath in, calming her nerves and trying to suppress the rage that was threatening to overtake her. _He’s so close_ , she thought, looking at the guard that was only about a foot away from her. She _could_ reach her hand through the bars and grab him. He wasn’t facing her. But then what would she do with him? He was much too tall for her to get a good grip around his neck, and she probably didn’t have enough strength to knock him out, especially from this angle. 

“Clarke,” a voice whispered urgently from behind her. She turned and saw Kane looking at her cautiously. He shook his head, _no_. 

She sighed, nodding. _I know_. She could not put herself or the rest of them in danger. Turning back to the guard, she continued her plea peacefully. “Please, I have to speak to him.” This wasn’t going to convince the burly guard. She doubted that kindness would have any impact on him. “It’s about his sister.”

This, however, seemed to interest him as he slowly turned his head in her direction, his ear honing in on her next words. “Do you know where she is?”

_They don’t know where O is? She must really be laying low._ This was a relief to Clarke. At least she was safe. She had to think of what to say so he wouldn’t lose interest. “I might. But it’s something I think I should really talk to Bellamy about first.”

The guard stayed silent. Even though she could not see his face, Clarke knew he was contemplating it. This would either make him look really good in front of his boss if she did have helpful information, or it would blow up in his face. Clarke knew that he was not as logical and rational as she was, so she had to hope that his pride would make the decision. 

“Find Bellamy!” he shouted to the guard down the hall. Clarke smiled on the inside. _Yup, pride always wins with Farm Station_. Of course he would want to get on Pike’s good side. 

“You better have something good,” he warned Clarke, his tone threatening. 

Within a few minutes, Bellamy came walking down the hall, his steps quick as if he were in a rush. _Good, he’s alone._ She wondered if Pike knew about this little meeting. As he walked up to the cell, he pulled Clarke to the side, away from the curious ears of the guard. 

“I’m glad you’re safe,” he told her in a hushed voice, eyes sincere. 

_No thanks to you… Stop it, Clarke_ , y _ou need him. Deep breaths._

Clarke could hear Bellamy nervously clear his throat, obviously trying to find words. She never thought their friendship would end up this way. They were on the right track. Everything was going well. Was this her fault? _Should I not have left?_ As soon as she thought these words, the beautiful face of her love popped into her head, emerald eyes piercing her mind. She could never be sorry for that. Immediately, anger took over, erasing any guilt that she might have been feeling. This was not her fault! Bellamy made his own decisions. Maybe he had never changed, or at least not as much as she thought he had.

Ignoring his previous statement, Clarke began to plead her case. “You can’t let this happen.” She looked up at him as he avoided her glare. He sighed. She could tell he was torn. At this point, she didn’t care. She just needed him to listen. She needed him to realize what was happening and what was _going_ to happen. 

“There isn’t much I can do, Clarke.”

“What are you talking about!” The guard turned to see what was causing the commotion. He raised a questioning eyebrow at Bellamy. 

“Everything’s okay. I got this.” He turned back to Clarke. “Keep it down. You can’t call attention to yourself.”

Clarke scoffed. “Now you’re telling me what to do too?” Bellamy’s eyes softened as he tried to keep a cold exterior. He wasn’t very good at it. This only enraged her more. “What the hell is wrong with you!” This is when the guard began to walk over to them, his finger resting on the trigger, daring Clarke to make a move. 

Bellamy put his hand up to stop him. “I said I got this.” Without looking at Clarke, he walked to the cell door. “Unlock the door.” 

“What? No. You don’t have authorization to do that.”

“Unlock the door,” he repeated, his voice lowering. “I’m still your superior.” He pulled out a pair of handcuffs from his belt. The guard reluctantly unlocked the door. 

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked as Bellamy walked up to her. 

“Hands.” 

“What? No!” 

“Clarke, please,” he pleaded. “Trust me.” She wanted to laugh in his face. _Is he serious?_

“Fine.” She held out her hands. Maybe she could use this to her advantage. 

As he led her out of the cell, Kane, Lincoln, and Murphy watching anxiously, Clarke shot them a reassuring look. _I’ll be okay_. Now she needed to figure out how to use this opportunity. 

“We’re going to Pike.” Now it was Bellamy’s turn to reassure the guard. _Ugh._ “Don’t worry, this isn’t on you.”

They walked down the hall in silence. Small talk was a thing of the past. She really missed how things used to be. Before either of them had worked up the courage to speak first, Bellamy stopped short and abruptly pulled Clarke into a nearby room. 

“I thought we were going to Pike?”

“I just said that so he wouldn't freak out or call anyone on us.”

“Well that’s a surprise. If I remember correctly, that was the way things were heading last time I saw you…” Clarke didn’t want to be this petty but she couldn’t stop herself. She still felt the sting of betrayal from their last encounter.

“I know,” Bellamy admitted. “I didn’t want to do it. But I had to.” 

Clarke scoffed. “Well what’s different this time?”

“I don’t want any more people to die.” She could see a tear forming in the corner of his eye, but she didn’t feel bad for him. He brought this upon himself. She held her tongue.

“That makes two of us.” 

Bellamy removed the cuffs. “So what news do you have about O?”

“What do you know?” Clarke countered. 

He looked at her with a puzzled expression. “I thought…”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I said what I had to to get you here.” She watched as his expression changed. She couldn’t tell if it was anger, betrayal, or lost hope. 

“Well what do you want, Clarke?”

“Help. We need a plan.”

“A plan for what?”

“To save Kane, Lincoln, and Sinclair! A plan to keep our people safe!”

“They _are_ safe. As bad as you think Pike is, he did a lot of good.”

Clarke turned away, she didn’t want to hear this. “So you’re not gonna help…”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Something!”

“Even if I tried, it would be putting them in more danger.”

“We have to at least try.”

“We?” he looked at her, the same fire resurfacing in his eyes from their last conversation. “When did it become _we_ again, Clarke? You just come back _again_ when you feel like it and think you can take over? Do whatever you want?”

This obviously was not going to get anywhere. Clarke had to think of an alternate solution. And fast. “I thought you cared about them.”

“I do. You really think that I want them to die?! I’ve been trying to change his mind since he made the call.”

“And?”

“He’s not changing his mind. It was hard enough convincing him to let Indra live. And he believes Kane directly endangered his life and committed treason.”

“Well there must be another way!” 

He took a deep breath in. “I’m sorry.”

_That’s it!_ Clarke snapped. If he wasn’t going to help, she would do this on her own. Before he could react, Clarke lunged at Bellamy, propelled by anger and desperation, kneeing him directly in the gut. 

“Ahh,” he groaned, clutching his stomach and doubling over. She seized the opportunity, grabbing the shock baton from his belt. In one swift motion, she shock lashed him in the back, causing him to scream and fall to the ground unconscious. She tucked the baton into her belt and grabbed the gun that was laying beside him. Without checking on him, Clarke left the room and ran back down the hall toward the holding cell. Apparently this was becoming the norm for how her conversations with Bellamy ended. 

Before rounding the corner, Clarke stopped, planning out her next move. She peeked around the wall to assess the situation. _One guard. Where did the other one go?_ She needed to act fast before he returned to his post. She looked at the gun in her hand and weighed her options. She really did not want to kill the guard. Other than being a jerk, as far as she knew, he hadn’t done anything worthy of death. But in order to use the baton, she would have to be close to him. _He must have been involved in the massacres_ , she told herself. She needed to justify what might happen next. 

Taking a deep breath in, she tucked the gun into her pants, concealing it with her cloak. _Let’s do this._ She stepped into the hallway in view of the guard with her hands raised. As soon as he saw her, he grabbed the gun from his shoulder and pointed it at her. 

“Don’t move!” He screamed, anxiety prominent as his voice faltered. 

Clarke stopped in her tracks, hands still raised.

“What are you doing? Where’s Bellamy?” he asked, eyes narrowing. Clarke could see the puzzled faces of her friends watching from behind the guard. She stayed silent but continued to walk forward slowly. This tactic seemed to be frightening him more than any words could. 

“S-stop! Don’t come any closer!” 

She hoped that he remembered that Pike wanted her alive. This was the only reason she was probably still standing. 

When she was only a few feet away, she stopped, quickly bringing her hands in front of her, the movement causing the guard to jump. He looked at her hands sticking straight out, parallel to each other and realized what she was implying. Slowly, with one hand, he reached for the handcuffs attached to his belt while the other kept the gun pointed directly at her chest. She could hear him fumbling to undo the clasp, the metal chains of the cuffs rattling against each other. 

_Now!_ she told herself. She grabbed the baton from her belt and jabbed it into the guards stomach sending shock waves throughout his body. He barely made a sound as his body crumpled to the ground, handcuffs still attached to his waist. _It worked!_ Clarke was so relieved, she couldn’t believe it worked. 

“Clarke!” Kane gasped in shock.

She quickly bent down, searching the guards pockets for the keys to the door. Her friends rushed over to the bars.

“You’re nuts!” Murphy exclaimed with an impressed grin.

“Where are the keys?!” She fumbled through his jacket pockets, afraid that he might soon wake up.

“Check the back ones,” Kane said. “I think that’s where he put them last.”

Clarke reached around his body to search the back pockets of his pants. _A-ha!_ Her hands made contact with the cold metal ring holding the keys and she breathed a sigh of relief. She quickly pulled them out and began shoving them into the lock one by one. Luckily there were only a few. When she found the one that fit, she turned it, _Click!_ and the door swung open.

Kane, Murphy, and Sinclair filed out the door as Lincoln gathered the Grounders. 

“Mafta ai op,” he directed. The group nodded and followed Lincoln out the door. “Ste kefa,” he whispered. 

Kane picked up the guard’s gun and searched his body for any other useful weapons. He found a smaller handgun and a knife which he handed to Sinclair and Murphy respectively. Before he got up, he grabbed the handcuffs too.

“Just in case,” he said as he pocked them. 

“What happened to Bellamy?” Kane whispered.

Clarke pointed to the unconscious guard. “They’ll be out for a while… Don’t worry, he’ll be okay.”

Kane nodded. “What would we do without you?” he smiled. “Let’s hope this wasn’t for nothing.”

“Where do we go?” Clarke asked.

“It isn’t safe within these walls. We have to get out of here,” Kane answered.

“I can’t leave Raven behind.” The group looked at Sinclair. Clarke could see the worry he held for her in his expression. She knew that Raven was like a daughter to him and he would risk his life to protect her. 

Kane stepped closer to him. “There isn’t much you can do for her here. You’re a prisoner and now we’re fugitives. They’ll kill all of us as soon as they find us, so we have to get out of here.”

“I can’t…”

“You won’t be much help to her if you’re dead,” Murphy tried to reason with him. _Leave it to Murphy…_

“I’ll be fine. I know the ins and outs of Arkadia. I’ll stay in the shadows. I have to see her, especially if she’s in danger like you said she might be.”

Clarke knew his mind was set. She would do the same thing if it was her family, or Lexa. “Here,” she said, handing him the shock baton. “Be careful,” she pleaded. 

He took it, grasping her hand in his. “Thank you, Clarke.” He gave it a squeeze, his eyes full of gratitude. “Be safe, guys.” With that, he turned in the opposite direction and disappeared. 

“Okay, we gotta move,” Kane stated urgently. “We have to get to the tunnel.” Clarke remembered this tunnel from her last trip to Arkadia. It saved her life, and she hoped that no one had found it yet. 

The small group made their way through the halls quietly, crouching and tiptoeing to avoid causing too much commotion. Overall, they remained relatively stealth, only the occasional faint sounds of Clarke’s boots or Murphy’s shoes permeating the silence. Clarke was amazed at how muted the steps of the Grounders were. She could not hear their steps at all even though their shoes appeared heavier and larger than those of the Sky People. She hadn’t quite mastered this yet. 

_Wait!_ Kane’s hand shot up at the head of the line signaling everyone to stop. Clarke understood the signal and stopped short, Murphy crashing into her. _Every time!_ They steadied themselves as Kane turned to the group and pointed ahead of them. A guard was standing in the middle of the hall with his back to them. Lincoln nodded and took off down the hall, his steps quick and noiseless. He snuck up behind the guard and grabbed him, putting him in a chokehold. Clarke could hear the muffled gasps escaping from his mouth as his limbs flailed, trying to catch their attacker. After a few seconds, the guard’s body stilled and Lincoln dragged him into a nearby room. He came back out with a knife in his hands and nodded at the group to continue. As they were about to turn the corner to the hallway containing the secret door, an alarm began blaring over the speakers. 

_Shit!_ Clarke thought. They were so close! 

“Someone must have found the guard. We gotta move!” Kane quickened his pace and ran around the corner with everyone close behind. Clarke could picture Pike’s face right now, full of anger and embarrassment. He was probably dispatching all the guards to kill all of them.

“Here it is.” Kane stopped in front of a metal panel in the wall. To anyone else, it looked just like any ordinary wall. Clarke was impressed, again. Kane pulled the panel up revealing a small tunnel just big enough to fit one person at a time. “Go!” he motioned to them with his head as he held up the heavy piece. 

One by one, they filed in, Clarke leading the way. Luckily it was an easy route because she would not have remembered it otherwise. Kane jumped in after everyone was through and gently lowered the panel behind him. Clarke could hear the alarm still blaring through the walls. If possible, they sounded even louder and more threatening as they reverberated through the tunnel. _Comon, only a little further,_ she told herself. 

After what felt like ages, Clarke’s hands hit an obstruction. _The end of the tunnel._ This thick, heavy piece of steel was the only thing separating her and her friends from the outside. From freedom. Clarke inhaled and pushed the door with both hands. It gave easily and swung open, falling to the ground beneath them. Clarke jumped out, the twigs and dirt crunching beneath her feet. She was never more happy to see the _ground_ , the Earth. She was beginning to wonder if the outdoors was more of a home to her than Arkadia. 

“This way,” Clarke signaled to the group. They might have been outside of Arkadia itself, but they still had a little ways to go before they were safely outside of the perimeter. She retraced her steps with Octavia, trying to remember where the weakness in the fence was. _Where are you, O? I could really use you now._ That’s when Clarke saw the mark that they had left as a reminder. A large rock shaped like an arrowhead just under two roughly etched lines in the metal of the fence. Clarke could feel the relief washing over her body. _Almost there!_

Clarke waited as the last of the Grounders escaped through the fence, Lincoln staying behind to make sure everyone got through safely. Just as Clarke was about to step through the opening, the alarms in Arkadia shut off. The group paused, waiting… Static took over the speakers, crackling and hissing, before the nefarious voice that made Clarke’s stomach turn came on.

“Clarke…” it teased. 

She stopped in her tracks, straddling the fence literally, one foot on free land, the other still imprisoned. 

“Clarke, let’s go!” Murphy called from a few feet away. 

“Clarke Griffin,” the voice repeated. “You might not want to leave just yet…”

“Ignore it. We have to go.” Clarke could see the urgency in Murphy’s eyes.

“You don’t want to leave your mother behind do you?” Clarke froze. “Who knows what might happen to her if you leave…”

_Damnit!_ Things were never easy. Kane was walking back towards the fence now. She knew how much he cared for her mother. But she also knew that Pike wanted _her_ now. He wouldn’t take anyone else. 

“No.” She put her hand up to stop him, resting it on his arm. “It has to be me.”

“Clarke, no…” She couldn’t look him in the eye. 

“Go!” she yelled at him, giving him a gentle nudge. “They need you,” she said, motioning towards the group that was now watching them. “I’ll be okay. And my mom will be safe.” This time, she looked him dead in the eyes. She wanted him to know she was serious.

He nodded, eyes downturned as he accepted her decision. He pulled her into a warm hug, trying to comfort her and himself. “May we meet again,” he whispered into her hair. All she could do was nod, holding back her tears and repressing her fear.

“Be careful guys. I better see your faces again soon.” Clarke put on her bravest smile for them as she turned back to the one place she wanted to get as far away from as possible. The place that haunted her. The place she could no longer call home. She didn’t miss the look of shock on Murphy and Lincoln’s faces as they came to terms with what she was doing.

As Clarke walked back through the impending steel doors, she combed her mind for a new plan. She knew deep down that there was no alternative, no way out of this. But trying to plan was her thing, and it was quelling the fear that was threatening to take over. _Nothing._ Her mind was blank. _Well at least he can’t kill me_ , she told herself. Once again, Lexa was the only thing keeping her alive… 

Clarke was greeted in the hall by two guards who were obviously expecting her. They cuffed her hands in front of her and escorted her to Pike’s meeting room. Inside, she was surprised to find only Pike and a second person, strapped to a chair, a bag placed over their head. She immediately recognized the body as her mother’s. 

“Mom!” she tried to walk towards her mother, but was restrained.

Pike yanked the bag off of her mother’s head and Clarke was relieved to see that she was unharmed.

“Luckily, she did not put up too much of a fight,” Pike stated. “That’s the one good thing about all of you, it seems. You will never put others in danger to save yourselves…” He looked at Clarke, a devilish smile on his face. “I mean, except for that _one_ _time_ at Mount Weather…”

Clarke felt the sharp stab of guilt pierce through her heart. Here she thought that she might not have to feel this pain again, but she was wrong. She bit her tongue to stop herself from responding. He didn’t deserve the pleasure.

“In any case, your mother will not be harmed. She is of no use to us dead, and she actually _is_ a good person, Clarke. I just knew that this would be the only way to get you back here.” He moved away from Abby and stepped closer to Clarke. “You know, I really did not want to have to do this, Clarke. You’ve put me in a very uncomfortable situation.” He rubbed his head with one hand, as if he were truly distraught. “I was going to spare your life. I really was. But then you go and do this…”

“I couldn’t let you kill them. When they did nothing wrong.” She leveled his gaze. “Plus, it’s not my fault your guards are incompetent.”

Clarke could see anger in Pike’s eyes as they turned threateningly dark. He too chose to avoid the bait, and continued, calmly. “They _will_ be found. They only bought themselves a little more time… As for you,” he paused, staring her straight in the eyes, “You will be joining them in death.”

Abby gasped, her eyes filling with tears. “No…” she whispered.

“I cannot have someone like you here,” he continued. “I knew from the beginning I couldn’t trust you, but I thought you might be different. I chose to give you a chance…” _Yea right!_ “But you have proven me right. You are too big of a threat and I fear your benefits do not outweigh your risks. So Clarke Griffin, I sentence you to death for _all_ of your crimes.”

“Pike, wait…” Abby pleaded. 

“Silence, Abby!” He looked at her. “You will be kept here until the deed is done. I cannot have you interfering.” With that, Pike turned on his heel and walked out the door.

Before Clarke had a chance to process any of this or speak to her mother, one of the guards began roughly pushing her out the door behind Pike. The second guard remained in the cell. He took up his stance against the wall behind Abby, making sure she did not escape.

“Where are you taking her?? Wait, stop!” Abby demanded. 

Clarke turned to face her mother who now had streams of tears running down her cheeks. Her lips quivered as she tried to speak. It was so hard seeing her mom like this. “Mom, it’s okay. I’ll be okay.” Clarke knew she was lying. 

“I’m so s-s-sorry,” her mom sobbed, trying to keep eye contact as Clarke was dragged down the hall. 

_It’s not your fault_. It was no one’s fault but her own. She knew this was an option when she chose to come back. The only solace Clarke had was that Kane, Murphy, Sinclair, Lincoln, and the other Grounders were safe… For the most part. And now, maybe Raven was a little safer too. Maybe her return _did_ do some good.

As Clarke was led down the hall and out the front door towards the gates of Arkadia, all she could do was come to terms with what was about to happen. Her heart began to race as her limbs turned cold. The anxiety that was taking over her body was also making her breathing more difficult by the second as she struggled to inhale. She felt like she was forgetting _how_ to breathe. Her hands began to shake uncontrollably and all she could do was grab the chains around her wrists tighter so that at least the guards wouldn’t hear. _Happy thoughts, Clarke._ There were no happy thoughts… That’s when Lexa appeared, in her mind. Clarke gasped because even in her head, Lexa was magnificent, breathtaking, and the center of whatever space she was in. All of Clarke’s negative thoughts faded away as her body felt elated. A sense of calm washed over her. She wished Pike could see the smile on her face now and know that he didn’t win. _But he did…_ It dawned on her that she would never see this beautiful face again. She would never again feel Lexa’s surprisingly tender touch from such strong and weathered hands, nor feel her warm skin beneath her body. She would never be able to talk to Lexa again, learn about her past, learn about her secrets and fears… She would never be able to comfort her or hold her after a rough day. She would never again be able to tell her how much she loved her. Did she know?? Now she never would… 

Clarke was roughly forced to her knees on the cold, hardened Earth just outside the walls of Arkadia. _When did we get out here?_ The guards released her and Pike walked up behind her, pulling his gun from his belt. 

“I’m sorry, Clarke. But this is how it has to be. You don’t get special treatment.” He raised the gun. “Any last words?” 

_Not for you. “_ I’m sorry… _”_ was all she could whisper in these last moments. She apologized to her mother, her father, all the friends she had let down, and in this moment especially, to Lexa. _I love you…_ Clarke closed her eyes and braced herself. _Death is not the end…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Mafta ai op” = follow me
> 
> “Ste kefa” = be careful


	18. Chapter 18

.Clarke’s POV.   
  


“Stop!” 

Clarke’s head shot up as a strong, authoritative voice boomed from the distance. The voice projected from the shadow of the woods concealing its owner and rumbled over the plains straight toward Clarke and her captors. She knew who it was as soon as the sound hit her ear. 

Pike and the guard looked around in all directions nervously. 

“What the hell? Who was that?” the guard asked no one in particular. 

“Show yourself!” Pike demanded as he lifted his gun, away from Clarke’s head and toward the new threat. 

Clarke was able to breathe a sigh of relief. She opened her eyes, hoping to catch a glimpse of the owner of that voice. The voice that sent her heart soaring. The voice that made her finally understand that silly expression about butterflies in her stomach. The voice that let Clarke know she was safe.

Sure enough, from behind the line of trees, emerged the most beautiful white stallion with an even more beautiful human being on top. _Lexa_. Clarke had to physically stop her heart from beating out of her chest by taking deep breaths through her nose. She had never been happier to see Lexa and not only because of her timing. She hadn’t realized how much she missed her until she saw her face. Immediately, their eyes connected and Clarke knew she would be okay. Clarke could also see relief in Lexa’s eyes. For a split second, Lexa’s guard was down and Clarke could read all of her emotions- concern followed by relief, happiness and care. Apparently she knew that Clarke had been in danger. As her horse exited the woods and began crossing the plain, Clarke could see Lexa was not alone. A second horse emerged from the trees just behind her. Clarke smiled, _Indra._ Never was she happier to see Indra either. Although now Clarke began to feel uneasy for the warrior. Last time she and Pike were in the same place, it ended terribly. Clarke knew Indra would want blood and Pike would want to finish what he started. Before Clarke had time to worry more, she saw a third horse. 

“Octavia…” she whispered, a combination of relief and anxiety. Clarke was beyond happy that Octavia was alive and well, but now she feared for her friend as well. Pike and Bellamy had been looking for her for some time. She had remained elusive for long enough. Was she in danger now? Clarke also wondered how Octavia ended up with Lexa and Indra… 

As the three women rode closer to Arkadia, Clarke watched as Lexa’s expression darkened. The happiness she showed for Clarke at first sight was gone, replaced by fiery anger. Clarke recognized this look. She wished she could speak to Lexa first, pull her aside and calm her down before this got out of hand. But that’s not how things worked…

“What are you doing here, _Commander_?” Pike asked as the three women approached, his words dripping with venom. Clarke wished she could see his face. “You know you and your people are not welcome here anymore.”

Lexa pulled her horse to a stop a few feet away from them, Indra and Octavia following her lead. Clarke craned her neck to get a good look at Lexa up close. She looked so threatening sitting atop her horse with such conviction. But underneath the darkened war paint and rigid expression, Clarke could see the woman she loved. How she wished she could touch her, hug her, _kiss her_. Her hands itched to be free. 

Lexa stared down at Pike, her green eyes throwing daggers. “I am well aware,” she retorted. “I would not be here if I did not have to. And trust me, leaving the coalition was far worse for your people than mine.” Clarke knew she was right. Lexa could have offered so much to the Sky People.

“Anyway,” Pike seethed. “What is your business here?” he asked, even though he clearly knew.

“I have come to bring Clarke back to Polis.” Her statement was short and to the point. “So you will not harm her and you will release her to me.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why is that?”

Pike exhaled much more forcefully than necessary, not happy with the situation. He didn’t feel the need to explain himself to a Grounder. “Because she is a prisoner of Arkadia now. She must accept her punishment.”

“If she is a prisoner, then you have no need for her, not to mention no appreciation for her talents or worth, whereas I do. My people do.”

“Why are you even explaining this to her??” the guard demanded angrily. “What we do with _our_ prisoners is our business, not theirs.” Clarke noticed that even though the guard was speaking out against Lexa, he would not make eye contact with her.

Pike raised his hand, stopping his guard. “I’ll do the speaking, thank you.” 

“He is right though.” Pike turned back to Lexa. “She is our prisoner and will suffer our punishments for her crimes.”

Clarke could see the anger in Lexa’s eyes growing. Her grip on the reigns tightened and her jaw clenched, the muscles rippling through her cheeks. She was not used to such defiance.

“Heda, let me…” Indra began. 

“No!” Lexa cut her off, knowing what she was itching to do.

“Beja, Heda. He deserves it. After what he did…”

“Ai don biyo nou!” Clarke knew that Lexa was protecting Indra. As fierce of a warrior as she was, Indra might not withstand another gunshot at the hands of Pike. 

Indra dipped her head, accepting her orders, but clearly unhappy. She too held her reigns tighter, most likely trying to stop her hands from acting on their own. 

Pike smiled, understanding that he was relatively safe. “If that is all, then would you please excuse us so we can finish what we were doing here? You can see your way back out. Although Octavia might want to stay behind.”

Lexa held her ground, holding her horse steady. He too seemed to be itching to have a go at Pike and his guard. “I am not leaving without Clarke… _alive._ ” Her tone was menacing,threatening Pike to make a move. 

“You have no authority here, Commander. Or did you forget?”

Clarke could see Indra’s hand moving to the sword at her side. She slowly began to unsheathe it, the sound of metal scraping against wood filling the air. 

“Indra…” Lexa warned, tilting her head. 

“He speaks disrespectfully!”

“He is not one of us, he knows no better.” Lexa’s tone remained calm. 

“They are not one of us anymore! He said it himself. Therefore, our laws do not apply. He deserves to pay!” Clarke wondered how long Indra had been yearning to exact vengeance on Pike, or anyone in Skaikru for that matter. Ever since _blood must not have blood_ , the death toll had gone down, but not everyone was pleased. 

Ignoring Indra, Lexa looked back at Pike. Clarke noticed that her hand was resting upon her dagger. _When did her hand get there?_ “Return Clarke and we will leave peacefully. Otherwise…”

_  
BANG!_

  
Clarke jumped, instinctively lowering her head, as the deafening sound exploded around her. For a second, all she could hear was ringing. _What the hell was that?!_ She looked up and the world around her seemed to slow. “No…” was all that escaped from her mouth as she saw the scene above her. 

In all the chaos, Clarke’s eyes focused solely on Lexa as the rest of the world blurred. She was still atop her horse, clutching her shoulder as black blood coated her hand. _No, no, no! Not again!_ Clarke prayed. She watched as Lexa’s body swayed on the horse and her eyes began to droop. Her hand slipped from its place on her dagger and her entire body shifted on the horse as it slumped forward. 

Indra had sprung into action immediately. As soon as the gunshot had sounded and she realized what happened, she jumped from her horse, sword in hand, and plunged it into the heart of the assailant. Before he knew what hit him, the guard’s eyes closed, and his lifeless body crumpled to the ground, his gun clattering next to him. 

Clarke too, used this chaos to her advantage. She had to get to Lexa. Pike had not had a chance to react, so Clarke jumped from her knees, using all the force she had to knock the gun from his outstretched hands. This sent him stumbling backwards, as he tried to keep his balance. Clarke wanted nothing more than to pick up the gun from the ground, the same one that was just pointing at her head a few moments ago, and end Pike’s life, but there was no time. Lexa was drifting in and out of consciousness and was about to fall off her horse. Clarke ran over to her as Octavia and Indra struggled to restrain Pike. He grunted and resisted until Clarke heard a fist make contact with bone. This was followed by a series of what Clarke could only imagine were punches and/or kicks. 

“Indra, hod op.” Clarke heard Lexa’s weakened voice. The two women stopped their assault and Indra angrily shoved her dagger back into its sheath. “Teik em kik raun…” It was unbelievable how Lexa was still able to make sound and practical decisions in such a state. One of the reasons Clarke respected her so much. Lexa knew that Pike needed to be alive, at least until they figured out what to do about Arkadia. 

“Lexa…” Clarke whispered, breathless, when she reached her. 

A weak smile formed on Lexa’s lips. “It’s good to see you, Clarke,” she whispered as her body slumped forward again. 

Clarke was trying to think of a way to get Lexa off of her horse so she could bring her to get help when the gates of Arkadia swung open. Four guards came running out, guns drawn. Clarke assumed they had seen what was happening from the watchtower.

“Hands up!” they yelled. “Release Chancellor Pike!”

Indra and Octavia remained still, neither of them willing to let go of their prisoner. 

“We _will_ kill you if we have to!” They warned.

_Shit!_ Clarke thought. There was no time for this! She looked up at Lexa who was somehow awake again. Her hand was on the hilt of her sword. She was preparing to fight these men. _No…_ Lexa’s eyes lazily searched for Indra and when they connected, Lexa nodded weakly. _No, this is not going to be good._ Lexa could barely keep her eyes open, let alone fight! Clarke cursed herself for not picking up Pike’s gun. 

Indra let go of Pike’s arm and screamed as she unsheathed her sword, a scream now familiar to Clarke. _Warcry._ But before she could attack the new guards and before Lexa could unsheathe her own sword, the crack of multiple gunshots broke the air, popping all around them. Clarke turned, stunned, and saw all four guards on the ground, bullet holes piercing their clothing and blood pooling around them. One of the guards had a knife protruding from his chest. _What the hell?_

She looked up, and from the same woods where Lexa had emerged, she saw Kane, Murphy, and Lincoln walking towards them. When they realized that everything was clear, they lowered their weapons and began to run over. Clarke heard a grunt beside her as Lexa’s body gave in and her muscles relaxed, causing her body to slide off the horse. It was almost graceful except for the fact that her body slammed into the ground in a cloud of dust before Clarke had a chance to react. 

“Lexa!” she screamed, frantic. She kneeled beside her, checking to make sure she was breathing. She was… Barely. The chain from Clarke’s cuffs rattled as her hands shook. _Where the hell is the key?_

“Heda!” Indra rushed over, also kneeling beside her Commander. 

“Clarke!” Kane joined them, his breathing heavy.

“We have to get her to my mom.”

Kane looked concerned. “I don’t know if that’s the best idea… Some people inside are still wary of the Grounders. No thanks to him.” He gestured towards Pike. His eyes softened as he noticed who was holding him. “Hey, Octavia. It’s good to see you.”

She smiled at him warmly. “You too, Kane.” 

Kane seemed to remember something as he searched his pockets. He pulled out the handcuffs he had taken from the guard and tossed them to Octavia. “These might help.”

She caught them and quickly cuffed Pike’s hands together, relieved that she could let go of him a little. “Thanks.”

“How ‘bout we sneak her in? We’ll just go directly to the med bay, try to avoid as many people as possible. There’s no way she would survive the trip back to Polis.”

“Please…” Indra looked at Kane, eyes pleading. Clarke was shocked. Indra would never ask for help, especially from Skaikru, unless it was the last resort or extremely important. 

He sighed. “Okay. You bring her there. We’ll take Pike.” 

“How many guards do you think are left?” Clarke asked. She didn’t think there could be that many. _Bellamy… Ugh…_ This was the last person she wanted to run into now. 

“Not many, I don’t think. They lost some before, and then these…” he looked around at the guards spewed across the ground. “Just be careful. If you get held up, just tell them that Pike left orders for them to let you through. If they have questions, they can come see him in the meeting room. We’ll keep him there until we figure out what to do.” 

“Okay…” Clarke ran over to the guard that had originally taken her outside. She searched his pockets for the keys, but came up empty handed. _Where are they??_ She couldn’t wait any longer, she would have to look inside after she got Lexa to her mom. “Lincoln, can you take her?” Clarke wished she could be the one to literally carry Lexa to safety, but she knew she couldn’t. 

Lincoln scooped Lexa up in one swift motion and followed Clarke back through the gates of Arkadia. Indra followed close behind. Clarke was reminded of just how small Lexa really was. This amazing, strong, confident warrior, leading thousands of men and women, was still just a young woman, a _girl._ How frail she looked in Lincoln’s strong arms. _You’ll be okay_ , she promised Lexa. 

Luckily, they didn’t run into anybody on the way to the med bay. The halls were eerily empty. Clarke assumed that most people were in the dining hall or in their rooms. Clarke shoved the doors open as best she could with her hands bound. She searched for her mother. 

“Put her there.” Clarke pointed to an empty cot closest to all of the medical tools. Lincoln nodded and did as he was told as Indra took up her position beside her Commander’s cot. _Where is she?_ Clarke wondered about her mother. There was nobody else in the room which in any circumstance would be a good thing. 

_Crap!_ Clarke remembered. She was just about to run out the door to the meeting room that Pike had left her mother in, when Abby came rushing through the door.

“Mom!” Relief washed over Clarke, but then she noticed blood on the side of Abby’s face. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Kane, Octavia, and Murphy came in with Pike. I guess they weren’t expecting me. And the guard wasn’t expecting them. But they got me out and told me to come here quickly.”

Clarke ran over and hugged her mom, checking for any injuries. The way the blood was splashed across her mom’s face made Clarke think it was most likely the guard’s and not hers. _Good. One more down._

“Where is she?” Abby asked, scanning the room. When her eyes met the concerned ones of Indra, Abby gave her a reassuring nod. 

“Please help, mom.”

Without another word, Abby rolled up her sleeves and began to work, shouting orders to everyone in the room. Indra was sent to guard the door in case any unwanted visitors appeared. Meanwhile, Clarke was trying her best to fight the tears that were stinging her eyes. She helped her mom remove Lexa’s armor and excess clothing that was once again drenched in the sickening black liquid. Lexa had hardly finished healing from the _last time._ It wasn’t fair. _Please please please,_ Clarke prayed. _Don’t take her from me_. She didn’t realize that her hand had made its way to Lexa’s. She picked it up slightly, stroking the long slender fingers that now lay limp. _Stay with me…_ Clarke shook her head to clear her mind and focused on the task at hand. This was the only way she could stop herself from falling apart. _My mom needs my help. Lexa needs me._ She had to be strong. 

“I don’t know if you’re helping more or getting in the way,” Abby joked, a sad attempt at trying to lighten the mood. She gestured at the handcuffs still binding Clarke’s wrists. 

Clarke dropped her head. “I know. I can’t find the key.”

“You can go ask one of the boys if they can help you. We can take it from here.”

“No. I’m not leaving her.”

“Okay,” Abby sighed, knowing this was a battle she would not win. She continued working, expertly removing the bullet from Lexa’s shoulder. “Nasty little things, aren’t they?” she asked, bringing the shiny chunk of metal up to her eye. “The Grounders might be onto something… They survived so long without these, fighting and hunting with swords and bows…” She looked at Lincoln. “If you ask me, one must be much more talented and skillful in order to fight and kill with those than any old gun.” Lincoln smiled, accepting the praise. “Then here we come with our egos and weapons and turn their world upside-down,” she sighed, almost as an afterthought.

Her mom was right. About everything. If any of her own people, or Farm Station, had to fight a Grounder without a gun, it would be over before it started. But here they came, thinking that because they had these weapons, they could do whatever they wanted. It wasn’t how her people were supposed to be. It wasn’t how Skaikru was supposed to be. She had worked too hard to have things end up this way… 

“Done.” Abby snipped the excess thread from the stitches.

Clarke looked up, unaware that her mind had drifted elsewhere. Abby seemed pleased which was a good sign. Clarke would have known immediately if something was wrong. She looked down at Lexa who thankfully had not woken up this time mid-surgery. Her face looked almost peaceful except for the tiny wrinkle of discomfort on her brow. Clarke watched as her mother cleaned around the freshly stitched wound to prevent any infection. Abby’s handiwork was much cleaner and more sophisticated than her own. Clarke’s eyes drifted to the center of Lexa’s chest where the glaring reminder of her last dance with fate lay. The scar had healed, but it was far from pretty, with its rigid edges and raised center. Clarke sighed. _At least she’s okay… Again._

“It nicked her pulmonary artery, but surprisingly didn’t do too much damage,” Abby continued. The sharp stab of worry hit Clarke in the gut. Her mom seemed to sense this. “She’ll be okay. Her heart is incredibly strong. It’s actually kind of surprising. Normally, an injury like this would affect her whole heart, or at least weaken it. But in her case, it’s as if the rest of her heart was unaffected. She must have a really good one…”

_If only she knew how good Lexa’s heart is…_

“So it’ll heal?”

“It’ll heal,” Abby reiterated reassuringly. “And it’ll be stronger than before.” 

Clarke finally gave in as her eyes filled with tears. She tried to hold in the sobs that began pouring out from deep inside of her, but the more she tried, the louder they became. Abby stopped what she was doing and pulled her into a hug while Indra tried her hardest to avoid eye contact. “Why are you crying honey? It’s good news.” 

Clarke didn’t know why she was reacting so strongly. Was it relief? Was it fear? It could have just been from seeing Lexa again. Once again, there were so many emotions that she could not figure out or control. “I d-don’t know…” she spoke between ragged breaths. “I was so worried…” 

Abby held Clarke a little longer than necessary. She appeared to be thinking about something, but did not voice her thoughts. “We’ll talk,” she whispered, giving her daughter one more squeeze before letting her go. Clarke nodded and watched her mom dress Lexa’s wound carefully. When she was finished, she walked over to the sink. As she rested her palms against the cool metal, she dropped her head slightly and exhaled deeply. 

Clarke knew she wasn’t ready to leave Lexa’s side, so she thought now would be the best time to talk with her mom. “Lincoln, you wanna go check on O?” Now that the scare was over, both Lincoln and Indra seemed to have relaxed. Lincoln was leaning against the door waiting for his next orders and Clarke could tell he was itching to see Octavia. From what she gathered, it had been some time since they had seen each other. 

Lincoln nodded. “I’ll see how they’re doing.” 

Now it was Indra’s turn. Clarke knew that it would be more difficult convincing her to leave her Commander. She decided it was not a battle she had energy for, so she let Indra stay at her post by the door. Plus, they would need her skills if any trouble came through the door. 

Clarke walked over to her mother and tenderly placed her hand on her back. “What’s wrong, mom? You saved her. It’s good news.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I guess I didn’t realize the gravity of the situation until now.” When Abby was in her zone, she was focused. Saving her patient was the only thing on her mind. But now that it was over, the stress of it all seemed to be hitting her.

“I know, but you helped her. Just like everybody else that comes to you.”

“But she isn’t everybody else.”

“No, she isn’t.” To Clarke, she definitely wasn’t just anybody else. But apparently, Lexa was also something meaningful to her mother. Clarke could see that her mother understood Lexa’s importance, not just to the Grounders, but to her own people as well. Finally, she understood. Immediately, Clarke felt closer to her. She wrapped her arms around her mom. “Thank you. You’ve made a lot of people very happy.” _Especially me._

Abby turned and hugged her daughter back, a strong and purposeful hug that only her mother could give. Clarke could always tell how her mom was feeling. She wasn’t so good at hiding her emotions. When she released her, she smiled. “I’m glad you’re safe.” 

“You too.”

With that, Abby straightened herself and her doctor persona took over. She walked back to Lexa’s cot and injected her with what Clarke could only assume was some sort of painkiller. “She’ll be out for a few hours. She needs to rest.” Clarke nodded and pulled up a chair, ready to wait it out by Lexa’s side. 

“I noticed that somebody else had to play doctor with our patient here,” Abby pointed to the scar at the center of Lexa’s chest. Clarke looked up, blushing. “Whoever it was did a pretty good job I must say.” Abby smiled at her daughter knowingly. “I’m sure the conditions were not nearly as optimal as ours here.”

“You can say that again.” 

“I heard what happened.” Abby’s face grew serious. “I feared it might not be safe for you if you stayed in Polis.”

“Yea. Not everyone was happy with our people. And for good reason.” 

“Was someone trying to kill _you_?” 

Clarke didn’t want to get into the details of that day with her mom, but it seemed these questions would be unavoidable. She was probably going to be here a while too. 

“It was just a crazy misunderstanding.”

“I bet…” Abby didn’t believe her and Clarke knew it.

“Apparently some people weren’t happy with Lexa’s new laws either.”

“It’s hard to change laws that were around for decades, or probably longer. It’s even harder to change people. Especially ones set in their ways.”

“They don’t get it, mom. It was something that would be better for everyone in the long run.”

“It’s hard to think clearly, especially in times like these. After what Pike did to the Grounders. What _we_ let him do… I’m surprised they haven’t come and wiped us out already.”

“We have Lexa to thank for that.” Clarke could feel the guilt rising from the pit of her stomach. “And look where it’s gotten her. _Twice_ now.”

“She wouldn’t have done it if she didn’t agree, honey. Trust me. She’s practical and she knows her people. She wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t in their best interest.”

“I hope… I hope one day this was all worth it. For her and for all of us.”

“Change takes time. And there will always be people that disagree, that try to rebel. But you have to push forward anyway knowing you’re doing the right thing. She knew the risks she was taking, and I’m sure she will accept all the consequences.” Abby looked at Clarke sincerely, “Just like any good leader.” The underlying message was clear. Abby was helping Clarke lift some of the weight from her own shoulders. 

Clarke couldn’t love her mother any more. She understood. Aside from Lexa, there was someone else that understood, even if just a little bit. Clarke was beginning to think that all people would do for the rest of her life would be to blame her for the decisions she had to make. But now her mom was telling her it was okay. Abby, more than anyone else, except Lexa, understood the decisions one had to make for their people. The tough decisions that would haunt forever. 

Abby could sense the conversation was becoming very heavy. “Well it appears that _you_ have saved her life as well.” She smiled at her daughter. “I have taught you well.”

Clarke smiled back. “You wouldn’t believe what we had to do… And the tools! Definitely not high tech like the ones here. I don’t know how you do it, mom. It’s too stressful.”

“You did well, but let’s hope you don’t have to again.”

Changing the subject, Abby asked, “So how was it in Polis? We were only there for a day, but I have to admit, it was nothing like what I expected. You wouldn’t believe how much Kane loved it.”

Clarke laughed. “Why am I not surprised?”

“He looked so happy there, so carefree. He fit right in. I was scared he might not come back with us!” 

“Yea… I could’ve stayed forever too…” Clarke realized that maybe this wasn’t the best thing to say when her mom’s expression changed. It was not anger that Clarke saw, but more like disappointment. “I meant… you know… if we could all be there.”

“I know. Things weren’t looking so great for us here at home.” She looked at Clarke, a faint smile on her lips. “You looked well in Polis.” Clarke looked down, slightly embarrassed. “When I heard that you were there, I was a little nervous. But I was also so happy that you were alive and safe. We hadn’t heard from you in months. My imagination was running wild… Then when I saw you, and when I was told how Lexa was treating you, I was able to relax. I knew you would be okay.” 

Clarke felt bad for putting her mother through that. When she left, she was not thinking about her mom or her friends, she was running from the demons that were haunting her. The demons that she saw every time she looked at the faces of the people that were rescued from Mount Weather. The demons inside her own mind… If Lexa hadn’t found her, who knows what would have happened. Clarke had not thought about that either. So many factors were against her. If it wasn’t the elements that ended her life, it could’ve been a beast that she could not defeat, or a rogue warrior, or even worse, Queen Nia. Then not only would Lexa have had to deal with this, but also her mother, and her friends. It was a frightening thought, leaving all of these people behind. Subconsciously, Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand laying limply at her side. She took it in hers, stroking her palm lovingly. _Thank you, Lexa. For all the times you saved me…_

Abby, noticing this, cleared her throat softly. “I guess I should thank her when she wakes up. For saving my daughter.”

Clarke blushed again. “I think she knows, mom. Plus, you know, Grounders aren’t exactly the best with receiving praise or gratitude.”

“True, but it doesn’t hurt for her to hear it again.” Abby pulled up a chair so she could sit beside her daughter. “So no more talk of politics and all that negative crap. Tell me, how are you?”

Clarke knew this was a rare moment of calm in both of their lives. Who knows when they would have a moment to just talk again and Clarke had to admit, she missed talking to her mom. “I’m about as okay as you would expect. Everything’s been… crazy.”

“Here too. Though it seems like things might have taken a turn. Thanks to you.” Abby nudged her daughter lovingly. “I knew I could count on you.”

Clarke scoffed. “This wasn’t exactly how I intended things to go.”

“I know, but somehow it worked out. Things seem to always work out well when you’re involved.”

_If only she knew how wrong she is…_ “Not always.”

“But that’s life. I just know that if things _aren’t_ going well around you, you’re at least trying to help and make things better.” 

All Clarke could do was nod. 

Abby’s eyes drifted back to their intertwined hands. “And the two of you?” She raised her brow.

“Huh?” Clarke looked at her mom, following her eyes to their hands. She quickly pulled her hand away from Lexa’s, the rattling chains of the cuffs echoing around the now silent room. “What about us?”

“You seem to be close, which is not exactly what I expected at first.”

“Why?”

“After everything that happened at the mountain… She was the last person I would expect to find you with to be honest. And then we got word that after all these months, it was Lexa that _you_ found first.”

Clarke couldn’t tell what her mom was getting at. “ _She_ found me actually. I was trying to stay away from everyone. And trust me, I wasn’t happy about it at the beginning.”

Abby seemed to sense that Clarke was becoming agitated. “I’m just happy that everything worked out with you two. It benefits everyone.”

“We had to work through our differences. Especially now. We both realized that we need each other. That’s more important. Plus, with time, I was able to realize why I did what I did and why she did what she did. It’s not all black and white.”

Abby looked at Clarke with what she could only read as pride. “You’ve really grown so much.”

“You kind of have to down here, right?”

Before either could speak, Clarke heard movement beside her. Her eyes darted to Lexa who was still unconscious, but was shifting in the bed. Her brow furrowed as she tried to find a more comfortable position. Clarke hoped the pain medication was alleviating some of the discomfort. Her eyes softened as they traveled over Lexa’s face. She tried to will Lexa’s eyes to open. Clarke knew she needed rest, but she missed her mesmerizing stare and wished that they could share these brief moments of peace because before she knew it, Lexa would be up and back to her duties.

Abby watched her daughter silently. “Stop worrying, she’s okay.”

“I’m not worrying… About that at least. I know she’ll be fine. If she survived the last one when I had to fix her, then she most definitely will survive now.”

“Then what is it?”

Clarke wasn’t sure how to express her thoughts. She also didn’t want to. She shrugged, “I don’t know…” was all she could come up with.

Abby nodded, understanding. She pursed her lips as if to speak, but unsure of how to phrase her question. “There’s something more to your relationship, isn’t there?”

This question should have surprised Clarke, but it didn’t. She knew her mom knew. It wasn’t exactly a secret right now. There was no denying it. “Yes,” was all Clarke could answer.

“You care about her…” 

Clarke was unsure if this was a question or a statement. “Yes,” she replied. She looked at her mother. “More than anybody.”

Abby paused, letting the words sink in. “I knew it the second I saw you two together in Polis. Heck, I probably knew before, just didn’t want to accept it at the time.”

Clarke’s ears perked as she looked at Abby, her eyebrow raised. 

“It’s not why you may think, honey. I just worried for you. We didn’t know anything about the Grounders when you first decided to make an alliance with them. I was scared I might lose you that day. I didn’t know if we could trust her.” Abby’s hand found Clarke’s. “Then the two of you became closer, as leaders at first. I soon realized that you no longer needed your mother’s advice. You had grown up. You no longer needed to share your decisions with me. She became your new partner… And the decisions that the two of you made, without letting anyone else know, drove me crazy sometimes.” Clarke’s head fell as she remembered these choices. “But eventually I realized why you did them. It was hard for me to accept at first. And even harder for me to accept that you no longer needed me. Especially in these frighteningly dangerous times.”

“I always need you, mom… But things changed down here. And all of us had to grow up… Fast. Just like Lexa. She had even less of a childhood than we did, if you could even call it one. And as upsetting as that fact may be, it made her the best person to help me grow and understand the world.”

“I know… And I have to admit, I didn’t trust Lexa at all at first. At times I still don’t. But I do understand her. Where she came from and why she is the way she is. The way she has to be. And if anything, I owe her for not only taking care of my daughter, but also for teaching you and guiding you. I know it is because of her that you are the way you are now. The girl- no, the woman- in front of me today.” 

Clarke’s eyes began to fill with tears and her vision began to blur. Never in a million years did she think she would hear these words coming from her mother’s mouth. Such acceptance that she had been craving. And the way she spoke of Lexa, the woman she loved… was an even greater feeling. She knew her mom would probably always be cautious of Lexa, but this was a huge change from even a few weeks ago, a huge step forward. 

Abby squeezed her daughter’s hand reassuringly. “So yes, I was very suspicious of her and her intentions when we first formed our alliance. But I did get to see a different side of her. A side that has made me grow almost fond of her,” Abby laughed almost disbelievingly. “And I do see how much she cares for you, which indirectly makes her care for us. If I had to choose anyone right now to help us and lead us, she would be the best bet.” Abby’s face became suddenly serious. “As long as I can trust that she will not betray us again.”

“She won’t. I’m sure of it.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I just know…” Now it was Clarke’s turn to give her mother’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Trust me. She’s changed too… for the better. The things she did in Polis to protect our people when her people wanted war… No one else would do. Even the old Lexa wouldn’t do it.”

Clarke knew this wasn’t enough for Abby. She knew her mom wanted to pry. “And what made her change her mind? What made her change her whole way of life?”

Clarke cleared her throat. “I may or may not have tried to persuade her…”

Abby smiled. “Clarke Griffin… I don’t know how you do it. First, I didn’t think you’d be able to convince Lexa to join an alliance way back when, but you did somehow. Then I didn’t believe that Lexa would want us in the Coalition under her protection, but somehow that happened too. And now, it appears, you’ve convinced her to spare us and change her people’s way of life. Unbelievable…”

It did sound a little unbelievable when her mom put it that way… But somehow, that was what happened. “It wasn’t me… It was Lexa.”

“Yes, but as we’ve said before, she listens to _you_. Out of all the people on this Earth, she only listens to one. You’ve got something special, kid,” her mom teased.

This was true. Lexa was an incredible Commander of all the clans on Earth. She could do whatever she pleased without a care about anyone else. She did not have to obey the laws, she _made_ the laws. She bowed to no one and listened to no one. However, all this went out the door around Clarke. She listened to Clarke, taking her advice, she protected Clarke’s people when she didn’t have to nor was it safe to, and most significantly, she _bowed_ to Clarke, reciting vows that had never left her lips for anyone else. Clarke was hit with such strong feelings and emotions that she had to gasp for breath. She knew Lexa cared for her deeply, but she had not truly understood the impact of this care. 

Her mom spoke up first. “But I am finally happy, Clarke,” she admitted. “I see that against all odds, you’ve found _your_ happiness. _And_ you’ve managed to keep yourself safe and protect all of us, as undeserving as we are. And I know that one day, I will be able to trust her.”

“You’ll have to thank Lexa for that too when she wakes up.”

Abby nodded in agreement. “I know.” A sly smile formed on Abby’s lips. “I might have to have a little talk with her too.”

Clarke groaned. “Why…?”

Abby just smiled back. The smile that meant she knew something that Clarke didn’t want her to or hadn’t gotten around to telling her yet. Even when she was a child, Clarke would try to get away with little things- not telling her mom when she got in trouble in class for example. But somehow, even when Clarke deliberately avoided mentioning the incident, her mom would already know… that same smile playing across her lips. 

“Don’t worry,” her mom laughed. “I won’t embarrass you. I just want to make sure she has your best interest in mind.”

“Trust me, mom, she definitely does. To a fault…”

“I know. I’ve seen it myself. And I’m sure there’s much more I haven’t seen. I just want you to be safe… And I’m sure being involved with the Commander takes that option off the table.”

_Thank goodness she doesn’t know about Costia._ If Abby knew the fate that Lexa’s former lover had endured, she would probably whisk Clarke away never to be seen by Lexa again.

Abby was about to say something else, but Lexa began to stir again. Clarke looked over, and to her surprise, she was met with hazy, emerald eyes, clouded with fatigue. The slightest smile formed on Lexa’s chapped lips. 

“Clarke…” The one word sending chills down Clarke’s spine. 

_I missed that…_

Clarke watched as Lexa scanned her surroundings. She appeared a bit disoriented at first, but quickly adjusted, her body relaxing after a few seconds. Clarke hoped that her presence put Lexa at ease, at least a little. 

“Heda!” Noticing that Lexa was awake, Indra came rushing over from her post at the door. Clarke was surprised how awkward Indra looked. She was shifting nervously from foot to foot while her hands seemed unsure of what to do with themselves.

_Why is she acting like that?_

Clarke noticed that Lexa, too, seemed uncomfortable. She attempted to sit up, but was immediately stopped by pain that was clearly written across her face. She gave up with a huff, resting back against the pillow. 

_What’s wrong with them?_

“Indra,” she addressed. “You did not have to stay here with me.”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay, Heda.”

“It was not necessary.”

Indra nodded, “Sha, Heda, but it gave me comfort.” She avoided Lexa’s gaze. 

Lexa merely nodded, understanding Indra’s concerns. Clarke was surprised that Indra let this sentiment slip, especially around others. As serious and impassive as Indra appeared to be, Clarke could see that she did care, and deeply at that, at least for her Commander. Clarke wondered if Indra had family, or anybody else she cared about. 

“Well now you see that I am fine… You may return to your duties.” Clarke knew that Lexa didn’t want Indra to worry for her or waste her time waiting for her to heal, but it did sound a little harsh. Clarke had to remember that this was how they spoke to each other. When Lexa spoke to any of the Grounders, even the ones she respected and cared about more, she was always direct, no matter what the situation. Words were never wasted or overused. This was one of Lexa’s qualities that made her such a good leader. None of her people could accuse her of discrimination or favoritism and things were always completed promptly. 

Indra nodded and returned to her post at the door. Clarke suspected that she did not want to leave Lexa just yet. She also did not have her orders on what to do either with Pike or back at Polis. Luckily, she didn’t bring it up, leaving Lexa a little more time to rest before she had to return to her duties. Clarke wondered how much Lexa remembered about what had transpired. 

Lexa opened her mouth to speak and Clarke already knew what she was going to say, so she placed her hand gently over Lexa’s, stopping her words from coming out. Lexa looked up at her, her eyes questioning. She looked so innocent in this moment, free of the threatening warpaint and intimidating armor. 

Clarke shook her head, _No_. She watched as Lexa’s internal battle stirred. She wanted to give Indra orders, tell her to leave her side and go do something more productive. Lexa did not feel that she needed protection. However, Lexa did not know Pike’s circumstances and would have to be briefed on everything that happened before anything else could be done. Then both Lexa and Skaikru would have to figure out a plan going forward and Clarke knew that Lexa was not physically ready for this yet.

Eventually, Lexa gave in, giving Clarke the slightest nod and averting her gaze from Indra. She relaxed against the cot, her thumb absentmindedly stroking the side of Clarke’s hand, still resting on top of hers. When she looked back up at Clarke and their eyes met, Clarke felt all of her worries slip away. She took a long, deep breath in as her heart began to thump louder and stronger in her chest. This wasn’t the frightening, anxiety-fueled heart-racing that she was beginning to get used to. This was the excited, optimistic heart-beating fueled by Lexa’s presence. For a moment, it felt like they were the only two souls in the room. Clarke wished they could stay like this forever, lost in each other’s eyes. Each time she looked into these enchanting pools, she felt an indescribable closeness to Lexa. She felt protected and understood. She also noticed that each time she saw them, her eyes appeared a different color, perhaps mirroring hidden emotions. Like Lexa, they held their own mystery. 

Abby cleared her throat. “I guess I’ll give you two some time…” She smiled at Lexa. Clarke realized this was probably the first time that Abby had shown Lexa any emotion other than anger, fear, or resentment. They were getting somewhere, and this made Clarke happy. “Everything went well, Commander. The bullet was removed completely and you should be back to normal in no time.” 

_If only she knew how fast that really is…_ Clarke hoped Lexa would heal from this injury as quickly as she had the last time. A sudden sadness came over Clarke as she thought about Lexa’s heart. Her amazing heart… so pure and good… It would be okay, it had to be. 

Lexa nodded, nothing significant, but so Lexa. “Thank you, Abby.”

With that, Abby turned and walked toward the door. “If you need me, I’ll be close by,” she called over her shoulder. She stopped in front of Indra on her way out, whispering something to her. Indra looked at Clarke and Lexa as she thought about what Abby said. Reluctantly, she too exited the room, closing the door behind her. Clarke did not have to wonder where Indra was going, she knew that she would be right on the other side of the door, patiently protecting. 

When it was just the two of them, Clarke sighed, relaxing. “You better not make this a habit,” she threatened playfully. 

“I have lived more than two decades without ever facing a bullet,” Lexa began. “Now I get two in less than two months… It’s funny almost…” Lexa’s expression did not harbor anger or fear. She seemed to really be thinking about this statement, analyzing. “I understand why my people avoided these weapons now…”

Clarke didn’t know how to respond. These were the only weapons they had been taught how to use. The only weapons she was forced to use to protect herself. “I’m sorry…”

Lexa looked at Clarke, surprised. “Why are you sorry? It is not your fault, Clarke. Guns were what you and your people were taught to use. Just as I was taught to use our weapons. We did not choose these items, they were chosen for us.” Lexa smiled at Clarke, a genuine smile paired with a twinkle in her eye. “They are how we survive. I am sure guns have saved your life more than once, so for that, I am thankful for them.”

Clarke couldn’t resist any longer. It had been too long and the relief she was feeling paired with Lexa’s words, honest and understanding, fanned the fire in Clarke’s heart. She stood up and tenderly cupped Lexa’s face between her palms, stroking her soft cheek with her thumb while brushing a stray hair to the side. She leaned in, and when their lips met, Clarke felt the spark that ignited her whole body, waking every nerve. Lexa kissed back slowly at first, but with each second, the kiss grew stronger and more urgent. Clarke didn’t even mind that her lips were chapped, they usually were, but somehow they managed to stay soft and soothing at the same time. Clarke could tell that Lexa wanted more, but her body would not let her, the pain eventually taking over as she tried to pull Clarke closer. It took everything Clarke had in her to break away, each girl left breathing heavily. She had forgotten about the cuffs and the chain rattled loudly as they moved over Lexa’s body. Apparently Lexa hadn’t noticed in the heat of the moment either, but now she looked surprised and confused as to why these imposing metal obstructions were still on. 

“If I had known you liked those so much, we could have gotten you a pair a long time ago…” A sly grin formed on Lexa’s face as Clarke scoffed. “I am sure we could have found a much more _interesting_ use for them…”

Clarke’s jaw dropped. _Did she really just say that?_ She had to admit, it was pretty hot. Here she was again, the playful Lexa. The Lexa that apparently only emerged after a life-threatening injury. 

“I’m sure you could…” Clarke answered sarcastically. _How’s she gonna say something like that right now!_ She wanted to engage in this playful banter with Lexa, but she knew it couldn’t go anywhere. She would wait until Lexa was healed, _then_ continue the conversation. “The guard outside didn’t have the key and there was no time to look for it. You were more important.” Clarke looked down at the chains. “They’re surprisingly not that restrictive. I was actually able to do a lot of things.”

“Well I think it is about time you part with them.”

“How?” Clarke wondered. _Where the hell would the key be? Is there a master key?_ “I have no clue where the key is and I don’t think any of the guards- if there are any left- would help me.” Clarke thought a bit longer. “I guess I could ask Kane or someone to try to break them or shoot them.” 

“No need for that.”

“Huh?” Clarke looked at Lexa. “Then _what?_ ”

Lexa sat up a little more and scanned the room, determination in her eyes. “There.” She gestured to a nearby table holding a variety of medical tools. “Bring me the stitching needle.”

“What…?”

“Just bring it,” Lexa demanded, cutting Clarke’s question off. 

Clarke retrieved the needle and put it in Lexa’s hand. 

“Sit,” Lexa directed, patting the space beside her on the cot. Clarke sat and Lexa adjusted her own position to be at a better angle. The painkiller must have been working because Lexa showed no signs of discomfort. She carefully took one of Clarke’s hands in hers and began inspecting the metal cuff, her face scrunching into the most adorable determined expression, brows furrowed and tongue peeking out just slightly from the corner of her mouth. After a few seconds, she took the needle and jammed it into the keyhole on the side of the cuff. She began expertly maneuvering the thin metal instrument until eventually they heard a tiny _click._ Lexa smiled proudly as the cuff swung open. She did the same with the second cuff, finally freeing Clarke’s sore wrists. 

“Oh my gosh… Thank you!” Clarke exclaimed, rubbing her raw skin and dropping the cuffs to the floor. “Where did you learn that?” 

“Commander training if you would believe,” Lexa answered amusedly, as if she too did not believe it actually worked. “I always found this training unnecessary. They would actually chain us with different types of cuffs in different situations and we would be expected to escape.”

“That’s a little weird… But I guess it makes sense. If you were to ever be captured, it’d be really helpful if you could get yourself out first.”

“Yes. And I must admit, the skill did come in handy.”

“What can’t you do?” Clarke was in awe yet again. 

“It appears… nothing.”

“Right…” Clarke laughed, nudging Lexa with her knee. Lexa smiled and Clarke could see that exhaustion was creeping back up on her. As much as she cherished and craved this private time with Lexa, she knew that Lexa needed to rest. She shouldn’t have been awake so soon anyway. “You need to rest,” Clarke urged.

“I would rather be awake,” Lexa answered stubbornly. 

“I would rather that too, but you have to rest so you can heal… You know the drill.” Before Lexa could protest, Clarke brought her finger to her lips, stopping any words from escaping. “Please…” she begged. 

Lexa’s body slumped as she accepted Clarke’s pleas. “Okay.” 

“I’ll be here the entire time. So you won’t be missing anything.”

Lexa nodded as her eyes fought to stay open. “Thank you, Clarke…”

“Don’t thank me… Thank _you_ for saving me… Again. You’re crazy, Lexa.”

Lexa smiled, the most innocent and pure smile Clarke had ever seen. Then as quickly as she had woken up, she was asleep again, the smile fading, but lingering on her lips. Hopefully this joy would accompany Lexa into her dreams, providing at least one rest free of burdens.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Beja, Heda” = Please, Commander  
> “Ai don biyo nou” = I said no  
> “Hod op” = Stop  
> “Teik em kik raun” = Let him live


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes back in time a little so we can see Lexa's POV after Clarke leaves.

.Lexa’s POV.

 

It had only been a few hours since Clarke left Polis, but to Lexa, it felt like days. Being away from Clarke was having a much more profound effect on her than she had imagined, or wanted. It was not just the fact that Lexa missed Clarke that was threatening to drive her mad, but it was also the fear for her safety. She was reminded why she tried to distance herself from those close to her. Why she did not want to ever care so deeply for another again. The feelings were overwhelming and the more she tried to stop herself, the more she thought about Clarke. _Is she okay? Of course she is, she has Tris. Will she be safe once she is home? Does she miss me? Stop!_ Lexa scolded herself. There was nothing she could do now, so she would have to distract herself instead. The thoughts of Clarke that were clouding her mind were not appropriate for a Commander. She needed to stay focused. 

A meeting was called with the ambassadors of each clan. After all of the recent events, Lexa needed to restore order and make sure that things were still running smoothly not only in Polis, but throughout all the clans. Many of her people still held hostility towards Skaikru, and even more did not agree with Lexa’s decision to set up a blockade. They wanted blood. Lexa too worried about Pike because he was so unpredictable. She did not want to be forced to wage war against all of Clarke’s people for the mistakes of just a few. However, all of this was threatening her leadership yet again. She had to figure out a way that both people could live in harmony on this land. Her land. _Clarke_ had to figure out a way. If anyone could do it, Lexa knew it would be Clarke. So for now, she just had to keep the clans docile until Clarke returned, or at least made some moves within Arkadia. 

Lexa sat atop her throne flanked by Indra on one side and a second guard on the other. Even though there was a person standing to her right, Lexa still felt an emptiness. This was the first time that Titus was not beside her. Ever. That spot, at the righthand side of the Commander, was his place before she took the throne, and it was supposed to be his place after she was gone and the new Commander rose to power. This was not how things were supposed to go. She brushed the thoughts away, not letting her eyes wander to that spot. 

Lexa watched as the ambassadors filed into the room. She harbored no hard feelings toward any of them despite their decisions to mutiny. Lexa always knew that they acted in their people’s best interests as did she, so she could not hold it against them. Just as she would welcome Skaikru back into the coalition after they fixed their internal issues, she welcomed each ambassador and each clan back into her throne room in Polis. 

All of the ambassadors were familiar to Lexa which was a relief. It seemed that nothing major had changed while she was out of commission. The leaders were safe and the atmosphere in the room felt almost the same as before, except for one new face. 

Lexa’s eyes traveled to the new member in the room. She scanned the individual’s slight frame, following it up to a strong, but delicate face. The face was heavily marked, not by the usual tattoos, but by scars, thick and imposing. Lexa wondered what the story was behind these. Seeing that this individual was from Azgeda, however, was enough of an explanation. As her gaze lingered, Lexa was surprised at how timid this person was acting, avoiding eye contact and nervously shifting in the seat. It was almost aggravating. But Lexa knew how uncomfortable it must be, especially given recent tensions with Azgeda and Queen Nia. However, that was in the past, and Lexa knew that King Roan was a much more appropriate and fair leader. She hoped the other clans felt the same. 

Standing from her throne, Lexa addressed the group, making sure not to let any emotions show. She had to remain neutral, especially in front of all the clans. “Monin, Ambassadors. I have called this meeting to discuss our current situation not only with Skaikru, but also within our other twelve clans. A lot has happened since we last met and I believe that we should all be aware of every threat and concern. This will also be an open forum for any ambassador to share any information or voice any issues on behalf of their clan.” 

She turned to face the newest addition to the throne room. “We have a new ambassador among us.” Lexa remembered the last ambassador who sat in that chair, and his unfortunate demise. She hoped this new one would not cause her any problems. “I am sure some of you have seen her before or even met her. I have not had the pleasure yet, although I have heard many things…” she let the last part linger in the air. A concealed threat, letting her know that she was aware of her past and her affiliation with the late Queen. The girl shrunk in her seat, trying to avoid Lexa’s eyes, but knowing it was considered disrespectful. 

“Introduce yourself,” Lexa gestured.

The girl stood slowly, all eyes focusing on her. “Ai laik Ontari kom Azgeda.”

Lexa watched as her eyes darted around the room. She wasn’t as threatening as Lexa imagined she would be. _This_ was the girl who Queen Nia was hiding and secretly training? _This_ was supposed to be the next Commander if Nia got her way? She looked so anxious and weak. In fact, it looked like she was about to faint at any second. But in this world, Lexa knew that looks could be very deceiving. 

“Monin, Ontari,” the other ambassadors greeted, welcoming her into their space. Lexa nodded, glad that they seemed to be open to her presence. Despite her own feelings toward the girl, she needed peace, especially here in Polis. She also had to believe that Roan knew what he was doing sending her here. She did not think that he would risk peace and acceptance of Azgeda by the other clans after everything. His clan was still under much scrutiny and he would have to tread very carefully to win Lexa’s full trust back as well as the trust of the others.

“Monin.” Lexa addressed Ontari, “I trust things are well back in Azgeda under the new king?”

“Sha, Heda. Things are changing… for the better. King Roan would like you to know that he supports the Coalition and will be of service to you and the other clans if necessary. He would like to fix his mother’s mistakes.”

Lexa dipped her chin. “I look forward to our new, stronger relationship with Azgeda, as I am sure the other clans do. You have much to offer.” 

“Thank you, Heda.”

“You may be seated.”

Ontari nodded and took her seat. 

_That was not too bad…_ For now, Lexa had to let things be and hope for the best with Ontari. She didn’t seem like a threat anymore, but Lexa would continue to keep an eye on her. Having her as an ambassador might actually be a good thing. _Keep your enemies close…_ Who knows, maybe she was different under a new leader. Lexa had to hope that her relationship with Nia had not been as strong as she feared it was because after all, she did kill her. 

The meeting continued without any problems. It seemed like all of the clans were on the same page, the main threat being Pike and Skaikru. Lexa managed to quell their uncertainties for the time being, but she knew it wouldn’t last. She assured them that the ambassador of the 13th clan had returned home to address the problems and convince the citizens to consider new leadership. After he was dealt with, the 13th clan would return to the coalition as a valuable asset. To Lexa, this sounded like the most promising solution, but the faces of the ambassadors said otherwise. However, none of them dared to stand and oppose her ruling. She knew for now, the barricade had to remain in place. This was the only way to keep peace and assuage fear among her people. She hoped that none of her warriors would act on a whim and endanger innocent members of Skaikru. There wasn’t much else to do.

_You can do it, Clarke. I need you to…_

When the meeting was coming to a close, Lexa stood from her throne. “Does anyone else have any matters they would like to discuss?” Her eyes scanned the room. She paused, allowing everyone to consider this.

“No, Heda,” answered the ambassador from Sankru. The others also shook their heads, _no,_ in agreement. 

Lexa nodded. “Good. Then we are adjourned.” 

The ambassadors bowed their heads in respect and rose from their seats. They began exiting the room. Lexa locked eyes with the ambassador of Floukru as he made his way over to her. She had mixed feelings about the Boat Clan. She was aware that Luna had risen to power, becoming the leader of the clan, but she had had few interactions with her. Both Lexa and Luna knew that Luna should have been killed a long time ago, but there was an unspoken bond between them. A bond based on peace and fairness. Luna had vowed never to kill again after she left the conclave, teaching a peaceful way of life to her people. Lexa had admired this about her. Had she not been called to be Commander, she too would have wanted to lead a more peaceful life. But this was not the way the world was… It was not the way Lexa could be… Especially before the formation of the Coalition. Even now, it was almost impossible to achieve this near unattainable goal.

Lexa had tried to avoid visiting Luna and her clan at all costs. She would send messengers in her place to deliver news to the clan and Luna would send ambassadors to Polis to relay messages to the capitol and to Lexa. Many people, especially Titus, believed that Luna should be dead. She was the first and only child to have fled from a conclave… successfully. It was considered one of the highest offenses for nightbloods and any citizen of Polis, and Luna was named a traitor immediately. Titus wanted her head, and as much as Lexa knew she should be killed, she could not find it in her heart. What Luna did was admirable in a way, and she should not be punished for it. Not everyone was made for this life of death and darkness. Titus was forbidden from pursuing Luna, which did not go over well. It was even harder convincing the other clans to spare her life and her clan. Luckily, geography was on their side, making it very difficult for others to get to them. Lexa too warned the others to spare her in the name of unity. Floukru was a strong clan that offered much to the others through trade. Without them, a large portion of supplies would be lost and most could not afford this. So Luna was spared and Lexa had to admit, she did a lot of good for her clan which in turn, helped the entire coalition. Some of the other leaders remained weary of Luna, however, choosing not to participate in trade with a person they believed to be a coward.

“It is a relief to see you in good health, Heda,“ the Floukru ambassador spoke, sincerity and care in his eyes. 

Lexa dipped her chin. “It was nothing I could not handle.” She could not let her emotions show, but she was smiling on the inside at the show of kindness. 

“Luna sends her regards.” 

“Mochof.” Even though they had their differences, Lexa knew that Luna respected her as a leader and as a person.They were the most alike during the conclave and they had become quite close. Their styles, not only in fighting, but also in thought and problem solving were very similar. 

 

——————   
  


_“If I don’t win the conclave, you better!” a young Luna told a young Lexa after one of their sparring matches._

_Lexa laughed. “You know I’ll win, Luna… Sorry ahead of time.” She smiled at her peer._

_Luna nudged Lexa with her shoulder playfully. “I don’t know about that, Lexa. I did just beat you.”_

_“Once! But who won the last EIGHT matches?” The other nightbloods were becoming tired of Lexa winning all the time, so she figured why not let someone she actually liked beat her. Maybe then the others wouldn’t be so mad at her all the time._

_Luna scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Yea, okay. We’ll see in the end I guess!”_

_Lexa had always taken all of the trainings and classes very seriously because deep down, she felt like this was her destiny. She had always felt like there was something big in store for her, and when she realized she was a nightblood, all the pieces fell into place._

_Lexa’s smile fell and her face became serious. “I feel like I’m finally where I’m supposed to be. I was born to be Heda. I just know it.”_

_Luna stared at Lexa for a few seconds, thinking. Then she jumped up, grabbing her wooden staff. “Okay, Lexa,” she smiled brightly, extending her arm to help her up. “As long as it’s one of us!”_

_Lexa grabbed Luna’s hand and pulled herself to her feet. “It will be…”_

_Then Luna turned to face Lexa, her face mirroring Lexa’s seriousness. “If you do become Heda, there would be no one more deserving… You would make a great leader.”_  
  


_——————_

 

“Leidon, Heda.” The older man’s voice brought Lexa back to the present, her thoughts of the conclave with Luna fading away. Despite everything, she was happy that Luna was alive and well. Maybe she would make it a point to visit Floukru. It had been a while… And now that peace was the new way of the land, perhaps Luna could be useful. Lexa also knew that she had proven her own strength to the clans, so they would not question her for letting Luna live. 

Lexa watched as the ambassador exited the room, leaving her alone with Indra and her other guard. 

“I do not trust her, Heda.” Indra stepped down from the dais and approached her Commander.

Lexa sighed. She could always count on Indra to voice her opinion, especially when it came to disapproval. Luckily, it usually mirrored her own sentiments. “Ai get em in. Neither do I, but there is not much we can do.”

“Would you like me to take care of it?”

Lexa scoffed, amused at Indra’s solution to most problems. “Do not be ridiculous. She did not do anything yet.”

“She is a threat…”

“She _was_ a threat… Under Nia.”

“People do not change.”

“They can. She is under new leadership now. We cannot harm one of our own based solely upon fear.” 

“Then send someone to keep watch.”

Lexa turned to Indra, fixing her with a stern glare, her tone threatening. “You will not give me orders.”

Indra averted her gaze. “My apologies.”

“Nou get yu daun.” Lexa’s face softened. She knew Indra worried for her safety more than anything. “I will keep an eye on her. Having her as ambassador will allow me to. And I do not believe that King Roan would allow her to make any unsavory decisions. He knows that Azgeda has much to prove.” 

“Sha.”

“Now come.” Lexa turned toward the doors. “I would like to speak to the war generals about the barricade as well as any other issues that _they_ may have.” 

Indra turned too and stood beside Lexa. “I really hope that Clarke kom Skaikru knows what she is doing… I fear that we do not have much time. There is unrest among our people.”

This hurt Lexa. She did not want her people to live in fear, especially because of a decision that she made… for Clarke and her people. If Clarke failed, Lexa would have to wage war. Pike was becoming too much of a threat and it did not look like he would stop on his own. But war was one thing that Lexa was avoiding at all costs.

“She understands the gravity of our situation. Have faith, Indra. She is the best person for the job.” 

With that, Lexa began walking towards the large wooden doors, Indra following. They were abruptly stopped when someone burst through. Lexa immediately recognized the youthful face framed by a series of chestnut braids. 

“Commander!” The girl was frantic, her eyes pleading urgently.

“Octavia?”

Two guards rushed in behind Octavia. “Heda, she just ran right past us,” one huffed breathlessly. 

“We could not stop her,” the other added.

Lexa glared at her guards. _Incompetent,_ she thought. But she had to give Octavia credit, she really was becoming agile. She mentally praised Indra for training her second in such a way. 

“Leave us,” Lexa commanded. The guards bowed their heads and exited the room. “You too,” she turned to the guard still standing beside the throne. 

Once everyone was gone, Lexa turned back to Octavia. “What brings you here, Octavia kom Skaikru?” She was surprised to see the Skygirl back in Polis. Immediately, Lexa felt a sense of dread in her chest. 

“I’m sorry to bust in like this, but I needed to see you. I think Clarke might be in trouble…”

Lexa felt her breath hitch in her throat as a sharp pain attacked her heart. _Clarke is in trouble…_ was all she heard. She had to stop her thoughts before they had time to manifest into horrific scenarios. She had to be strong. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she managed to force a word out. “Explain.”

Indra too had stepped closer, worry visible in her expression. “What happened, Octavia?”

“I-I’m not sure. I didn’t see anything definite, but I was outside the walls of Arkadia, hiding in the woods. I saw Clarke and Murphy returning, but I couldn’t get to them to stop them… I was too far.”

“Then why do you believe she is in trouble?” Lexa asked, feeling a little bit better.

“I just feel like she is… I know Pike wanted her. He knows how important she is to my people _and_ to your people… And to you.” She looked directly at Lexa. She could feel her face flush, but she tried to hide it. “I was already on my way back here to warn her when I realized that she was returning to Arkadia. She was too close and I did not want to get caught as well, so I decided to come here. To you. I didn’t know where else to go.” 

Lexa was surprised that Octavia was showing such care for Clarke. Last she heard, Octavia was angry at Clarke for not leaving Polis with her. However, it appeared that the bond the two Skygirls shared was stronger than a few misunderstandings. Clarke was a good person and hopefully Octavia understood that she would not do such a thing, or really anything negative, unless it was truly necessary. _She must understand,_ thought Lexa, because to her, Clarke’s selflessness was so easy to see… In any case, Lexa was happy that Clarke had a friend who cared for her this much. She would remember this and maybe cut Octavia some slack in the future. 

“Has he said anything about harming her?” Lexa questioned.

“No, but I know he wanted to find her. He was planning something… Something big. I’m not sure what it was, but I know he was not taking the barricade lightly. He’s becoming more delusional by the day and he thinks that this land is his now.”

Lexa knew this was coming. She knew it would only be a matter of time before Pike and his rather small army attacked, seeking more land. He pretended that he cared for his people, he pretended that he cared about peace, but all he really wanted was power and land. It was not a secret that he despised Lexa’s people. The only thing stopping him from continuing his massacre of the Grounders was the numbers. Skaikru was still very small compared to the Coalition. 

Anger began to build in Lexa’s body. Her hands formed into fists as she tried to contain her rage. _How dare he?_ she thought. _Here he comes out of nowhere, taking over Skaikru, and disrupting everything._ They had almost fostered peace among _everyone_ on Earth. Queen Nia was gone and all the clans were finally falling into order. He had to be stopped… Now. He would not ruin everything. And hearing that Clarke was most likely in danger only fueled Lexa’s determination.

Lexa turned abruptly and marched out the door with Indra and Octavia on her heels.

“We leave for Arkadia _now._ ” 

“Should I summon any of the guards?” Indra asked, trying to keep up with Lexa’s quickened pace.

“No. _I_ am going to deal with this.” Lexa did not need any of her guards. She was the strongest warrior and her horse was the fastest. She could not have anyone holding her back and there wasn’t a minute to spare. 

“I am coming with you, Heda,” Indra insisted.

“I would not want anyone else.”

The three warriors headed out of Polis tower and toward the stables, Lexa barking commands the entire way. She had to make sure that order was maintained in Polis in the absence of herself and Indra. 

When all of the horses were saddled and ready, Lexa swiftly mounted hers. Her weapons were handed to her by a nearby guard and she attached them to her body hastily. Tris had not returned yet which made sense, but Lexa really wished she could have spoken to her to see how things had gone, but there was no time to wait. They would just have to head into the unknown expecting the worst. So with one quick kick to her horses side, Lexa took off through the gates of Polis and into the woods, her sash flowing behind her like a flag in the wind. 

_Clarke had better be safe…_ She couldn’t bring herself to think of any other outcome. _Maybe she decided not to go in,_ Lexa hoped. _Maybe she’s safely on her way back to Polis._ Lexa kept her eyes ahead as she rode, scanning the surroundings for any flash of the striking blonde hair. 

As minutes turned into hours, Lexa’s spirits fell. The uneasiness and fear grew in the pit of her stomach, threatening to overtake her entire body. _No!_ she scolded herself. _Focus, Lexa_. She needed to be fully present and at her best when she confronted the new chancellor of Skaikru. There was no room for mistakes.

Lexa rode in silence for the remainder of the journey, no one daring to speak to her. This way, they could also ride as fast possible and remain alert, no sound going unnoticed. Without stopping for the night, they made it to the barricade in a matter of hours, both the horses and the women out of breath. Lexa knew they should have stopped, her body was feeling the fatigue, but she knew that she could not waste a minute. Clarke had hours on them and could already be hurt… or worse. 

“Heda!” the Grounders shouted upon seeing their Commander.

Lexa wanted to stop to speak to her warriors but knew she couldn’t. They would have to wait until she returned.

“Step of!” Indra shouted urgently. The Grounders knew the Commander meant business and quickly parted, leaving a path for them to gallop through. 

Lexa knew that they were close to their destination when the woods became less dense. The hairs on the back of her neck began to stand in anticipation and she could feel the sweat forming in her palms which was strange because they felt freezing at the same time. _I probably should have thought this out… Come up with a plan…_ She slowed her horse to a trot as the end of the forest came into view, the sun peeking through the trees and hitting her face. 

“Commander, wait.” Octavia brought her horse alongside Lexa’s. “They have guards watching.”

Lexa nodded, letting Octavia know she heard.

“Let me go first,” Octavia offered.

Lexa appreciated Octavia’s intentions, she was becoming quite the warrior, so much like a Grounder, but she would not let her put herself in danger. “No, I will go.”

“But Heda…” Indra interjected. “Let us at least check the surroundings.”

“No. Follow me.” Lexa led her horse slowly to the clearing, making sure to stay behind the last line of trees. Her eyes scanned the plains ahead before falling upon three figures just outside the gates of Arkadia. Her heart stopped. 

“Clarke…” she whispered. It took a few seconds for her brain to process what was happening. That’s when she noticed the gun… Pointing directly at Clarke’s head. “No…”

A mixture of rage and dread propelled Lexa from the shadows and onto the plains. “Stop!” Her voice boomed, much louder and more forceful than expected. Apparently it startled the others as well, as all three heads shot up, looking in her direction warily. 

Lexa could no longer control her movements or her words as she quickly approached the group, forgetting about anything and everything except for the beautiful blue eyes staring back at her, relief and love painted across them. It was as if she was on autopilot as her horse charged forward, her mind going completely blank. 

_Am I even speaking right now?_ She could see everyone watching her upon her horse, but she was unsure of what was happening. Next thing Lexa knew, she heard a deafening _Boom!_ paired with a familiar blistering pain in her chest… 

_Not again…_ And then her whole world went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Monin” = welcome  
> “Ai laik” = I am  
> “Sankru” = Desert Clan  
> “Floukru” = Boat Clan  
> “Mochof” = Thank you  
> “Leidon” = Goodbye  
> “Ai get em in” = I know  
> “Nou get yu daun” = Stop worrying  
> “Sha” = Yes  
> “Step of” = Move aside


	20. Chapter 20

.Lexa’s POV.

 

As she opened her eyes, Lexa was immediately assaulted by artificial light which was quite unfamiliar to her. 

_Where am I?_

She squinted, trying to make out any objects or people that might assist her with figuring out where she may be. Metal tables, metal chairs, white linens. Everything looked so… sterile, so plain… Not like what she was accustomed to in any of her people’s camps. She tried to remember what had happened, but her mind felt so cloudy. The last thing she could remember was the meeting in her tower with all of the ambassadors. But what happened after that?

As she attempted to sit up, she felt a sharp pain in her chest. It immediately reminded her of the last time she felt this pain. She looked down slowly with dread. 

_Great,_ she thought as her eyes inspected the bright white bandage over her chest. Suddenly, she felt very exposed. She missed the weight of her armor. Even a shirt right now would be better than nothing. She attempted to move again, but was stopped by a weight at the end of the bed. 

_Clarke…_ The familiar golden locks were sprawled across the sheets while Clarke’s face rested on the edge of the mattress. Her body was contorted and stuffed into a chair messily. Lexa smiled to herself. Clarke looked adorable when she was sleeping. Lexa’s body immediately relaxed. Seeing Clarke beside her brought a sense of relief, soothing her. She had never felt this way around anybody before, but she had to admit, she liked it. Clarke made her feel safe in this unfamiliar setting, and this was not an easy task. 

As she watched Clarke sleep, everything began to come back to her. All of the events that had transpired… _Octavia bursting into the tower. Saddling the horses with Indra and Octavia. Polis tower retreating from view. Pike. Clarke in danger…_ The image of Clarke with a gun pointed at her head flashed through Lexa’s mind over and over. Lexa knew she was safely beside her, but she could still feel her heart rate increasing as fear overtook her body. _Clarke almost died…_ All of a sudden, it felt like the walls were closing in on her. At the same time, the red hot feeling of rage entered her body. _Clarke almost died… because of Pike._

Lexa attempted to sit up again. She had to find him. Make him pay. She hoped he was still alive because she wanted to deal with him herself. When she shifted her weight, she felt Clarke stir. Soon she was met with the enchanting blue eyes that she had feared she may never see again. The eyes that grounded her… 

“Hey,” Clarke said gently as she sat up. Her eyes, although heavy with sleep, were full of concern. “How are you feeling?”

“Been better. But this is not the worst.” Lexa tried to force a smile, but she knew Clarke could see right through it. 

“How long have I been here?”

“It’s been a couple of days. You were out for most of it, except the first day when you woke up for a few minutes. Do you remember that?” 

Lexa tried to think back. “Vaguely.” Then she remembered the handcuffs. She reached for Clarke’s hand as she moved her chair closer to the head of the bed. There was no trace of the cuffs or the accompanying swelling which was a relief to Lexa. Had it even happened? She gently ran her thumb over Clarke’s exposed skin, feeling Clarke shudder underneath her touch. 

“How are your wrists?”

“They’re fine. The handcuffs weren't that tight.”

“Good.” Lexa sighed, thinking for a moment. “Did we talk about anything else?” She could not remember anything else about that conversation, let alone that day. 

“No… There wasn’t much time. You had to rest and you fell asleep pretty quickly.” 

“I fear for longer than necessary.”

“You needed it.” Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers. “And don’t worry, the world didn’t end while you were recovering.”

Lexa smiled. _You would be surprised how much could have happened that we were unaware of_. She hated leaving her people for this long, especially without warning. She had tried to set up some chain of command in Polis during her absence, but it was never as efficient as being there herself. She couldn’t trust others to do her work. Immediately, she was nervous. 

“Has anything of significance happened?” Lexa asked. Before Clarke could answer, Lexa startled her, shouting, “Indra!” Perhaps Indra had received news from their people. 

Indra appeared at her bedside within a matter of seconds. “Heda?” Indra bowed her head. “It is good to see you awake again.”

Lexa nodded in thanks. “How are things in Polis?”

“It seems there has been no change since you left. No riders have come with news from the capital or any of the clans.”

“Good.” This eased Lexa’s uncertainties a bit. 

“That is all.” 

With that, Indra bowed her head again and returned to guard the door. 

Lexa looked back at Clarke, back into those familiar, comforting eyes. She studied them for any signs of emotion, good or bad. Clarke was always unsuccessful with hiding her feelings, especially in front of Lexa. Right now, she saw relief most prominently. She also saw the love that was always there, the love for Lexa that no other person had. But behind this, Lexa saw fear and anger… Not for her, but towards the world. Towards the people that wronged her. 

_Pike…_

“Where is the Chancellor?” Lexa questioned, trying to hide the anger she also felt. She wondered if they had kept him alive, or if Indra had ended his life as soon as the bullet hit her body. She just couldn’t remember anything after that moment. She could hardly even remember coming to Arkadia, but a small part of her hoped that Pike had met his end. She knew this was not the way of life she was trying to teach, but she could not help the thoughts. 

Clarke looked unsure of whether to answer, or how to answer, but Lexa knew she would not lie to her. “He’s in holding. Kane and Murphy are taking turns watching him.” 

“Take me to him,” Lexa demanded.

Clarke scoffed and Lexa knew this was a battle she would not win. “I don’t think so, Lexa. You _just_ woke up and you’re in no shape to be moving around.” 

“I am fine,” Lexa grumbled angrily.

Clarke’s expression softened as she took Lexa’s hand in hers a second time. “Please… just rest a little longer. I promise that he’s not going anywhere.”

Lexa did not want to give in this easily, it was not in her nature, but she could not deny Clarke, especially with that look on her face. Only Clarke could make her act _and_ feel this way. She sunk back into the pillow, defeated. 

“Then you will let me speak with him when you deem me fit.” 

Clarke nodded, but Lexa could see hesitation in her eyes.

Lexa was unsure of what she would say to Pike when she did see him. She wasn’t even sure of what she would _do_ to him, how she would react. He had tried to kill Clarke. He had massacred hundreds of her warriors… but that was in the past. She could not go against her own law and try to exact vengeance upon him now. However, his way of life could not be permitted any more. He had to be stopped. But was it her place? Or should it be the decision of Skaikru? 

_We saw how well that turned out…_

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke stroked Lexa’s palm with her thumb. 

Lexa was never one to skirt issues, but she did not know how Clarke felt about this. Still, she decided that being direct was the best way to go, as it usually was. “What will happen to your Chancellor?”

Clarke looked down at their intertwined hands, sighing. “I’m not sure. I don’t think something like this has happened before.”

“What do your laws dictate?”

“I would think that if the Chancellor has abused his power, causing him to be forcefully removed, a new Chancellor would need to be chosen.”

“Another vote?” 

“Probably.”

“Do you have faith in your people?”

“I don’t know anymore…”

This was the first time Clarke had sounded unsure about her own people, which startled Lexa. She was usually so steadfast when it came to them. Lexa felt like she might partially be to blame. Perhaps keeping Clarke from them for so long had given her time to think. Perhaps being away from them had essentially detached her from them. Maybe they were growing apart. To Lexa, Clarke had always been different from the other members of Skaikru. Maybe she was just realizing this now for herself. But to Lexa, Clarke had also always been different from _anyone._ One of the reasons that made Lexa fall in love with her in the first place. 

“Do not let the actions of a few allow your convictions to falter.” Lexa gave Clarke’s soft hand a squeeze. “Skaikru has many good people. People who yearn for and deserve a new leader who cares about them. A leader who knows their worth and fights for them.” 

Clarke’s eyes found Lexa’s, making her heart skip as it always did. The uncertainty that Lexa heard in Clarke’s words was mirrored in her eyes and Lexa wished she could wash it away because for Clarke, uncertainty came with sorrow. And sorrow was the last thing Lexa wished for her love. She continued to watch as Clarke studied her. She knew this look. Clarke was trying to come up with a plan, but appeared to be having difficulty. 

“Can the last Chancellor be reinstated?” Lexa questioned, trying to help. Kane would have made a great leader of Skaikru, if his rule had not been cut short. Abby had chosen wisely. Why not give him another chance? Even Abby would have been a better choice than Pike at the moment. 

“That could work… But I think we would still have to vote on it.”

“Then it is settled. Assemble all of your people and call for a vote.”

“What about Pike? What do we tell them about him?”

“I am sure most people are already aware of the situation. You do not give them enough credit, Clarke,” Lexa smiled. “And I believe by now, they must have come to their senses. They have seen the atrocities he has committed. I am sure that many do not agree with him anymore.”

“But they voted for him.”

“They believed he was the right choice at the time. He was saying what they thought they wanted to hear. He scared them and then provided them with a solution to his fabricated problems- _us.”_ Lexa shuddered at how he preyed upon Skaikru’s fear and uncertainty of the Grounders and used this to carry out his own, terrible agenda. “He had his chance to prove his leadership, and he showed everyone exactly who he was. I do not think he would win a vote right now.”

Clarke sighed. “I hope you’re right.”

“If I did not believe your people were good, I would not have allowed them into my Coalition. They will make the right decision…”

Lexa watched as Clarke thought over her words. They were meant to make her feel better, but Lexa really did believe in Clarke’s people, _most of them_. At one point, they had been astute enough to follow this golden-haired girl in front of her. They must be smart… Eventually, the worry dissipated, returning her eyes to their natural, clear, and breathtaking state. They stared back at Lexa and Clarke’s lips immediately curled into a smile.

“I love you.” Clarke leaned over and took Lexa’s face in her hands. Lexa didn’t even mind the pain that was threatening to erupt from the wound in her chest as she leaned forward, capturing Clarke’s lips with hers. She could feel all of the pain in her heart wash away in an instant as a familiar warmth took over her body. A comforting warmth. Only Clarke’s lips could make her body react this way. Only Clarke’s touch could numb her pain. 

Clarke pulled away a little too soon for Lexa’s liking. 

“Later,” Clarke reassured, seeing the pout on her face. “After you’re out of here.”

“I feel as if we are always waiting for later.”

“This life isn’t always fair to us…” Clarke sighed. 

Lexa couldn’t agree more. For her, life had never really been fair. From a young age, she was trained to be a warrior, a killer, and eventually she was shipped to Polis to become Commander. In a way, she had never even had a life, or at least her own version of one. Her decisions were always made for her and her life’s path was chosen before she could even decide for herself. Even as Commander, she did not have the liberty of selfishness. Many of the decisions she had to make were against what her heart wanted and ended up hurting her instead. 

Lexa had always wanted to protect Clarke from these darknesses, but she had failed time and time again. It hurt her, seeing Clarke come to these realizations over and over, but there was not much she could do, especially in her position. Maybe no one could be immune in this world, not even someone as pure and as good as Clarke kom Skaikru. After all, she was Wanheda. 

Lexa cleared her throat, changing the subject. “You should go and take care of the Chancellor. Your people are most likely waiting.”

“You’re right… I just wanted to wait until you woke before I left and made any decisions.”

“You did not have to. These are Skaikru matters that do not involve me or my people yet. _Your_ people come first.”

“No,” Clarke replied candidly. “ _You_ come first.”

Lexa could feel her jaw drop, the statement stunning her. It was the first time Clarke had spoken such words about her own people. She had become so accustomed to Clarke putting her people first and acting solely in their best interest that she was unsure if this was actually real. Lexa knew Clarke loved her, but this one declaration solidified it one hundred times over. It brought that love to an entirely new level. She was sure that her face had morphed into some foolishly ridiculous smile, but she didn’t care. For once, she let her emotions show completely and unabashedly. 

Clarke seemed amused. “What?” 

“Nothing. I just never thought I would hear those words… from you.”

“Lexa, you know how much you mean to me.” 

“Yes, but your people…”

“They are still my people and they always will be. But so are you… You took me in, your people took me in and accepted me… for the most part. Without you, I probably wouldn’t even be alive to say such a thing anyway. I just wish I had realized it sooner…” Clarke smiled at Lexa, a real, genuine smile. “Plus, they’re kind of on my bad list for the time being. You know, with everything they managed to screw up.”

Lexa chuckled, not denying it. A certain sadness came over her, though, because she knew that as much as she wished it were the same from her end, these words might never be uttered. Sure, she felt the same way, but her position made it so difficult. And she hated it. As much as she loved and cared for Clarke, she had a duty to her own people as well. She could not be selfish, even though Clarke deserved all she had to offer. Lexa hoped the decision would never come up because she was afraid of what she might have to do.

“Well now that you see that I am in good health, you must go. Take care of your people and the issues at hand, Clarke.” 

Clarke nodded. “I’ll be back to check on you.” 

“Do what you must first.”

Clarke leaned back over and placed a quick kiss on Lexa’s lips. “Don’t miss me too much.” With that, she turned and walked out the door. 

As much as Lexa hated being imprisoned in a bed waiting to heal, for the _second_ time in recent weeks, she could not complain about the extra care and attention she was receiving from her love. This alone time was precious and she would not trade it in for anything because under any other circumstances, this would not be happening. She was also getting some much needed but very elusive time to rest. She almost felt undeserving of such down time. 

Lexa caught a glimpse of Indra still standing guard outside the door. She gave Clarke a quick nod of “hello” as she passed and turned to Lexa, fixing her with a knowing stare as a slight smirk sat at the corner of her lips.

“Chit?” Lexa demanded, becoming agitated. 

“Nothing…” Indra answered, suppressing her smile. 

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Shouldn’t you be lecturing me on the dangers of love instead of poking fun?”

“I would never, Heda.” 

Lexa scoffed, tired of Indra’s judgmental looks. “Go, keep watch of Clarke. Do not let any harm come to her.” Considering that now Indra definitely understood how important Clarke was to Lexa, she would be extra vigilant. Even if she did not fully agree… 

“Sha, Heda. Ai na ai raun. All of them…” Indra was most likely more than happy to see what was happening with the Sky People. She probably also wanted to keep an eye on Pike because she didn’t fully trust Skaikru’s defenses. Hopefully, she wouldn’t do anything rash. She bowed her head and left down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Chit” = what  
> “Ai na ai raun” = I’ll watch


	21. Chapter 21

.Clarke’s POV.   
  


“We have to hold another vote. There’s no other way.” Clarke was becoming frustrated with Kane. She understood his point of view, but there really was no other fair way to choose a new leader. They had been going back and forth for the past half hour. 

“Why can’t we just go back to the way it was before Pike?” Kane asked.

“I’m not sure how people will react with us just barging back into Arkadia, taking over by force, and appointing you Chancellor without giving anyone a say.”

“We didn’t exactly take over forcefully, Clarke. That is just how the events played out.” He looked Clarke square in the eye. “He had to be stopped. He was going to kill you.”

Clarke sighed, looking down at her feet. “I know…” She thought about it. “But it wasn’t exactly _you_ who saved me initially… And how am I going to explain the fact that _Grounders_ came in and killed some of the guards then overpowered their Chancellor? Our people are still uneasy about the whole Grounder situation. I don’t even know if they’ll believe that Pike was going to execute me.” 

Clarke really wished her people would get over their fear and see how helpful and _good_ the Grounders were. After all, the army that Pike and company had massacred was only there to protect them. But for now, she did not want to put Lexa and Indra in any danger considering they were still within the walls of Arkadia, so she decided to try to avoid bringing them into any conversation with her people. Hopefully the people she used to call her own, the ones who she grew up with and survived with, and thought she had _known,_ would come to their senses. At least those closest to her, like Octavia, were smart enough not to become brainwashed. This was some consolation.

Kane seemed to be thinking about something. Maybe he was beginning to come around… He spoke, “I don’t even know if we can hold a fair election now.”

“Why?”

“Jaha…” 

“Huh?” Then it dawned on Clarke. _Crap…_

Jaha was still in Arkadia, trying to drug everyone, or whatever he was up to. Kane was right. They could not hold a fair election because not everyone was mentally _in Arkadia._ And even if it was all nonsense and everyone he got to was just on drugs, they still wouldn’t be in the right state of mind to vote. 

Clarke felt her head beginning to throb. She rubbed her temples with both hands, trying to alleviate the oncoming headache. “Ugh… What do we do?”

“Seeing that it is not the best time, we can hold off on choosing a new Chancellor. I don’t think that’s the most urgent matter anyway. Then after everything is sorted out, we can hold a fair vote when everyone is fully present.”

“Yea, that sounds like the best plan.”

“Also, seeing that no one is immediate danger from the Grounders or anyone else at the moment, I don’t think we need a person in charge to make any life or death decisions.”

_That’s what you think._ Clarke knew there was never a time when everyone was completely safe, but she kept her mouth shut. 

Kane looked at Clarke, a nervous question in his eyes. “We’re not in danger, right? From the Grounders?” Apparently, he figured Clarke might know more than he did considering she had been involved in Grounder politics in Polis. 

Clarke shook her head. “They should be the least of your worries. Thanks to Lexa, none of the clans will be retaliating against us despite _everything_ that happened. And trust me, it wasn’t easy.” She was a little surprised that Kane even asked this question. He was level-headed and had seemed very at ease in Polis during his visit. He had wanted to be part of the Coalition. There was no way that he could be afraid of the Grounders again…

Kane nodded, agreeing. Clarke could see that he was grateful and relieved. Even though he was not Chancellor, he still felt the weight of their people’s actions. He wanted to do right not only by the Sky People, but by the Grounders as well. Clarke knew the feeling. This was probably one of the reasons she had felt so comfortable around Kane lately. He was a good man. 

“What about Ice Nation?” 

Clarke watched as Kane’s expression became serious, the events of the day of the Summit plaguing his memory. She didn’t blame him for his anger and his trepidation towards that specific clan. 

“You don’t have to worry about them. After their queen was killed and Lexa appointed Roan as King, they have changed for the better.”

Kane lifted his eyebrow skeptically. 

“He’s a good leader. I trust him… Plus, anyone is better than Nia.” Clarke surprised even herself with these words. But Roan had not given her a reason to distrust him, and he _had_ found and captured Emerson for her, essentially, so they had a good start to their relationship. And Lexa seemed to have faith in him as well, or else she wouldn’t have let him be king. Right? This was good enough for her, and it would have to be good enough for Kane. 

“Okay…” Kane sighed. “I trust you, Clarke. So I’ll have to trust them…”

“What happens to Pike now?” Clarke wondered what he was doing in his cell. Was he plotting his way out? Was he thinking about everything he had done? All the pain and suffering he caused? She doubted he even cared about the hundreds of deaths. He was probably sitting there feeling sorry for himself and finding a way to blame this on the Grounders, on _Lexa_. How she wanted to get in there and have a few moments alone with him. 

“He stays in his cell until the vote. Then, a proper punishment is set.”

“Yea? And who decides that?”

“The new Chancellor I suppose.”

Clarke didn’t want to wait. Pike wasn’t needed anymore. Why couldn’t they just get rid of him now? Having him alive and well was actually making her nervous. It wasn’t unheard of having prisoners escape from the cells. And he was out for blood. _Hers_ specifically. And Lexa’s. 

Kane put his hand on Clarke’s shoulder, sensing her worry. “He’s not going anywhere. I also don’t think he has any more allies in this camp. We took care of most of them.”

This reminded Clarke. “Where’s Bellamy?”

“He’s been locked in his quarters. We didn’t want to keep him near Pike in the cells, and there weren’t many other options. O is watching him.”

“How’s she doing?”

“As good as she can, I think. I’m surprised with how well she’s handling the whole situation… with her brother and everything.”

“Yea…” Not having siblings herself, Clarke couldn’t imagine how difficult this probably was on Octavia. They had always been so close, the Blakes, but recently, it didn’t seem that way. They were growing apart, into two totally different people with vastly opposing morals. Maybe it was always like this… Maybe they were never as similar as Clarke had thought. Maybe this world just showed each of them who they truly were. 

Clarke wanted to speak to Octavia, see how she was doing. She missed her friend. She hadn’t had a chance to talk to her about everything that happened in Polis and after, and she feared Octavia was still unhappy with her.

_But she did come back for me…_

Maybe she wasn’t so angry… There _were_ other more important issues at hand. And although they had their differences, she hoped Octavia understood that everything she did was selfless and in the best interest of their friends and their people. 

“I’m gonna go talk to her.” Clarke figured this was the best time to try and talk to her friend. She could also try and get some more information about what had been going on in Arkadia. 

Kane nodded as Clarke left the room. 

As she made her way through the halls, Clarke once again noticed how empty the place appeared. _Was it always this empty? Where is everyone?_ She didn't know if it was because of whatever was going on, or if it was because she felt like an outsider among her own people, but she didn’t like the feeling.

As she progressed through the dining area, she finally stumbled across some people, but something didn’t feel right. Everyone _looked_ the same physically, but they were acting so strangely. Was it just because she had gotten used to how Grounders behaved and forgotten how her own people acted? Everyone seemed oddly… _happy_. They walked around with smiles plastered to their faces, as if there were no cares in the world. This couldn’t have been because of Pike because he was most definitely _not_ a good leader. 

Clarke passed a young woman sitting at a nearby table, the same blissful smile etched onto her face. But as she looked into the girl’s eyes, she saw emptiness, as if the girl were staring into space, her mind elsewhere. She looked at Clarke, but she was not _seeing_ Clarke. She felt goosebumps form along her arms and the hair at the back of her neck began to rise. She quickly looked away. _What the hell is going on here?_ Her pace hastened in an attempt to get away from all of these zombies. Empty halls were a much better option than this. 

Before she could get any further, she heard screams coming from the direction of Raven’s room. She took off running towards the noise. As she got closer, she realized that the screams were not those of her friend. They were more familiar…

She burst through the door as her eyes tried to take in the scene before her.

“Mom?” she whispered, her eyes widening.

Abby’s eyes snapped to Clarke as tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Her arms and legs were bound to a chair and Thelonius Jaha was kneeling in front of her. He too looked up at Clarke in surprise. Just behind him stood Raven and Sinclair. Both of them seemed unfazed by her intrusion. A chill went up Clarke’s spine as she looked into the empty eyes of her dark-haired friend. The life and the fight that always resided in Raven’s eyes were gone, replaced by a void, much like the people in the dining hall. What was even eerier was the smile on her face. A smile so unlike Raven. And Sinclair had a very similar smile on his face.

_Oh no_ , thought Clarke. Whatever had possession of Raven’s body and mind had apparently also gotten a hold of Sinclair. _So much for him helping her out…_

“What are you doing to her?!” Clarke yelled at Jaha.

Jaha stood slowly, turning to face her, a smile forming on his lips as well. “Clarke Griffin. It’s so good to see you.”

His voice gave her the creeps and all she wanted to do was run. But she had to help her mom. 

“Let her go,” Clarke demanded, stepping closer to the group. 

“I can’t do that. We need your mother.” Jaha moved closer, causing Clarke to take a step back. 

“For what?” 

“We need her in the City of Light.”

There was that place again. Clarke still didn’t understand what this place was or _where_ it was. Judging by Raven and all of the other people she had encountered, she did not want to find out either. She shoved Jaha out of the way and ran past him to her mother. 

“We have to get you out of here…” Clarke began unbuckling the straps holding Abby to the chair. 

“Stop her!” Jaha nodded to Raven and Sinclair who began approaching Clarke. Before she could finish the restraints, she felt hands pulling her away. 

“Ah!” she screamed, kicking and trying to shove her captors off, but it was no use. They were too strong. “Let me go!” 

Jaha walked over to Clarke slowly. His movements and his calmness was really starting to get on her nerves. _What the hell is wrong with him!_ She wished she could free her arms and get one good hit in. 

“Well this makes it a little easier,” Jaha stated, his voice void of any emotion. He reached into his jacket, pulling out a scalpel. Clarke didn’t even want to know why he walked around with one. He raised his arm slowly, bringing the scalpel to Clarke’s neck. 

“What are you doing!” Clarke demanded, trying to avoid the sharp blade coming towards her. Sinclair’s grip on her arm tightened, making it almost impossible to move.

Without answering, Jaha turned to Abby, the scalpel now resting against Clarke’s skin. “Take the chip, Abby, or your daughter bleeds to death.”

Tears spilled from Abby’s eyes as she pleaded, “Please, Jaha… Don’t do this.” 

Clarke felt the cool metal press into her skin, tearing it, as a few drops of blood emerged. She tried not to scream, not to show any pain, as she felt the blade cut deeper. Clarke looked into the eyes of her mother, trying to send her the strength to resist Jaha’s threats.

_Don’t give in, mom. I’ll be okay._

The thoughts were apparently unheard as Clarke saw something in her mother break. It was rare for Abby, and even more rare for Clarke to witness, and it broke her heart. 

“Stop!” Abby cried. “I’ll take it.” She dropped her head in defeat. 

Jaha smiled, pulling the scalpel away from Clarke’s skin and placing it on a nearby table. He pulled a small object from his jacket pocket. 

_What is that?_ Clarke squinted, trying to get a better look at the small piece. She had never seen anything like it before. It looked almost like a plastic game piece, and it definitely did _not_ look edible. Jaha brought the chip to Abby’s lips, urging her to accept it. 

Before Abby had a chance to take the chip between her lips, a loud cry sounded through the halls as the doors burst open. All Clarke saw was a flash of metal armor. She felt Raven and Sinclair’s grips on her arms loosen in surprise, so she took this opportunity to fight them off of her, elbowing Sinclair in the gut and pushing all of her weight backwards, causing Raven to topple to the ground. Before he could regain his footing, Clarke landed one strong punch to Sinclair’s face, and he fell, unconscious. Then she quickly jumped on top of Raven, straddling her hips and pinning her arms to her sides.

“Let me go!” Raven yelled as she struggled beneath Clarke’s grip. There was a fire in her eyes that Clarke had never seen before. A fire and a rage that frightened her. As much as she tried, she could not find the girl she knew and cared for in those eyes. Hopefully they could get her back… 

Clarke heard struggling and grunts behind her. She turned to see Indra overpowering Jaha, her hand instinctively reaching for her sword, pulling it from its sheath. Slowly, Indra brought the blade to his neck.

“Indra, wait!”

Indra turned to Clarke, venom in her eyes. As she locked eyes with the Skygirl, her expression softened a tiny bit, but still held a thirst for blood. “Why should I?” she demanded.

“We might need him!” Clarke also knew that Jaha was not being himself. He too held the empty gaze that all the others she had encountered had. Hopefully, all of this was not something he would have done had he not been under the influence of this chip and whatever else was behind it. She could not let him die for something out of his control. And if they ever found a cure or a solution to this problem, then she would want Jaha and everyone else alive afterwards. 

Indra gritted her teeth because once again, she was robbed of the satisfaction of a kill. She held her sword at Jaha’s throat for a moment longer, then slowly pulled it away, placing it back in its sheath. He smiled in victory, but before he could say another word, Indra’s fist connected with his jaw, knocking him unconscious. 

Clarke breathed a sigh of relief. Raven was still squirming underneath her, attempting to free her limbs. Clarke really didn’t want to have to knock her friend out as well, but she didn’t know what to do with her. Meanwhile, Indra hurried over and began undoing the straps holding Abby in place.

“Indra, thank goodness you showed up.” Abby smiled at the woman standing over her. Indra looked at her with the slightest smile on her face and gave a quick nod. She clearly did not want this display of gratitude directed at her. 

“We must get out of here,” Indra urged. “It appears it is no longer safe.”

Once Abby was free, she took the straps from the chair and brought them over to Clarke. “Here,” she handed them to her daughter. “These might help.”

Clarke took the leather buckles and managed to bind Raven’s arms together. Abby did the same with her feet. Immediately, Raven stopped struggling. A smile snaked across her lips as she looked at Clarke, causing her to feel very unsettled. 

“Clarke, how nice of you to join us back here.”

_Us?_

Raven continued, “Back in _your_ _home._ We were beginning to think you might never come back to us…”

A shiver ran up Clarke’s spine. Raven’s tone was so calm, so empty, so robotic. She shook the feeling and decided it was best to ignore this disturbing version of Raven. But now they really had to get to the bottom of this. 

She turned to Indra. “Where should we go?”

“Anywhere but here. I fear there may be more enemies than friends within these walls.”

Clarke looked at her mom, uncertain of what to do. “What do we do?”

“Indra’s right. It’s probably not safe here anymore. Jaha managed to sway a lot of people in Arkadia. Until we figure out what’s really going on, we can’t be around them.”

“How many people?”

“I don’t know… But definitely enough to overpower the three of us.”

Clarke could feel her heart rate increasing as she took in what her mother was saying. The familiar, but unwanted feeling of uneasiness and helplessness began to creep into Clarke’s mind. She had no idea what this unknown force was or how any of this had happened. She also didn’t know _why_ it was here and trying to take over her people. Was it only her people? However, this was not the right time to be thinking these thoughts. They needed to act. Clarke took a deep breath in, pushing her fears aside yet again.

“Ok, let’s just get out of Arkadia first. Then we can figure out how to fix this. Whatever the hell this is.” 

“What do we do with them?” Indra motioned towards the three bodies on the floor. 

_Crap…_

There was no way the three of them could make a quick escape with two unconscious people and one uncooperative one. At the same time, Clarke did not want to leave them here. She had no idea what would happen to them. 

_Jaha should be safe… They wouldn’t hurt him. He kind of is their leader. But then, if he stays here, he’ll go right back to what he was doing before he caught us._ Clarke didn’t like the sound of this either. She didn’t trust Jaha at all right now. 

Before she could conclude this internal debate, a woman came bursting through the door. Her body language was feral, but her eyes, like most of the others in Arkadia at the moment, were empty and dark. Without warning, she lunged at the closest person to her, Abby. 

Abby’s eyes filled with fear as she looked around for something to grab and protect herself with. Luckily, Indra stepped in front of her and took the attacker down in one swift motion. Apparently, Indra was just as lethal with her fists as she was with her sword. 

“Thank you… Again.” Abby breathed a sigh of relief. 

“We have to go… now.” Indra demanded, her voice serious. “Somehow they know where we are. And it’s us they want.” 

Clarke nodded. Realizing there was no time to deal with the others, she grabbed Raven’s arm, pulling her to her feet. “We’ll bring Raven with us. She probably knows a lot more than she’s saying. And I can’t leave her here.”

“What about them?” Abby questioned, referring to Sinclair and Jaha.

“We’ll just have to leave them. There isn’t much else we can do.” Clarke really didn’t want to do this, but there was no other choice. They would just have to deal with the consequences later. 

Clarke began pulling Raven towards the door but she was not making it easy. When she wasn’t resisting and trying to kick through her bindings, she was relaxing all of her muscles, essentially becoming dead weight. Weight that was not easy for Clarke to drag. 

“Mom, a little help?”

Abby rushed over and grabbed a hold of Raven’s other arm and the two women dragged her body out the door. Indra led the way through the halls. They had only come across two more people trying to attack them which was as good as any of them could hope for. It took Indra only a few seconds to either knock them out or cut them in such a way that they could not follow them. Clarke silently thanked Indra for not killing these people. She knew how much she wanted to. 

“We have to get Kane.” Abby spoke up after a few moments of silence. 

“I know…” They did have to find him and get him out of Arkadia too. Then a sense of dread came over Clarke. 

_Lexa…_ Immediately, Clarke’s heart began to race again. Was she okay? She didn’t have a guard now, leaving her vulnerable. But then again, Lexa was a fighter and could definitely take care of herself. Right? _They won’t go after her anyway… No one even knows she’s here._ Clarke just knew they had to get to her too. And soon. 

“Clarke?” 

Clarke’s head popped up to see two pairs of eyes staring at her.

“Huh?” 

“Is there a reason we’ve stopped?” Abby questioned.

“Oh, sorry. It’s just… Lexa.”

Raven’s head snapped up at the words and she straightened her body out, finally standing on her own. Clarke felt her muscles relax at the release of weight. 

“Lexa…” Raven whispered with a devious look in her eye.

“Lexa what?” Clarke demanded, but Raven ignored her, her eyes taking on a faraway gaze. “Raven!” Clarke yelled, becoming irritated.

Raven continued to stare ahead, past Clarke. It looked as if she was having some internal conversation… with herself? Or with someone no one else could see…

After a moment, Raven spoke, “Where _is_ the Commander?”

Indra grabbed Raven by the coat before anyone could stop her, pulling her from Clarke and Abby’s grasps. She slammed Raven’s back against the wall and pushed her arm into her neck.

“What do you want with the Commander?!”

Raven did not answer, merely smiled, which only infuriated Indra further. She pushed her arm harder against Raven’s neck, causing a cough to escape her lips. Despite the pressure that she must have been feeling and the frightening color her face was turning, Raven appeared apathetic, not bothered at all by the threat before her. 

“Answer me!” Clarke recognized this look, the seething anger spewing from Indra’s eyes and her snarl, exposing beyond white teeth. 

“Indra, stop!” Clarke pleaded. She knew neither woman would give up and someone would end up dead, most likely Raven by the looks of it. Clarke knew she should not be ordering Indra around like this, and it was not the first time today, but she had to protect her friend. “Please…” she added.

Indra released Raven with a loud sigh. Raven slid to the floor, a chuckle bubbling out from deep within her. As the three women looked down at her, the chuckle turned into a sinister laugh. The unsettling feeling Clarke had before, and pretty much since she stepped foot in Arkadia, intensified ten fold. 

“What’s so funny?” Clarke asked, voice harsh.

No answer, just more hollow laughs.

“Answer me!” Clarke nudged Raven with her foot. 

Still no answer. 

“Ugh.” This was no use. “Get up, Raven. We have to go… Now!” 

Raven didn’t budge, just continued to crouch, huddled against the wall. Then came the voice. The one that sent chills through Clarke’s body. 

“Nevermind, I have already found her.” 

_What?_

Clarke watched as Raven’s head slowly turned to face her. The laugh had subsided, but the disturbing smile remained. An evil glint sparkled in her dark eyes. 

“Thank you, Clarke. You have been very helpful.” 

A hundred thoughts and emotions bombarded Clarke’s mind. _What is she talking about? What did I do? Why does Raven sound so weird? Who found who?_ Realization dawned. _Oh no… Lexa!_ Had she led Raven and whatever danger straight to Lexa? 

Before her mind could give her body directions, Clarke’s feet took off in the direction of the med bay. 

“Stay with Raven!” she called back to her mother. She probably should have at least helped her hide Raven away in one of the rooms, away from the eyes of potential attackers, but she hadn’t really thought at all. “I’ll be back soon!” she reassured. 

Indra must have gotten the hint also as she fell into step beside Clarke, leaving Abby to fend for herself. Clarke felt an odd sense of comfort with Indra by her side. A comfort that not many of her own people could provide anymore. She turned to look at Indra, giving her a thankful nod, even though she knew Indra would always be the first one at her Commander’s side in the face of danger. 

As they ran through the halls, Clarke tried to ease her mind as the worries poured in. _She’s okay. Raven was lying. Everything’s okay._ Clarke could only hope this was true. 


	22. Chapter 22

.Clarke’s POV.   
  


The med bay came into view as Clarke and Indra rounded the corner. Everything looked ok. 

_This is good._

Clarke half expected there to be a hoard of mindless robotic Arkadians trying to get through the doors. As they got nearer, however, Clarke’s fears quickly returned. She could hear struggling on the other side of the double metal doors, followed by the sounds of metal instruments clattering to the floor. Indra quickened her pace beside Clarke and the two women braced themselves as they burst into the room. 

Clarke’s eyes immediately found Lexa. She was standing on the far side of the room near the cot she had been resting in, sword in hand and stance threatening, daring her attacker to make a move. A body lay beside her feet, blood pooling around the man’s torso. As fearsome as Lexa appeared, like she always appeared during a battle or at any time really, Clarke could clearly see pain and fatigue all over Lexa’s face and in her movements. The bandage around her chest was soaked almost entirely black which made Clarke’s stomach turn. Lexa needed to stop exerting herself or else the ripped stitches would be the least of her problems. 

Before Indra or Clarke had a chance to make a move, Lexa’s opponent rushed at her, the shock baton in his hand sparking and crackling viciously. Clarke noticed blood pouring from the man’s other hand, immediately answering the question of where his gun was. She saw it laying on the floor near a wall meaning Lexa had managed to disarm him, but it was too far for Clarke to get to in time to help. At least his current weapon would be easier to defeat. The man took a swing with the baton, but Lexa easily dodged his effort. Clarke could see her slowing down, though, and knew she would not last much longer.

Indra rushed forward to help her Commander, but both she and Clarke were unaware of the other bodies that had entered the room. Without warning, one of the assailants jumped on Indra’s back, attempting to choke her. Indra spun around, grabbing at the woman attached to her. She easily pulled the woman off and sent her flying forward over her head to the ground. Indra approached her prey slowly, sword in hand. 

Clarke cursed herself for not having her gun on her at the moment. She actually couldn't even remember where it was. A second attacker ran towards Clarke. The dead but determined look in his eyes frightened her. He appeared unarmed as he swung a fist at her. She narrowly avoided the hit when she felt a second first connect with her stomach, causing a small cry to escape her lips as she fell to her knees. She saw Lexa’s concerned eyes dart over to her. This split second of distraction allowed her attacker to get a hit in with the shock baton. The electric zap filled the room as the sound of Lexa’s grunt found Clarke’s ears. Miraculously, the hit did not seem to slow Lexa down at all. She shook it off and quickly regained her composure, a new fire in her eyes. She charged the man who did not appear the least bit scared, and took him down with two perfectly positioned swishes of her sword. He fell to the floor, dead.

The man attacking Clarke leaned down to grab her, but she swatted his hand away and scooted backwards on the floor, trying to gain her footing to stand. He approached her again, slowly and methodically. Without any weapons, she really was at his mercy considering he was so much bigger than her. But she would not go down without a fight. She kicked his knee which caused him to lose his footing, but there was no scream of pain, and no emotions crossed his face.

_Weird…_

Next, Clarke tried to kick his feet out from under him, but he was faster, and he grabbed her foot mid-swing. He pulled her closer to him, cocking his arm back to land another blow. Before he could do anything, a flash of metal viscously cut through the air above Clarke, piercing straight through the man’s chest. He looked down at the Commander’s sword embedded in him, his expression remaining blank, and then his body dropped to the floor with a _thud!_

Clarke turned to see Lexa leaning back against the cot, one hand over the wound on her chest, the other, empty. The corner of her mouth managed to curl into what appeared to be a smile, but Clarke could see the pain behind it. Lexa looked winded, and Clarke was afraid that she might not be able to make it out of Arkadia. 

What Lexa didn’t notice was one last attacker sneaking around the room behind her. This one was armed with a gun. A gun that could once again manage to take down even the greatest Grounder warrior. Lexa immediately read the concern in Clarke’s eyes and turned to see the culprit. However, now she was completely unarmed and seconds away from fainting if forced to exert any more energy. Clarke knew that she couldn’t get there in time either. The man raised his gun, realizing that he was most likely out of harms way, and aimed. 

Then, a war cry sounded through the room as Indra pulled her sword from her recent kill’s body. The man turned his attention to the sound, but was too late. Before he could pull the trigger, Indra’s sword sliced through his side, the gun falling from his hands. Once again, no scream emanated from his lips. Indra ran over to him before he could make another move and pulled the sword from his body, then delivered a final stab through his heart. She wasn’t taking any chances. Clarke knew in this scenario, this was the only way to get out alive. There were only seconds to make decisions. 

After Indra was convinced the threat was dead, she pulled her sword out of the still body, returning it to its sheath. She looked over at Lexa who gave her a thankful nod. Words did not need to be exchanged. 

Clarke quickly stood up and ran over to Lexa, urging her to sit on the cot. The bandage covering her chest was now completely black. She touched the soaked fabric tenderly and felt Lexa stiffen slightly under her fingers. Not only had the wound not had enough time to heal properly in general, but now they would have to start over re-stitching it. Clarke really wanted to clean the wound and stitch it now, but she knew it was not safe here anymore. Especially now that they were all in danger and Raven knew that Lexa was here too. Clarke still couldn’t figure out why whoever it was who was controlling Raven had taken an interest in Lexa. She didn’t want to stick around to find out. 

“We have to go,” Clarke told Lexa gently. 

Lexa looked at her intensely, immediately causing her heart to skip a beat. No matter the situation, one look from Lexa could always make Clarke’s heart flutter. Even in such dire circumstances as they were currently in. For a second, Clarke felt relief. She felt _safe_.

After a moment longer, Lexa nodded. “Lead the way.” She must have sensed the urgency of the matter. 

Clarke found Lexa’s clothing and moved to help her stand. Carefully, she helped Lexa into her shirt, followed by her cloak. She didn’t want to close it because it would be too restricting on her chest, but Lexa insisted. 

_Still stubborn as always._

After Clarke helped Lexa attach her sword to her side, the three women exited the medical bay, but not before Clarke grabbed a pack, filling it with some bottles of medicine and a few surgical supplies. These would come in handy. 

Indra led the way, popping her head around every corner in search of enemies. Once again, the halls were desolate. As if nothing had happened. Clarke was worried about the fate of the rest of her people under this new threat, but knew there was nothing she could do yet. 

“Which direction, Skygirl?” Indra questioned. 

“We have to find my mom and Raven.” Clarke hoped they hadn’t moved far from where they had left them. “Make a left up there.” 

Indra followed Clarke’s directions through the maze of corridors. They came to a stop in the last spot Clarke had seen her mother. The hall was empty.

_Where are they?_

Clarke didn’t want to call for her mother and attract attention, so she told Indra and Lexa to stay put and she began walking up the hall, whispering, “Mom!” with urgency at each door she passed. 

Eventually, an answer! “Clarke?” A faint whisper. 

She pushed the nearest door to her right open and found her mom sitting across the room from Raven, who still had a sinister smile plastered across her face. Abby, on the other hand, looked exhausted, both mentally and physically. 

“Are you ok, mom?” 

“I’m fine. Don’t worry, honey.”

“Your mom and I were having the nicest chat…” Raven teased. “It’s too bad you had to interrupt us.”

Clarke glared at Raven, deciding it best to ignore her. She turned to her mother, “Okay, we’re ready to leave now.”

“How’s Lexa? What happened?”

“She’s alive. There were more attackers, but they’re gone now. We just need to get the hell out of here and then take a look at her stitches.”

Abby nodded, standing to take hold of Raven’s arm. She pulled her to her feet and shoved her forward. “Move.”

In the hall, Indra was standing beside her Commander, who was leaning against the wall. The blood loss and exhaustion were really beginning to show as Lexa straightened herself out. Abby had assessed the situation from afar and shot her daughter a worried look which did nothing to ease Clarke’s worries. 

“Commander…” Raven spoke slowly and deliberately as she stared at Lexa.

Lexa’s eyes darted to meet Raven’s. She looked both confused and annoyed at the same time, but held her gaze threateningly, daring her to continue. Clarke wondered if Lexa knew what was going on with Raven. She had only met Raven a few times before, but anyone could see that she was acting very strange. 

“You’re not looking so good,” Raven taunted. “You know, there is a way to feel better…”

Lexa’s hand found her sword. She was clearly unhappy with the way she was being spoken to. But when her eyes met Clarke’s, she released her grip. She understood that this was one of Clarke’s friends and should not be harmed, regardless of what she was doing. Clarke hoped that Lexa also understood that this was not the Raven she had known. Indra, visibly annoyed, stepped forward and grabbed Raven’s other arm, turning her attention away from Lexa. 

“That’s enough. Let’s go,” she ordered. With Abby’s help, Raven was dragged away down the hall. 

“We just have to find Kane and get him out of here too,” Abby called back to Clarke.

“And O and Lincoln,” Clarke added.

“What about Bellamy?” her mother asked.

Clarke paused. “I don’t know…” She really didn’t. There wasn’t really time to deal with him at the moment. She didn’t know if she could trust him either. Not anymore. Not after everything he had done. And she didn’t want to risk him being around Indra or Lexa, for everyone’s sake. He had already shot Indra, or at least had been there when she had been, so any encounter between the two would not end well. Any encounter with _any_ Grounder might not end well. Finally, she concluded, “He can stay here. Until all of this is sorted.” 

Within minutes, Kane, Octavia, and Lincoln had joined the group. Bellamy was left locked in a room and Pike was left unattended in his prison cell. Clarke knew this was risky, but she could not let any of her friends stay behind to watch him. It was too dangerous. Both Bellamy and Pike were given enough rations to last a few days, and hopefully this was all they would need. Clarke had originally wanted to leave Pike with nothing, but she knew starving to death would not be the death he deserved. He deserved worse. He deserved to face justice at the hands of the Grounders and her own people, and she wanted to witness whatever came of him.

The group quickly made their way out of Arkadia and to the makeshift stables. They would take the horses for their journey. Unfortunately, there were only five horses and many more people. Sky People did not use horses, mainly walking to their destinations or using the land vehicle they had found and Raven had fixed. And Clarke had no idea where this vehicle was. So the horses were the only option. 

It was decided that Indra would ride solo at the front of the group because she was the strongest at the moment. She would be able to maneuver her horse efficiently if needed in order to attack or defend. Lincoln would ride with Abby because she had never been on a horse before and he would be able to guide the horse and hold her and protect her in case anything happened. Kane would ride alone since he was a little more experienced than Abby, which didn’t say much. But he did not need a Grounder’s help as much. He would stay in the middle of the group. If anything happened, he could easily be helped and protected. Also, his horse would most likely follow the flow of the group. Octavia would ride with Raven and do her best to keep her in check. Having her bound was helpful, but who knows how this would be atop a horse. Octavia was also one of the best riders in the group which meant she could take a passenger, even one as unruly as Raven at the moment.

“Your skills will guide you,” Indra reassured her second. 

“I don’t know if I want to go with you,” Raven threatened. “There are things to be done here.” 

Indra rolled her eyes, stepping closer to Raven. Before anyone could stop her, her fist shot out and connected with the side of Raven’s head, ending any further objections right there. Clarke cringed, but knew there weren’t many other options. Raven needed to come with them and Clarke knew she would continue being difficult if she were conscious. At least Indra had let her live, after everything. 

“Here, let me.” Lincoln quickly scooped up Raven’s unconscious body and carried her to Octavia’s waiting horse. He hoisted her up and positioned her body in front of the saddle. “Be careful,” he said, giving Octavia’s thigh a squeeze. She smiled down at him.

“I know… Precious cargo here,” she joked as she rested her hand on top of Raven’s back. It was almost a comical sight, Raven’s arms and legs dangling over each side of the horse. Clarke really hoped that Octavia would hold on to Raven tight, especially during the faster spurts. 

After everyone was mounted, it was Lexa and Clarke’s turn. They would be bringing up the rear of the group on their shared horse. Lexa’s beautiful horse. Lexa could not ride alone in the state she was in, and even if she could, Clarke wanted to be close to her to keep an eye on her. Also, there was no need to hide their relationship any longer, pretty much everybody in the group knew. And even if they didn’t know for sure, they definitely had their inklings. Clarke was not afraid to admit her relationship with the Commander anymore. There were far bigger things to worry about now. And heck, she was _proud_ to be called the Commander’s girlfriend or partner or whatever the term for it was. 

Clarke watched as Lexa attempted to figure out how to mount the steed. She knew the pain Lexa must be in with her freshly open wound. She could almost feel it herself. Clarke wished she could help, but knew that she would be unable to. She wasn’t strong enough. That and Lexa would not allow it. Not in front of all of these onlookers. 

Then, to Clarke’s amazement, Lexa whispered something into the ear of her regal companion and everyone watched as the white horse brought itself down on one knee, essentially bowing before her. The horse’s head rested on the ground and Lexa gave it gentle stroke, whispering something else into the waiting ear. Clarke wondered what she was saying. Then, Lexa easily swung her leg over the horse’s back, which was now much closer to the ground, and took the reigns in her hands. With this, her horse returned to a standing position, with Lexa safely on top. 

_Wow…_ Clarke thought. What a sight. Clarke was amazed at how much respect even Lexa’s horse had for her. If anyone in the world deserved it, it was Lexa. 

After pulling her jaw up from the floor, Clarke walked over to the horse and placed her foot in the stirrup, ready to mount. Lexa moved back in the saddle, letting Clarke know that she would be taking the front seat. She wanted to be in the back in case anything happened to Lexa, but she knew that this would not be allowed. Lexa was a far better rider and could maneuver much better from behind, even in her current state. Clarke pulled herself up and threw her leg over the other side of the horse, settling into the saddle. Immediately, she felt Lexa’s arms come around her as she reached for the reigns again. A chill traveled through her body. A good chill. She also felt the heat from Lexa’s body on her back as she moved closer, eliminating almost all the space between their torsos. Clarke had to actively stop her thoughts from wandering to inappropriate places. This wasn’t the time nor the place. Clarke instinctively shifted, leaning the top half of her body back into Lexa. It felt so good to be so close to her and now she no longer cared how long the journey might be.

_As long as you’re next to me…_

Indra looked back at the group to make sure everyone was situated and ready. When she was satisfied, she turned and urged her horse forward. The rest of the group followed. Even Kane. He was actually directing his horse quite well. Not nearly as poorly as Murphy had. But then again, this was Kane. And that was Murphy, who always seemed to be comical no matter what situation he was in. 

_Shit!_ Immediately, Clarke felt guilty. _Murphy…_ In all the commotion, she had not crossed paths with Murphy. They had forgotten to go look for him before they left. They were too busy trying to get everyone else. Clarke blamed it on the fact that she had never really been _that_ close with Murphy, but she knew this wasn’t true. Especially recently. Recently, she had seen Murphy a lot and had gone through even more with him. She really felt like an ass now. _Please let him be okay…_ She hoped his personality and his skills of going rogue and unnoticed would keep him safe now. Hopefully he also knew enough to get out of Arkadia. Maybe they would run into him on the outside. 

With a heavy heart, Clarke glanced back at the solid metal building as it faded from view yet again. She thought of her other friends probably still inside. The ones that they had not come across either. The ones they had not warned. Though they probably already knew the situation. It had scared her that she had not seen any of them. Harper. Monty. Jasper… 

_Please stay safe, guys. We’ll figure this out._

As they rode in silence towards the woods, Clarke felt Lexa’s body pressing harder against her back. She didn’t know if this was from the blood-loss-induced fatigue or because Lexa could sense Clarke’s sadness and wanted to provide comfort. Her question was answered when Lexa moved both reigns into one hand and wrapped her other arm around Clarke’s waist, bringing her even closer. As if on cue, Clarke felt many of her worries lift. Her body relaxed. She leaned her head back into Lexa’s neck and rested her hand on top of Lexa’s at her waist, gently playing with her fingertips. 

“It will be okay, Clarke…” Lexa whispered into her hair. 

All Clarke could do was nod as a tear fell from her eye. A tear that held both happiness and sorrow. A tear Clarke didn’t even know was possible. 


	23. Chapter 23

.Clarke’s POV.   
  


The small group traversed the plains separating the gates of Arkadia from the dense forest. The journey was slower than usual due to the circumstances. As the line of trees approached, everyone proceeded with caution. The forest was still unfamiliar territory to some of them. They would need to tread carefully. Luckily, the trees would also provide protection. They would hopefully conceal the group from the empty but searching eyes of the Arkadians. 

Behind her, Clarke could feel the weight of Lexa’s body leaning more heavily against her, and this time it wasn’t for comfort. They needed to get into the woods and to safety fast before she bled out or fainted. 

“Hang on. We’re almost there,” Clarke said softly but urgently over her shoulder. 

Lexa nodded her head lazily against the back of Clarke’s head. Clarke could feel Lexa’s hand slipping from its place on her waist as the other hand’s grip loosened on the reigns. 

“Lexa!” Clarke shouted, startling both its intended target and the horse. “Stay with me.” Clarke felt Lexa shift behind her, taking hold of the reigns with both hands again and sitting up straighter in the saddle. 

When they finally reached the opening to the forest, Clarke felt a sense of relief. They had made it. Hopefully the forest would provide enough security to give them all a little breathing room. They needed to regroup and come up with a plan because as of now, they had no idea where they were going or what they were doing.

“We need to stop, soon,” Clarke called ahead to Indra at the front of the line. 

“We need to go deeper into the forest.” Indra was aware of Lexa’s condition but was not going to sacrifice her safety or anyone else’s.

After a few more minutes of riding, Indra signaled for everyone to stop in a small clearing. Clarke had never been to this part of the forest before. There was enough room for everyone to sit down and take a rest, and the area appeared to be secluded enough to avoid any danger or unwanted guests. Tall trees formed a wall around the clearing and a few scattered logs provided seats for anyone who might be looking to sit. The forest floor was covered in soft, vibrant moss and right now, it looked very inviting. This was as good a place as any to stop. 

Everyone began to dismount their horses. Clarke could tell that they were happy to be taking a break. Too much had just happened. Raven was still unconscious so Lincoln had to take her down from the horse and carry her over to a nearby tree. He gently placed her body on the ground against the tree. 

_That must have been some hit,_ Clarke thought. Raven had been out for a while. 

Before Clarke could jump down herself, Lexa spoke to the horse. “Sis osir au daun, lukot.” Without another word, the horse knelt down on one knee again, lowering itself to the ground. 

“Whoa…” Clarke instinctively grabbed the front of the saddle and steadied herself so she wouldn’t tumble off. She could hear Lexa’s laugh in the background as one of her arms moved to hold Clarke tighter. 

When the horse was as close to the ground as possible, Clarke swung a leg over its neck and easily dismounted, not needing to jump at all. Lexa followed. After the horse stood up again, Lexa quietly whispered, “Mochof,” in its ear. 

Clarke’s heart melted at the way Lexa spoke to her horse. She could hear the respect and the care in her voice. She did not treat it merely as a means of transportation, but as a true companion. Clarke wondered how much the two had been through together because their bond was almost tangible. How many battles had this magnificent creature led Lexa through? How many journeys had they taken together whether for business or leisure? This horse probably saw a lot more of the real Lexa than most people. 

Indra came over and took the reigns. With the help of Kane and Octavia, the horses would be led to a nearby stream to drink and rest. Lincoln sat down on one of the mossy logs beside Raven to keep watch, although by the looks of it, she wouldn’t be up anytime soon.

Lexa had barely moved from where she dismounted her horse and was trying to find a comfortable position to sit in. Clarke could see how drained she was. She glanced over to her mom who nodded and began making her way over. 

“Okay, we need to take a look at you,” Clarke said as she took a seat in front of Lexa. 

Lexa nodded which Clarke took as a good sign. Apparently Lexa must have been really fatigued because she wasn’t even putting up a fight. Clarke began by helping Lexa remove her cloak. The shirt underneath was beginning to stain dark with blood, but it looked like it was slowing down. The shirt itself was more difficult to remove than the cloak, but they managed to get it off without too much discomfort. Clarke tried to stay focused on what she was doing, but found it very difficult with Lexa sitting right in front of her in just a bra and the bandage. Clarke admired Lexa’s exposed skin that appeared almost golden in the low light of the fading sun. Her eyes soaked in the skin on her long, slender arms, the skin of her neck, the skin of her stomach. All of it looked so… desirable. Then Clarke’s eyes found the toned muscles of Lexa’s stomach that always seemed to make her weak. She watched as the muscles danced underneath Lexa’s skin in time with her jagged breaths. 

_This should not be as sexy as I’m making it…_ Clarke scolded herself. 

Behind her, Clarke heard her mother clear her throat, snapping her out of her thoughts. She felt her face flush. Before turning to look up at Abby, Clarke’s eyes caught Lexa’s, which appeared quite amused. She smirked, obviously aware of what Clarke was doing moments before. Clarke just rolled her eyes.

“So what do we have?” Abby asked her daughter as she took a seat next to her.

“It looks like the bleeding is slowing down.” Clarke reached out and began unwrapping the ruined bandage around Lexa’s chest. She let out a sigh of relief when the wound was fully visible. It wasn’t nearly as bad as she had feared. She gently touched the enflamed skin surrounding the sutures. Lexa flinched at the contact, sucking in air sharply. Luckily only half of the stitches had ripped, leaving only one side of the cut open. The other side was healing fairly well. Thankfully, her mother was nearby and would know how to fix this. 

“Here, let me.” Abby moved closer to Lexa and began inspecting the wound for herself. Clarke could tell that Lexa was uncomfortable with the situation, her body stiff and awkward, but she was not resisting. She just held Clarke’s gaze as if it were her lifeline. Clarke watched as Lexa’s body slowly relaxed. When she was done assessing, Abby unpacked the necessary tools from the pack Clarke had gathered back in Arkadia. 

“Take this.” Abby handed a small white pill to Lexa. 

“Save it. I will be fine.”

“Lexa,” Clarke insisted. 

“No.”

Clarke knew she would not win this battle. She suspected that Lexa still did not trust all of their medicines yet. She probably also did not want to appear weak, even though nobody else was really watching.

Abby sighed, returning the pill to its bottle. She began removing the old stitches carefully. When this was finished, she threaded the new ones through expertly. Lexa’s eyes did not leave Clarke’s the entire time. Once the stitches were complete, Abby applied some ointment to the tender area and covered it with a fresh bandage. 

“Done,” Abby smiled. 

“Thank you, Abby,” Lexa replied. Clarke watched as she forced an awkward smile. Would she ever get used to letting people help her?

“You need fluid. A lot.” Abby stood up, returning the tools to the pack. “I think we might have packed water with one of the horses.” Abby began walking in the direction that Indra and the others had gone.

“Wait. You can’t go alone, mom.” 

“They’re close by. I’ll be fine.” Abby turned and continued walking. 

“Shil em op.” Lexa directed her attention to Lincoln who nodded obediently. After everything, it was nice that Lincoln still respected Lexa enough to obey her as his leader. But in Clarke’s opinion, anyone under Lexa’s leadership was lucky. 

Lincoln paused, looking at Raven before leaving.

“We’ll watch her. I don’t think she’ll be up anytime soon anyway,” Clarke offered, addressing his uncertainty.

With that, Lincoln nodded and walked out of the clearing behind Abby. 

Clarke turned back to Lexa. “You should rest.”

“We have to continue moving.”

“Not yet we don’t. We don’t even know where we’re going. Plus, I think everyone could use at least one night’s rest.”

Lexa’s expression softened. Clarke could tell she was in no mood to argue which was a pleasant change. She carefully helped Lexa put her shirt back on, then helped her find a more comfortable position on the ground. 

“Here.” Clarke rolled Lexa’s cloak up into a ball and tried to hand it to her. Lexa raised an eyebrow. 

“What?” Clarke questioned. They both looked at the rolled up fabric and Clarke let out a sigh. She knew that the Grounders did not seek such comfort as pillows, not to mention the Commander’s cloak probably had some deeper importance than being crumpled up and laid on, but right now, Lexa’s comfort was top priority. 

“Just use it.” Clarke shoved the cloak under Lexa’s head a little more roughly than intended. Lexa watched her with annoyance, but let her. “There, isn’t that better?"

“I suppose,” Lexa conceded.

“How do you feel?” Clarke asked sincerely.

“Been better. But I have also been worse.”

Clarke smiled. _Typical Lexa._

“Would you like to tell me what happened back there?” Lexa asked.

Clarke froze, not knowing the answer herself. “I have no idea.” She thought about everything that had happened since she returned to Arkadia. Nothing made sense. If she hadn’t lived it herself, she wouldn’t have believed it. All of it was a like a bad dream, a nightmare, and none of it made sense. 

“Were those your people? Attacking us?”

Clarke didn’t know how to answer this either. Yes, they were her people, but at the same time, they weren’t. Lexa must have surely noticed that something was off with them too. Clarke avoided Lexa’s stare, giving her the answer to her question. 

Lexa sighed. “I have seen your people before, Clarke. I know that this is not how they are. Although I am not sure I can say the same after witnessing the crimes under Pike’s leadership. But what I saw in there, was something else.” 

Clarke let out a sigh of relief. So Lexa had noticed. “I don’t know what’s happened to them. And I’m not even talking about Pike. Something else is attacking my people. Something bigger.”

Lexa looked up at Clarke, concern in her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t even know… I can’t even explain it because I don’t know myself.”

“Are you in danger?” 

“We all are…” 

Lexa tried to sit up but didn’t get far before she fell back onto the makeshift pillow.

“It’s okay,” Clarke soothed. Resting her hand against Lexa’s shoulder, stopping her from trying to sit up again. “Let’s not talk about this now.”

“But…” 

Clarke brought her hand up to Lexa’s mouth. “Not tonight. We have all day tomorrow.” 

Lexa grunted angrily in response but did not say another word. Clarke moved to lay beside her, stretching out her legs and taking a deep breath in. A yawn escaped her mouth quickly after, signaling just how tired she was. She felt Lexa’s arm come around her shoulders, pulling her closer into her body. Making sure to avoid the bandage around Lexa’s chest as best she could, Clarke rested her head in the crook of Lexa’s neck. She felt light fingertips playing across her back, immediately relaxing her. She hadn’t had many chances to cuddle with Lexa, but it felt awfully familiar and once again, Clarke felt safe, protected by the Commander beside her. Instinctively, Clarke rolled closer against Lexa’s body, lifting her chin slightly and nuzzling her nose into the soft skin of Lexa’s neck. 

_God she smells so good._

Clarke inhaled the earthy, sweet smell of Lexa’s skin. She placed a soft kiss just below Lexa’s jaw and could feel the shudder that passed through her body as her grip on Clarke tightened. Before she could stop herself, she placed another kiss upon the exposed skin now glowing in the fading light of the sun. She had missed the taste of Lexa’s skin, sweet, but slightly salty. She also missed the unintentional reactions of Lexa’s body to her touch. Even the smallest grazes of a hand or brushes of her lips created a visible reaction from Lexa and Clarke loved every one of them. Clarke could feel her own body temperature rising from the contact. Her heart began to race with anticipation and she could feel her skin becoming hotter. As her lips found the throbbing vein at the base of Lexa’s neck, Clarke could tell that Lexa was having a similar reaction. She placed a third, more aggressive kiss on the soft skin covering Lexa’s pulse. She gave this area a little more attention, sucking at the delicious skin and feeling Lexa’s fingers digging lightly into her back.

Before they could get any further, the crunching of twigs underneath feet and the increasing sounds of chatter alerted them to their friends returning.

_Ugh,_ Clarke sighed. But at the same time, this was probably a good thing. Abby would _not_ want to stitch up Lexa a third time. 

Clarke moved to sit up, knowing that Lexa might feel uncomfortable with this public display of affection. She must have been a little too slow because she saw a knowing smile play across Octavia’s lips. Indra, on the other hand, did not look amused. Clarke already knew that Indra respected her, she had shown it enough times, but she wondered if Indra would ever be fully on board with her relationship with the Commander. She wondered what was fueling Indra’s distaste. Was it her instinct to protect Lexa? Or did she think that Lexa would not perform her duties as well with Clarke around? This seemed to be a common thought among many of the Grounders. 

Abby walked over to Clarke and handed her a canteen full of water. “Here. There’s plenty of clean water running through the stream we were just at, so don’t worry if you finish it. We drank there.”

“Thanks,” Clarke said, taking the canteen. She turned to help Lexa take a drink. She could tell Lexa must have been very dehydrated because her lips were more chapped than usual. They still looked so appealing, though. Lexa drank hungrily, but stopped before it was empty. 

“Drink more,” Clarke urged. 

“I have had enough. Have the rest.”

Clarke hungrily emptied the canteen, unaware of how thirsty she herself had been. Luckily everyone else had their share at the stream because there was not a drop left. Clarke made a note to go back and refill in a bit. 

“So I think we should all rest for a bit,” Abby offered the group. “At least for one night. Then we can talk about how to go forward in the morning.”

Nobody objected which was a relief. Clarke looked around at the group and everyone looked wiped out. The last few days, no the last few months, had been so taxing, not only on herself and Lexa, but on her friends and family too. It was written all over their faces and in their movements. These were not the happy people she remembered. But come to think of it, she couldn’t remember the last time she saw any of these people happy. It had been too long. 

Lincoln and Octavia decided to go scavenging for food. They brought their weapons in case they needed to hunt, or if any unwanted visitors arrived. Clarke also figured they might want some time alone after everything that had happened. Meanwhile, Abby and Kane sat down and attempted to build a fire. Clarke watched in amusement as they mumbled back and forth to each other, trying to figure out what to do next. Abby stood up and began collecting twigs and dry leaves. Indra, sensing that this was not getting anywhere, sat down next to Kane with a huff. She took the stick from his hand and began rolling it between her palms at a quick pace. After a few seconds, she blew into the pile of dried moss. Small bursts of smoke began to rise from the pile as Indra continued to add small puffs of air. Within a few minutes, flames erupted and a look of satisfaction crossed Indra’s face. Abby returned with the twigs and leaves and they began adding them to the growing fire. Clarke watched, amazed, as the fire grew to a good size right in front of her eyes. The Grounders really could do anything with the earth they lived on. Clarke wished to one day be as skillful as they were. 

Abby, Kane, and Indra sat down near the fire to warm their hands. The air was quickly becoming cooler with each passing minute as the sun set behind the trees. Clarke stretched out beside Lexa once again. Her eyes were closed, but Clarke couldn’t tell if she was sleeping or not. Maybe she was just escaping this reality for a few seconds, engulfed in her thoughts. Or maybe she was asleep. 

Clarke turned her attention to the sky as she lay on her back. The trees above obstructed parts of her view, but formed a nice-sized window above the clearing in which she could see the sky perfectly. With all of the commotion within the last few hours, she hadn’t noticed how dark it had become. Night was approaching quickly and the stars were beginning to light up the sky. 

In Arkadia, Clarke had never really paid attention to the time of day, or to time itself. After all, it was never on her side. Even her father’s watch didn’t work anymore, proving that time was not her friend. Not to mention, the dark, isolated halls of Arkadia and the even darker rooms were usually free of windows, not allowing its residents to see the sun’s placement in the sky. So she had never really cared about what time of day it was or how fast time was passing. She just shuffled around following whatever directions or schedule she was given. 

In Polis, she was able to become more acquainted with the sun and the changing of the atmosphere throughout the day. During her first few days there, in captivity, all she did was watch the sun make its journey through the sky. Over and over again. She became quite good at reading it and figuring out times of day. She knew the Grounders had mastered this, and she too came close. She missed this when she had left Polis and returned to Arkadia.

Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath in of the crisp, refreshing air. She took in the scents of the forest around her. The ones so reminiscent of the girl beside her. It was so nice being outside again. Such a change from the artificial lights and sterile smells of Arkadia. She had only been back there for a short period, but it hadn’t felt right. Maybe it never had. Out here, she could finally breathe again. The air smelled better, _felt_ better. She felt more alive. And this time, she wasn’t scared to be alone in these dark woods as she had been a few months ago, fighting for survival. They were no longer the enemy. As she turned to look at the silhouette of the beautiful girl laying beside her, she never felt more safe and more alive all at the same time. Lexa was okay and right here with her and so was her mom. Even if for a short while, she could breathe a little easier. That is, until they faced their new threat in the morning. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Sis osir au daun, lukot” = Help us down, friend  
> “Mochof” = Thank you  
> “Shil em op” = Protect her


	24. Chapter 24

.Lexa’s POV.

 

*************************

_Where am I?_

Lexa opened her eyes, finding herself in an unfamiliar setting. Tall buildings, gray and unwelcoming surrounded her. Gone were the crumbling stone walls of the capital’s buildings. Gone were the trees and the grass and the open space of nature. She looked down, hoping to see the familiar dirt beneath her feet, but that too was gone. She moved her foot across the solid black surface.

_What is this?_

Figuring there was nowhere to go but straight, Lexa began walking. 

_Where is everybody?_

The buildings obscured her view, but Lexa was surprised and disturbed by the silence and lack of _anything_ around her. Where were the people? The animals? 

As she walked further into this foreign land, she began to hear some commotion. Footsteps, but no voices. She walked toward the sounds, stopping when she encountered another path constructed of the same black material. She looked up, through the intersection of paths to the other side.

_People…_

On the far side of the path was a group of people waiting for something. What were they waiting for? A light began to blink white and the people proceeded to cross the street. Lexa’s hand found her sword as they approached. She had no idea who these people were or why they looked so strange. She studied their faces, smiles spread across most of them, but eyes empty as if in a daze. A chill ran up Lexa’s spine. 

_Why are they so happy?_

The clothing they were wearing was new to Lexa. It resembled the clothes of the Sky People, of Clarke, but not quite. These jackets and pants were clean, free of wrinkles and rips, appearing almost new. As the people walked closer, Lexa slowly pulled her sword from its sheath, trying to avoid any sudden movements. Her body took up its natural fighting stance and she braced herself. Then, to her amazement, the group walked right past her, eyes straight ahead. It was as if she didn’t even exist. She turned and watched them continue down the road. That’s when she noticed more people approaching from all directions. However, they too, were not focused on her and just passed by without a care. 

_How strange._

Lexa pushed her sword back into its sheath and continued walking. She had to find a way out of this place. 

Before she could get much further, a familiar red jacket caught her eye. She had not seen it many times before, but in this new place, it stuck out to her. She walked up to its owner.

“Raven?” Lexa cautiously placed her hand on the back of the jacket, causing the brown-haired girl to turn around.

“Commander…” Raven smiled, drawing out the word. The intensity in Raven’s eyes and the eerie smile on her face caused Lexa to take a step back. 

“What is this place?” Lexa asked.

“This… is the City of Light.”

This caught Lexa’s attention. Her eyes snapped up to meet Raven’s. She had heard of a City of Light during her time in Polis and randomly in passing, but never put too much thought into it. She figured when the time was right, she would know what it was. 

“Why am I here?” Lexa asked. “Why are you here?” 

“This is where we’re meant to be,” Raven answered. The tone in her voice was unsettling. It had no warmth, no emotions, almost robotic. The voice itself sounded different too. Like a different person. 

“Why?”

“It’s the perfect place for all of us. For humankind. It’s where we belong.” Raven motioned around her. “Look. It’s safe, everyone is happy… Like it should be.”

“This isn’t real,” Lexa said under her breath, more to herself than Raven.

“How can you be sure?” Raven questioned.

Deciding that this conversation wasn’t getting anywhere, Lexa turned to leave and continue on her journey through this strange place. She would just have to find answers for herself. As she began to walk away, she felt Raven’s hand grab her arm. She looked down at the hand.

_Did she really just do that?_

“We need you here, Commander. Your people need you. ALIE needs you.” Raven’s voice sounded urgent, but her face remained apathetic. 

“Who is ALIE? And why do they need me here?” Lexa turned to face Raven as confusion blurred her mind.

Before Raven could answer, a flash of yellow caught Lexa’s eye, causing her heart to skip. Her eyes followed the familiar blue jacket, taking her attention entirely away from the dark-haired girl in front of her. 

“Clarke…” Lexa whispered to herself.

“See? Everyone you need is here, Commander.”

Ignoring Raven, Lexa shouted out, “Clarke!”

No response. Lexa watched as the blonde hair and blue jacket continued walking away from her. 

_Something isn’t right._

If she did not move now, Clarke would disappear into the crowd of people. Lexa tore her arm from Raven’s grip and began walking quickly towards Clarke’s receding figure. As she approached her, an uneasy feeling began to rise from her stomach. Something felt off. Lexa slowly put her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, turning her to face her.

_What is this?_

Lexa took a step back as an unfamiliar face stared back at her wearing the same blank stare that Raven had… and the people in Arkadia. The girl in front of her _looked_ like Clarke, but at the same time, felt like a complete stranger. 

“Clarke?” Lexa took Clarke’s shoulders in both hands and began to shake her urgently.

No answer again. Clarke just stared at Lexa, expressionless. 

_She doesn’t recognize me…_

Before Lexa could question any further, Clarke’s face morphed into someone completely new. Someone that Lexa felt like she should know, but couldn’t pinpoint. The soft blonde waves straightened out, growing about four inches, and transformed completely brown. The bright red lips on this new face caught Lexa’s attention and the accompanying sly smile sent a second chill up her spine.

_What the…_

Then, unseen by Lexa, a blade appeared in the woman’s hand. She plunged the weapon into Lexa’s gut as an incredible pain shot throughout her body causing her to fall to her hands and knees. She tried to lift her hand to protect herself from this threat, but her limbs would not cooperate. The woman then brought the blade to the back of Lexa’s neck, cutting it open roughly. 

Lexa tried to scream, but no sound came out. The pain was unbearable and the world around her began to spin. The back of her neck was burning. Then she felt the strangest sensation, like tentacles moving around inside of her neck, emerging from the fresh wound and pulling it open. She tried to grasp whatever it was with her hands, but they stayed immobile, cemented to the ground. As her wound stretched further, the tentacles began to grow as did whatever monster this was inside of her. The pain intensified with it. One by one, the creature’s slippery tentacles reached around her neck, suffocating her. Lexa looked to the woman above her for help, but was greeted with a bone-chilling expression and hollow eyes. The woman slowly lifted her arm, beckoning the creature to her. As it emerged from her neck, Lexa could feel her life slipping away with it. Darkness began to cloud her mind and take over her body. Everything was getting cold… 

_What is happening…?_

Just before she closed her eyes for the last time, a voice spoke out in the distance. It sounded omnipresent, like it was all around her. “Do not give up, Lexa kom Trikru.”

Then a second voice. “You have to help them. All of them.”

“You will be the last hope.” When the third voice spoke, Lexa began to feel a sense of familiarity, but she still did not understand.

“Last hope? What do you mean?” Lexa directed her question to the sky, hoping the voices would hear.

“Protect the flame, Heda. Save your people…” A fourth voice spoke.

“From what?” 

“Protect the leader of Skaikru. She will help… Destroy this place.” This voice was much more familiar to Lexa. She recognized it. She recognized all of them from past dreams, but this one she recognized from her childhood. It was the Commander whose death brought her to Polis. The Commander who Lexa had spent time with, learned from, and eventually lost. 

Were they guiding her again? But why? And was it too late? And why did they mention Clarke? What did she have to do with all of this?

Lexa fought to stay awake as sleep began to take over. The cold had spread throughout her body and she knew that there was no more time. The pain had subsided and everything felt numb. Right before Lexa’s eyes shut for good, the face of the woman above her began to shift between the woman with red lipstick and a similar, but more life-like version of the same person. This second version had no makeup on, much more plain, and had a distinct pain and determination in her eyes. It was like watching static, as the faces morphed back and forth, and it was unearthly, shaking Lexa to her core as her mind turned off.  


***********************

 

Lexa jolted awake with a _gasp!_ She could feel sweat forming on her brow as she tried to steady her jagged breaths. 

_Where am I?_

She felt disoriented and shaky as she took in her surroundings. It was still night and it appeared that she was still in the clearing of the woods. Most of the group was asleep by now, laying scattered about the clearing. Clarke sat up quickly beside her, putting her hand on Lexa’s shoulder as she cradled her head in her hands. 

“Shh… You’re okay, you’re safe.” She rubbed Lexa’s back reassuringly, waiting for her to speak.

“How long was I sleeping?”

“A few hours, not even.”

Lexa turned to face Clarke, immediately feeling solace from her presence. She could feel some of the darkness leaving her body and her mind. She took a deep breath in. 

“What happened?” Clarke asked, concern clearly written in her eyes. 

Lexa shook her head, trying to shake the feelings that would not go away. “They were trying to tell me something…”

“Who?”

“The past Commanders… They were warning me… Us…” 

Clarke’s expression grew serious. “Warning about what?”

Lexa didn't know how to answer because she wasn’t sure herself.“I do not know… But my dreams _always_ have a meaning. When they do speak to me, it is always for a reason and should never be ignored.”

“What did they say?”

Lexa touched the back of her neck as the pain from her dream threatened to resurface and erupt. As her fingers ran over the scar, she wondered if Clarke had ever seen it. They had never talked about it and sometimes even Lexa forgot it existed. But what did this scar have to do with the warnings and everything that had just happened? Did it have something to do with the flame?

Clarke’s hand moved from Lexa’s back and found her arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Hey…”

Lexa’s eyes refocused on the concerned blue orbs before her. 

Clarke continued, “It was just a dream. You’re safe.”

_If only she knew what this dream meant… If only I knew…_

Lexa tried to force a smile. The last thing she wanted was for Clarke to worry even more about whatever this was. She didn’t deserve any more stress. 

“What happened in the dream?”

Lexa tried to process the events. “I was in a strange place… A land that I have never seen before.”

“What did it look like?”

“Cold… and gray. Everything was so gray. There were so many glass buildings… So tall…”

“Were there people?”

“Yes. But they too did not look like us, or you.”

That’s when Lexa remembered, _Raven…_

She could feel a fire ignite inside of her. Her heart began to race and her skin began to burn as her jaw clenched with rage. She did not want to hurt one of Clarke’s friends, but at the moment, the girl laying against the tree was not Raven. And she knew more than she was saying.

_What does she know…?_

Lexa would find the answer. She stood up hastily, ignoring the pain that was sprouting from the wound on her chest. Grabbing her sword from its place beside her, Lexa marched over to Raven.

“Lexa! What are you doing?” Clarke yelled urgently behind her.

Ignoring Clarke, Lexa grabbed Raven, pulling her to her feet and pinning her against the tree behind her. The pain in her chest threatened to increase, but the anger inside of her extinguished it. 

“Wake up!” Lexa yelled ferociously as she roughly shook the dark-haired girl. 

Raven’s eyes fluttered open after a few seconds. They took a moment to register what was happening and focus on the girl standing in front of her with fire in her eyes. The same eerie, un-Raven-like smile crossed her lips as she stared at the Commander. It reminded her of the Raven in her dream.

“Well hello to you too,” Raven mocked. 

This caused Lexa’s rage to swell even more. She pushed Raven harder against the tree and brought her sword to the girl’s neck.

“What do you know!” Lexa demanded.

“Lexa, stop!” Clarke pleaded as she made her way over.

By now, the rest of the group was waking up, rubbing the sleep from their eyes and trying to gain a bearing on what was happening. 

“Answer me!” 

Raven’s silence and unwillingness to obey were infuriating.

_How dare she!_

Lexa pressed the blade harder against Raven’s neck. It took everything she had in her to not swipe the blade across her neck and end everything right now, but this would not accomplish anything. Not to mention how Clarke would feel about it. 

“Well this is a familiar predicament, isn't it, Commander?” The bone-chilling voice was back.

Lexa knew what Raven was referring to. The unjust punishment that she had inflicted upon Raven a few months ago when the alliance was just beginning. 

“Maybe this time, you’ll actually have the facts straight before you decide to cut me open a few times.”

Lexa’s hand faltered against the hilt of the sword and she knew Raven could tell as her smile widened.

“What’s wrong, Commander? Feeling guilty?”

Lexa shook off the taunts, returning her attention to the task at hand. 

“What do you really want, Raven? Or Alie? Or whoever you are?” Lexa persisted. This seemed to strike a nerve. But just as quickly as the surprise came, it disappeared and Raven’s composure returned. 

“So you already know more than we thought…” Raven commented, her eyes unfocused and far away. It was as if she was looking past everyone.

_We?_

Lexa felt a hand on her shoulder. Immediately, she recognized the touch.

“Lexa, please.” Clarke stepped closer, mere inches away. 

Lexa wanted to listen to Clarke, she always did. Her whole body was telling her to give in and release Raven, but in her mind, she knew she had to get more answers. Raven appeared in her dream for a reason. 

“What are you up to!” Lexa screamed, turning her attention back to Raven and shrugging Clarke’s hand from her shoulder. “And who’s really controlling you, Raven?”

“You already know, Commander.”

_What?_

Raven’s smile faded and her face turned serious as if she had something important to say to Lexa and everyone else. 

“We need you and as many people as possible in the City of Light. It is safe there, and you of all people know how unsafe this world is. Protect everyone like you always do. Bring them to safety…”

Lexa took a step back, but kept the sword at her neck. This wasn’t making any sense. Her dream was warning of this. 

“Why the City of Light? Why now?”

Raven seemed unsure of how to go about answering this which Lexa took as a bad sign. 

“Because we finally have a way in. There is a path to the City of Light that does not begin with death…”

Raven sounded so convincing, but Lexa knew anything that sounded this good never was. The past Commanders had warned her and she could not ignore it. 

“No…” Lexa whispered for no particular reason. Maybe just a “no” to everything Raven was saying.

Raven’s expression hardened. Lexa could hear the irritation in her voice as she spoke, “I don’t think you should take this offer so lightly.” She turned to look at everyone else in the group, unfazed by the sword at her throat. “None of you should… The City of Light is a way out. Away from all the pain.”

Kane and Abby shook their heads, apparently still not convinced.

“What would life be without pain?” Abby wondered aloud.

“It would be a better place,” Raven answered. She turned back to Lexa, the sinister smile returning to her face. “Just ask Costia…”

Lexa could feel something in her heart break at the mention of the name. She thought she had gotten over the pain, or at least most of it. She didn’t think it would still have such an affect on her. She steadied her shaking hand, hoping that no one noticed, but she could feel everyone’s eyes on her back. This only caused Raven’s smile to widen. 

“Costia is here, in the City of Light. She’s happy. Wouldn’t you like to see her, Commander?”

_She’s lying,_ Lexa reminded herself. _Don’t listen…_

“Nou wich em op, Heda…” Indra warned.

“No… It’s not real,” Lexa spoke, more to herself than anyone else. Right now, she was in her own world, in her own head. 

“It is _very_ real. She told me to tell you that she doesn’t blame you.” Raven’s gaze met Lexa’s. “You know… for what happened to her.”

_Maybe this is real… How would Raven know this?_

“No… She’s _not_ there,” Lexa answered defiantly. 

“Where did you think people went after death, Commander?”

Lexa had never thought about this. Death and rebirth were all shrouded in myth. It was just something that was accepted without question. But it had never crossed her mind that it might actually be a physical place. Especially not this strange and foreign City of Light.

Lexa tried to sort everything out. It was all too much information. Before she could do anything, her body took over and her mind went blank and all she could see was red. She could feel the sweat pouring down her face as she struggled internally. She tried to calm herself down and possibly stop herself, but she couldn’t. Her instincts took over and the blade began to slice through the fragile skin at Raven’s neck.

“Commander, no!” Octavia rushed up to save her friend from the Commander’s wrath.

Without thinking, Lexa’s elbow shot back and blocked Octavia, striking her in the chest. The force pushed Octavia backwards, but luckily Lexa had not used all of her power or else the girl would be on the ground. Octavia fell back a few steps with a gasp and tried to regain her footing. Lincoln rushed over to catch her. That’s when Lexa felt the warm embrace of the Skygirl behind her. She could feel Clarke’s soft hand upon her own at her sword’s hilt. She could feel the heat from Clarke’s body against her own. Both of their hands shook as Lexa loosened her grip on the sword.

“Alexandria…” Clarke whispered into her ear, away from the listening ears of the others. 

Lexa felt herself relax. Her birth name on Clarke’s lips had a profound effect on her. The red slowly faded to the edges of her vision and her body relaxed a little. Everything was becoming clear again. 

“Not now…” Clarke continued, her lips brushing against Lexa’s ear. “You know this isn’t the right time. This isn’t who Raven is… It wouldn’t be right.”

Lexa sighed, accepting the truth. Raven did _not_ deserve to die. Especially when none of this was her fault. Perhaps she was the target because she carried more pain than the rest of her friends. Lexa could almost relate. Killing her would not be fair. Lexa’s arm dropped and she released her hold on Raven who just slid to the ground chuckling menacingly. Lexa turned away, walking back to her spot on the other side of the clearing with Clarke close behind. Everyone sighed a breath of relief. 

“It’s too bad,” Raven antagonized from afar. “I think she was looking forward to seeing you.”

Now it was Indra’s turn. Lexa was surprised it had taken this long, but she knew Indra would not dare interfere before, as much as she wanted to end the girl’s life. 

“Teik ai frag em op, Heda!” Indra pulled Raven back to her feet, poking her sword into her side. 

“Indra…” Lexa warned, as much as she wanted the taunts to end as well.

“How dare she speak to you like that!” Lexa knew that Indra was just trying to protect her. Not to mention how furious she became when someone spoke with disrespect to the Commander. She was afraid that Indra would not be able to control herself. It was almost like a reflex. But it was one of the many reasons Indra was so special to her.

“Chil yu daun, Indra.” Lexa looked her square in the eyes. “We will take care of her when the time comes.”

Lexa felt Clarke shift uneasily beside her. She smiled, turning to her. “Not the way you think.” 

Clarke nodded, relieved. 

Lexa watched as Indra let go of Raven and roughly sat her on the ground. She trudged back to her post near the edge of the clearing and stared out into the woods. 

“That was close,” Clarke began with a look of relief on her face.

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa put her head down, staring absentmindedly at the rocks surrounding her feet. “I did not mean to upset you.” Lexa was not sorry for her actions, but she was sorry for the way they made Clarke feel. She was just happy it all ended before she did anything they could not come back from. 

“It’s not your fault.” Clarke moved closer, placing her hand upon Lexa’s thigh. “I would’ve done the same… Maybe even worse,” she admitted as she gently stroked her thigh. 

Lexa merely nodded as silence surrounded them. Everyone was settling down again, but it appeared no one was that tired anymore. Still, Lexa figured it would probably be best to wait a few more hours at least until the sun began to rise. Her eyes found Clarke who was absentmindedly pulling grass from the ground beneath them. She would examine the thin, green strand, then toss it to the side before picking another one. 

“What did it do to you?” Lexa tried to joke.

Clarke looked at the piece of grass in between her index finger and thumb. She let it go, watching as it floated to the ground. 

“We’ve really put you through a lot… haven’t we?” Clarke said with a sorrow in her voice that was rare. 

“What do you mean?” Lexa’s brow furrowed as she looked at the sad girl before her. 

“Me… and my people.” Clarke looked away. “I just feel like… ever since we got here, we’ve just messed everything up. Not just for you, but for all your people.”

Lexa thought back to everything that had happened within the last few months. Things definitely hadn’t been easy. But then again, they never were. Even before Skaikru had landed. She thought about her journal and how she had tracked everything that these new people had done since the day they landed. Yes, they had made some very horrible decisions, some _very_ horrible and bothersome decisions, but so had the people that were already on Earth. Azgeda for one. The world had always been a horrible place. 

“It was your Earth too,” was the first thing that came to mind to say. “Before Praimfaya, your people were here too… You were just returning home.” Now it was Lexa’s turn to comfort Clarke. She placed her hand on top of Clarke’s on her thigh. “Things were just as difficult before your people arrived.” Lexa smiled at Clarke. “Plus, the world was always missing something before you arrived.” 

_I was missing something before you arrived… And I hadn’t even known it._

Clarke blushed and Lexa could feel her face growing warm as well. She had never been this sentimental before. At least, not with words. Clarke really was changing _everything._

Clarke cleared her throat. “So you want to tell me why you attacked Raven out of nowhere? Not that she doesn’t deserve it, but you know, a little warning would have been nice.”

“She was in my dream… Telling me to come into the City of Light.” 

_Kind of like she was just doing._

“Did she say why?”

“No. She did not get a chance. But she mentioned someone named ALIE. Saying that they need me… us…”

“What the hell is this City of Light everyone keeps talking about?”

“I do not know… But I believe we should find out.” Lexa’s head felt like it was spinning with all of this information. Trying to explain it to Clarke was an even harder task. 

“We can ask Raven more about it in the morning. Although I’m not sure how far we’ll get. But it’s worth a try,” Clarke offered. 

After a few moments of silence with both girls lost in their own thoughts, Lexa spoke. “What if she was telling the truth?” She couldn’t help but wonder. The mere mention of Costia’s name, especially from the lips of someone who had never met her, brought so many questions. 

Clarke looked into Lexa’s eyes and Lexa knew she was unsure of what to say. What could she say? All she could do was move a little closer, offering comfort with her body and her company. Clarke placed her hand over Lexa’s again, but for the first time, the pain did not lessen. 

“What if she _is_ in there?” Lexa’s heart and mind were on overdrive. She felt like her emotions were going haywire and she could not sort through them. She had come to terms with Costia’s death a long time ago. It had taken ages, and at times she thought she would never be okay again, but she pushed past it. She sorted out her feelings and her pain, locking some of it away in the depths of her soul, and she finally accepted it and moved on. Her heart and her mind finally healed as the scars sealed off every last bit of sadness. It had also gotten so much easier after meeting Clarke. And then one day, Lexa was finally able to speak Costia’s name without completely falling apart. 

But now, it felt as if each scar was torn open again, a fresh wound, more painful than the physical one on her chest. The feelings she had hidden away and almost forgotten about completely were rushing to the surface and Lexa felt like she might suffocate. Never in her healing process did it cross her mind that she might one day _see_ Costia again. It was impossible… This was too overwhelming. 

“We can’t trust Raven. It looks like she’ll say whatever she can to get us to follow her. We can’t let her win.”

“But how does she know about her? No one dares speak of her and I have only mentioned her once. To you…” 

“I don’t know. Whoever is controlling her must know more about you, and us, than we think.”

“I need to speak to her again.” Lexa knew this was a terrible idea and it would not end well for one of them, but she had to know what else Raven knew. Could she speak to Costia? Could she _see_ her? 

“You can’t, Lexa.” Clarke squeezed her hand. “She’ll just say more things to upset you which will only hurt you and help her.” Clarke pulled Lexa’s hand to her lips, placing a soft kiss on her palm. This time, Lexa felt a little bit of the pain and confusion subside. “Please…” Clarke whispered. Lexa felt her body soften at the desperation in Clarke’s voice. 

_Okay._

Lexa let out a sigh. “As soon as first light hits, we will see what else she knows.”

Clarke nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Nou wich em op” = Don’t trust her  
> “Teik ai frag em op, Heda” = Let me kill her, Commander  
> “Chil yu daun” = Stand down  
> “Praimfaya” = the nuclear apocalypse


	25. Chapter 25

.Raven’s POV.   
  


Raven heard a shout in the distance as she was roughly yanked out of the dark haze she was currently in and back to reality. 

_What’s going on?_

She felt strong hands on her jacket as she was pulled to her feet. Her back slammed against the hard trunk of a tree and her eyes fluttered open.

_Clarke?_

Raven could see her friend in the distance, jumping to her feet with worry in her eyes. She could also hear the breathless panting of someone right in front of her. Her eyes focused on the visibly angry woman before her. 

_Lexa?_

She could almost feel the heat and the rage radiating off of the Commander and it was truly frightening. Before she could speak or defend herself, she felt the all too familiar feeling of her mind being seized. Everything began to blur. She knew that in a few seconds, she wouldn’t be herself anymore. She would be merely a vessel, controlled by this artificial intelligence with almost no recollection of what had happened afterwards. She would be aware of what was happening, but powerless to stop it. 

_No, no, no. Not now…_ Raven pleaded with her mind. 

_I am sorry, Raven, but this is how it has to be. I must speak with the Commander. We need her._

“Well hello to you too.” Raven could not stop her lips from moving as she uttered the words. 

She felt the grip on her jacket tighten as Lexa pushed her further against the tree. Soon after, she could feel the cold and unforgiving sensation of a metal blade at her throat. Behind the fuming Commander’s face, stood the all too familiar woman in red. The woman that seemed almost a part of her now. She was always around, always watching, always controlling. At first, Raven thought it was just a figment of her imagination. A person created by the chip she took, here to help her cope with her pain. But she came to realize that this chip was not a drug, not an escape, it was linked to an actual place. A place that took over your mind, basically turning you into a robot, a zombie. And for some reason, this robotic woman in the red dress wanted Raven and preyed on her pain, figuring out a way to use her to do her bidding. Sometimes she would advise Raven, whispering into her ear, brainwashing her. And other times, she would forego this route and just take over Raven’s mind and body herself, using her as a physical vessel. Neither was pleasant. 

Raven had tried to get rid of her. She had tried to preoccupy herself, she had tried to fight this new threat head on, she even tried zapping the woman from her mind, but she had failed each time. And now ALIE was stronger than before and there was nothing Raven could do about it. If only there was a way to get this person out of her head…

  
  


.Clarke’s POV.   
  


Clarke woke to the sound of birds chirping above her. It must have been dozens. She stretched her hands above her head and slowly opened her eyes, allowing the sunlight in. She was met with tired, blood-shot emerald eyes. It looked as if Lexa had not slept at all. Clarke sat up quickly, immediately feeling sorry for her.

“What time is it?” she asked.

“About an hour past dawn.” 

“Did you sleep at all?”

“No.”

“Why?” Clarke bought her hand to Lexa’s cheek. She wished she could wipe away the pain in her eyes like she could the tears that rarely fell from them.

“There was too much to think about. It seems as if my mind does not care about my exhaustion.”

“The mind works in crazy ways, doesn’t it?”

Lexa nodded, her mind still elsewhere. 

“We _will_ get to the bottom of this,” Clarke tried to comfort.

“I know. We always do.” 

Clarke heard rustling in the trees behind them and immediately reached for her weapon, realizing quickly that she did not have it. She was completely unarmed. She wondered why Lexa wasn’t reaching for her sword but soon realized the threat was really no threat at all, just Indra, returning from a hunt. 

_When did she leave?_

Clarke looked around and saw that the rest of her people were still sleeping.

_Figures,_ she thought to herself amusedly. 

Octavia was sprawled across the ground, snoring with her mouth agape. Abby and Kane were off to the side, leaning against each other also in a deep sleep. Raven too was asleep, and Clarke was beyond thankful. She did not want to deal with that at this moment but knew they would have to soon. Lincoln returned to the clearing from a different direction than Indra and Clarke noticed the canteen in his hand. 

_He must have refilled for us._ Clarke was thankful for this because she did not want to leave Lexa’s side just yet and she had forgotten to refill the night before. 

Indra proceeded to clean her recent kills while Lincoln restarted the fire. Within a few minutes, the fire was roaring and the smell of cooking meat filled the air. Clarke felt her stomach rumble and realized that she was starving. She could hear a low growl emerging from Lexa’s stomach too. They exchanged glances and the smallest, _cutest_ smile spread across Lexa’s lips. Clarke giggled. 

When the food was ready, the last of the sleepers began to wake up. Clarke watched as they rubbed the sleep from their eyes and attempted to orient themselves to the unfamiliar surroundings. Indra made sure to serve her Commander first, handing Lexa a cooked piece of meat. Lexa tried to let Indra have the first of the food since she spent time catching it, but she was not having it. Clarke was served next and she could see that Indra was making progress in accepting her role as Lexa’s partner. Everyone ate the food hungrily, thanking Indra afterwards. Even this small bit of sustenance seemed to increase the morale. 

After everyone was finished eating, Clarke took some of what was left and headed over to Raven. This was not a conversation she was looking forward to, but she couldn’t let her friend starve to death. Lexa watched her from afar but made no move to come with her. Clarke knew she would be keeping an eye on Raven the entire time. Indra took a seat next to Lexa and they easily fell into conversation.

“Wake up.” Clarke knelt down and shook Raven’s shoulder. She did not know what this interaction would bring, but she hoped for the best.

Raven’s eyes fluttered open which made Clarke wonder when she even fell asleep. She was surprised that Raven fell asleep on her own this time. Maybe whoever had a hold on her wasn’t always around…

“Clarke.” Raven spoke and Clarke could not tell if this was her friend right now or the malicious threat. 

“Here.” Clarke handed Raven the meat and water and sat down next to her cautiously. 

“Thanks.” Raven basically inhaled the food and water, finishing within a few minutes. 

“Hungry?” Clarke laughed. 

_This has to be Raven…_

“I feel like I haven’t eaten in ages.” 

“You probably haven’t. Here, let me get you some more.” Clarke started to stand, but was stopped by Raven’s hand on her arm.

“Wait…” Raven looked into her eyes and Clarke could tell she needed to say something important. “I don’t know how much time there is,” Raven almost whispered.

This got Clarke’s attention. “Until what?”

“Until she comes back.”

Clarke sat back down, forgetting about the food. “Who is she, Raven?”

“ALIE. She’s some kind of AI or something, and she started appearing after I took the chip from Jaha.” Raven’s head fell into her hands. “I just wanted the pain to stop…”

“I know.” Clarke tried to console her friend. She rested her hand on Raven’s back. She couldn’t blame her. Raven had been through more than most of them had. From losing her parents, to Finn, to watching the Mountain blow up with everyone in it. If Clarke had been offered the chip, she might have done the same because sometimes the pain could be overwhelming.

“What does ALIE want?” Clarke continued. 

“You heard her. She wants people in the City of Light.”

“Why?”

“In some messed up way, she thinks she’s protecting everyone… The world… Or what’s left of it.”

“I don’t get it…” 

Of course the world wasn’t the best place at the moment, but why was ALIE’s solution to just move all of the people to a new place? How would this protect them? It wouldn’t change the people themselves… Or maybe it would… For the worse. Just seeing the people who had taken the chip was enough to deter Clarke. Maybe they weren’t feeling pain or suffering, but it looked like they weren’t feeling much of anything at all. 

_What would happiness be without pain?_ Clarke wondered, echoing the words of her mother. 

“And what’s her fascination with Lexa?” Clarke wondered aloud.

“That one, I don’t know. She just seems drawn to her for some reason.” Raven looked at Clarke with a sly smile. “She apparently isn’t the only one.”

For the first time in a while, Clarke smiled with her friend, blushing. “Shutup.” 

“I guess I don’t blame her though. Who wouldn’t want the Commander in their perfect city?”

Clarke looked over at Lexa who was still conversing with Indra but stealing glances over to her and Raven every now and then. “Nobody,” Clarke answered with a smile. 

“Plus, if anyone can get people to go somewhere, it’s Lexa.” 

Clarke scoffed. “You’re right about that.”

Before the conversation could get any further, Clarke watched as Raven’s eye began to twitch. 

_Oh no…_

“No, no…” Raven pleaded as her head fell backwards and her eyes closed. 

“Raven!” Clarke grabbed Raven and tried to shake her back to reality but to no avail. Soon, Clarke was met with the hollow, disturbing eyes of the other version of Raven.

“Hello, Clarke…” Raven stated dryly. 

“And this is my cue to leave…” Clarke stood up quickly, wanting to get as far away from Raven as possible before anything happened. She heard the girl calling out to her from behind, throwing taunts in her direction, but she ignored them and continued walking across the clearing. She took a seat beside Lexa.

“Did not go so well?” Lexa questioned as Indra stood and excused herself. 

“It _was_ going well, until ALIE came back,” Clarke grumbled.

“If only there was a way to keep her out of Raven’s mind,” Lexa wondered. 

“There has to be… She’s just an AI. She isn’t even real, just some kind of program or something. There has to be an override or an off switch. Right?”

Lexa just stared at Clarke. “I am not sure what you mean…”

_Of course not… Why would I even ask such a thing…_

All of this was confusing enough to Clarke and she had grown up around machines and computers, and _electricity._ She couldn’t imagine how much more of a mystery this must be to the Grounders. The odd thing was that somehow, the Grounders were weaved into this as well. Some of _them_ were in the City of Light and ALIE did know about Lexa somehow… Yet the Grounders knew nothing of all of this. They merely explained it through legends and spirits and reincarnation. But here it was, so concrete yet not at the same time. Clarke’s head was beginning to hurt. 

“We need to stop her. Who knows what else she’ll do to us… To Raven…” That was the bottom line. ALIE needed to be stopped. 

“How does one stop a threat that they know nothing about?” Lexa countered.

“I don’t know. But there has to be a way!” There was no way Clarke was letting this go on any longer. There always had to be a way. 

“We should return to Polis. It is safest there. None of my people have been affected by ALIE yet.” Lexa stood to prepare for the journey back to the capital. 

“Wait… What if by going back there, we’re bringing ALIE straight there. There are so many people that she could get a hold of if given the opportunity.”

“Yes, but it appears she needs a human host to carry out her bidding. There is no Jaha there, and Raven will be kept under heavy supervision.”

Clarke didn’t like the sound of this. She did not want to endanger even more people. And if this got out of hand and the Grounders learned that it was Skaikru that had brought this upon them, any hope of trust and peace would be gone. If there was any left to begin with….

“I think we should stay away from the capital until we have found a solution,” Clarke stated. “Plus, everything we may need is back in Arkadia. I don’t think we should stray too far from there.”

Lexa remained silent. Clarke looked at her and it appeared as if she were deep in thought. 

“What are you thinking?” she questioned. 

“About my dream.” She looked at Clarke. “There was a reason I was there. They wanted me to see it.”

“Who?”

“The past Commanders… ALIE… Or the other version of her.”

_The other version?_ What did this mean? Clarke didn’t think her mind could take any more, so she let this question be for now. But what were the Commanders trying to tell Lexa this time? Clarke had witnessed these dreams for herself, but did not know how much merit they held. 

After a few more moments, Clarke saw something click in Lexa’s mind. Her eyes became very focused and Clarke could see a solution within them. She didn’t know if she would like what Lexa had to say next…

“I have to go into the City of Light.”


	26. Chapter 26

.Clarke’s POV.

 

“No,” was all Clarke could blurt out as a sense of dread came over her. She knew that arguing with Lexa would get her nowhere, but she had to try. 

Ignoring her, Lexa spoke, “I have to, Clarke. It is the only way.”

“You have no idea what’s in there. _We_ have no idea what the City of Light even is! Who knows if it’s even real.”

“We will not know until we see for ourselves,” Lexa continued calmly. 

“No…” Clarke shook her head. “I’m not letting you go.”

“You do not have a say in this, Clarke.” Clarke knew that once Lexa made up her mind, there was no changing it, but her words still stung. This sounded a lot more like the old Lexa, but Clarke understood the reasoning behind it. 

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand, hoping her touch would do a better job of persuading Lexa than her words. “Please, Lexa. There has to be another way. We can figure it out.”

“You said it yourself, Clarke, there is no time. We must act quickly before this becomes an even bigger threat. Your people are in danger and mine might be too.”

“Yes, _my_ people. I can’t let you do this for the sake of my people.”

Lexa looked Clarke dead in the eyes and her expression immediately softened. Clarke could see a hint of sadness in Lexa’s eyes as she spoke. “Your people _are_ my people, Clarke. Despite everything that has happened, I made that vow and I will stand by it. Have I not?”

“Of course you have… More than you should have…”

Lexa continued, “My people are there too, Clarke. Even if not by the same means. I need to be there too. I need to help them if there is even the smallest possibility that they may be in danger. And somehow, I am connected to the city.”

Normally, this show of bravery and duty would make Clarke swoon, but not this time… Not in these circumstances. But there was no arguing with Lexa and this was only wasting more time. Clarke felt the familiar pain tugging at her heart that usually accompanied being away from Lexa. It was amplified by the anxiety of the unknown and the concern for Lexa’s safety. Sadly, this was the unwelcome feeling that would probably remain a part of both of their lives forever. Everyone was right when they warned about becoming involved with the Commander. They might have had different intentions in mind, but the aching that Clarke felt in her heart and the consuming worry was just as devastating as they had foreshadowed, if not more. 

“Then let me come with you.”

“No.” There it was… The short, blunt denial of her request that was so typical of Lexa. Clarke knew this would be her answer, but she would persist. 

“Then who’s going to go with you?”

“No one.” 

These short answers were becoming irritating. 

“You’re not going alone, Lexa.”

“Yes I am.”

“You can’t go alone. I doubt any of your people would want their Commander going alone into a dangerous new territory. Indra definitely would not.”

“Indra will obey my orders despite her feelings. And nobody else will know.” Lexa leveled Clarke with her gaze. It was not as much a threat as a show of her seriousness. 

“Lexa…” Clarke took her other hand in her own, squeezing it urgently. 

Lexa looked at Clarke understandingly, but kept her resolve. “It needs to be this way, Clarke. I will be safe, however, it is not guaranteed that anyone else who may accompany me will be.”

“How do you know you’ll be safe? How do you know you won’t turn into a robot like the rest of them?”

“I just do. The Commanders would not have beckoned me into the city if it were not safe for me.” A smirk formed on Lexa’s lips as she spoke the next words. “And I am much stronger than any chip or any AI, as you call it. A Commander is not as easily influenced as others may be.”

_I can’t let her do it alone… Nobody is safe there…_

But Clarke knew there was no changing Lexa’s mind. 

_There has to be a way to keep Lexa safe either from the inside or the outside of the City of Light. I have to find out more about it._

Before they could finish their discussion, Indra walked over.

“What is the plan, Heda?”

Lexa sighed. “We must return to Arkadia.”

Indra’s head shot up in disbelief. “Why?”

Clarke too wondered why Lexa wanted to head back to Arkadia. Just a few moments ago she was set on returning to Polis. Maybe she had taken Clarke’s words into consideration and realized it wasn’t safe there. 

“I need one of the chips. Or the bearer of the chips.” 

Clarke could see the worry in Indra’s eyes as the realization dawned upon her. 

“Heda, no…” Indra began, but was abruptly cut off by Lexa’s hand in the air.

“There is no room for discussion on this matter, Indra. You know what must be done.”

“But Heda…”

“Indra…” Lexa warned as she stared her subject down. Indra immediately stopped talking, but Clarke could sense that this conversation probably wasn’t over yet. 

“Ready the horses and let the rest know,” Lexa commanded. 

“Sha, Heda.” Indra gave Lexa one last glance before turning around and beginning her duties. 

Within a few minutes, the horses were packed and waiting and the group was ready to leave the safety of the clearing. Raven seemed to be docile at the moment and was not causing any trouble or taunting anyone. She did not even protest when Lincoln plopped her atop one of the horses. Clarke found this a bit strange, but did not complain considering it was making everything a bit easier. 

When everyone was mounted, Lincoln steered his and Abby’s steed over beside Lexa and Clarke’s. 

“What are we doing?” Abby questioned. “Are you sure it’s the best idea to return there?”

Clarke could tell that Lexa still did not appreciate her decisions being questioned, but luckily she remained quiet. Clarke snaked her hand around Lexa’s arm and rested it on top of the hand clutching the reigns. She felt Lexa’s body relax slightly. 

“I know it’s probably not the safest place, mom, but we have to go back there. We definitely don’t want to bring all of this to Polis and we can’t hide in the woods forever.” 

“But why Arkadia?”

“Because it’s where all of this started. We’ll find the answers there and everything we need is probably still in there.”

“Need for what?”

“To take down ALIE and the City of Light.” Clarke had to admit, her words sounded pretty confident. It sounded like a good plan. She just had no idea how to they were going to do it. 

Abby sighed. “Okay… If you think it’ll work.”

“It will,” Lexa replied bluntly. 

With that, Lexa gave her horse a gentle kick and led the way out of the forest. It would not be a long journey because they had not gotten very far in the first place. Clarke wished it could be longer. She wanted more time to plan and to think about everything that they had to do or that might go wrong. She also wanted more time with Lexa because who knows how all of this would end. But once again, time was not a privilege they had.

The group rode in silence for most of the trip. There was a palpable tension in the air which seemed to be weighing heavily on everyone. Was it the fear of the unknown? Was it their unpreparedness? Clarke had no idea, but everyone seemed lost in their own thoughts and worries. Occasionally, chatter could be heard, but Clarke could not distinguish actual conversations. It was probably her mother worrying to Kane, or Octavia and Lincoln trying to squeeze in as much talk as possible in this moment of peace. 

Clarke tried to not let her mind wander as it usually did. It always went to the worst places, fabricating awful scenarios and horrible outcomes. She forced herself to stay in the moment and focus on the woman behind her. She took a deep breath in and leaned her body into Lexa’s. She could feel each breath traveling through Lexa’s body, each muscle stretching and relaxing with each movement of the reigns. How she longed to touch Lexa’s skin, to feel the strong heartbeat beneath her fingertips that was currently beating against Clarke’s back. When would all of this be over? When would they finally be able to relax and enjoy each other without the fear of impending doom? Would they ever be able to?

Lexa gently pulled Clarke’s body closer to hers. Clarke could already feel how much stronger Lexa was than the other day. The wound must have been healing quickly, and once again, Clarke felt safe with Lexa so close to her. As they continued to ride, Clarke could feel Lexa’s fingers absentmindedly tracing circles on her arm. It was a small comfort, but it was not lost on Clarke. 

When the dreary exterior of Arkadia came into view, Clarke immediately noticed how desolate everything appeared. There were no people outside, no guards, no workers, nothing. It was just the way they had left it, empty and dull. Lexa pulled the horse to a stop and turned to face the group. 

“I do not know what we will find in there, but you must be extremely careful. ALIE’s people are still in there and so are some of your people.”

“What are our orders, Heda?” Indra directed her horse to the front of the group beside them. 

“I would like to get in and out as quickly as possible, but I know that is never the case. Try to stay to the shadows and engage as little as possible with anybody in there… At least until all of this is sorted.”

“What exactly do we do once we’re in there?” Kane asked.

“My priority is obtaining one of the chips. Your priority is staying safe.”

Clarke could see confusion in everyone’s eyes. 

“Why do you want one of those?” Octavia questioned. “Weren’t we trying to get as far away from them as possible?”

“That was the original plan. But things have changed and I realized that it is necessary to enter the City of Light,” Lexa answered assertively.

Octavia’s eyes darted to Clarke’s, a question written in them. Clarke nodded. She didn’t want this either, but it was the only plan they had. Octavia looked away from the both of them and did not ask any more questions. They continued walking cautiously towards the looming metal gates that were still slightly ajar from their departure. Nobody had closed them and Clarke hoped that this was a good sign. Hopefully no one had entered or exited since they had left. 

When they reached the steel doors of Arkadia, everyone dismounted and tied their horses to a nearby post. Lexa wanted the horses to remain close to the entrance in case they needed to make a quick getaway. 

“What do we do with her, Heda?” Lincoln asked motioning to Raven. 

She had been in a catatonic state for most of the journey which worried Clarke a bit but made the whole trip easier. Maybe ALIE had given up. _Yea right…_ Or maybe she had overheard Clarke’s conversation with Lexa. _That would not be good._ Clarke began to worry. _No! You don’t know. Stop._ Clarke scolded herself. 

“She cannot be left unattended. Stay with her here. I do not think it is smart to have her inside.” 

Lincoln nodded and helped Raven down from her horse. He led her over to a nearby bench and sat down beside her. She didn’t resist or object, but her eyes followed Lexa unwaveringly. Clarke shuddered at the disturbing smile on Raven’s face. She could not decipher it and it was frustrating her. 

“Let’s go,” Clarke urged, focusing on the door again. “We don’t know how much time we have…” 

_Let’s get this over with._

Lexa nodded and entered Arkadia, pushing the doors open roughly. Clarke took a deep breath and followed. With the other four close behind, they quickly made their way through the twists and turns of each hallway. Clarke wondered what their final destination was. Did Lexa know where she was going?

“I think I know where we can find one of the chips.”

Everyone stopped and turned to look at Abby.

“You knew where they were?” Kane questioned. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I just remembered when we got back here.” Abby made her way to the front of the group and quickened her pace, making a sharp right at the end of the hall and towards what Clarke assumed was the med bay. 

Abby continued, “Before you came back and everything was starting to go downhill, I caught Jaha trying to give Jasper one of the chips. It was the last straw and I wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. I confiscated the bag of chips and locked it away with the medical supplies. I completely forgot about it…” 

_Please still be there,_ Clarke begged, hoping no one had found the bag. 

Abby flung the doors of the med bay open and rushed to the line of cabinets against the far wall, pausing to grab a ring of keys from a desk drawer. She shoved a small silver key into the lock on the cabinet, turned it, and swung the door open. Clarke could see the anxiety rippling through her mother’s body as her hands shook, messily pushing containers and tools out of the way. Some of the contents of the cabinet clattered to the floor and a small beaker crashed loudly, breaking into many tiny pieces. 

“Mom, calm down, it’s ok.” 

After a few more seconds, Abby’s hand came to a stop and she smiled.

“Here!” She grabbed the small bag and removed it from the cabinet, tossing it to Clarke. 

Without wasting a moment, Clarke tore the bag open, finding one of the small, opaque objects inside. She brought it up to the light, inspecting it. She had seen the chip before, when Jaha was trying to force her mother to take it, but up close, Clarke noticed the detail. It was almost… pretty. But it definitely still did not look edible. Was someone supposed to be able to _swallow_ this?

Clarke heard Lexa gasp slightly beside her. She turned to look at her and saw Lexa’s eyes focused on the chip, her mouth slightly agape. 

“What is it?”

“That symbol…” Lexa took the chip from Clarke’s hand, examining the top of it. Her thumb ran over the smooth surface, over the infinity symbol etched into the top. Clarke had read about this symbol in one of her classes on the Ark. They had been learning about numbers and infinity was defined as a number greater than any countable number. Something like forever… or never-ending… But what did this have to do with the chips? Or Lexa?

“What about it?” Clarke stepped closer to Lexa.

Lexa looked Clarke dead in the eyes and Clarke realized she couldn’t read the expression on her face. She didn’t like it. Lexa turned around, moving her hair to the side. With a slight wince, she lifted her hand and pulled the back of her collar down. To Clarke’s surprise, the same symbol from the chip was inked into the back of Lexa’s neck. Clarke looked harder, noticing a scar underneath the ink. 

_What is that?_ Clarke wondered. Then she remembered… _Titus._

He had mentioned the symbol at the back of Lexa’s neck when he was giving her the Flamekeeper lesson. Here it was, staring her right in the face. The exact same, albeit smaller version of the symbol was on each of the chips in the bag in Clarke’s hand. What did any of these have to do with each other? She looked at Lexa who had the same puzzled expression on her face. This must have been even more confusing for her because it was a part of her. Somehow everything was linked… 

Then, out of nowhere, Lexa’s head snapped up and the confusion cleared from her eyes. Once again, Clarke could see an answer within them. Hopefully it was an answer they needed. 

“I know how to help Raven.”

“What?” Not what Clarke was expecting. “How?”

“My neck… The symbol.” Lexa pointed to the symbol on the chip again. “It has to mean something… It has to be in her neck.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I’m not sure… But it is all we have…”

This didn’t sound very convincing. 

“I don’t know, Lexa…” If she was wrong, if this went wrong, it could potentially really harm Raven and Clarke didn’t want to risk it. 

“I do not believe it is a coincidence, Clarke. It is the sacred symbol. It is on the flame in my neck and it is on this chip. Would it not make sense that they both would end up in the same place in one’s body?”

Clarke sighed. It kind of made sense but at the same time it didn’t. But considering there were not many options and this one was the most plausible, they should try, right? Anything to help Raven.

Clarke turned to her mother. “It’s in Raven’s neck.”

“What is?”

“The chip. You have to get it out.”

“How do you know?”

There was no time to explain it. They had to get back to Raven. 

“Just trust me.”

Abby fixed Clarke with a look that she had seen many times before, skepticism. She knew her mother wanted to believe her, but she also knew how ridiculous this sounded. But as always, Abby caved, choosing to trust her daughter above her own concerns. 

“Okay,” she sighed. “How do we get it out?”

_Good question._

Clarke turned to Lexa hoping she had the answer.

“It must be similar to the extraction of the flame.”

Clarke understood now that she had to help. Aside from Lexa, only she knew about the flame and its placement, and its extraction. At the same time, she didn’t want to leave Lexa’s side. She knew that soon Lexa would take the chip and who knows what would happen. The only comfort Clarke had was that maybe once Raven was herself again, she would be able to help them figure out a way to help Lexa in the City of Light. 

“I can do it.” Clarke looked at Abby who nodded. She had to give her mother credit for trusting her so much. It couldn’t be easy, especially having once been the sole decision-maker herself. 

“We’ll need the med kit,” Clarke continued. 

“I think it’s still with the horses,” Abby offered.

“Perfect. Then let’s go.” Octavia exited the room with Kane and Abby behind her. 

“I’ll be right there,” Clarke called after them. “Can you give us a minute, Indra?”

Indra nodded and swiftly left the room without a word. Clarke was thankful that there were no objections this time. Maybe Indra was changing… At least with respect to Clarke.

Clarke slowly turned to face Lexa. There was so much she wanted to say, and do. She gently took the chip from Lexa’s palm.

“This stupid thing.” She turned it over in her hand. “Causing so much trouble…”

“Many times, it is the smallest things that can cause the biggest problems.”

“Lexa…” Clarke stopped, the words caught in her throat. Caught behind the lump that she could not push down. She didn’t want to get emotional. Now was not the time, but the more she tried to push the sadness away, the stronger it pushed back. She took in a shaky breath, trying to steady her nerves. Her eyes were beginning to sting and soon her nose would start running. She looked up at the ceiling, tilting her head back slightly, willing the tears to stay in her eyes. 

“Clarke.” She could feel Lexa move closer. 

_Don’t look at her._ It would only make this more difficult.

Clarke felt a warm hand on her face, soft and caring. She felt some of the sadness lift. It was as if the owner of the hand was absorbing some of her sorrow so she would not have to deal with it alone. Lexa gently pulled Clarke’s face level with her own. It helped that Lexa did not look as worried about the whole thing as Clarke felt. But then again, Lexa never really looked worried about anything. 

“Don’t be afraid, Clarke. I will be okay.” Lexa smiled, a small, but genuine smile. “I will not be gone long.” 

“I hope… I just…” Before Clarke could continue voicing her numerous concerns, she felt soft lips on her own. Lexa pulled her closer, wrapping her arms protectively around Clarke’s waist. Clarke melted into the strong body around her. As their lips danced and their embrace tightened, Clarke could not remember why she was so worried. 

After a few more wonderful moments, Lexa slowly pulled her lips away but made no move to step back. Their foreheads were pressed together, and every now and then, Lexa’s nose brushed lightly against Clarke’s. 

“Can we just stay here and do this forever?” Clarke whispered, her eyes still closed. 

“Maybe one day…” 

_But not today…_

Reluctantly, Clarke stepped back. If she didn’t now, she would never let go. She took one last look into those mesmerizing green eyes and then handed the chip back to Lexa.

“I guess it’s now or never.” 


	27. Chapter 27

.Lexa’s POV.

 

Lexa had no idea what would happen once she took the chip, but like with most things, she didn’t concern herself with all the possibilities, for they were out of her control. She remained focused on the task at hand. She brought the small object to her mouth and hoped that it would be easier to get down than it looked.

_How did I get myself into this?_

It went against everything inside of her to do this. She knew nothing about the City of Light or this pill. It all seemed rooted in something scientific, which her people knew nothing about. The pill itself looked like the epitome of what her people were taught never to take. She rarely even took medicine from her own healer. But she was the Commander, and as much as it felt wrong, Lexa also knew that it was the right thing for her people. And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. She had to admit, knowing that she was facing a threat head on for her people always had a way of exciting her a little bit. 

_“I hope your guidance proves to be verifiable,”_ she silently directed to the Commanders before her. Hopefully she hadn’t misread the message.

Lexa took one last breath and brought the chip to her lips.

“I love you.” Clarke’s eyes looked desperate. More desperate than normal. It took everything Lexa had in her to not drop the chip and sweep Clarke up in a comforting embrace. 

“Ai hod yu in.” She paired the words with a reassuring smile. 

And with that, Lexa placed the chip on her tongue, surprised by its lack of taste. As she waited for something to happen, her eyes never left Clarke’s. She wished to convey the strength and certainty that she felt within her heart. This was the right thing to do. Everything would be okay… It had to be. She needed Clarke to feel this too.

  


.Clarke’s POV.  
  


Clarke watched as Lexa placed the chip in her mouth, hoping one last time that she might change her mind. But she knew better. 

As they both waited, neither breaking eye contact, Clarke knew that she should be getting back to the others, to Raven, but she couldn’t leave Lexa. Not until she knew that the chip had not harmed her and that she had gotten to her destination safely. She watched as Lexa’s expression remained confident and strong. She was always so strong. So much stronger than Clarke could ever be. Was she not scared? Clarke would have been terrified, but Lexa’s eyes held no fear, not even a hint of apprehension, just strength and poise, and a hint of… _excitement?_ Was she looking forward to this? It looked like she _wanted_ to go in there. It was so much like Lexa to look danger in the eye and take it head on. Another thing Clarke respected so much about her. 

_What’s taking so long?_

It had already been a few minutes and nothing had happened. Lexa appeared the same… Was the chip not working? Was it a fake? Was Lexa’s body not meant to accept the chip? Was the nightblood too strong? 

_Here we go again._ Clarke had to stop her mind from creating all of these unanswerable questions.

“Be patient, Clarke. Some things take time.” Lexa smiled slightly at Clarke, obviously having read her mind. How did she do it? Clarke felt so in tune with Lexa whenever this occurred. 

Clarke relaxed, taking in the words. Lexa was right. Clarke always had a way of jumping to conclusions, usually for the worst. She thought about all the times that they both stood waiting for something, whether it be in Lexa’s tent before the initiation of war, or at the doors of Mount Weather. Lexa was always so patient, standing tall and unflinching, just _waiting._ It was much more difficult for Clarke as she felt that time was being wasted or that something had gone wrong. It was crazy how different Lexa was, how different Grounders were in general. For such a ferocious people, they had the great ability to wait, as still as statues, as long as they had to for just the right moment.

_How is she so calm?_

Then, before Clarke could react, Lexa’s eyes fluttered closed and her body stiffened and fell to the ground. 

“Lexa!” 

Indra, hearing the commotion, came running into the room. 

“Heda!” 

Both women rushed to Lexa’s side. Clarke kneeled beside her to check for a pulse. Luckily, everything seemed to be okay. Lexa had a strong pulse as usual and her breathing appeared to be normal. Maybe Lexa should have been sitting or laying down before taking the chip, but Clarke didn’t think that her consciousness would leave her body. She thought that Lexa would react like everyone else who had taken it, turning into a hollow shell of a person, but keeping her physical faculties. This was unexpected.

“She’s okay. I think she’s just in a subconscious state.”

“What should we do?” Indra asked.

“Let’s get her to one of the beds. But I think she’ll be fine either way.”

Clarke and Indra each took one of Lexa’s arms, dragging her to the nearest bed with some difficulty. Indra hoisted Lexa’s body onto the mattress and took up her position beside Lexa’s bed. She stood tall and proud and Clarke knew not to even offer her a chair. Indra would stand beside her Commander under she was safely back. 

“I have to get to Raven and the others.”

Indra nodded. “Good luck, Skygirl.” 

“Thanks.” Clarke took one last look at Lexa’s still body laying on the bed before exiting the room. She appeared almost peaceful which was rare. Maybe this City of Light wasn’t so bad after all.    
  


  
.Lexa’s POV.  


  
Lexa woke with a jolt surrounded by darkness. She looked to the left, then to the right, and everything was black. She tried to feel through her surroundings, but came across nothing. She didn’t like this. 

_Where am I?_

She tried to walk. She could feel her feet moving, but couldn’t tell where she was going. Was she walking forward? Was she walking towards something? 

_What is that?_

In the far distance, Lexa could see light. It was bright and inviting. She walked towards it. As she proceeded through the dark tunnel, the light became brighter and larger. Her eyes instinctively squinted as they tried to make out the shapes in the distance. Lexa exited the tunnel cautiously and was immediately surrounded by large buildings. The bright light of the sun and its reflection on the glass buildings assaulted her eyes. She looked around, trying to take everything in. There was glass and metal and some sort of stone everywhere. Lexa looked down at her feet and recognized the hard surface underneath them from her dream. She walked a few more steps, inspecting the black material. Was it stone? Was this some kind of road? She began to follow it, noticing the striking yellow line in the middle. What did this line mean? She continued to walk, not sure exactly where she was going. Hopefully a sign would appear soon.

_Where is everyone?_

Just like in her dream, this city lacked people which made Lexa uneasy. She didn’t want the rest of her dream to play out here. It didn’t end well.

As she continued through the city, she began to hear some commotion, no voices, but what sounded like footsteps and the bustle of people. Lexa followed the sounds, hoping they would lead her to something helpful. She was stopped in her tracks when she came across the sight of people. So many people. She became hesitant, not wanting to draw attention to herself. She studied these interesting looking individuals from the shadow of one of the tall buildings. 

_Who are these people?_

They looked so different from her own. So different from Clarke’s too. Their clothes were strange, unlike any Lexa had ever seen before. Except in her dream. Apparently she was on the right track. She studied their faces too. Many were clean, free of markings or scars, their hair was short and looked clean and neat. Immediately Lexa felt very out of place. Her hand subconsciously reached down to her side, fingers feeling for the familiar object secured to her waist. She breathed a sigh of relief. Her sword was still there. So was her dagger, secured tightly to her thigh. At least she had some sort of protection.

With her hand on the hilt of her sword, she stepped out of the shadows and began walking toward the throng of people. As they passed her on each side she realized that they either didn’t see her or didn’t care about her being here. They continued on their hurried paths all around her toward whatever their destination was, eyes straightforward and focused. Lexa removed her hand from her sword as the threat dissipated. She weaved in and out of the the crowd, eyes searching for any clue.

_What am I doing here?_ She wondered, hoping her thoughts would will an answer from whoever brought her here. Where were the Commanders when she needed them?

Just then, Lexa saw a familiar face in the crowd.

“Raven…”

She walked towards the red jacket as it navigated through the crowd. It was not Raven’s exact jacket, it was much cleaner and more formal looking, but the color was exactly the same, and it had to be a sign. Lexa reached the red garment and was about to place her hand on the shoulder of the owner, when out of nowhere, the person and the jacket disappeared. 

_What?_

Lexa retracted her hand quickly and looked at the empty space before her.

_Where did she go? What just happened?_

Was her mind playing games with her? Were her eyes? Was this city?

  
  


.Clarke’s POV.

  
  
“Got it!” Clarke breathed a sigh of relief as she dug the tweezers into the flesh at the back of Raven’s neck. As she began pulling the chip from her neck, it melted into a silvery goo, sliding out of the wound and down the side of Raven’s neck. Before it hit the ground, it disappeared completely, as if it were never there.

“What the…?” Clarke wondered.

“What was that?” Abby asked. “Where did it go?”

“I have no idea…” Clarke responded as the others just watched, dumbfounded. 

“Is it out?” Kane asked.

“I think so… Right?” Clarke looked to her mother and Kane. Both shrugged.

“I would think it has to be. It literally disappeared,” Abby tried to reassure them.

“Let’s hope.” Clarke removed a needle and thread from the medical pouch and began stitching the small opening in Raven’s neck closed. When it was complete, she looked at the scar, thinking how similar it looked to Lexa’s. Similar, but so much smaller. 

_Lexa…_

Clarke wondered how Lexa was doing. Was she safe? How would they know? She sighed, knowing that thinking about it and worrying wouldn’t help anybody. 

“Raven…” Abby coaxed, gently turning Raven onto her back again. She shook Raven’s shoulder lightly. 

After a few more moments, Raven’s eyes fluttered open. Everyone watched with baited breath, waiting to see if it had worked. 

“Ow…” Raven hissed as she tried to pull herself into a sitting position. Her hand moved to the back of her neck and her body flinched. “What happened?”

The group let out a sigh of relief. In this one instance, pain was a good thing. The fact that Raven felt pain meant that she was herself again. 

“What did you guys do to me?” Raven’s hand found a bruise on her face as she cringed in pain again. 

“That was me,” Octavia admitted bashfully. “Sorry…” 

Raven fixed Octavia with an annoyed expression.

“What? Did you want to be awake when we cut into your neck?” Octavia defended. “Plus, you were getting kind of annoying.”

Clarke chuckled. Leave it to Octavia to give the blunt truth. 

Raven’s expression shifted to a look of sorrow. “I’m sorry…” She looked each person in the eye. “I shouldn’t have ever taken the chip in the first place."

Clarke could see that everyone felt uncomfortable. They did not know whether to comfort Raven or scold her. They all knew that Raven had gone through so much throughout her life. No one could really fault her for what she did. It wasn’t really her who started all of this anyway.

“We all have our reasons for doing what we do,” Kane began. “No one can blame someone else for the decisions they make in times of pain…” 

“Trust me,” Abby added. “I was about to take it too.”

Raven nodded, thankful for the support, but Clarke could tell that this would weigh upon her for a long time. But maybe she could help Raven with the guilt.

“There might be a way for you to help now.”

Raven looked up quickly, her eyes finding Clarke’s. “How?”

“I’m not sure, but you probably know more about all of this than any of us.”

Raven nodded, understanding. “What do I have to do?”

“We have to figure out a way to shut down ALIE or reprogram her or whatever.

A smile spread across Raven’s lips. This was something she was born to do and they both knew it. Clarke could already see the excitement in her eyes. 

“What are we waiting for then?” Raven stood up hastily and rushed through the doors of Arkadia. 

Clarke exchanged glances with Octavia and Abby and then everyone ran into the building to catch up with Raven. They followed her through the hallways, stopping when they reached her workroom. Raven weaved through the maze of shelves and tables cluttered with tools and wires, walking directly to her workstation comprised of keyboards and monitors. Clarke had no idea where to begin with the City of Light, but she hoped Raven might, especially since she had an inside view of the inner workings of ALIE. 

Raven began typing away furiously at her computer. A series of letters and numbers appeared on the screen faster than Clarke could read them. What was Raven doing? Clarke didn’t want to ask any questions in fear that she might distract Raven from her task. 

“Um… Do you need any help?” Octavia asked cautiously, probably uncomfortable with the silence.

“There isn’t much we can do until I figure out how to get us into the City of Light.” 

“Do you think you can do it?” Clarke asked apprehensively.

Raven turned around with a smirk on her face. “What can’t I do?” 

Clarke scoffed as a smile formed on her lips. The old Raven was back and Clarke couldn’t be happier. They continued to watch Raven in silence as her hands flew across the keys. Her face looked so determined. 

“It’s just a program…” Raven whispered to herself. “Comon…” 

“Is it even a real place?” All of this was so confusing to Clarke. What was this place? And how did people get there if their bodies were still here? 

“Kind of… But not really. I mean it’s kind of like a video game, but whoever takes the chip or manages to get in is the player. For the most part, they can control themselves. It’s almost an amazing concept… If it worked the right way. Your mind goes in, but your body stays here… in our world. But like any artificial intelligence, you lose your humanity going in. You lose what makes you you. I don’t remember much, but I do remember not feeling much. It was weird… And I don’t wanna even think about what would happen to a person’s body out here if something happened to them in the city.” 

“I don’t get it… How does someone’s mind leave but not their body?” Clarke asked.

Raven kept her eyes on the screen as her fingers continued to type. She didn’t even turn around to respond. “It’s some kind of crazy programming. Whoever orchestrated all of this- the chip, ALIE, the City… is a genius. They figured out a way to upload someone’s mind like a computer file to this place…” 

Raven looked up to the ceiling as if she were deep in thought. “I read about something called the Cloud once. Before the world was destroyed, people would upload things from their computers and, get this, their phones, and whatever other devices, to this ‘Cloud’. It would store these files for them- pictures, memories, stories, whatever… I’m not quite sure what it was, if it existed as an actual supercomputer or if it was just somewhere in space, but it sounds kind of like this. A huge, unknown storage space… Except this City is far superior because it uploads a person’s mind…” 

Clarke could see the awe in Raven’s eyes. She could hear it in her words. She was fascinated by this and Clarke could tell she was slowly figuring things out. After a few more minutes, Raven stopped typing and the room fell silent. Clarke hadn’t realized how loud all of the typing and commotion was until Raven stopped. 

“Raven?” Clarke questioned cautiously, staring at the back of Raven’s head that had not turned around yet.

“I’m in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Ai hod yu in” = I love you


	28. Chapter 28

.Lexa’s POV.

 

It felt like she had been walking around this mysterious place for hours. Her feet were moving but nothing was being accomplished. In reality, it had probably only been minutes. Maybe half an hour at most. Time was definitely elusive in this city. 

Lexa had never felt so out of place and uncertain in her life, and it was a feeling that was difficult to accept. This was not how things were done on Earth, certainly not in her lands. She prided herself on always knowing what was going on with everyone and everything. If there was a problem, it was solved promptly or else someone paid for it. This looming threat made her people very efficient. But here, she had no control of anyone or anything. The people didn’t even acknowledge that she existed, but she did want to keep it that way for now. She had no idea what these people were capable of. 

“Sis ai au.” Lexa pleaded to the sky, hoping her words would reach the Commanders’ ears. Even one of them would be helpful…

_Show me the way._

She cursed them in her mind for bringing her here and not letting her know why. What was the point of bringing her here? What was she supposed to do here? Her mind was beginning to wander with all of these unanswered questions, leaving the door open for other thoughts to pour in. 

_Clarke…_

Her thoughts went to Clarke as they usually did. As hard as she tried, she could not stop herself from thinking about the girl from the Sky. She never could. She wondered how Clarke was doing. Was she able to help Raven? Were they currently coming up with a plan? Clarke was so good at plans. She always had to have one. And when it didn’t go the right way, she had a hard time accepting it. It was as frustrating as it was adorable. But Lexa had to admit that with time, Clarke had become much better at adjusting to obstacles thrown her way. She really was changing as a leader… 

_Okay, Leksa, enough about Clarke._

Lexa looked up at the unwelcoming gray buildings surrounding her. They were so tall and drab. They all looked the same which made navigating the city extremely difficult. 

_Why would they do such a thing?_

It was very unappealing to the eye, but then Lexa thought maybe it was a good thing that all of the structures looked the same. 

_It would surely confuse an enemy, or any outsiders._

Perhaps they were made this way for strategic purposes. She would have to keep this in mind back in Polis… Make it harder for certain people to know where the Commander resided. But then again, she wanted her people to know where she was. She wanted to let everyone know she was not afraid. That is why she resided in the tallest, most identifiable building in Polis. She dared someone to come for her. 

_Focus…_

Lexa was about to give up after concluding that she had made no progress when something caught her eye. Through the masses of people, one stood out. She stood a few inches taller than those around her, her hair flowing down her back in cascading waves. A few braids peeked through her thick locks and three larger ones ran down from her forehead, pulling her hair neatly away from her face, almost appearing like a crown. Lexa looked closer. If she wasn’t sure before, the symbol painted onto the back of her cloak in stark contrast to the color of the cloak clarified her uncertainty. 

_Trigedakru…_

As if sensing her presence, the figure turned around to face Lexa. The black paint over her eyes, creating an intimidating aura was unmistakable. Lexa’s heart jumped. 

“Anya…”

Could this be real? Were her eyes playing tricks on her again? 

A smirk spread across the woman’s lips as she began walking towards Lexa. Lexa tried to move but felt as if her feet were cemented to the ground. She didn’t know if she wanted to retreat from this approaching figure or embrace her. It had been so long since she had seen her mentor. She had always believed that they might one day meet again, for she knew that Anya’s spirit was most likely present _somewhere_ , but this was too much. Seeing her in the flesh was something Lexa had not prepared for. 

“Little Tiger…” Anya stopped a few feet from Lexa as her smirk grew into a warm smile. She stretched her arm out, waiting for Lexa to take it in greeting.

Lexa made no move to step closer. This could be a trick. Her hand rested on the hilt of her sword just in case. But how would anyone but Anya know of this nickname? This nickname that Anya made up one day during one of their informal sparring sessions, and only she used. Apparently she could be quite the fierce little fighter when the need arose. She always had a fire within her. She still did, but luckily she had learned to manage it and channel it into leadership. 

“Or should I say… Commander.” Lexa could see pride in Anya’s eyes. A pride she had always yearned for as Anya’s second. A pride that she was not able to truly witness in its entirety because of the unfortunate events. Maybe this really was her Anya…

Anya’s eyes moved to Lexa’s hand at her sword and her own hand fell to her side. She chuckled amusedly. “Still the same Lexa, I see. Always so cautious. Hardly trusting of anyone else.”

“ _You_ taught me that,” Lexa answered dryly. 

“I know… Among other things.” Anya sighed. “So this is the welcome I get? I did see this going a different way.”

“What are you doing here? _How_ are you here?”

“I’m here for you, Leksa. That is the only reason I’m here.” 

Lexa wished there was a way she could tell for certain if Anya was telling the truth. 

“You asked for help… For someone to show you the way,” Anya continued. 

“Why you?”

“Why not? Who knows you better than I do? Although…” Anya looked Lexa square in the eye, a playful smile pulling at the corner of her lips. “From what I’ve witnessed, there might be someone that actually does know you better than I do. Even better than yourself…” 

Lexa blushed. Had Anya been watching her? Was her spirit able to watch over her even though her body was no longer on Earth? Lexa hoped that she had not let her mentor down at any point. 

“She is good for you, Lexa. She has brought out the best in you, as a person and a leader.” Anya stepped closer, but this time, Lexa allowed her. She did not feel threatened anymore. 

“I saw your struggles as a leader. It is hard to come into power so young, but you did it with grace and honor. I know that you were not always sure, but you always did what was best for all of our people. That is why the flame chose you. You were different, you were progressive… From the beginning. You still are. Our people need to change and develop with the changing world, and you are the perfect person to lead them through it. So do not doubt yourself… Or your choices. Even if others might. Many of them are older… They stick to the values of the old ways, so rigid and unwilling to change… Like _Titus_ …” Lexa could hear the venom in Anya’s tone.

“You heard?”

“Yes.” Anya clenched her teeth. “Rarely did I ever wish to be alive in human form on Earth, but that time, I would have done anything to come back and take care of him myself… There was so much he put at risk by doing that. Not to mention you…” Anya looked at Lexa with such care and sadness. “But I knew you would make the right decision. The Commanders knew as well. Plus, Little Tiger, it wasn’t your time yet.” Anya smiled. 

Lexa could feel her sincerity. For a second, she felt safe, as if she were a child again under the mentorship of this great Trikru warrior. Immediately, she felt sad for Anya’s fate, for everything that had happened to her with the Mountain Men. A pain tugged at her heart that she thought had been extinguished. She felt a strong, but comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Do not be sad, Leksa. It was what was meant to be. I was meant to be there… To help Clarke.”

“You were not meant to die. Not at the hands of the Mountain Men.”

“Yes, I would have liked otherwise, but we cannot choose our fate. I am just happy that I was able to help her along her way. For you. She has done so much for you, as you have for her. After…” Anya fell silent, looking away. 

Lexa felt a lump forming in her throat. The lump that only really appeared for one reason, maybe two now. She tried to push it down, hoping Anya didn’t notice. She cleared her throat, willing Anya to continue. 

“I didn’t think you would return to the way you once were. We were all worried for you. But you proved us all wrong. You came back stronger and wiser than ever. I just feared that you closed yourself off forever… From caring for anyone. Some would say it makes a strong leader, but does it make a _good_ leader?”

Lexa thought about this. She had always been taught to be strong, emotionless, leading with her head. She had accomplished much this way, but was it the best she could do? Since meeting Clarke, Lexa felt as if she was a new person, a better one, a more visionary one, which in turn made her a better leader. After much resistance, she realized that she wanted to use what she had learned from Clarke to lead. She realized that opening her heart again could help her mind in more ways than one. It allowed her to see more sides of each decision. It allowed her to empathize. She had begun to understand these ideas when Costia had helped her open her heart the first time… But she was never given the opportunity to fully explore these feelings that time. 

Anya chuckled as she continued. “But somehow, the most unassuming and unexpected of people, not even a _Grounder,_ made her way into your life. Who would have guessed?… And having another person there, helping you along the way, telling you what you are doing is okay, is _right_ , is just what you need. It is too much to bear alone… As much as our people try to teach you otherwise.”

Lexa felt a wave of emotions come over her and she let herself feel them… In this foreign city. She felt a weight she didn't realize was there lift from her shoulders. She felt the swell of pride, of acceptance from Anya, and of adoration for the one woman who came into her life and _did_ change her ways. She did not have to ask herself if these feelings were real because she felt them down to her soul. She _knew_ they were real. Anya was real… or at least as real as she could be. 

“I probably should have said this to you more often when I was alive…” Lexa could hear the regret in her mentor’s voice, but it was not her fault. This was how they had been brought up on the ground. It had been drilled into their heads since birth.

Lexa smiled, a smile full of relief and care for her mentor. She extended her arm to return Anya’s unanswered greeting from before and was surprised when Anya wrapped her arms around her instead. It felt a bit unnatural at first. Lexa could not remember the last time she felt the embrace of another, other than Clarke. She couldn’t even remember if she had ever hugged Anya before… It was not their way… But right now, it felt right. She allowed herself to be hugged and hugged Anya in return. 

Anya released Lexa and held her at arm’s length. “Look at you,” she smiled. “The young, rambunctious girl from Trikru, all grown up. I am so proud of you…”

The words felt good. Lexa rarely sought validation from anyone. She never cared what others thought of her. She was the Commander and her word was law. Others were supposed to look to her for praise and acceptance. But hearing the words showed Lexa how much she needed them from the one person she had learned so much from and eventually surpassed. 

She smiled and held Anya’s gaze for a few more seconds, wishing that she could grab her and bring her back to Earth with her. But she knew this wasn’t possible. Sadly, the only reason for Anya’s arrival was to help. And once she was done, she would be gone again.

“Don’t look so sad, Kid. I will always be watching over you. I always have been. Our people are correct when they say we never truly die… I’m not the only one either.” Anya smiled. “We are _all_ proud of you.” 

_All?_

Lexa wondered who else Anya was referring to. Was she just saying this to comfort her? Or were all of her fallen comrades together in one place? Were the people she was closest to there too? Her family? What a thought… Lexa wished she could see the rest of them. But what would be the point? It would only make her yearn for them more… 

_One day…_ She told herself.

One day, they would all be back together. 

“Now, enough of this distracting chatter… Let’s go finish what you started, Leksa.”

 

 

.Clarke’s POV.

 

“What did you find?” Clarke questioned from behind Raven’s chair. All she could see were the same set of confusing white numbers and letters scrolling up and down the screen as before. 

Clarke was usually able to pick up different languages fairly easily, at least enough to hold a decent conversation. But _this_ language, this computer language, was in a different league. It made no sense whatsoever and it left Clarke disheartened because she knew that she couldn’t help at all. No one here really could.

“Nothing significant yet.”

Raven had been typing away for the past hour without a break. The determination in her eyes was frightening and Clarke knew she would not rest until she found _something._ Clarke hoped she would find something soon, for the sake of Raven’s fingers. 

Raven continued, “I was able to figure out how this city looks more or less. It’s like a grid, and lucky for us, it’s not that big. I don’t see any sign of life yet though…”

“So you haven’t been able to find Lexa?”

“Not yet…” Raven leaned closer to the screen, squinting. “Wait…”

Clarke’s heart skipped as she prayed that Raven had good news. As she watched the monitor, she could see a series of green characters appearing to one side. They looked bigger than the other letters and numbers. Raven’s chair whizzed to the side as she rolled in front of a second screen, adjacent to the first. She turned it on quickly and the green and white characters began to appear on this one as well. Clarke looked closer and noticed that the letters and numbers were beginning to form a symbol on the screen.

_An infinity…_

“Lexa…?”

“Yes!” Raven nearly jumped out of her seat with excitement. She looked almost as if she didn’t believe it herself. 

Before Raven had a chance to elaborate, other characters began to fill the screen, all white and slightly smaller than the green ones. 

“Weird…” Raven mumbled.

“What?” Clarke asked. 

“The people in the City of Light are finally showing up here. There are a lot, but none of them seem to notice or _care_ that Lexa’s in there with them.” She pointed to the larger green characters. “You see these?”

Clarke nodded as Abby and Kane stepped closer to listen. Octavia and Lincoln watched from the corner of the room. 

“That’s Lexa. She was actually pretty easy to find as you could see. It’s almost scary… Even though she’s new to the City of Light, she has a bigger presence than everyone else there. I could spot her from a mile away. In computer lingo, it’s like she’s a larger file or a stronger connection to the city itself.” Raven’s eyes drifted away from the screen in thought. “Almost as if she was a program herself…” 

“Huh? What does that even mean?” It sounded ridiculous to Clarke. Lexa was not a program. She was a living, breathing, tangible person. 

“Like an A.I. or whatever you call it?” Octavia asked from across the room. She would always ask what everyone else was thinking. 

“Something like that…” Raven responded.

“Like ALIE?” Abby chimed in. 

Clarke wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear this answer. 

“Maybe… I don’t know…” Raven stumbled over her words. She looked at Clarke, clearly not wanting to upset her. “I mean she’s definitely _not_ ALIE. ALIE was a straight up hologram, not a person. Not even everyone saw her…”

Clarke was becoming frustrated. What was Raven insinuating and why was everyone agreeing so easily. 

“Clarke,” Raven turned completely to face her friend. “I’m not saying Lexa is an A.I. And I’m definitely not trying to say she’s any less of a human than any of us. She’s probably more human than any of us from the sky… I’m just saying in this city, she is very prominent and very connected.”

As Clarke listened to Raven’s words, her mind wandered elsewhere as she stared at the infinity symbol at the center of the monitor. This symbol seemed like it was everywhere nowadays, reminding her of Lexa at each step. She remembered the tattoo on the back of Lexa’s neck. It was so delicate yet so powerful. It held so much meaning. Apparently to both of their people now… This same symbol was on the chips that Jaha was giving out _and_ in the Flamekeeper’s chambers. 

“The flame…” 

The words escaped Clarke’s lips before she had a chance to process what she was thinking, let alone form a coherent thought. Everyone looked at Clarke, waiting.

“The flame, um, might be what’s connecting Lexa to the city.”

“Hm…” Raven seemed to be absorbing the words eagerly. “Go on.”

“That flame in her neck, it has the same infinity symbol that’s on the monitor _and_ on the chips. She even has the tattoo on her neck. Her people believe the flame is the spirit of the Commander and it gets passed on from one to the next. They know it’s some physical object, but they don’t really ask questions further than that. They just know its importance and that’s all they care about. But what if the flame _is_ more than just that? What if it’s some kind of computer chip or storage device or whatever?”

Raven looked intrigued as she processed the information. “A computer chip… I think you’re on the right track, Clarke. But it sounds like something more, something greater. It’s like a super chip. And if what you’re saying is true and it’s in Lexa’s neck, most likely attached to the base of her brain stem, then it’s probably fused to her mind somehow…” 

Raven looked at Clarke with such excitement in her eyes it was almost frightening. “It’s incredible. Maybe even more incredible than the City of Light.”

“Well I’m glad someone’s happy about all of this,” Octavia grumbled from her corner.

Clarke shot her a glare. For the first time in a long time, Raven looked interested in something. It was nice to see something other than pain and sadness written across her face. And it _did_ sound like she was getting somewhere by talking through all of this. 

“It’s all connected… But how?” Raven wondered aloud.

Clarke wondered the same thing.

“Infinity symbol on Lexa’s neck where the flame is… Infinity symbol on the City of Light chip… It’s like both the flame and the chips were made by the same person. Like they left their calling card… But they serve such different purposes. The flame seems _good._ And who knows if the city is.” Raven continued to talk through her thoughts and Clarke did not want to disturb her, but she was beginning to understand what she was getting at. 

“Then there’s ALIE. She’s some kind of AI program too. Whoever created all of this had to have made ALIE too. But how does she have a mind of her own? She acts on her own… She’s almost like a rogue file. Whoever made her must not have expected her to get so out of hand. Unless they wanted the same thing… And how did the flame survive the apocalypse? Or did it come here after? Then how the heck did it end up in a Grounder? At the center of Grounder myth?” 

There was just so much information to comb through, but Raven persisted. “Whoever made the flame had to have been a person around before the nuclear apocalypse. The technology is far too advanced… Even for us on the Ark. It’s all so fascinating…” 

As if prompted by Raven’s words, images began flashing through Clarke’s mind. They brought her back to Titus’s chambers. The symbol on the wall above the pod. The pod itself, with the letters “POL—IS” emblazoned on the side. The ascension ceremony. The symbol on the back of Lexa’s neck… It’s connection to the flame.

“Oh my God…” Clarke whispered as the pieces fell into place.

Everyone turned to look at her.

“What is it?” Abby questioned.

“The first Commander…”

“Who?” Kane jumped in.

“That’s how the flame got here. It was never here during the apocalypse, it came _after_. With the first Commander.”

Clarke looked at everyone in the room, the confusion clear on their faces. She had to remind herself that no one else had seen the sacred room of the Flamekeeper. No one had even really seen the symbol on Lexa. 

“When I was in Polis, after Titus was banished by Lexa, I was taught the ascension ceremony. The title of Flamekeeper was passed on to me due to the circumstances.”

“Wait, what?” Octavia asked in disbelief. She probably knew enough about the flame and the Grounders to understand the significance of the title. 

Lincoln looked on in awe and respect. 

“I guess Lexa trusted me enough to bestow the title upon me. Plus, there weren’t many other options at the time. But anyway, I got to see where the flame is kept and where all the myths stemmed from. It was this room in Polis tower with a pod in it that actually said ‘Polis’. Or what I think was originally ‘Polaris’, but some of the letters were faded. The same room had the sacred symbol, the infinity, on the wall.”

“Polaris…” Abby repeated, turning the word over on her tongue as she thought about it. She looked at Kane, and Clarke could see hesitation in her eyes.

“No… It can’t be,” Kane answered quietly as he too processed the information. 

“So it did exist,” Raven added as everyone from the Ark exchanged disbelieving glances.

“They said it was a myth, the thirteenth station,” Abby added. “I had always suspected that it might be true. Most stories like that are at least based in some part of reality.”

Kane nodded in agreement. “And we couldn’t prove it because it was gone, obliterated.”

“I guess they didn’t get rid of all the evidence,” Raven scoffed. 

Abby looked stunned as she remained silent. Everything they had been told on the Ark about the mysterious last station in the sky was a lie. What else was a lie? 

“So Becca did exist…” Raven sounded excited about this. About the genius scientist from Polaris. And based on what they were seeing right now with the chip and the city, the stories were true, she _was_ a genius. But what was her motive for doing what she did? Why did she create all of these things?

“ _She_ must have been the first Commander,” Clarke stated in disbelief. The Grounders and the Sky People really were much more connected than she could have imagined. 

_What would they do if they found out about this?_ Clarke thought, a bit amused by the revelation. 

“It all makes sense now,” Raven stated, breaking the silence that was beginning to overtake the room. 

Clarke looked at Lincoln who looked dumbfounded. Wait until they told Indra. 

Raven continued, “Becca must have made the flame and brought it to Earth in the pod. She probably knew what Alpha Station was planning to do to Polaris and saved the flame and herself. I wonder if she was the host for the flame… She must have tried it on herself first. We’re just crazy like that.”

“I wonder how much of the myth is true.” Kane appeared to still be stuck on the fact that all of this was true. Everything that was drilled into their minds on the Ark was just to deter them from knowing what Alpha Station did. 

_But why did they do it? Why did they blow Polaris out of the sky?_

Clarke knew that the Ark was known for excessive punishment. She was a firsthand witness. The sentence for crimes was always exponentially greater than the crime itself. So this didn’t surprise her. But what exactly was Becca up to?

“It sounds like most of it is true…” Abby answered. “Becca must have been working on something that would solve the problem of overpopulation or the fate of a disappointing humanity and it got out of hand.”

“Becca must have created ALIE too then,” Raven offered. “It must be why ALIE is still wandering around talking about this perfect city and its perfect, happy people.”

Clarke could tell Raven was mocking ALIE now.

“She’s still on her initial mission,” Raven continued. “Whatever Becca created her to do… It just got a little warped over time.”

“How do we stop her?” Clarke asked the question everyone wanted the answer to. 

“I don’t know, but we better find the solution quick. Cause if we can see Lexa so prominently in the City of Light, then ALIE definitely can too. She’s probably already there.”

_Comforting,_ Clarke thought. This was actually worse than expected. 

“Well how do we do that?” Octavia asked, frustrated again with the whole situation.

“Now that we know a little more about all of this, it should be easier to figure out. If Becca made her and she was a scientist from the Ark, then there must be an override for ALIE or a way to wipe out her system. We were always taught to create a way to destroy files quickly if necessary… A way to shut down a program or AI that might get out of hand, like a kill switch. There has to be a switch or an off in the City of Light. That’s the place she is most protective of.” Raven turned back to the monitor, a new fiery determination in her being. She began typing her way to a solution. 

She continued, “I wonder if I can do it from out here, or if it has to be physically done from within the city.”

“How did ALIE last this long?” Abby asked no one in particular. She still sounded confused by all of this scientific lingo. “And how did she get _here?_ She’s just a computer program, yet she managed to appear in our world.”

“That might be a question for Jaha…” Raven answered. He really seemed to be the link between all of this. 

And as if on cue, Jaha burst through the door with a cold determination in his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Sis ai au” = Help me


	29. Chapter 29

.Lexa’s POV.

 

“How did the Commanders send you? And why didn’t one of them come?” Lexa asked Anya as they continued their journey through the city.

“They were able to use my likeness, creating me from your memories combined with my spirit to bring me here. Hence, this outfit and the hair. It seems to be how you remember me most clearly. And I have to say, it’s a nice change,” Anya laughed. “Being back in a physical body is refreshing.” 

Lexa’s mind was buzzing trying to make sense of all of this still. 

“They concluded it would be best to have someone you knew and trusted with you here. They also knew you would not believe any of them as quickly. You almost didn’t believe me and I am much more familiar to you. You had only seen one of the Commanders in person, the one who held the throne before you, and the others you had only seen in paintings. They didn’t think you would recognize them as easily here.”

_That makes sense._

Lexa was beyond happy that it was her former mentor and general here with her in this unfamiliar place. In some way, it also provided her with a little bit of closure since she had not seen Anya before her death. She thanked the Commanders silently for sending her this gift. 

“Plus, like I said before, I know you well. I know how you fight and what your weaknesses are, although now, it seems like you have very few if any at all. So who better to fight alongside you and help you destroy this place?”

Anya was right. She knew Lexa’s skills and weaknesses in battle more than anyone, even Indra. Indra had skillfully fought beside Lexa on the battlefield for years, but Anya taught Lexa everything she knew leading up to those battles. Every foundational skill, every defensive move, every attack that Lexa used so skillfully was thanks to her mentor. They had trained for years before Lexa was even sent to Polis and then also after she had become Commander. Most importantly, though, Anya had shaped her into a fierce competitor for the conclave. 

“I would not want anyone else beside me.” Lexa spoke from her heart and Anya accepted the words graciously. 

Lexa cleared her throat. They had been talking longer than was safe. This city was really bringing out different sides of her, more sentimental sides, but she had to remember that there was an impending threat. There always was… 

“Do you know what we are up against?”

“I do not know everything there is to know. The Commanders do not know either. It seems this City is an enigmatic foe.” Anya appeared distressed that there was not more to go on. “They just know that this place is not good and it needs to be destroyed. You have seen what happens to the people that are here.”

“Yes.”

“We have to stop whatever this is before any more people are lured inside.”

“What do we have to do?”

“There must be some sort of leader, someone or something that controls everyone and the city itself. We must find this person or thing and destroy it.” 

_Easier said than done._

“Wait… The woman…” 

“What woman?”

“The woman from my dream… ALIE.”

“Oh yes…” Anya seemed to know who Lexa was referring to. The Commanders must have known who she was because they made her appear in the dream.

“There were two of her… They looked the same, but different…”

Who were these women? One of them must have been ALIE, but who was the second? Thinking back at her dream and the hazy snippets of the woman’s face that managed to emerge, Lexa felt a familiarity. She felt like she knew this other woman. The second side of the same coin. But who was she? And why did she bring up different feelings within Lexa than her counterpart? She did not seem as much of a threat as ALIE. 

“Two? That sounds great…” Anya huffed sarcastically.

“No… the other one was different. She seemed _good_.”

Anya looked at Lexa skeptically. “Well the Commanders could not have been wrong,” she conceded. “We will just have to see. Perhaps she can help us somehow. Once we figure out where she is…”

“Where would we find her?”

“You would think the Commanders would send me here with more to offer…”

“Just having you here is more than I could have asked for,” Lexa admitted. “We will figure it out.”

Lexa was almost ashamed at having spilled so many feelings, but in a way, it felt good. Clarke was really rubbing off on her. Sometimes the other person needed to hear the words. Lexa wondered how different her people would have been had they not been taught to extinguish all emotions and live with an apathetic heart. But she knew deep down, her people _did_ feel. How could they not? They were so passionate about war, about honor and loyalty, and about her, their Heda. How could people that did not care for anyone run head on into danger to protect their families and their tribe, fighting innumerable battles for their people and the ones they cared for most? No one could _truly_ stop caring, stop loving. It was in their nature. 

Was this what ALIE was so afraid of? Was it what she was trying to eliminate from her utopian city? Because looking around at all of the people around her, Lexa saw no emotion, no love, no _care._ These people could not be compared to her own people. Lexa realized that her people really were full of emotion. There was _so_ much passion in every Grounder, even if all of it was not directed in the correct way. Lexa looked around at the people near her. Who would want a city full of people like this? Void of anything? Maybe ALIE had not meant for this. How could she? Maybe it was all just a byproduct, a side effect, of what ALIE was really trying to achieve. Maybe she had gotten it wrong… Messed up the calculations… Underestimated the human spectrum of emotions.

“Hey…” Anya said delicately. “What’s on your mind?” She laughed as she looked at her former mentee. “You really _are_ different, Kid… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you think so hard about anything. What happened to the quick, emotionless decision-maker?”

“I realized things aren’t so black and white. Everything we have been taught… everything I thought I knew… isn’t.”

“Yes, but you can actually _see_ that and admit it. That’s the tricky part. Most people are too thick-skulled or stubborn to do the same. And I know you will take what you’ve learned and use it to lead. You will use it to better our people. As you always have.” Anya smiled. “And now, you will use whatever it is you’re figuring out in that mind of yours, to help us find a solution.”

“I still don’t understand…”

“You will…” Anya turned and began walking through the throngs of people again. “Now let’s go.” 

“But where?”

“I’m not sure. But there will be signs. And we won’t see them just standing here talking.”

Lexa jumped into step behind Anya, hoping that she was right and that the signs would start appearing. 

Then, as if the spirits heard her wishes, a flash of blinding light took over the sky. Lexa raised her hand to shield her eyes. When the sky cleared, all she could see were bright spots all over her periphery. She waited for them to dissipate as she blinked the world back into view. A single, unmistakable person appeared right in the middle of the crowd they were wading through. 

Lexa’s heart fell.

_What are you doing here?_

 

 

.Clarke’s POV.

 

“Stop what you’re doing!” Jaha barked sternly as he approached Raven. 

Kane stepped into his path to stop him from advancing towards the computer. Without a word, Jaha shoved Kane away from him with an almost superhuman strength. Kane went crashing into a table full of gadgets, and both he and the table fell to the floor with a loud thud followed by the sound of metal hitting concrete. Abby rushed over to help him up. 

“Stay out of my way,” Jaha warned. He walked over to Raven’s chair as Clarke moved closer. Octavia and Lincoln also stepped closer just in case.

“How did you do it?” Jaha asked Raven who continued typing despite his proximity.

“Do what?”

“How did you _leave_ the City of Light?”

“I didn’t really like it there. Figured I’d try a new vacation spot.” Clarke could tell Raven was in no mood for this conversation and Jaha was growing impatient.

Before Clarke knew what was going on, she saw a flash of movement followed by a hand around her throat. 

_What the??_

“Jaha, stop!” Abby rushed over, grabbing Jaha’s arm in an attempt to pull him away, but he was not budging. He simply shoved Abby off of him as she stumbled backwards. Raven too had stopped typing and was slowly standing up to help. 

“You…” Jaha hissed as his face inched closer. Clarke could hear the venom in his words but could not see it in his empty eyes. “You are making things very difficult here. You should have just stayed away.” 

Clarke felt the hand tighten around her throat. She tried to gasp for air but it wasn’t coming. 

_No…_ she thought. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. They hadn’t even found a solution yet. 

Then she felt a gust of wind and heard the sounds of bodies colliding. The hand was roughly torn away from her neck and she fell to her knees gasping as the air rushed back into her lungs. Clarke felt a hand on her back as Octavia kneeled beside her.

“You ok?”

“Yea…” she coughed. 

They watched as Jaha and Lincoln fought on the ground, each trying to gain the upper hand. Eventually, Lincoln managed to land one swift blow to Jaha’s face which immediately ended the scuffle. Clarke wondered how Jaha remained conscious. The blood from an open wound near his eye was trickling down his face as he blinked rapidly either to keep it from dripping into his eye or to keep himself awake. Lincoln used this opportunity to pull Jaha to his feet and restrain him. He scanned the room for anything to use to bind his hands. 

“Will this work?” Raven asked, holding up an extension cord.

“It will have to,” Abby answered for Lincoln.

Lincoln shoved Jaha into a nearby chair and began tying his hands and feet to it. Raven returned to her desk and got back to work.

“You will not stop us,” Jaha taunted. 

“I think we just might,” Clarke answered dryly, not even looking in his direction.

The room fell silent with only the clicks of the keys under Raven’s fingers breaking through the air. Clarke could feel her fingers fidgeting so she began picking at a loose piece of skin near her fingernail. She had to keep her hands busy or else she was afraid she would use them to strangle the man tied to the chair. Unfortunately, he could still be of use. And technically he _was_ one of her people, so she couldn’t just kill him…

“No, no…” Raven’s words cut through the silence. “Shit.”

“What is it?” Clarke’s eyes followed Raven’s to the screen. The lines of characters were changing rapidly, switching back and forth between letters and strange symbols. The infinity too was flickering back and forth between various colors while rows of other characters were being highlighted and deleted. It looked like an entirely different language was appearing on the screen and the scary part was, Raven’s hands weren’t moving at all. Someone or something else was doing this.

“We know she’s in here.” Jaha’s voice was icy and menacing.

Clarke froze.

“It will only be a matter of time before we find her.” His words sounded more like a promise than a threat.

“Raven…” Clarke begged. 

“I’m trying,” Raven answered urgently. Her hands were typing more furiously than before.

An anger that Clarke had only felt a few times before seized her heart. Her vision turned red and her fists clenched so tight that she could feel her own nails digging into her flesh. She stormed over to Jaha and before he could speak, her fist collided with the side of his cheek. She could feel the pain from the blow radiating through her hand and she thrived on it. She pulled her arm back, ready to strike again. 

“Tell us how to stop her!” Clarke screamed at the man in the chair.

“I can’t, Clarke. Stopping her means stopping us. And we cannot stray from our goal.” 

It was as if he hadn’t felt the blow at all. Jaha’s face remained calm, almost amused. This only infuriated Clarke more. Her fist connected with his face a second time as blood flew from a fresh wound on his cheek. Clarke could also feel the blood dripping from a new wound on her own hand. At this point, they were in the same boat because she too could not feel the pain. Only her pain was masked by rage. Jaha just laughed as blood began to drip into his mouth, covering his teeth and lips. The sight was chilling. 

“You can’t stop us. There are so many of us now and the army is only growing.”

_Army?_

“All they need is one command and they will be ready to attack any intruders to their peaceful society.”

_Ugh…_ Clarke couldn’t even talk to him anymore. He clearly wasn’t listening and his words were beginning to really frighten her. 

“Raven… we have to find that off switch, now!”

“I know, Clarke…” 

Clarke felt bad for putting this stress on her friend, but she was growing more worried by the second. If ALIE did have that many people, it was only a matter of time before they found Lexa. And as great of a warrior as she was, she was alone. And the odds of her taking down dozens or more at once was not great. 

“I don’t think I can do it from here…” Raven sighed in defeat. Clarke could see she was angry. Raven was not one to give up. 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked.

“We’re too remote. I think my computer is too far away from wherever the city is… Which means…”

“Someone has to go in.” 

Clarke had probably known this all along. It did make the most sense that the city would need to be destroyed from the inside. From what she had gathered over time, a virus worked best from inside of a computer. Plus, that was why Lexa had gone in in the first place. All hope was not lost, though, because Raven could still help her from the outside, showing her the path or sending her clues. A small part of her was happy because this meant she would see Lexa. She could make sure she was safe now. She had wanted to go into the city as soon as she knew Lexa was, and this was her excuse. 

“Clarke…” There was Abby, with worry in her voice. She already knew Clarke’s decision.

Clarke knew her mother would try to dissuade her, but hopefully Abby also knew that her attempts would be futile. Nothing would change her mind. 

“Mom… I have to.”

Abby nodded. She knew.

“Plus, Raven will keep me safe. And hopefully you’ll be able to see what’s going on from out here.”

Raven gave them both a thumbs up. “I got this, Abby. She’s in good hands.”

“What if she turns into one of them?” Octavia asked.

This was a question on Clarke’s mind as well. How would she be able to go in and not become an emotionless zombie? Lexa was able to because the flame was a stronger power, but Clarke did not have a flame. Raven seemed at a loss too. This was not good. 

“Is there a way to protect her mind?” Kane asked, stepping closer. “Maybe block whatever it is taking away thoughts and emotions within the city?”

“I mean, there should be,” Raven answered. “We should be able to do it from out here too…” 

Clarke could see the gears in Raven’s head turning again. She was so grateful that there was someone like Raven in her life. Aside from all the other great qualities, Raven was so knowledgable on anything electronic or computer related and it had saved them all more than once.

Raven jumped up from her chair, rushing past Clarke and Abby to one of the shelves against the wall. She ruffled through the various objects on each shelf, some unnecessary ones crashing to the floor at her feet. What was she looking for?

“Foil… magnets… something!” she whispered harshly under her breath. 

“Do you need help?” Clarke asked cautiously, careful to avoid distracting her friend.

“No… It’s somewhere here…” Her hands flowed over each item as she shook her head in dismay. 

“What are you looking for?”

“Something to block the waves… Keep ALIE out of your head.” Raven pushed some more metal pieces to the side as she reached to the back of one of the shelves. “I used to have magnets, but I have no clue where they went. They would work best. But this might do.”

She pulled out a thin sheet of metal as a smile creeped onto her face. Then, much to Clarke’s surprise, she began folding the metal, shaping it into… a bowl? Clarke watched as the metallic piece took on a whole new form.

“Aluminum,” Raven stated, walking back over to Clarke with the object in her hand. Clarke looked at it skeptically. She knew where this was going. 

“Sorry, it’s not the prettiest…” Raven apologized as she plopped the bowl on the top of Clarke’s head. 

“How do I look?” Clarke joked, adjusting her new hat to fit more snugly. 

“Beautiful,” Raven answered, holding back a laugh. 

“So that will work?” Abby asked as she inspected the metallic device on her daughter’s head.

“It should… But we won’t see until she’s in.”

Clarke inhaled, willing her nerves to calm. She could do this. She wanted to do this. Why was she so nervous? The hat wasn’t helping. It was just a big, awkward reminder that things could go very wrong. They didn’t know enough about this place and they were diving in head first. That’s just how things happened now.

Clarke pulled up a chair and sat down. She could feel the tension and anxiety rising within her. She could also feel a glimmer of excitement in her chest. It felt like ages since she’d seen Lexa. She had no idea how she was doing or if she was okay in the City of Light. There was no way to communicate and it was driving Clarke nuts. But soon they’d be together again and Clarke knew that they would be okay. Whatever was in there, they would face as a team. 

Raven walked over to Clarke with a roll of tape in her hands. 

“Just in case,” she said as she began to bind Clarke’s wrists to the armrests. Clarke nodded, smiling up at her friend. They both understood the precautions that needed to be taken.

“Is that really necessary?” Abby asked.

“Mom, it’s okay.” Clarke looked at her mother. “I’d feel more comfortable too.”

“Ok, honey.” Abby rested her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you…”

The words felt good. Maybe because Clarke had wanted to hear them from her mother for so long. Lately, it felt like Abby had changed, opened up more to Clarke. It was something they both had wanted but couldn’t figure out how to go about at first. After everything that had happened between them, they were finally moving forward.

“Ok, done.” Raven ripped the last piece of tape off and secured it around Clarke’s wrist. She turned the chair to face her, a serious expression taking over. “I won’t be able to communicate with you once you’re in the city. But I’ll try my best to help you along the way. Just look out for any signs.”

Clarke wondered what kind of signs Raven meant. She hoped she would notice them. She didn’t want to mess this up. 

Octavia and Lincoln walked over, their faces also somber.

“Good luck,” Octavia said, giving Clarke’s arm a reassuring squeeze. “You got this. Show ALIE how we get things done…” 

Lincoln and Kane nodded at Clarke, letting her know that they were there for her too. She could feel the positivity radiating off of everyone and she really did not want to let them down. Abby took one of the chips from the bag and brought it to Clarke’s lips. 

_Here we go._

“I’ll see you guys soon.”


	30. Chapter 30

.Lexa’s POV.

 

Lexa walked up to the blonde girl standing aimlessly in the middle of the crowd. She had a puzzled look on her face. It was a bit of an adjustment, arriving in this city. Luckily, the inhabitants did not seem to notice this third new presence. 

“Clarke…” Lexa placed her hand on the other girl’s arm as she waited for her eyes to clear and adjust to the new environment. She could feel her own heart racing with a mixture of excitement and dread. This was not how things were supposed to go. Clarke was not supposed to be here. It was not safe. And if something were to happen to the city, with both of them in it, it could turn everything upside-down back at home. It was devastating Lexa to even think about anything happening to Clarke here or at any time.

“Lexa… thank God!” Clarke threw her arms around Lexa’s neck, pulling her into a desperate embrace. Lexa’s arms found their place around Clarke’s waist as she pulled the blonde closer. She inhaled the sweet, familiar scent of Clarke’s hair. It reminded her of home. She felt comfort in having a piece of home in this foreign city, and as much as she wished Clarke would have stayed safely in Arkadia, a part of her was happy that she was here. Now at least she could see for herself that Clarke was okay. 

“Ahem…” Anya cleared her throat loudly behind them. Lexa felt her face flush as she quickly released Clarke. 

“Anya?” Clarke stated in disbelief as she stared at the woman. Lexa stepped to the side so they could face each other. 

“So we meet again, Skygirl,” Anya answered dryly, her face serious, eyes cold. 

_What is she doing?_ Lexa thought uneasily. She didn’t like the look that Anya was giving Clarke, especially after the conversation they had just had about her.

“Um…” Clarke’s eyes darted to Lexa’s, then back to Anya. “Y-yea. Wh-what are you doing here?” She stumbled over her own words.

Anya remained silent, boring her gaze into Clarke.

“It’s g-good to see you…” Clarke continued meekly. 

Lexa had to admit, it was a bit amusing watching Clarke attempting to break through Anya’s tough exterior. Sky People were very uncomfortable with silence and in true Sky-Person fashion, Clarke was trying to alleviate the tension and fill the silence with even more words. Not always the best idea.

“The real question is, what are _you_ doing here?” Anya answered, her tone threatening. 

“Um…” Clarke scratched the back of her head uncomfortably. “I came to h-help… We think we may have figured out a way to defeat ALIE.”

This caught Lexa’s attention and she wished for these awkward _un-_ pleasantries to be finished with so they could return to their objective. 

“How did you get here?” Anya asked, narrowing her eyes. 

Was Anya really skeptical of Clarke? Or was she just giving her a hard time for fun?

“The chip… The same way Lexa got here.”

“Interesting…” 

_Please, Anya… Give her a break._

Anya kept her eyes trained on Clarke and Lexa could see how uncomfortable this was making her as she shifted from one foot to the other. Her eyes avoided Anya’s completely. Eventually, Lexa saw a shift in Anya’s eyes, a glimmer of amusement. A smile began to pull at the corner of her mouth to match.

Lexa let out a sigh of relief. 

“I’m just joking with you, Clarke,” Anya spoke as her whole demeanor changed. She approached the bewildered girl with a genuine smile on her face and her arm outstretched. Clarke took a step back and watched Anya with suspicion. 

“Are you serious?” 

Lexa could tell Clarke was annoyed. She would have been too. 

“What?” Anya asked innocently. “It’s not every day that something like this happens, where we are all together. I actually never thought I’d see the day. Plus, I couldn’t resist having a bit of fun with the Commander’s _companion_.” She nudged Lexa playfully. 

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Thanks.”

“In all seriousness though, it _is_ good to see you, Clarke.” Anya placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “I’m so glad that you were able to finish what we started. Thanks to you, our people _and_ your people have become one… For the most part… But it is a feat I never would have imagined.” 

Clarke looked at Lexa lovingly and Lexa could feel that strange but fulfilling sensation in her chest returning. She couldn’t help but smile herself. 

“I couldn’t have done it alone. It’s thanks to this one right here,” Clarke said, motioning to Lexa. “She had faith in us… Or at least me…” 

“That is one of her great qualities. She sees the potential in almost anyone. _If_ there is potential to begin with. It’s what has gotten her so far and what has benefitted our people so much.”

Lexa watched as the two women conversed. A sadness began to take over as she thought about everything that could have been had Anya not been killed. This could’ve been a normal occurrence. How well they would have gotten along had they been given the chance. Clarke had this way about her that could captivate anyone, even someone as hard and tough as Anya. It was essentially thanks to both of these women that any alliance had been formed between their people at all, and it was thanks to Anya that Clarke even found Lexa in the first place. But sadly, in these times, things never worked out as they should. Lexa learned to expect this. War truly did not spare anyone. 

“I’m so sorry, Anya.” Lexa could hear Clarke as she tuned back into their conversation.

“It’s not your fault.”

“But it was my plan and it was for _my_ people…”

“It was _our_ plan and it benefited both of our people,” Anya answered sternly. “Stop blaming yourself. This is no one’s fault but the Mountain Men. It was because of their nefarious nature from the start that we even met and decided we needed to come together. It was because of them that this plan was even necessary. They had been terrorizing us for years… Until you came along. And without this plan, they would never have been stopped.”

“You’re right…”

Lexa could still see the guilt in Clarke’s eyes. It had become almost a part of her, residing in the slight creases and dark circles around her eyes. Lexa feared it would never go away, no matter how hard she tried to reason with her.

“Plus, what greater purpose could I have served than that of helping you two find each other? I have served my Commander in a way that no one else ever has, and for this, I thank you, Clarke.” 

Lexa felt so proud to be able to call Anya her mentor and her friend. To this day, after everything she had accomplished and sacrificed for her people, she continued to be amazed by how much respect and honor they had for her. She was the Commander, yes, but she didn’t feel like she was more important than anybody. She was one with her people. But just seeing what they did for her each day on the battlefield and off, and how highly they spoke of her, and how they regarded her, felt almost excessive. It truly humbled her.

“Thank you, Anya,” Lexa answered, almost inaudibly. She glanced at Clarke, who returned the look. It appeared as if Anya’s words had sunk in as a small, bashful smile appeared on Clarke’s lips. She blushed, both from the kind words and the embarrassment. 

“Now, Clarke, tell us what good news you have arrived with.” In a moment’s notice, Anya had switched gears and was now completely focused on their goal. “How do we defeat this place?”

“Raven figured out there must be some kind of kill switch or self destruct within the city. She wasn’t able to do it from the outside, so I came in.”

Anya thought over the words. “That is good news then.”

It sounded promising, but searching for this switch could take ages, especially because they had no idea what it was exactly or what it looked like.

“Do you have any idea where this switch could be located?” Lexa asked although she knew the answer.

“No…” Clarke answered, disappointed. 

Before she could ask any more questions, a faint sound caught Lexa’s attention. It sounded so unlike anything Lexa had heard since arriving in the city. So unlike the city… It reminded Lexa of the woods she grew up in, immediately bringing her senses back to the forests of Polis, the woods of Trigedakru.

_A… bird?_

Lexa heard another series of tweets from above.

_What is a bird doing here?_ Lexa thought as she looked up to search for the source of the familiar sound. _How did it get here?_

Then it caught her eye, perched atop one of the lampposts. Could it be real? It looked so out of place, a piece of nature within this concrete jungle. Lexa looked over to see Clarke and Anya staring in the same direction, looking at the creature with puzzled expressions. 

Then it clicked.

“Raven…” Clarke whispered before Lexa could manage to.

“What?” Anya questioned, the confusion still apparent.

“Raven!” Clarke repeated, but this time with much more excitement. “She did it!”

Anya looked to Lexa for answers. 

“Skaikru…” Lexa explained. “Tek gada. She is very wise and very clever when dealing with machinery and things like this,” Lexa motioned to the city around them. “She helped design the weapons that took down the Mountain.” 

Anya nodded. “Then let us hope that she will be useful again now.”

“She already has been,” Clarke interjected. “Comon!” She took off, motioning for Lexa and Anya to follow as the bird flew into the sky. 

It flew at a steady pace, just above the crowds of people. Lexa quickened her pace. In front of her, Clarke pushed past person after person standing in her way, her shoulders occasionally bumping roughly into nearby individuals. Lexa was much less gentle as she roughly shoved people from her path, causing some to stumble backwards and even fall to the ground. She was surprised that her violent pushes did not seem to faze the people receiving them. They simply stood up and continued on their way, eyes empty and focused straight ahead.

Then, out of nowhere, _BAM!_

Lexa felt a hard object collide with the side of her head followed by a sharp pain radiating from her temple outward. She stumbled backwards as her vision blurred. She tried to steady her body as she willed her eyes to focus. The world around her was spinning and a wave of nausea overcame her. Behind her, she could hear Anya springing into action immediately. She released a shriek as she lunged toward Lexa’s assailant. Within a matter of seconds, the person was disarmed and on the ground. Anya pulled the woman to her feet, kicking the metal pipe from her reach.

“Lexa…” Clarke rushed over, taking hold of Lexa’s arm and helping her steady herself. “Are you okay??” 

Lexa blinked the pain away, bringing the spinning world to a stop. 

“I’m fine…” She could feel the blood rushing to the point of impact on her head, throbbing with each beat. 

“Let me see,” Clarke urged, taking Lexa’s head into her hands. She stood on her tiptoes, trying to get a better look at the wound. The area felt tender, but the soft touch of Clarke’s fingers was all Lexa could focus on, forgetting about any pain.

“Everything looks okay,” Clarke continued. “You didn’t lose consciousness, so I think you’ll be fine. It’ll just be sore. I wish we had ice.”

“It is okay, Clarke. I’ll be fine.” Lexa shrugged out of Clarke’s grasp and marched towards her attacker, furious by the entire situation. 

“Who are you?” Lexa addressed the woman impatiently.

The woman remained silent. Her body too remained still. It made Lexa uneasy that she was not even fighting back. She just stood lazily in Anya’s clutches. 

“Answer her!” Anya shook the woman roughly, annoyed at the disrespect being shown to her Commander. 

Again, no answer. The woman continued to hold Lexa’s stare, an eerie smile on her lips. The strange thing, however, was the woman’s eyes. They were not the empty, hollow orbs of everyone else in the city. They held something sinister. They were focused, with a purpose behind them. And their target was Lexa. A chill traveled up Lexa’s spine making the hairs on her neck stand up. Lexa had learned that this chill, this intuition, was always right. It was a sign and it was never to be ignored. 

That’s when Lexa noticed how quiet everything around them had become. The entire city was silent… still… No more bustling people walking in every direction, no more footsteps. Her eyes found Clarke’s first. They always did. She was the center of Lexa’s world, and subconsciously, her senses were always drawn to Clarke first. Immediately, Lexa sensed fear. She could read it all over Clarke’s face. Her eyes were wide with worry and Lexa followed her gaze. It was as if everyone in the city was frozen in place. No longer were they walking with purpose to their destination. Instead, everyone was standing completely still, facing them. 

_This cannot be good._

The people were definitely not here to help them, so it could only mean one other thing. The menacing smiles on some of their faces only emphasized this conclusion. Something wasn’t right. What had happened? And what switched within all of them? Just a second ago, it was as if the three of them hadn’t existed, but now they were the main focus of _everyone_.

“They know you’re here,” Clarke directed to Lexa. “They know we’re all here…” 

“How?” Anya asked.

“Jaha said ALIE knew Lexa was in here. He said it was only a matter of time before they found her.”

“It appears they have found us then,” Lexa responded flatly. 

“What do we do?” Anya asked, keeping an eye on those closest to them. 

“There is nothing you can do.” They turned to face the woman still in Anya’s grasp. Lexa was actually surprised that she was talking. She wasn’t sure if anyone here did. “We do not appreciate your presence in our city. It appears you are not here to help, but to do just the opposite. We strive for peace and happiness here, and you bring nothing but death and destruction.” 

Lexa did not know who she was addressing exactly because among the three of them, there were more deaths than any could count. 

“You are a virus and we must be rid of you.” This time, it was clear who the woman was referring to as she looked Lexa dead in the eye. 

Before anyone could reply, Anya took hold of her captive’s head, swiftly twisting it to one side, snapping the woman’s neck and letting her body fall to the ground. 

“What the hell?!” Clarke yelled, stunned by Anya’s actions.

“She was not going to tell us anything,” Anya responded calmly. “We do not even know if she was real.” Lexa could tell this was Anya’s way of trying to make Clarke feel better.

“But…”

“She would be of no help to us, Clarke. I am certain of it. ALIE would not allow her to know of her plans. She would only endanger us.” Lexa knew the kind nature of Clarke’s heart would make understanding Anya’s decision difficult. But she stood by her former mentor and agreed with her. No one could be trusted here and precautions needed to be taken. 

“Yea…” Clarke grumbled. She mumbled something else under her breath but Lexa could not catch the words. She would just have to let Clarke work through her feelings. 

“What should we do, Heda?” Anya whispered from the corner of her mouth. She kept her voice low and face neutral. It appeared as if she did not want to startle their company. 

Lexa was at a loss. She had no information about this enemy, how they fought, what it would take to kill them, or if they were even human. She was unsure of how to approach this. The people were definitely not friends. Lexa could see it in their eyes, a thirst for something, whether it was blood or her head. She could also feel it in her being. The feeling of not knowing, of uncertainty, of danger. In normal circumstances, she would have no fear unleashing her sword on any of these people. But these weren’t normal circumstances. And then there was Clarke… Who at the moment appeared unarmed. Lexa would not take any chances. She could not let anything happen to her. 

Lexa opened her mouth to begin giving orders, but she was cut off by a deep, authoritative voice.

“Attack!” The word boomed through the city, echoing off the faces of each building surrounding them. 

Lexa felt her body take over as she immediately took a defensive stance. Her hand automatically reached for her sword, pulling it from its sheath. She brought it up in front of her, parallel to her face, ready to cut down anyone who was foolish enough to come for her. 

“Jaha, stop this!” Clarke yelled at the man standing on a bench in the distance, his head a few feet above everyone else’s. 

Her words fell on deaf ears as the people of the city began to slowly close in on them. The adrenaline coursed through Lexa’s body as it prepared to fight. The only thing holding her back more than usual was the fear of Clarke being injured. She was always worried for Clarke’s safety. Even when they were marching on the Mountain, both of their armies behind them and a meticulous plan guiding them, a novel emotion found its way into Lexa’s heart. An emotion only brought out by the blonde-haired Skygirl beside her. An emotion she had never felt before in all her years as Commander. An emotion she was not _supposed_ to have as a leader. Trepidation… At first, it scared her. She was not used to this and she did not think she was capable of handling it. But then she realized, it also brought out something good in her. It pushed her to fight just a little harder and be a little more aware of the things happening around her. And at this moment, she felt this same fibers of trepidation weaving their way through her heart and her soul. She just hoped that this time too, it would motivate her, and not fail her or Clarke. 

“Ona ai!” Lexa barked to Anya, who nodded and took up a stance behind her, facing the oncoming attackers. 

Without looking, Lexa reached out, grabbing Clarke’s hand and pulling her in between herself and Anya. Hopefully this would be enough to protect her for now, although Lexa knew if the need arose, Clarke had a way of being resourceful. She was a fighter and she was strong. 

“Shil Klark op!” One last order to ensure Clarke’s safety as best she could. “Sou nou teik em wan op.” 

“Ai swega yu klin,” Anya responded solemnly. She understood Clarke’s importance not only to her Heda, but to both of their people. 

_Then let us get this over with…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Tek gada” = Tech girl  
> “Ona ai” = On me  
> “Shil Klark op” = Protect Clarke  
> “Sou nou teik em wan op” = Do not let her die  
> “Ai swega yu klin” = I promise


	31. Chapter 31

.Clarke’s POV.

 

Clarke felt a hand grab her wrist as her body was yanked toward Lexa. In a matter of seconds, she found herself wedged between Lexa and Anya, two of the world's greatest warriors. She felt a sense of comfort in this. At the moment, however, she also felt helpless and wished she had her gun on her. Or _any_ weapon at all. She did not want Lexa or Anya to have to worry about her _and_ the attackers. She would only be a distraction. 

“Shil Klark op!” She heard Lexa command. “Sou nou teik em wan op.” 

Clarke had been around the language enough to understand what Lexa was saying. She opened her mouth to protest.

“Ai swega yu klin,” Anya replied.

Clarke knew that even if Lexa hadn’t said a word, Anya would still do everything in her power to keep her safe. Clarke also knew Anya would do anything in her power to keep Lexa safe as well. There was an almost tangible bond between the two warriors. What made it even more remarkable was that Anya was merely a spirit here in this near-fictional world, but Clarke could still feel the immense care and respect each of these woman had for each other. Clarke immediately felt empathy for Lexa. Yet again, someone close to her heart was prematurely ripped away from her in the name of war. When would all of this end? Would it ever?

A loud cry to the heavens pierced through the air startling Clarke out of her thoughts. She watched as Anya lunged toward a group of three attackers closing in on them. In the blink of an eye, all three lay on the ground at her feet, dead. Clarke was amazed. No wonder Lexa was such a good fighter; she had learned from the best. 

Clarke could hear movement behind her and she turned to look. Even in the most tense and frightening situations, she somehow always managed to be mesmerized by watching Lexa fight. It was like watching an artist, so graceful and skilled. Lexa expertly dodged fists and kicks, and even an occasional weapon. It was almost like a dance. She retaliated each attack with an even more powerful and accurate counterattack, leaving a path of lifeless bodies in her wake. These City of Light inhabitants were clearly no match for a skilled Grounder warrior. It appeared as if many of them were not even fighters to begin with. The only thing they had going for them was numbers, and this was what was beginning to make Clarke nervous. It seemed as if the attackers were never-ending. As soon as one went down, numerous more would come. 

“Anya!” Lexa shouted while simultaneously pulling her dagger from its place on her thigh. 

Clarke looked over to see a larger male attacker grabbing Anya from behind. She had been too busy fighting off the people in front of her to even notice. She struggled in his arms as a woman approached with some sort of weapon in hand. Just as she was getting close enough to use the weapon, Clarke could hear the sound of an object hurtling through the air beside her. She watched as Lexa’s dagger imbedded itself in the back of the larger man’s neck, causing him to drop his captive and fall to the ground without a sound. Before the woman could defend herself, Anya’s sword was protruding from her chest. Her weapon fell to the ground as did her body in a heap beside the man. Anya turned around slightly, her eyes finding Lexa’s. A slight dip of her chin was all the thanks Lexa needed. 

Clarke watched the two women fight countless others. All she could see was flashes of metal all around her, cutting through the sky with precision and grace. The sound of blades slicing flesh flooded Clarke’s ears and splashes of bright crimson blood painted the ground. She was thankful and amazed that no one had come near her yet. Between Lexa and Anya, no one stood a chance. 

At one point during the fight, Lexa dropped her sword. Clarke’s heart began to pound in her chest. Then, to her astonishment, Lexa took down the attackers with just her hands, landing blow after blow to faces and bodies. One person attempted to kick Lexa down, but with the speed of light, she grabbed the woman’s foot from under her, knocking her to the ground. The woman lay at Lexa’s feet in a daze. With the heel of her boot, Lexa delivered a harsh blow to the woman’s head. Clarke was unsure if she was unconscious or dead. 

As Clarke continued to watch the fighting before her, she realized that witnessing Lexa fight hand to hand was even more captivating than watching her with a weapon. It was kind of a turn on… 

_This is not the time, Clarke…_

Both women continued to take person after person down, but Clarke could see that it was taking a toll. Their movements were just a bit slower and their defenses were at times a second too late. Clarke could see a couple bruises forming on Lexa’s face as well as drops of blood falling from small lacerations on Anya’s arm and one just below her eye. 

_How are there so many people??_

Jaha continued to oversee the battle from his perch above everyone else. Clarke figured she should use this opportunity to get close to him. He would not be able to see her if she stayed in the crowd. Maybe if she took him out, the rest of the army would stop. It was worth a shot. She stepped out from between Anya and Lexa who were now much farther away from her than they started. She maneuvered her way around the bodies strewn across the ground. Hearing a noise beside her, she turned just in time to see a fist coming straight for her face. She ducked as quickly as she could and watched as the man’s own force sent him spinning around. Before he had a chance to catch himself, Clarke shot her foot out, taking the man’s feet out from under him. He fell on his back with a loud thud, his head hitting the hard pavement. 

Clarke stood up and straightened herself out. She tried to locate Jaha again, but this time, she couldn’t see him. Had he moved? She scanned the area where he last was. Nothing. Then, all of a sudden, she felt something hit her from behind.

“Ah!” She cried, her shoulder burning at the site of impact as she fell to her knees. She felt herself being roughly lifted to her feet as an arm wrapped around her throat. 

“Looking for me?” Jaha hissed, his mouth so close to her ear she could feel his breath. 

His arm tightened around her throat. Clarke tried to reach behind her to pull him off but couldn't manage to get a hold of anything. Instead, she shifted her focus to the arm around her throat, trying to pry it away with both hands. He wasn’t budging as he pulled her closer, tightening his grip. Clarke could feel the blood rushing to her face and the last few breaths leaving her lungs. 

“Let her go…” Lexa’s tone was low but threatening as she approached, sword raised and ready to strike. Clarke could see the trail of bodies behind Lexa. No one would stand in her way at the moment. Clarke’s eyes searched for Anya in the commotion, but couldn’t find her. 

“Do not forget, you are not the Commander here,” Jaha answered, unaffected by her advances. 

A smirk found Lexa’s lips. Clarke could tell she was out for blood and would take down Jaha in a second if needed. She watched Lexa’s eyes, so focused on their target. They did not look away once as she stalked her victim. 

“I will not ask again,” Lexa warned.

Jaha maintained his position, holding Clarke tightly by the throat. She could feel him stepping backwards slightly, most likely readying himself for the attack. With an almost inhuman speed, Lexa sprung forward, freeing Clarke from Jaha’s grasp with a slash of her sword followed by a fist to the nose. Jaha stumbled backwards, clutching his face as blood poured from both his nose and the newly opened wound on his arm. Lexa used his disorientation against him and swiped her foot across the ground, knocking him onto his back. He landed with a hard thud. Lexa brought the blade of her sword to his neck, holding him in his place.

Now that she had a second to breathe, Clarke quickly checked over herself. Once again, she was amazed that she was unscathed. Lexa had managed to free her without even a scratch. She began approaching Lexa with her hand slightly raised as she could see the hunger for justice in her eyes. 

“Lexa, wait…”

Lexa turned her head slightly to listen to Clarke’s words, but her eyes remained on the man beneath her sword. 

“You don’t have to do this…” 

They both knew that if Jaha was killed right now, he would most likely never return to his physical body in Arkadia or wherever it was. Sure, he deserved it. He had done much more harm than good lately… But who knew what repercussions this could have, not only for her own people, but for Lexa…

“I do, Clarke.” Lexa looked at her with a sadness she had not seen in quite some time. “I’m sorry…” With that, Lexa removed the sword from Jaha’s neck, tracing the razor sharp point down to his chest. 

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” she spoke, looking him directly in the eyes as she plunged the blade into his heart. He did not flinch or make a sound as he took his last breath, his eyes fluttering closed afterwards. 

Clarke could feel her breath hitch in her throat. She knew this was the right decision. Jaha had caused so much trouble and so much pain in the last few weeks, and he was definitely a threat right now. Even before all of this, Clarke did not agree with him and many of his ways. But she couldn’t contain the sorrow she felt. After all, he _was_ one of her people, and in the end, she did not want to see anyone die. She really hoped that all of this would be worth it in the end. 

Lexa pulled her sword from Jaha’s lifeless body. An eerie silence filled the city, everyone frozen in place. Clarke could see Anya in the distance, surrounded by people that were no longer fighting back. Confusion was written across her face as she looked over at Clarke and Lexa. Clarke shrugged, unsure herself of what had happened. Anya inched around the people surrounding her expertly, careful to avoid making any physical contact with them as she made her way over. 

“What happened?” Anya whispered, keeping an eye on the people nearby.

“I have no idea…” Clarke really didn’t. “Maybe since Jaha was like a leader to them, he had some sort of control over them?” She looked down at his body. “Maybe now there is no one leading them anymore…”

“It most likely will not last.” Lexa stated, probably seeing that this was too good to be true. “We should move quickly.”

It was as if Lexa’s words had awoken the people as the city buzzed to life again. All eyes turned to them, focusing on their targets for the second time.

“Run!” Clarke yelled. 

They turned to run from the crowd, but before they could make it very far, a giant concrete wall appeared behind them, barricading the people of the city where they stood. A few still tried to advance toward them, but ended up crashing into the wall in defeat instead. It was not budging. 

“What is that?” Lexa questioned. 

“A wall?”

“You don’t say…” Anya answered sarcastically. 

“Well you know as much as I do,” Clarke huffed back. 

_*Tweet tweet*_

Clarke heard the familiar sound of the raven and was reminded of its existence. She looked up, trying to find it in the sky. She followed the sound with her eyes, stopping on the wall that had just appeared out of thin air. There, perched atop the concrete, was the onyx raven. 

_Thank you, Raven,_ Clarke thought as she realized what Raven had done for them. This wall was her way of protecting them from the outside. Clarke did not question how she did it, she was just happy she managed to. 

With a loud caw, the raven took off into the sky again as the three women followed. 

“She is very wise,” Lexa said beside Clarke as they jogged through the city. Apparently she had realized what Raven had done too. 

“She is,” Clarke smiled. 

They continued in silence, following the majestic black bird as it weaved between buildings and through long alleys. This city was beginning to feel much bigger than Raven had described. 

As they ran side by side, Clarke could feel that something was off with Lexa. She was always relatively quiet, especially during uncertain circumstances like these, but now, she was being extra subdued. She was avoiding Clarke’s glances when usually she would return them confidently. 

“What is it?” Clarke questioned.

“What?” 

“What’s bothering you?”

Lexa exhaled audibly. “What happened back there…” she began.

“Lexa…” Clarke cut her off. “Don’t apologize.” 

Lexa closed her mouth, heeding Clarke’s words and waiting for her to continue. 

“You did what had to be done.”

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked, eyebrow lifted as she glanced sideways at Clarke. 

Clarke nodded. She was not angry. It was actually a strange feeling… Knowing Jaha was most likely gone, dead… Clarke was unsure of how she felt, but she did not want Lexa to think it was anything negative towards her. 

“Em don sad klin,” Anya interjected. “And you made yours. Do not question yourself, Heda.”

Lexa nodded and Clarke was thankful for Anya yet again. She did not want Lexa second-guessing herself or her decisions. Not for her sake. It was so unlike the leader she knew, and she did not like having this affect on her. Clarke knew Lexa was always thinking ahead, doing what was best for her, _protecting_ her, protecting everyone. It couldn’t be easy. Clarke could never fault her for this, especially not over Jaha. 

“Stop!” Lexa shouted as she abruptly came to a halt. Clarke had to catch herself before nearly running into Lexa from behind. 

Lexa pointed ahead. The raven was no longer gliding through the sky above them, it was sitting on top of a building at the end of the road they were currently standing on. It looked back and forth between the three of them and the building beneath its sharp claws. 

“That must be it,” Clarke said as she approached the building. “It’s gotta be in there.”

The raven maintained its seat as the women walked closer. It wasn’t until they were standing at the very plain, unassuming door to the building that the raven made one last sound, an authoritative _Caw!,_ before spreading its wings in preparation for take off. 

“You’re the best, Raven,” Clarke whispered to the bird before it flew off into the clear blue sky. They watched it disappear after a few more seconds into a small flash similar to the twinkling of a distant star. 

“That seemed almost too easy,” Anya stated, suspicion lacing her words. She stepped up to the dark metal door, inspecting it with her eyes and fingertips. 

Anya had a point, but Clarke did not want to think about all the possible negative outcomes. She also had to give Raven credit for getting them here. She was the real reason that they had found this place so fast. 

“Perhaps it happened the way it was meant to,” Lexa offered. “We should continue moving and not waste time mulling over it.” Lexa knew as well as Clarke to take what they were given and make the most of it. Raven knew what she was doing.

_Right?_

Without another word, Lexa pushed the heavy metal door open and stepped inside the building. From the outside it appeared so small, but once inside, it looked like an entirely different world. Clarke blinked as blinding artificial lights assaulted her eyes. It was so bright, brighter than anywhere Clarke had been recently. It reminded her of the Ark. 

_Where are we?_

It was as if they had somehow traveled to a new world, separate from the City of Light. Clarke could immediately sense that both Lexa and Anya were on edge, uncomfortable in this foreign place. Lexa’s hand gripped the hilt of her sword tightly as she scanned her new surroundings. Anya, much less trusting than Lexa, had her sword in her hand, ready to use at a moment’s notice. 

“What is this place?” Anya asked, as if Clarke had the answer.

As novel as this place looked, there was also a sense of familiarity, as if Clarke had been here before… or at least heard of it. She began walking down the hall, her feet taking her through a maze of hallways purposefully, like they had walked these halls a thousand times before. Lexa and Anya followed closely behind, allowing Clarke to lead the way. The one good thing was that this place appeared empty, the people of the city nowhere to be found. They definitely were not in the City of Light anymore. 

That’s when Clarke saw it. A large, circular hatch door at the end of the hall staring them right in the face. This had to be it. The kill switch had to be behind that door. Clarke began walking toward it. 

_This really was easy…_ Clarke thought nervously. 

Where was everyone? Why didn’t anyone try to stop them? Had Raven managed to block everyone out of this place?

“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you…”

Clarke stopped in her tracks at the sound of the cold, robotic female’s voice. Goosebumps formed along her skin. She knew it had been too good to be true. In a matter of seconds, Lexa’s sword was out and both she and Anya were fully alert, looking all around the empty hall for the owner of the voice. 

The first thing to materialize was the red dress.

_Ugh, that red dress._

The red dress that always seemed to be following them, haunting her people and making life miserable. Within a few seconds, the owner of the dress appeared too. If Clarke hadn’t known better, she would have thought this woman was real, standing stoically in front of the hatch with an emotionless expression on her face. Did they have to go through her to get to the switch? 

Of course they did. 

“Get out of the way,” Clarke demanded. 

The woman remained in place, her dark eyes moving from Clarke, to Anya, to Lexa, and back. 

_What is she thinking? What is she planning?_

“I cannot let you in,” ALIE stated coldly, her eyes focusing on Clarke now. 

“You can’t stop us,” Clarke countered. Was she really arguing with a program?

“You have no idea what going in there will do. To the City, to the people in it, to your own people…”

“I _do_ know that I will be saving my people by going in there. From you… From this place…”

ALIE’s expression switched into what Clarke could only guess was amusement, or her version of it. It was actually creepier than her normal emotionless expression. 

“I am not the one they need saving from. I am the one _saving_ them. Showing them a better place, a better way of life. They would not be here if they did not need to be saved. If they did not _want_ to be. Humanity needs this. It needs to be protected from itself… From people like you.”

Clarke could feel Lexa growing impatient beside her. She subtly placed her hand on Lexa’s forearm, hoping it would alleviate some of her anger. She did not want Lexa acting too quickly. They did not have enough information about this place or ALIE. Clarke felt Lexa take in a deep breath as her body relaxed the slightest bit. ALIE’s eyes traveled to Clarke’s hand on Lexa’s arm, her head tilting just enough for Clarke to realize she was trying to understand what was going on. This human contact. She saw something switch in ALIE’s eyes, almost like a glitch. Quickly, she tried to regain her composure, and before Clarke could understand what had happened, robotic, cold ALIE was back. 

_What was that?_

“Out of the way!” Anya was clearly not having this. And she was much harder to calm than Lexa. 

She pushed past Clarke and attempted to grab the woman in the red dress, but realized that this would be no easy feat as her hands went completely _through_ the woman’s body as if she didn’t even exist. Anya stumbled forward, falling through ALIE and appearing on the other side. ALIE remained still, in the exact same position, as if nothing had happened. 

“She is not even real…” Lexa almost whispered. “Just go past her, Clarke.”

ALIE turned her attention to Lexa now. 

“You would not want to take away this place of safety and happiness from your people too, would you Commander? Remember, death is not the end… not here. Your people can remain happily in this city.”

Clarke knew that ALIE was trying to play on Lexa’s sense of duty to her people. She was playing on an idea that had been drilled into Lexa since childhood. She hoped it wouldn’t work. She knew Lexa was smarter than this anyway. She would be able to separate myth from reality. And just as Clarke thought, Lexa ignored ALIE, basically walking through her toward the hatch. She stood beside Anya as Clarke joined them. 

But ALIE was not going to give up either. 

“There’s someone here who might change your mind, Alexandria.” 

Lexa paused at the sound of her birth name. This always got her attention. Not many people knew of it.

_How does ALIE know it?_

“She has been waiting so long to see you. To show you what true happiness could look like. In a place free of pain and death.”

Clarke didn’t like the sound of this. 

“Lexa?” 

The three women spun around at the sound of this new voice, so soft and nearly angelic. A voice Clarke had never heard before. 

Behind ALIE stood a figure, a female, slightly shorter and slimmer than the woman in the red dress. Clarke could not get a good look at her as she was blocked by ALIE directly in front of her, but she could see the expression on Anya’s face clearly beside her. She was stunned, as if she had seen a ghost. A look of worry and disbelief was prominent in her eyes. Clarke turned her attention to Lexa who was frozen in place, her eyes glued to the figure behind ALIE. Her face held an expression Clarke had never seen before. One she could not truly read, but she could feel in her heart. After all, it seemed she was always in tune with Lexa. 

Lexa, like Anya, was in shock. But more prominently, Clarke could sense pain. A pain unlike any other, mixed with fear and uncertainty. A deep sorrow seemed to fall over Lexa, like a dark cloud that had never truly left but was now back full force casting its somber shadow over her… But beneath all of this hurt and grief, Clarke could also see a faint glimmer of hope, of desperation.

Immediately, Clarke knew who this was. 

It appeared that this was one last attempt by ALIE to stop them, to stop Lexa, from entering the room behind the circular door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Shil Klark op” = Protect Clarke  
> “Sou nou teik em wan op” = Do not let her die  
> “Ai swega yu klin” = I promise  
> “Yu gonplei ste odon” = Your fight is over  
> “Em don sad klin” = He made his choice


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long! June was a pretty crazy month with so many things going on. I was trying to write as much as possible throughout the month, but it took me a little longer to finish up the chapter and edit it. I didn't want to just put anything out. Thanks for your patience! 
> 
> And as always, thank you for the comments and kudos! I'm happy to hear so many of you are enjoying it, and I hope you continue to!

.Clarke’s POV.

 

“Costia?” 

Lexa’s voice shook as she tried to remain composed. The strong, confident voice of Clarke’s Heda was gone, replaced with a child-like innocence, a hopeful uncertainty. The word was so soft, as if she feared that if spoken too loudly, it might cause the girl to disappear. 

Lexa’s eyes began to glisten with moisture as one tear rolled down her cheek. Clarke had only witnessed this occurrence a handful of times before, and this time, like every other, she wished she could sweep her up and wipe away all of her sadness. But she knew that this was not the time, so she stayed in her spot, not moving a muscle, just watching. 

Still in a trance, Lexa returned her sword to its sheath, her eyes never leaving the person standing silently behind ALIE. She began to walk toward the figure, completely ignoring the woman in the red dress as she passed through her hologram for the second time, but this time back the way they had come and away from the ominous door. Clarke watched as a malevolent smile found its way onto ALIE’s face, just before she disappeared altogether. 

_Where did she go??_

Clarke had little time to ponder this question before returning her attention to Lexa. From the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Anya, still frozen in shock, eyes following every move of her Commander. The whole atmosphere in the room had changed. Clarke could feel an almost tangible tension, a looming uncertainty. She watched Lexa approach Costia with apprehension, her feet pulling her forward almost automatically. When she finally reached her, the atmosphere shifted again. It was as if no one else was in the room, just these two souls staring silently at each other. 

Clarke felt almost like an outsider, like she had no right to be here. She had to admit, she was a bit intimidated. She knew she shouldn’t be. Lexa had professed her love more than once and had shown it in all of her actions. Clarke also knew that Lexa had many things to work through right now. If she had been in Lexa’s position, suddenly reunited with a lost love, she would have probably reacted the same exact way. She couldn’t imagine what would have happened if it had been her father standing there, or any of the people she had cared for so deeply. And the fact that Costia had been taken away from Lexa so suddenly and so brutally must have left many doors open and many questions unanswered in her heart. Maybe this would somehow give Lexa the closure she desperately needed. But in the back of her mind, Clarke knew that there was a great possibility that none of this was real. Costia was gone, she had been for quite some time, and this whole place, the City and even this strange building they were in, were all just a fantasy. They weren’t real… Meaning that Costia most likely wasn’t either. And once all of this was over, like Anya, she would disappear too. But there was no way Clarke could tell Lexa this. She wouldn’t dare interrupt. Plus, deep down, Lexa had to know this herself.

In the meantime, all Clarke could do was watch and try not to intrude. She used this time to study the girl that once held the heart of the woman she loved. She had heard a lot about this warrior from Trikru from both Lexa’s lips and those who were closest to her. Never could she imagine that she would see this woman in the flesh, let alone with Lexa _and_ Anya in the same room. In normal circumstances, this would be very awkward.

The woman, without a doubt, was beautiful. Lexa, being the person she was, never described someone based on their appearance, but by their character and their honor. So Clarke had no clue what Costia could have possibly looked like. Lexa always accentuated her grace, her warmth, her determination, and her skills, giving Clarke a pretty clear picture of what kind of person she was. But Clarke already knew that anyone Lexa chose to be with would hold all of the most desirable and honorable traits. If the Commander did indeed break the rules and fall in love, it would have to be for someone truly special. So in this moment, Clarke chose to focus on something she didn’t know already… Costia’s looks. How could she not? She was also standing out of earshot of their conversation, so she couldn’t really focus on anything else.

Costia stood proud and tall as Lexa approached. The look on her face was similar to Lexa’s, minus most of the shock, meaning that she most likely expected to see her. However, there was still a longing there, and great sadness. Her crystal blue eyes found Lexa’s, and Clarke could see she was enamored, still in love with the Commander she had given her life for. Her eyes almost illuminated in the bright artificial lights, giving them a striking aquamarine hue, reminiscent of the precious gem stones Clarke had seen in books. Her eyes, like Lexa’s, were beginning to glisten with drops of sorrow, or possibly happiness. Clarke couldn’t quite tell. Maybe it was both.

She and Lexa were standing about an arm’s length away from each other, both seemingly unsure of how to make the first move. Lexa’s apprehension was so unlike her, but at the same time, so like her, and Clarke found it adorable and endearing each time. Thinking back, she was surprised that Lexa had made the first move during the first kiss they shared. When it came to emotions and love, Clarke had noticed Lexa was much more reserved and timid than when she was Commander. Almost as if she was two separate people. The second time, Clarke knew that she would have to be the one to initiate anything romantic. Lexa had made her intentions clear through her actions and words, but she was giving Clarke the opportunity to realize her own feelings and truly commit to making the first move. And maybe underneath it all, Lexa was just a girl who was still nervous about falling in love and accepting her feelings… and about being accepted in return. 

Clarke watched as Costia’s slender arm lifted from its place at her side, guiding her hand to Lexa’s face. She rested her palm against Lexa’s cheek, her thumb stroking away a tear. Lexa remained glued to her spot, her body appearing tense as she allowed Costia to touch her. 

“Alexandria…” 

Her voice was so soft that Clarke had to squint in an attempt to read her lips. Lexa’s body relaxed slightly, the rigidity of her muscles lessening. Clarke could almost hear the shallow, uneven breaths escaping Lexa’s lips as she tried to contain all of her emotions and confusion. 

Lexa spoke, but Clarke could not catch her words. They were too far away and she could not get a clear view of Lexa’s lips. Costia nodded one time, her eyes finding Lexa’s a second time as she looked up at her bashfully. The tears that had somehow managed to stay in her eyes began to streak down her olive skin. Lexa stepped closer almost instinctively, her fingers finding Costia’s face in an attempt to wipe away her sadness. Costia rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder, pulling her closer into a desperate embrace. Lexa returned the gesture, pulling her in and wrapping her arms around her shoulders. Lexa stood about an inch taller than Costia, making it easy for her to whisper something into her ear as she held her comfortingly. 

Normally, Clarke would have been a little jealous… Alright, _a lot_ jealous… But this was different. These were no ordinary circumstances, and Clarke knew that she had no reason to be jealous. She had to let Lexa have this moment. 

Lexa released Costia after a few more seconds, moving to brush a strand of dark hair from her face. She gently tucked the thick lock behind her ear and wiped one more tear from Costia’s cheek before returning her arms to her sides. Remembering that there were others in the room, Lexa turned to face Clarke and Anya. A look of guilt fleeted across her face as her eyes passed Clarke’s, but Clarke wanted her to know she had nothing to feel guilty about. She gave Lexa the warmest smile she could, hoping to reassure her. Lexa returned the smile, although a bit more reserved. Clarke could tell she was still confused and disoriented by everything that was happening.

Lexa began to walk over and she gestured for Costia to follow. The two women stopped in front of Clarke, with Anya joining them. Up close, Clarke was finally able to get a better look. She had to admit, seeing Lexa and Costia standing side by side was quite a sight to behold. Here were two strong, beautiful warriors radiating elegance and power. It was both fascinating and frightening. 

Each time Clarke met a Grounder, she could feel this aura of strength and grace surrounding them, and this time was no different. It was almost palpable. There was something so unique about Grounders, Grounder _women_ specifically, that was extremely captivating. They held a quality that no one from the Sky possessed. A quality that Clarke couldn’t quite pinpoint. Trikru women were especially mesmerizing as Costia only further proved. 

_Does everyone from Trikru look like a goddess?_ Clarke wondered.

There was Lexa of course, who was the most beautiful person Clarke had ever seen, with a heart of gold and an unmatched strength. Then Anya kom Trikru, who was also very alluring, with a similar elegance and fire within her. Indra too possessed this rare beauty and extreme fierceness which had originally scared Clarke to no end. And now Costia. How many more of these amazing Trikru women were there? Clarke could only hope to meet more. 

Now Costia, like Lexa, was tall and slim. She looked unassuming which probably worked to her advantage like it did for Lexa. Clarke knew that she was more than a capable fighter from the stories she had heard, and she could also feel it just by being in her presence. Her arms, although thin, were toned and muscular, like Clarke imagined the rest of her body was. Intricate, bold tattoos peeked out from below her sleeves, and one snaked its way up the side of her neck from beneath the collar of her shirt. Clarke wondered how many more this warrior had. 

The string of a bow sat across her torso and Clarke noticed the accompanying arrows slung across her back. A sword similar to Lexa’s sat on her hip. Her thick, dark-brown hair, like most Grounders, was neatly pulled away from her face in a series of small braids along one side of her head. Clarke couldn’t see the intricacies of the back of her hair, but she was sure each braid was just as beautiful as the front with as much meaning as anyone else’s. Costia’s facial features were delicate, but striking at the same time- piercing eyes, high cheekbones, and a sharp jawline comparable to Lexa’s. A few scars were visible on her forehead creating an intimidating pattern, with one splitting her left eyebrow. A larger scar etched its way up from her chin to the corner of her lips. These almost seemed like a rite of passage for Grounders and it gave them a more frightening appearance. Her honey skin appeared almost bronze in the light, and her thin, pink lips rested in the slightest of smiles. Like Lexa, and like Anya beside her, Costia was gorgeous. Clarke was just relieved that there appeared to be no signs on Costia’s being of the cruel and barbaric treatment of the Ice Queen that led to her untimely demise. 

Apparently, Lexa had noticed the length of Clarke’s appraisal as she cleared her throat discreetly. Clarke snapped out of it, feeling her face flush immediately. She looked up to see three pairs of eyes on her, Lexa with a questioning expression, and Anya looking quite amused. She shot Anya an irritated look. 

Lexa rested her hand on the small of Costia’s back, giving her a gentle nudge forward as she addressed Clarke, “I would like you to meet Kostia kom Trikru.” 

Clarke knew who this was, but she nodded anyway, unable to formulate any words.

“Yes. H-hi… I’m…” Words were failing her. 

Costia stepped even closer, reaching her hand out to Clarke. “I know who you are…” she said, smiling warmly. 

_Huh?_

Had Costia been watching over Lexa as Anya had? Of course she was. How could she not? But then Clarke wondered how much she saw. How much of their history had Costia been privy to? What did she think of Clarke? Of Clarke’s people? Did spirits have opinions? Or did they merely observe?

Clarke returned the gesture, taking Costia’s arm in hers. She looked up into the captivating blue eyes before her and felt an overwhelming sense of sincerity. At this point, Clarke did not feel threatened at all. It did not appear as if Costia had any ill feelings. 

As their arms remained locked, Clarke realized there were so many things she wanted to know about this woman. There were so many questions she had, and like with Anya, she wished she had more time with Costia. She realized she had never truly thought about Costia for an extended period of time because whenever she did, it only resulted in terrible pain and empathy for Lexa. So she would try to avoid it. Therefore, she had never imagined what Costia could be like, and she had never gotten the chance to feel anything but sadness about her relationship with Lexa. But as strange as all of this was, and as unprepared as Clarke felt, it was as if this was meant to happen. She was meant to meet Costia. It almost felt like she was in the presence of a friend, of someone she had never met before but somehow _knew._

Now Clarke could only hope that Costia remained a friend in this City. Deep down, though, something was telling her that this wasn’t going to continue going well. These warm, fuzzy feelings never lasted long. Clarke began to worry that Costia might not be an ally despite how authentic she looked and sounded. What if she was merely another obstacle fabricated by ALIE to thwart them from their goal? 

 

 

.Lexa’s POV. 

 

“Costia?” 

Lexa could feel the walls closing in around her as it became harder and harder to breathe. It became harder to even _remember_ how to breathe.

As she looked at the figure standing at the end of the hall, she could not find the means to wrap her head around what was going on, her mind going completely blank. For the first time in forever, Lexa did not know what to do. She felt her body take over as her feet began to move on their own- one foot in front of the other. She did not know if she actually wanted to start walking towards Costia or if she should try to stop herself. This could be a trap. As she stepped through the hologram of the woman in the red dress, she thought she caught a faint trace of a smile on her lips. This should have been the first warning sign, but Lexa completely ignored it, focused only on one thing.

She could feel her heart pulling towards Costia who was standing silently at the end of the hall. It was almost painful. With each step, the beating inside of her chest became stronger, _louder_. Lexa could almost hear it in her ears. It was so loud. Could anyone else hear it? She kept her hand on the sword she had just returned to her side, gripping it so hard she could feel the indents forming on her palm. She could not let her nerves show.

_Could this be real?_

Lexa knew to remain alert… vigilant. But it was so hard when her heart and body were calling out to be close to this girl. She stepped up to Costia, stopping a few feet in front of her, unsure of what to do next. Her eyes began to sting and the figure in front of her began to blur as the moisture overtook her vision. She hadn’t noticed she was crying. At this point, she didn’t care if anyone else saw. She blinked a few times, not wanting to wipe away the tears in fear that the girl might disappear with them. 

When her vision cleared, Lexa was relieved that Costia was still there, standing in front of her just as beautiful and as elegant as she remembered. She smiled, feeling a sense of familiarity and calm come over her. She stared into the captivating blue pools before her, immediately feeling at home, like she had never left. It was like the two of them were in a bubble, their own safe haven, away from the realities of the harsh world around them. Lexa almost felt like a child again, when it was just her and Costia against the world. She took a deep breath in, feeling her muscles relax just the slightest bit. But before she could stop it, a flash of a distant memory assaulted her mind, immediately haunting her. A memory she had tried to erase completely, but only managed to lock away in the depths of her brain. Or so she thought…

_Blood… so much blood. A single wooden box placed in the center of the bed. Strands of hair, braids… Bruises and lacerations across smooth olive skin. Eyes… open, but lifeless… void of the striking color so unique to their owner…_

Lexa tried desperately to shake the images from her mind as she focused on the face in front of her. 

_Costia is safe…_

She was intact and standing right there, _alive._

_Right?_

A look of concern was present in Costia’s eyes. Lexa did everything she could to focus on these, and only these, hoping to calm her heart and mind. That’s when she noticed that Costia too was battling something inside of her. She could see a faint smile on her lips, but her eyes, as vibrant and as bright as they were, held so much sorrow. A layer of tears formed on her eyes, threatening to pour out at any second. Lexa silently willed them away. She didn’t know if she could cope if they managed to fall. 

So many thoughts and questions began to swirl though Lexa’s head, as if the floodgates had suddenly opened. It felt like a tornado was bombarding her. She couldn’t form any of these thoughts into words, however, so she remained silent, trying to control herself… or stop herself from shutting down completely. 

Apparently Costia had noticed this struggle as she stepped closer, bringing her hand up to Lexa’s cheek. As she watched her hand in slow-motion almost, Lexa felt like she should retreat. She didn’t know if this was real or a trick. She wasn’t sure of what might happen, but her body was not letting her move. She had to see if this was real. _Feel_ if this was real. 

She felt the softness of Costia’s hand on her skin first, immediately bringing her back to their times together, alone, away from the outside world. Costia still felt exactly the same… Soft but strong, caring and protective. It was Costia’s hands, and these soft moments together that were the only things that could calm Lexa after the most difficult of days being Commander. It was this loving touch that grounded Lexa and helped ease her mind of the burdens and atrocities of life. Much like Clarke did for Lexa now, it was Costia who helped her before, when she was first learning to be Commander. She hand’t realized how much she missed it until it was gone. 

“Alexandria…” 

_That voice…_

Immediately, Lexa felt the comforting sense of calm wash over her again. This angelic voice was almost as powerful as her touch, having the ability to reach Lexa’s soul directly. Costia was one of very few people who used this name, and Lexa had really missed hearing it from her lips. After Costia’s death, she had stopped using this name almost completely, and no one dared refer to their Commander by it either. 

“Is this real?” Lexa whispered, finally finding her voice. She could hear the shakiness in her own words as she tried to remember how to breathe correctly for the second time. 

Costia nodded once, finally bringing her eyes up to meet Lexa’s again. Lexa had almost forgotten just how beautiful Costia was. Each time she tried to think about her lost love, the pain became too great and she would stop herself. Flashes of that horrible day would flood her mind, images of pain and death overtaking everything else. The happy memories, the snapshots of Costia’s smiles and loving glances, of her soft hair and alluring eyes, were all disappearing, replaced with toxic and harrowing images that were burned into her brain. So she stopped thinking of Costia altogether, almost completely erasing her from her thoughts. It had taken ages for Lexa to even be able to speak her name without debilitating pain. 

Lexa was about to speak when she noticed that the tears had finally managed to escape from Costia’s eyes. They were making their way down her soft cheeks and Lexa could feel the pain in her heart. Instinctively, she stepped forward to wipe these drops of sadness away. She couldn’t bear seeing Costia upset. 

Before she could step away, Lexa felt familiar arms wrapping around her waist, pulling her closer. She allowed it to happen. Costia nuzzled her head against Lexa’s shoulder as more tears flowed. She rested her head against Costia’s, hoping to comfort her as she pulled her even closer. It felt just like old times. Costia even smelled the same, Lexa thought, as she inhaled the sweet scent of her hair. She was immediately brought back to her youth- to the times she had protected Costia, the times she had listened all night to her fears and sorrows, all these times that Costia would lay her head in Lexa’s lap or against her neck for comfort. Lexa was always the stronger one, absorbing all of Costia’s pain as best she could. She would find herself absentmindedly tracing patters or rubbing soothing circles across her back. She was doing it right now as well. She hadn’t even noticed. 

“I can’t believe it’s you. I have missed you so…” Lexa whispered into Costia’s ear, hidden somewhere behind thick locks of hair. She was finally able to let go of all of her apprehension and just let herself be with the one she had lost. This felt way too real to be a trick. It felt too _right._ It was having an affect on her whole being and bringing up so many different feelings that she just had to let it. Lexa didn’t know when she would have this opportunity again. 

They stood in this embrace for a few more moments. Lexa did not want to let go. She wanted to hold Costia, to protect her… Maybe if she held on to her, the pain would not get to her this time. Maybe this time she would remain safe. 

But fate did not work this way. What was done was done. This harsh reality struck Lexa like a sword through her heart. The pain she had tried so hard to bury was back, cracking its way to the surface, breaking her heart for the second time. She knew she had to let go. Costia was here for a reason. A reason still unknown to her. But she knew that they could not stand here, like this, forever. There was a goal ahead, behind the door that now seemed ages away. So yet again, she had to suck it up and keep pushing past all of the pain and all of the possibilities. It was her duty. Her people came first. Clarke’s people too…

_Clarke…_

Lexa’s mind snapped back to the present, reminding her that they were not alone. And just like that, the warm bubble of safety and comfort was shattered. A wave of guilt hit Lexa at the thought of Clarke’s name. Had she gone too far? She scolded herself for not controlling her emotions upon the arrival of Costia. It was so unlike her to lose control. But this time, Lexa knew she couldn’t have stopped herself even if she tried. Seeing Costia alive and well in front of her was bewitching, putting her in a trance where her mind had no say and her body felt like it was on autopilot. It was apparent that she had not coped with her death as well as she had tricked herself into believing. 

After releasing Costia, Lexa immediately felt a void. Seeing a tuft of hair that had fallen over her eyes, Lexa took the opportunity to brush it from her face, gingerly tucking it behind her ear. Her thumb moved over Costia’s silken cheek in an attempt to wipe away the tears that continued to fall. 

_You have to stop_ , Lexa reminded herself. _This is not the time…_

Clearing her throat, she looked over at Clarke sheepishly, hoping that her actions did not cause Clarke any pain. Her uncertainty was answered with a smile that only Clarke could provide. A smile that let Lexa know that everything was alright and that she did nothing wrong. A smile full of support and empathy. Clarke understood. She always did… Once again, Clarke illustrated that she had the power to heal whatever ailed Lexa, and now the void in Lexa’s heart felt just a little smaller. 

She began walking back to Clarke, motioning Costia to follow.

_This should be interesting…_

Lexa had been so caught up in reuniting with Costia that she had not realized the awkward situation that they were now in. Never in a million years did she think she would see Costia again, let alone that _Clarke_ would see her. Luckily, both women were kind and amazing and selfless, so Lexa did not foresee any animosity. Perhaps this was what was meant to be by some irrational meddling of the fates…

Lexa watched Clarke as she approached her, Anya also joining them to the side. Clarke had an amusing expression on her face and she wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that she was staring… gawking almost. 

_What is she thinking?_ Lexa wondered. 

Clarke’s eyes roamed over Costia, stopping every now and then to inspect a tattoo or study a scar. Lexa could see a mixture of awe and intrigue in her eyes. She could almost feel Clarke’s respect and admiration for this woman she had not even met yet. This was a relief. Contrary to what Lexa might have feared, Clarke did not harbor any negative feelings towards Costia. If anything, it was quite the opposite. 

In an attempt to divert Clarke’s attention, Lexa cleared her throat. She had to admit, it was rather amusing watching a flustered Clarke attempt to compose herself and play off her obvious gaping. Clarke’s reaction to the expression on Anya’s face was even more amusing. But in the back of her mind, Lexa wondered what was really going on in Clarke’s head. She was sure Clarke would let her know after all of this was over.

“I would like you to meet Kostia kom Trikru,” Lexa said, ushering Costia towards Clarke. 

“Yes. H-hi… I’m…” Clarke attempted to speak, but words were clearly eluding her. 

Lexa had no idea how Clarke was feeling. As difficult as this was for her, she realized it was probably also difficult for Clarke. Clarke was always there to listen to stories of Costia. She cared enough to ask. In a way, Lexa was allowed to share some of her pain with Clarke. And here she was now, in the flesh, in front of both of them. Lexa wanted to reach out, to touch Clarke, to hold her, but her feet weren’t moving. She was unsure of what to do herself at this moment, let alone how to help Clarke. 

“I know who you are…” Luckily Costia intervened. 

Like Clarke, she was much better at making people feel better than Lexa. Her heart was always so good… 

Lexa watched as the two women greeted each other. It was a strange feeling, almost indescribable… But at the same time, nice. The two people that she loved more than anything in the world were in one place, meeting, and being so gracious to each other. Lexa felt almost unworthy of either of them. 

_What is going on?_ She wondered again. 

As nice as all of this was, fear and suspicion began creeping its way back into Lexa’s mind. This all seemed too good to be true. It had to be. She would never be given such a gift. Not in this world. 

“Anya…” Costia spoke, a warmth to her voice. She stepped up to the warrior with a smile on her face. 

“It is good to see you,” Anya answered, pulling the smaller woman into a hug. 

Lexa had to look twice, but she was sure she saw a tear escape Anya’s eye. She couldn’t remember if she had ever seen her mentor cry before. But then again, she also had to remember how hard it must have been for Anya as well. Costia had become like family to Anya when she became involved with Lexa. After her death, Lexa had been so blinded by pain and rage that she had not given any thought to how it had affected anyone else. But it must have torn Anya apart too. Not to mention, Anya was there for Lexa afterwards, helping her stay focused and not allowing her to make rage-fueled decisions. She had been witness to Lexa’s breakdowns and pain in the privacy of her room, and she was also there to listen when Lexa needed to talk. Costia’s death had taken its toll on her as well. 

“What brings you here?” Anya asked after releasing Costia from her arms. Lexa allowed Anya to ask the necessary questions. 

Costia turned to face Lexa, her blue eyes finding green. Lexa could feel her heart skip. It always did with Costia and apparently nothing had changed. 

“I’m here for you.” Her face was sincere, but Lexa could hear a shift in her tone. 

What did she mean?

“Me?” Lexa asked, although she already knew the answer.

“Yes,” Costia replied softly.

“You’re here to help us?” Anya asked.

Costia’s face became serious, her whole demeanor changing. “You do not need help. Not here.” She turned to face Lexa again. “After learning that you were here, Alexandria, I realized I needed to see you. It has been so long… I also needed you to see this place, this City. It is everything you have ever wanted. That peace you worked so hard to achieve… it’s here… People are happy here. _We_ could be happy here…”

Lexa’s heart sank, leaving her even more confused. 

_What just happened?_


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> I want to apologize about the length of time it took to update this chapter. Life has gotten a bit more hectic the past few weeks and once again, I didn't want to just put up anything. I like to take time to proofread and add things or change things when I'm writing. I was also having some difficulty uploading which took a little time. But I hope to have the next chapters out much faster so you don't have to wait long! 
> 
> I also wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all of you for reading my story and commenting, etc. It means a lot to me, so thank you!

.Lexa’s POV.

 

“ _We_ could be happy here…”

_No…_ Lexa thought, feeling her heart drop. This wasn’t right. 

But what did she really think was going to happen? Why else would Costia have appeared here, in the City of Light? It wasn’t just a nice gift from ALIE or whomever with no strings attached. Lexa had been so wrapped up in just _seeing_ Costia again that she hadn’t thought about the important things… like _why_ she was here. Once again, Lexa realized that her heart had taken over, not giving her head a chance. 

Immediately, Lexa felt a darkness come over her. She could feel the dread creeping into her mind, paired with an ache seeping into her heart. The ache, which began as a dull throb, became stronger and stronger, threatening to crush her entirely. She was going to lose her again. She shouldn’t have let herself become so emotional to begin with. She shouldn’t have even interacted with her. It would have been easier. Who knows if this even _was_ her Costia. Nothing was real here… 

She looked to Anya who was watching her closely, a look of empathy and concern in her eyes. Anya seemed real… Her interactions with Clarke and her memories of both of them had been accurate. She was as close to real as possible. So then… maybe Costia was too… Right? The question to focus on was, who sent Costia? 

Lexa looked up, ready to face the beautiful woman standing before her. The woman she thought she knew, but now was unsure. 

“How did you arrive here?” Lexa asked, trying to hide the skepticism in her voice.

Costia looked at her, questioning. “What do you mean?”

“Who sent you here?”

“No one sent me here, Lexa. I have always been here. After my fight ended on Earth, I found myself here… among our people… among _both_ of our people…” She motioned towards Clarke. 

_So it was not ALIE or the past Commanders?_

It didn’t make sense. Anya hadn’t been in the City of Light after her death. She had to be summoned here by the Commanders to help Lexa. How was it that Costia’s spirit ended up here and not Anya’s? And Clarke’s people were here by a different means… Something wasn’t adding up. 

Costia stepped closer, apparently sensing Lexa’s apprehension. She gently took the hand that was resting at her side causing Lexa to look up at her. 

“What’s wrong, Alexandria? Did you not miss me?”

Lexa sighed, reveling in the contact. Her hand felt the same, her skin was just as soft as she remembered if not more. She felt Costia’s slender fingers tracing patterns over her own. She could get lost in this feeling, but had to remind herself to focus.

“Of course I did… There isn’t a day I do not…” Lexa whispered in reply. “But you know I cannot stay here.” 

Costia let go of Lexa’s hand abruptly, startling her and the others in the room. Lexa looked at Clarke who shrugged in response.

Why had Costia reacted in such a way? Had she said something wrong?

The Costia she knew was always supportive. She knew the costs of being with Lexa and had accepted them. She understood that being the Commander was not easy, and she knew Lexa’s decisions were always selfless. There was hardly room to follow her heart or her own wishes, and by default, there was usually no room to bend towards Costia’s wishes either. The Costia she knew would have never reacted this way. She would never punish Lexa for putting her duties first. 

Lexa stepped back, a new caution taking over. For a second, Costia looked hurt, but she did not let it show long. Immediately, Lexa softened. She hated seeing Costia upset. She moved closer to her again, taking hold of her hand. She watched as Costia relaxed, head lowered and eyes avoiding hers. She hooked her index finger under Costia’s chin, gently pulling her face up to look at her. She stared into sapphire eyes, less bright than before, seemingly cloudy with emotions. So many different emotions… Some that Lexa did not even recognize. 

There was visible pain in her eyes. The merriment from their reunion was gone, as was the warmth that was almost always present. Lexa felt like she almost didn’t recognize Costia at this moment. 

“You know I can’t stay,” Lexa repeated, hoping for a different outcome. Her finger remained under Costia’s chin as she held her gaze. 

“You don’t want to stay with me…” 

Lexa wasn’t sure if this was a question or statement. Either way, she could hear the hurt in Costia’s voice. The familiar ache in her chest returned. Here she was, _choosing_ to leave Costia… The first girl she loved. The girl who gave her life for her. 

“That’s not how things work. You know that.” Now it was Lexa’s turn to look away. She felt an overwhelming guilt. She just had to keep reminding herself that this most likely wasn’t real… 

_She isn’t real…_

Costia persisted. “I waited for you. I knew you would come. I knew one day you would return to me.”

This was beginning to sound even less like the Costia she remembered. Her words were so desperate, so unlike her. She would never put such a weight on Lexa’s shoulders. Guilt was never a weapon of choice for her. 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa looked Costia directly in the eyes. 

In the blink of an eye, the soft blue of Costia’s eyes turned to ice. The rest of her features hardened as well. She was mad…

“I see you have made your choice…” her words dripped with venom. “How foolish it was for me to believe that you would choose me. Here I was waiting for you all this time… Thinking that you cared about me.”

Now Lexa knew this was a trick. Words like these would have never left Costia’s lips. They were so angry and accusatory… and vindictive. This wasn’t Costia… It couldn’t be. 

Lexa chose to remain silent. Arguing with whoever, or _whatever_ this was would be futile. She cursed herself for letting it get this far, for ever believing this could be her Costia. But she was so convincing. Everything about her looked and felt the same. How was this possible?

Lexa turned to face the others, still ignoring the angered woman next to her. “Come. It’s time to go.”

Anya and Clarke nodded, turning back to the door that they had nearly forgotten about. 

“So you’re just going to leave?”

“Yes,” Lexa answered abruptly as she began walking away. As much as she knew that it wasn’t really her, it hurt Lexa to walk away. She reminded herself to breathe, big breaths, hoping to calm the ache in her chest.

“After everything I’ve done for you?” Costia called out, her voice urgent. “You can’t just leave me here…”

A pang of guilt hit Lexa right in the gut. She had to stop walking to catch her breath. 

_Don’t listen to her. It’s not her…_

A mix of emotions took over… guilt, sorrow, confusion… Her voice sounded so real. Just like Lexa remembered. But the words didn’t match. Anger began to course its way through Lexa’s veins. So much anger. How could ALIE do this? It had to be ALIE… How could she just use someone like this? How was she controlling Costia? None of it made sense and all of it was disturbing. 

“We came here to help our people. You more than anybody know that it is my duty.” Lexa turned back to face her accuser. 

For a second, Costia looked conflicted, remorseful even. “I know…” she whispered. A look in her eyes caught Lexa's attention. Something had changed. Something was off. Lexa watched as an internal struggle played out in Costia’s dark pupils. She was thinking, deliberating… A fog swept over her, a haze settling upon her once vibrant eyes. 

_What’s going on in there?_ Lexa wondered. She wished so much to talk to Costia, try to get through to her, to ease her mind. 

Costia opened her mouth to speak, but no words escaped. She quickly clamped her lips shut, shaking her head at the same time. This happened a few more times. Lexa realized she was trying to stop herself… Stop her words.Or someone else’s. She was trying to let Lexa go… Maybe this really was Costia… Somewhere deep down. Maybe she _was_ a creation of ALIE, but some part of her was true. Some part of her still cared for Lexa and was fighting to help her. How? Lexa had no idea, but she wanted so badly to help Costia; to release her from this grasp of evil. 

“Go…” Costia managed to whisper, though Lexa could see the pain written all over her face. The pain of letting Lexa go and the pain that she was putting herself through to fight for control of her own body. For a second, Lexa couldn’t move. She couldn’t leave Costia like this. Not a second time. She had to save her… She had to do what she couldn’t do the first time. 

“No,” Costia spoke sternly stopping Lexa in her tracks. She continued, teeth gritting through the pain, “Kep oso kru, Heda.” She then turned slightly to face Clarke. “ _All_ of our people.”

Clarke smiled as best she could, understanding the respect being shown to her. She nodded in thanks although her eyes were full of sorrow. She knew where this was going too. The room fell silent, each person too scared to make the first move. All eyes remained on Lexa. Anya would not move to leave without making sure it was what Lexa wanted. Clarke too waited to make sure Lexa was certain before trying to pull her away. 

“Go,” Costia repeated more urgently. Lexa could see she was beginning to lose the control she had over her mind. “Ai hod yu in, Alexandria,” she whispered, the last words almost inaudible. 

Lexa held her gaze one moment longer. The haze was gone, if just for a moment, and Lexa saw the woman she had loved. She was there, at least right now. She had done it, she had managed to overtake ALIE, and in this moment, Lexa realized again that love might just be more powerful than any of the evils in the world. Now she knew that she needed to defeat this city and ALIE… for her people, for Clarke’s people, and for Costia. A newfound strength and optimism surged through her being. She would not allow this evil to prevail. 

“Ai hod yu in seintaim,” Lexa responded. “You will always be a part of me…” 

Costia managed to give Lexa a small, but reassuring smile before the twinkle in her eye faded. Before she could begin to spew the venomous words of ALIE again, Lexa, Clarke, and Anya retreated towards the hatch that was still waiting for them at the end of the hall. 

Lexa could hear a voice calling out to her from behind them. She did not dare turn around this time. They had said their goodbyes, and the person back there was no longer Costia. Lexa was thankful, however, that this time she was able to properly say goodbye, or at least as close to a goodbye as she could. 

Anya reached the hatch first and immediately grabbed the handle expecting it to open without a hitch. This was not the case. Of course it wasn’t. Anya repositioned herself as she tried to get a better grip on the door’s massive handles. She pulled with all of her might, but still, they weren’t budging. 

“What is wrong with you?!” she heard Anya yell at the door as she continued to pull. She was basically hanging from it now. A series of curses spilled from her mouth as if she thought this would help. Lexa was glad that Anya was speaking in their native tongue or else she might have been a bit embarrassed around Clarke, though she knew that Clarke most likely knew some of these words herself. 

“Here let me help.” Clarke walked up to the door and grabbed a hold of the handles opposite Anya. 

Anya looked as if she was about to protest, but decided against it. She merely huffed out a garbled “thanks” as she swallowed her pride. 

“You push down when I push up,” Anya commanded, clearly annoyed that she could not do this on her own. Barking orders probably made her feel a bit more useful. 

Lexa studied the mechanism keeping the door closed as the two continued to struggle. It seemed easy enough to figure out, a simple lever system that could only move in two directions, one to open, and the other to close. Why were they having such difficulty? Was it locked? Why would it be if this place was as safe as ALIE claimed? All the people were mindless shells or being controlled anyway, so why the need for such security? Lexa looked harder but could not find a lock. Perhaps this was one of those very “hi-tech” contraptions that Raven and Clarke had spoken of. If this was the case, Lexa knew she would never understand it no matter how hard she inspected. 

The voice of Costia became louder and louder behind Lexa as it took on a haunting tone, breaking through Lexa’s concentration. 

“Lexa!” it called. “Please, help me!”

Clarke stopped what she was doing and turned to face Lexa, clearly concerned. 

“Ignore it, it’s not real,” Anya reminded bluntly.

“I know…” Lexa sighed, irritated. “Any luck?” she asked, motioning to the door.

“It’s not budging,” Clarke replied. “What do we do?”

Anya let go of the door too, sighing in defeat. “Things can never be easy, can they?”

A shriek cut through the room, catching everyone’s attention, finally forcing them to turn around. Costia’s face was contorted in a mixture of pain and terror. It took everything Lexa had not to run to her and help. 

Although Costia’s eyes screamed of pain, she urged Lexa not to come back to her. “No…” she mouthed, trying her hardest to appear okay. “I’ll be fine. Do not stray from your goal.”

Her Costia was back. The one that would withstand insurmountable pain to help her and keep her safe. The Costia that understood that Lexa’s duties came first. The one that would never ask Lexa to turn her back on her people to help her. 

“Ignore her,” Anya repeated, probably for Clarke as much as Lexa. 

Lexa knew that Anya was right, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away. She thanked the gods that she did not have to witness Costia’s pain at the hands of the Ice Queen because if it was anything compared to this, she might not have made it out okay. 

Blood began to trickle from Costia’s nose as she continued to writhe in pain across the room. She fell to her knees, clutching her stomach and attempting to shake the pain that was beginning to take over her head. 

Was this ALIE’s doing? Was she punishing Costia for managing to regain control of herself? All Lexa knew was that this wasn’t going to end well for her, especially if ALIE was as vindictive and evil as she seemed. Lexa couldn’t take it anymore. It was too painful to watch and she had to do _something_. Against her better judgment, she made her way back to her first love. 

“Lexa, wait!” Anya tried to stop her, knowing it was futile. 

Before Lexa could reach the woman hunched over on the floor, Costia looked up quickly, finding Lexa’s eyes with her own. In a split second, the pain was gone from her face, her eyes appearing clear and _happy,_ her lips no longer twisted in agony, but settled into a warm, genuine smile. Costia looked _content._ She mouthed the words, “I’ll always be with you,” and then in the blink of an eye, before any more pain could befall her, Costia was gone, the space that her body occupied completely empty as if she were never there.

_Huh?_

Lexa blinked a few times to make sure she wasn’t seeing things, but the space remained empty. Out of the corner of her eye, she could swear that she saw the shadow of the now familiar raven flutter across the wall. 

_Raven…_

It all made sense. 

_Thank you, Tech Girl…_ Lexa knew that she now owed Raven probably more than she could ever repay. 

“What was that?” Anya asked, her eyes wide in shock.

“Raven,” was all Lexa could answer, her eyes finding Clarke who nodded at her in understanding. These friends of Clarke’s, the good ones, were a blessing and Lexa was learning to appreciate them more and more each day.

Anya seemed to understand and nodded as well, returning her attention to the door, but not before fixing Lexa with a raised eyebrow. This was her way of checking on her mentee, making sure that she was okay after everything. It was so Anya, quick and to the point, no need for words or pleasantries. This was one of the things Lexa grew to appreciate about Anya so much. 

Lexa took a deep breath and nodded, choosing not to focus on anything that had just happened, putting it in the back of her mind for now. She would have to sort through the emotions later. For now, the door was their main focus. Lexa moved closer to it, wanting to inspect it herself. There must have been something they missed. Why would they have been led here if it was just a dead end? What they needed was behind that door and they were not leaving until they got in. There had to be a way.

That’s when she noticed it. Why hadn’t they seen it before? In the middle of the mechanism bolting the door shut, was a symbol. It was rather small, so probably easy to miss if one wasn’t looking for it, but now it seemed to be glaring her in the eye. It was so familiar and so much a part of her that Lexa felt like she belonged here. This clue and this place was meant for _her_ … Her fingers traced the object etched into the metal on their own. 

_The Commander’s symbol._

Her index finger moved to touch the identical one sitting in the middle of her forehead. She felt the smooth metal beneath her fingertip. Then, by their own accord, her hands moved to grab the handles of the door automatically, as if they had done it a thousand times before. The handlebars felt like they were made for her as she wrapped her fingers around the cool metal bars. She readied her body to pull with all of her strength, but soon realized this was not necessary as the handles began to move almost on their own with a little guidance from Lexa. The mechanism clicked into place and the sound of bolts unlocking permeated the atmosphere. Lexa let go of the handles as the door swung open slowly, a gust of cool air escaping with it. If they thought the hallway they were in was bright, they were in for a shock as a light about ten-times brighter shot out of the newly discovered room. Clarke’s arm instinctively came up to shield her eyes as Anya turned away. Lexa tried to squint through the near-blinding glow but couldn’t see anything.

When their vision finally cleared and their eyes adjusted, they were met with a rather disappointing, ordinary room; still bright, but not as fantastic as one would expect to be hiding behind such a secure door. 

A sole figure stood in the center of the room.

“Welcome home, Commander.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Kep oso kru” = Save our people   
> “Ai hod yu in” = I love you  
> “Ai hod yu in seintaim” = I love you too


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope there is still interest in this story. I know it's been a while, but I did not want to add parts that I had not gone over again or edited. I have been trying to write as much as possible and continue this story, but then life got very hectic (though I was always thinking about what to add). I also had trouble figuring out where to take the story at different points. And in the meantime, I wrote a fanfic piece for ClexaCon that took up some time but was really fun too. You guys should check out the Fandom to Fantasy books! 
> 
> However, this story holds a special place in my heart and I will make sure to continue it and finish it because there are still more things to cover. Updates should be more consistent now. I have two parts written already so the second will be up shortly. 
> 
> Thank you again for all of your patience, support, comments, and overall interest in our two favorite leaders. Even though we haven't seen them on screen together in a while now, they will live on forever through us. And I'm super thankful for that.

.Clarke’s POV.

 

Clarke shielded her eyes from the glaring light that suddenly assaulted them. 

“Welcome home, Commander,” spoke a voice that Clarke was unfamiliar with. It was calm and steady as if expecting them. 

Clarke waited for the bright spots to dissipate before looking into the newly discovered room. It was nothing special and it definitely did not feel worth the trouble it had taken to find and get into. 

In true Lexa fashion, without hesitation, she walked assertively through the doorway and into the room with Anya close behind, protecting her as she always did. Clarke followed, her senses heightening in this unfamiliar territory. She began to inspect her surroundings. As she made her way through the sterile, rather plain room, the foreignness began to fade. Had she been here before? She was beginning to feel like she knew this place. But how? The metal table, the white tiles, the fluorescent lights, and even the smell were stirring Clarke’s memories.

_The Ark?_

No… It couldn’t be. This place was clearly meant for Lexa, not for her… Right?

“Who are you?” 

Clarke turned her attention to Lexa who was stopped in her tracks at the sight of the woman. Lexa’s brow furrowed as she studied this person, clearly confused at the whole situation. Her stance, like Anya’s, was defensive, guarded. Her hand lay on the hilt of her sword like it usually did when she didn’t trust someone. As Clarke’s eyes traveled to the stranger in the room, she realized why Lexa looked so shocked. 

_ALIE?_

No, this wasn’t ALIE. Although they shared an identical face, everything else about this woman was different, from her hair, to her clothing, to the way she held herself. Even her expressions were different. She _had_ expressions which was the first clue that this couldn’t be ALIE. Her face appeared happy, almost _relieved_ as she looked at Lexa, but her eyes held sadness. Something was plaguing her. 

“My name is Becca,” the woman answered as she smiled warmly at Lexa. 

_Becca… Becca!_

Clarke could barely contain herself. This was Becca! It all made sense now; why this room looked the way it did and why she had the face of ALIE. Lexa, noticing Clarke’s change in demeanor, and most likely feeling the excitement radiating off her body, turned to her, eyebrow raised in question.

“It’s Becca!”

“Yes… she just said that,” Anya answered dryly. 

“Yea, I know that! But… this…” She turned to Becca. “Y-you…” She pointed to Lexa and then Becca. “Her… you!” Clarke tried to form her thoughts into a coherent statement but was having difficulty finding the words. 

Lexa watched her, waiting patiently for her explanation of this revelation.

_What did Raven say?_

Clarke thought back to her conversation with Raven and the others about Becca, the Ark scientist. 

_The first Commander…_

“The first Commander!” was all that Clarke managed to blurt out. 

Lexa turned back to face Becca, brow creased in thought as Clarke’s words marinated. Apparently the realization dawned on both Lexa and Anya at the same time as they looked at each other in disbelief, eyes wide with shock. 

“Bekka Pramheda…” Lexa nearly whispered. 

An even bigger smile spread across Becca’s face as she looked back at the two Grounders. “Yes,” she answered.

Anya rushed up to the woman first, hand outstretched. “It is an honor to meet you, Bekka Pramheda.” 

This was a strange sight. Clarke had definitely never seen Anya even remotely excited about anything, so this was odd. 

Becca looked at Anya’s waiting arm, unsure of what to do. She took her hand in hers, giving it an enthusiastic shake. Anya looked confused, but returned the gesture. 

“It appears the greetings may have changed over time,” Becca speculated. “But it is nice to meet you too, Anya kom Trikru.”

Anya seemed both surprised and honored that Becca knew her name, but how wouldn’t she? It looked like she knew just about everything about all of them, or the Grounders at least. 

When Anya finally released Becca’s hand and stepped back, the scientist directed her attention to Lexa.

“Welcome, Commander. It is good to finally meet you. Although I wish it could have been under different circumstances.”

Clarke watched as Lexa relaxed just a bit more. She was finding it easier and easier to read her distinct body language. The smallest gestures were now much more apparent and telling to her. Clarke could see that Lexa was becoming more comfortable around this new person. The unspoken bond between both the first Commander and the current seemed strong. Lexa would probably not have let her guard down so quickly around anyone else. 

“Life has a way of doing that, does it not? However, what is meant to be will be. We might not have gotten this chance any other way.”

Becca smiled. “You may be right.”

The three Grounder women stood in silence for a few more moments, each basking in the presence of the other. It was short lived, however, because this world never afforded anyone much down time. 

Becca’s face became serious. “As good as it is to see all of you,” she made sure to shoot Clarke a warm smile as well, “there are matters of business to discuss. You have been brought here to defeat this threat… A threat that I am sad to admit I had a part in creating.”

“ALIE?” Clarke questioned, hoping to finally get some answers about how all of this started and how everything was connected.

“Yes,” Becca answered solemnly. “She was never meant to be what she is now. She was supposed to help… Created as a solution to a problem we believed would end up destroying the Earth.” She turned away, guilt overtaking her. 

Clarke looked over at Lexa and Anya, confusion apparent on both of their faces. They knew who Becca was, but only their version of her. The first Commander. The one who brought all of the people on the ground together, the survivors, and gave them direction. Clarke was unsure of how much they even knew about her at all. As stories of Becca were passed down by each generation and each new Commander, much of it probably became folklore with bits of fiction muddling the truth. 

“You created ALIE?” Lexa reiterated. 

“But how?” Anya asked from beside her. 

Becca let out a sigh. “I knew one day the time would come…”

“What time?” Lexa questioned.

“When I would have to explain to our people where we really came from. Where I came from…”

Lexa remained silent, waiting for Becca to continue.

“What do you know of the time before Praimfaya?” 

“Not much,” Lexa answered. “Our people… even less I would expect. I do know there were inhabitants on Earth before the destruction.”

“There was a reason that you were not taught about those times. This was in part due to me. I was one of those inhabitants…”

Lexa and Anya exchanged shocked and confused glances, and Clarke worried what their reactions would be once they heard the entire truth. 

“I wasn’t actually physically living on Earth, but I was alive then… Monitoring from the sky.” Becca turned to Clarke. “From space…” 

Clarke nodded. She knew most of this story. Her people’s folklore was much more parallel to the truth; however, she had only recently come to know it as true herself. Lexa’s mouth hung open slightly as she processed what Becca had said. Clarke could tell she was beginning to realize.

“It can’t be…” Anya stated in disbelief.

“It’s true,” Becca reaffirmed. “After Praimfaya, Earth was almost uninhabitable. There were few survivors, and most of the humans who remained safe lived in the sky.”

Lexa’s eyes widened even more if possible as she turned to Clarke. 

“It looks like we were always your people…” Clarke stated, partially in jest, but with a warmth to her tone. 

Lexa just stared, nodding half-heartedly. 

“I had to come back to Earth and see for myself,” Becca continued. “To see if there were any survivors. To see what could be salvaged after such a horrible mistake.”

“Mistake?” Anya asked, lifting an eyebrow.

Becca looked away, her eyes becoming distant. “A horrible mistake… You see, back then, there were far more people on Earth than there are now. So many people; many good, but just as many bad. The human race was growing out of control… Using up resources without caring about how they would be replenished. We were becoming too selfish. Just taking and not giving back. Fighting, starting wars, killing each other. We were on the verge of ending ourselves. I felt it was my duty as a scientist to figure out a solution. To figure out how to make life better for the people on Earth. And I thought I had…”

“ALIE…” Clarke and Lexa whispered in unison. 

“She was the perfect program to figure out the solution. Or so I thought. I hadn’t tested it enough. I didn’t think of all the variables. And one major factor that I overlooked was humanity… What makes us human and not machines. Like all programs, she could figure out equations and solutions, but she couldn’t think with the emotions of a human. She couldn’t empathize, or feel, or understand the complexities of human nature.”

Clarke watched as Becca’s eyes filled to the brim with moisture. A single tear rolled out of her left eye as she continued to reminisce. “ALIE concluded from the information she had been given, that the problem was overpopulation. Her solution was to wipe out as many people as possible. It must have made sense to her… She didn’t care about how much hurt it would cause. She did not weigh all of the options. And just like that, almost everyone was wiped off the face of the Earth in a fiery apocalypse.” 

Clarke had heard this before. She knew what had happened through stories and teachings on the Ark. But hearing it from Becca’s lips, the woman who played a part in the apocalypse, hit her hard in the gut. Clarke felt like the wind had been knocked out of her and she tried to shake her head of the thoughts. She looked at Lexa and Anya who appeared to be feeling the same way. 

Lexa met her gaze, her face paling just the slightest bit. In a strange way, Clarke felt even closer to Lexa now. As she stared into the piercing green eyes across from her, she felt like yet another barrier between them had been knocked down… destroyed by a force like no other. An Earth-shattering force. They really were one… The perpetrator of the end of the old world was a part of both of them. After nearly a hundred years of growing apart and hardly even knowing of the other’s existence, it appeared that both Grounders and Sky People were descendants of the same. Clarke knew that Lexa needed more time to process all of this, but she would have to do it later… Like she had to with everything else. 

“I know it is a lot to grasp,” Becca directed to Lexa and Anya. “But it is part of our past… And if anyone should know, I am honored that it is you, Commander. I am not sure if any of the other Commanders would understand like you.”

Lexa met Becca’s gaze. Clarke could see a sadness in her eyes as yet another weight was added to her resilient, but already bogged down shoulders. The weight of a revelation she might have never had to know. To anyone else, the minuscule difference would never have been noticed. The way Lexa’s shoulders dropped just a little at Becca’s explanation. But Clarke saw. She felt it too…

“You do not know how glad I am to see the flame doing its job,” Becca continued. 

Lexa’s hand traveled to the back of her neck as her fingers traced over the vertical scar.

“I created the flame initially as an alternative to ALIE. She clearly was not doing what I had intended. I had to fix the glitches. I just needed more time… Which we weren’t given. And it appears I didn’t know just how significant the second AI would become.”

She stepped closer to the Commander. “I am proud of you, Lexa kom Trikru. You have taken the flame and really excelled past anything I could have wished for. _You_ are what I was hoping for when I created all of this. The chip only served as a guide, but _your heart_ gave it the humanity it desperately needed. You have done so much with the knowledge and the power of the flame. You have been so pragmatic and you have tried to use just your head to rule as we have taught you, but eventually you learned to use your heart as well. You’re the first Commander to find that balance. You truly have done our people proud. And now, after all of the hardship and guilt, I know that my legacy is living on strong through you.”

Clarke could see the pride in Lexa’s eyes at the powerful words and she watched as the greatest Commander that ever ruled, stood just a bit taller.

After a few more moments of silence, Becca’s face returned to normal and determination filled her eyes. “We have to stop ALIE once and for all. Or else her program will continue running and she will keep trying to save the world. If only she could see, that in actuality, she is hurting it and everybody in it.”

“So where is ALIE now?” Clarke asked. “And what do we have to do to defeat her?”

“Does this room look familiar to you?” Becca asked.

“It kind of looks like the rooms in the Ark, but nothing stands out to me. All that scientific stuff is Raven’s specialty.”

Becca walked over to a table in the center of the room. Three large flatscreen monitors stood in the center of it, all facing Becca. 

“Come,” she motioned for the women to join her behind the table.

Clarke looked at the screen trying to decipher all of the characters and numbers whizzing by, but it might as well have been hieroglyphics. She wondered if Raven could see what was on these screens. 

“What do we do?” Lexa asked, turning away from the screens to face Becca. Clarke knew that Lexa was probably as lost as she was, if not more. 

“I am unable to override the system myself it appears. The ALIE program has become too powerful and she is easily blocking all of my attempts.”

Clarke’s heart dropped. Was there really nothing they could do now?

“That is why I brought you here, Commander,” Becca continued. 

Both Clarke and Lexa looked at Becca, hope in their eyes. 

Smiling, she said, “I was afraid something like this may happen one day, although I did highly doubt it. But in any case, I created a failsafe program that could actually override even the ALIE program. She is unaware of its exact location and the extent of its power, however, it appears she figured part of it out and has been searching for this program herself.”

“So where is it?” Anya asked, still a bit confused.

“Safe… With the Commander.” 

Lexa looked at Becca, brows furrowed and head slightly tilted in question. Becca responded by pressing a key on the keyboard mounted to the desk in front of them. Out of the center monitor, a shelf of some sort slowly emerged. It almost looked like a CD drive from the computers on the Ark, however, much smaller, only about two inches by two. In the center, an empty space sat, about an inch wide and tall. The shape of this space almost resembled…

_A chip…_

“The flame…” Lexa whispered beside her.

_Oh my god…_

Becca just nodded, a weak smile playing upon her lips. “The flame,” she reiterated, “contains the program needed to override this whole system and wipe the ALIE program out once and for all. You see, it has quite a bit of memory, so I was able to add more data and extra precautions that I was unable to do with the first program. The flame holds more storage than all three of these computers combined.” She motioned to the monitors in front of them. 

“So it’s not just a collection of consciousnesses for the Commanders…” Clarke said more to herself than anyone else.

“No. That was only one of its purposes. Another… to stop this virus that we unleashed upon the world.”

“Great. Now how do we get it from in there…” Clarke pointed to Lexa. “To in there…” She moved to point at the waiting computer tray. 

Becca’s face scrunched into a grimace. “That is something that I did not fully plan out…” She inhaled sharply. “As you know, there is only one way in… or out for the flame.”

Clarke felt a pang of fear for the woman she loved. She looked over at Lexa who, as usual, appeared unfazed. She knew what needed to be done and she was ready to do it for her people and essentially for the world. 

Lexa’s eyes softened when they fell upon Clarke’s face. She moved around Anya and Becca and stepped closer to Clarke, pulling her to the side of the table.

“Why the worry, Skaigada? I will be fine.”

“What if something goes wrong?” Clarke asked skeptically.

“Then I am in the best hands, am I not? Becca developed the flame, so she will know the best course of action if indeed something does go awry.”

This made Clarke feel a little better.

“It is an easy process, Clarke,” Lexa reassured her, taking her hand in hers. She squeezed softly and Clarke immediately felt safer. Lexa had such strong hands. 

“But we don’t know what will happen to you once the chip comes out… It could mess something up. It’s already melded with your body… What if it paralyzes you!”

“Do not forget that this is not my real body, Clarke. We are guests here, but our real bodies remain on Earth.”

Clarke stepped even closer to Lexa, bringing their entwined hands up to her chest as she rested her forehead against Lexa’s. It was no use fighting with the Commander. Her mind was set and this was really the only way. She didn’t even want to think about the fact that if anything happened to either of them here, they would not make it back out anyway. She just had to keep telling herself that Lexa would be fine. That they would all be fine. 

Lexa placed a gentle kiss on Clarke’s forehead before letting her go and moving back over to Becca. “Let’s get this over with.”

Becca nodded, pulling up a metal chair from the side of the room. She motioned for Lexa to sit before walking behind her and parting her hair away from her neck, letting the locks fall to each side over her shoulders. Clarke watched as Lexa bent her head forward, exposing the scar behind her neck. 

Becca looked up as her eyes scanned the room. “You would think I would be prepared for something like this…” she said jokingly as she tried to lighten the mood.

“What do you need?” Anya asked from behind her. 

“A scalpel would be best. But anything sharp will do.”

Anya’s hands searched the pockets of her cloak and the belt around her waist. Before she could search any further, Lexa’s hand moved to her thigh, quickly unbuttoning the dagger that always resided there. She handed it to Becca.

“Thank you. And I’m sorry about this Commander.”

“No need to be. You may proceed.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Skaigada" = Skygirl


End file.
